


Lightning in the Cold of Night

by BathoryAngel



Category: The Flash (TV 2014), The Flash - All Media Types
Genre: Action, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anal Sex, Attempted Suicide, Biracial Leonard Snart, Bisexual Barry Allen, Blow Jobs, Bottom Barry Allen, Bottom Leonard Snart, Depression, Dubious Consent, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enthusiastic Consent, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Lewis Snart's A+ Parenting, M/M, Mild Blood/Gore, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Pansexual Leonard Snart, Rimming, Self-Harm, Top Barry Allen, Top Leonard Snart, Violence, road to recovery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2019-06-29 11:51:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 45
Words: 162,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15728841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BathoryAngel/pseuds/BathoryAngel
Summary: Barry Allen is hit by an emotionally unstable Rainbow Raider, causing him to seek out a release in an unlikely source. The consequences of this are far more serious than anyone could have foretold. Will Barry and his friends at STAR labs be able to help a depressed Leonard Snart recover from this? Will the budding friendships and blossoming relationship be able to last? Will they be able to survive the threat of Zoom when he makes his appearance known once more?Set in season two of the Flash, begins one month after Weather Wizard broke Captain Cold and the Trickster out of jail.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry is hit by Rainbow Raider. The effects begin to make themselves known. Un-beta'd.

It had started out simple enough. Bank robbery in progress; the app on Barry’s phone alerting him to the meta-human involvement in the crime. He speed changes into the suit that he keeps in a bag at the precinct, before leaving his lab to flash to the scene. Barry really should have expected this. After all, the metas that the Snart siblings released back at Ferris Air 4 months ago have been laying low for the most part, but were once again starting to come out of the wood-works. Only a month ago Mardon broke the Trickster and Captain Cold out to enlist their help against him. Barry can only be thankful that Snart warned Barry in favor of betraying him once again. Still, if these Rogues continued to pop up, or, god forbid, began working together; Barry wasn’t sure how long it would be before they would eventually win.

The chaos around the bank lobby reminds Barry of the first time he faced off against Bivolo. Only it's slightly different this time. Fights have broken out all around him, evidence of the rage that the Rainbow Raider whammied Barry himself with so long ago. It’s more than that, though. Some are huddled in corners, shaking and staring in absolute terror at any-and-every-thing around them. Others are crying, violently sobbing in sorrow.

“Cisco.” Barry swallows apprehensively, activating his comms. “It’s Bivolo. He’s back, and it looks like he’s added to his arsenal.”

“What do you mean?” Cisco’s voice replies, peaking up in interest.

“I mean he’s whammying people with more than just anger now. I’m not sure if the device will still work or not if he’s using different colors now.”

“Barry.” Caitlin injects. “If you’re right then we might not be able to help if he affects you again. Cisco and I will work on the colors, but since you don’t have the mirrored lenses with you, I highly recommend you avoid eye contact.”

“Got it.” Barry replies, speeding in circles around the bank patrons. Those fighting stop, blinking at the fading blur of red and yellow as they come back to themselves. Those crying and those shaking in fear do not. Barry feels his stomach drop, knowing that he can’t help them right now.

Bivolo is just leaving the vault when Barry stops him.

“Enough!” Barry shouts, grabbing the man’s attention. “It’s over. You aren’t going to hurt anyone else!”

“Oh am I?” Bivolo replies, smiling as he shoots at two sobbing guards. Barry whisks them from the scene, safe from harm. Bivolo is ready when the Flash comes back, already aiming his powers at the spot Barry vanished from. His eyes flash purple, causing Barry to stumble to a stop as his eyes mirror the color. By the time Barry blinks back to himself, Bivolo is gone (along with two bags full of cash), and Cisco and Caitlin are shouting in his ear.

“Barry! Barry! Are you okay? Barry, answer us!” Their frantic voices overlap each other, full of worry.

“I’m fine. He got away.” Barry replies, frowning in irritation before speeding back to STAR labs.

XXX

The bank patrons who were hit with sorrow and fear take a little less than an hour to come back to themselves. Barry explained everything that happened to Caitlin and Cisco once he got to STAR labs. They ponder over what emotions purple could possibly cause, running tests and going over how Barry feels until he insists that he is fine and returns to work, which happens to mean going back to the crime scene as Barry Allen, CSI. The pair are apprehensive when he leaves, given how out of control he got last time. Still, they all know that is wasn’t anger that he was hit with this time, and whatever it was wouldn’t even begin affecting him for some time yet. Barry swears to them up and down that he will call them the second that he feels any different, and the two turn to creating counter measures for these new emotions Bivolo has at his disposal.

A few hours go by and Barry is just finishing up his late lunch when Patty drops by. The precinct is on overdrive working on the robbery, cops out there trying to find Bivolo whilst Barry processes all the evidence looking for any trace to tie the man more solidly to the crime. They don’t talk long, canceling dinner plans for the night seeing as they will both most likely be working late anyways. Patty kisses him goodbye, smiling in that nervous, tender way as this is still fairly new. And if Barry lingers, pulling her in just a bit longer, then neither of them complain. However, that may have been a mistake. As the afternoon progresses, Barry finds his mind wandering more and more. Heat pools in his stomach, the itch of arousal spiking and fading throughout the day.

He’s not stupid, he figures it probably ties into the whammy Rainbow Raider gave him earlier. Still, the flush of embarrassment he feels whenever he so much as thinks of telling Caitlin and Cisco has him holding off on breaking the news. Besides, his libido has been off the charts since becoming the Flash. He didn’t even jerk off this much when he was a teenager. So it could just be related to that. Maybe it’s the new relationship, kicking his sex-drive into over-drive. Probably not, but he figures its a valid excuse. He can just jerk off a few times tonight, and if it hasn’t worn off by tomorrow, then he’ll bite the bullet and tell the others.

Work ends late, as predicted, and Barry is just heading home when he gets the call.

“Iris! Hey, what’s up?” He answers on the second ring.

“Barry! What are you plans for tonight?” Iris says quickly, excited.

“Plans? Wha-uh…” He trails off as Iris cuts in.

“No plans then? Awesome. You’re coming with me tonight.”

“Coming where?” He questions.

“A few of us from work are checking out this new club, the Lounge. You’re coming with me.” She is clearly hyped up, Barry knows that she’s been dying to go ever since it opened, just never had the time for it.

“I’m not so sure, Iris-” Barry starts, slightly on edge. All he needed right now was a club full of horny drunk people dancing and writhing in the dark.

“No buts, Barry.” And Iris has that _tone_. The tone that brooks no arguments. The tone that tells Barry she is getting what she wants. He’s useless against that tone. “You’ve been running yourself too hard lately. You need to have some fun too. Come on, Barry. It’s one night. It’ll be fun.”

Barry chews on his lip, already knowing he was doomed. Finally, he sighs. “What time?”

Iris squeals in delight. “We’ll meet there in an hour. I just have a few things here to finish up real fast. See you then, Barry!”

“Yeah. See you.” He halfheartedly smiles. Tonight, he felt, was not going to be fun at all.

XXX

Tonight, in fact, was not fun. It was not fun at all. He enjoyed himself, don’t get him wrong, it’s just that he very quickly began enjoying himself _too_ much. The lighting, the dancing, the smell of sweat and alcohol and all sorts of perfume and cologne filing the air with its heady scent had his heart beating fast, even for him. It didn’t take long for him to start avoiding the dance floor like the plague. One too many patrons grinding on what had to be his obvious erection had him fleeing in embarrassment. Even Iris couldn’t coax him back out. Or rather, especially Iris. They were at a good place right now, he didn’t want to ruin that. Besides, he kept busy babysitting anyways. It was just nearing 11, not too late really except for those with work in the morning. Thankfully, that’s when Iris felt that she was ‘all funned out for the night’ and agreed to go home.

Barry flashed her home, bade her goodnight, before running off into the night. He considered briefly getting his suit and going on patrol, before stamping that idea down. The last thing he needed was for the city to hear of him stopping criminals while sporting an erection. STAR labs was also out of the question. No way was he telling Cisco and Caitlin about this problem while showing such clear evidence of said problem. He thought about just going home, but the night air felt cool against his flushed skin, and the sudden itch to just run overcame his arousal. So that’s what he did. He ran the city, just enjoying the feeling and marveling in the freedom it always gave him. He let his mind wander and he feet carry him as his erection faded and his smile grew.

It wasn’t long before his feet carried him to a familiar entrance. Stopping in the nearby alley, Barry walked into Saints And Sinners at normal pace, not even questioning it as his eyes sought out that familiar figure.

In the back of his mind, Barry knew this was a horrible idea. Knew he should go home and take care of this urge himself. Knew he should go to STAR Labs, or to Patty. But instead he was walking towards a booth in the back corner with a sole occupant and two plates of food on the table.

Leonard Snart looked up as he slid into the booth, face splitting with a grin while Snart eyed him quickly before going back to the small meal. It was a snack, more than anything, just some fries to go with their respective beers as they caught up. Lisa had just left for the bathroom before Barry came in.

“Barry.” Leonard drawled, warning evident in his tone. “We’ve got to stop meeting like this. People will talk.”

“Snart.” Barry’s grin, if possible, widened at the sarcasm. Their banter always brought a smile to his face. “Fancy seeing you here.”

Leonard snorted. “Please, Barry. We both know you came here for me. Now, if you don’t want my sister asking questions as to why you’re here, I suggest you leave or we find somewhere else to talk.”

“You could always just tell her I’m your boyfriend, come to surprise you while you’re out.” Barry said cheekily, cocking his head as he stamped down hard on that fading voice that swore he would never say something like that. Not to Captain Cold, of all people.

 _That_ had Snart gaping at him in shock, mind screeching to a halt as all his attention turned to the man before him. “Come again?” He said, dumbfounded.

Barry leaned forward, eyes never leaving him. “I said, you could always tell her I’m your-”

“I heard you the first time.” Leonard held up a hand, cutting him off. “I just didn’t believe you actually said that.”

“Why, don’t think we could pull it off?” Barry challenged. After all, challenges were their _thing._  

Snart just gave him a long flat look, that look he always got when he found an interesting puzzle to solve. “No. She would know we were lying in a heartbeat.”

“Why? You don’t do boyfriends?” Barry can’t help the pang he feels in his gut as his excitement dwindles.

“Don’t do relationships. Allergic to feelings.” Leonard smirks.

It’s Barry’s turn to snort. “Figures that Captain Cold would have such a cold love life.”

Leonard just tilts his head to the side, contemplating him. “Why did you come here, Barry. It certainly wasn’t to talk about my…extra curricular activities.”

“What if it was?” Barry shrugs, as if this is the most normal thing for him to come here for.

“Barry-” His tone has that warning note to it again, before he stiffens and freezes at something behind Barry’s shoulder.

“Follow me.” He says quickly, getting up and turning. Barry scrambles after him, Snart putting a hand at his lower back to lead him out the side door and into the alley, coming out behind two dumpsters that block them from view from the street.

“What brought this on, Barry? What is this?” He whirls on Barry, crowding him in what Barry supposed would be an intimidating way to anyone else.

“Whatever you want it to be.” Barry practically purrs, reaching inside Snart’s leather jacket to run his hands against the navy blue sweater covering his abs. Strong hands grip his wrists, halting their movement.

“Scarlet.” And god, that’s the Captain Cold voice coming to play. That voice just _does_  things to Barry. “Tell me what’s going on or I’m going to walk back into that bar and we are going to both forget this ever happened.”

Barry sighs, dropping his hands even as he craves pressing them against the man before him. Pressing and squeezing and stroking _all_ of the man before him. That niggling voice is back in his head, demanding him to tell him the truth. To say Bivolo whammied him and now he’s so horny he can barely think beyond what he wants to do to this man. But another voice, a bigger voice shouts against this, saying that he’ll never get anything from Snart if he knows. That Snart would just leave, or force him back to STAR Labs and he will remain so frustratingly unsated. Barry would never be this forward on his own. Never convince Snart to sleep with him after this. That voice wins out. Barry doesn’t even have to think before he is sighing, speaking.

“I’ve just…I’ve just had a really long day, Snart. A really long day and a really long week and a really, really long _year_. And it’s been so long since I’ve been with someone, and ever since the lightning my libido has been through the roof and I’m just so fucking horny right now. I don’t have the best track record with relationships, and even when I’m in one we can’t really do anything because then they’ll definitely know I’m the Flash. That means one night stands are out of the question too. And god, you already know I’m the Flash so I’m not risking my identity by vibrating when I get close. It doesn’t hurt that you’re hot either, so sexy with your tight cloths and your eyes and the way you smirk. And Jesus, your voice, your _voice_  Snart its-”

“Len.” Snart cuts his rambling word-vomit off. “It’s Len. Snart is my father and what my crew and enemies call me. And Captain Cold is reserved for the Flash, not Barry Allen.” He takes a step back, looking at Barry. His expression is a blank mask, betraying nothing.

Barry smiles, almost taking a step forward back into his space. “Len. I like it.”

Len just shakes his head, tone softening to a more intimate register. “This isn’t like you, Barry. You can’t tell me you want this.”

“I do!” Barry exclaims, nodding vigorously. “I do. I’ve wanted you for awhile now. I get off thinking about you sometimes. God, those are some of the best fantasies I have ever had. Even before our deal, even when you were putting innocent people in danger, I still wanted you. I hated myself for it, tried to ignore it, but it was there. And then we had the deal, and then everything became so much more fun when I faced you without having to worry about people getting hurt. And I started thinking about it more and more. I started letting myself think about it. And we don’t have to be in a relationship, hell, if you don’t even want to be my friend then that’s fine too. But right now you’re pretty much the only person that I can think of who I both want to have sex with and actually can do it with. It would just be weird with any of the others who know who I am, and it’s not worth the risk with anyone who doesn’t.”

Len stays silent for a long while. Barry feels impatience rising within him, but turns it to shifting silently in place as he gives him time to think. Finally, Len steps back into his space. “So you did come here to talk love lives. And you, what, want me to be your booty call? Your dirty little secret, Scarlet?”

Barry smiles, hands returning to their previous ministrations. “Yeah. If you want me to.”

“We’ll need rules for this.” Len comes closer still, hands hesitantly coming to rest on Barry’s hips.

“Of course.” Barry leans in, close enough that they are sharing the same air with every breath.

“Business is business and pleasure is pleasure, never the two shall meet.” The words ghost across Barry’s lips, tantalizingly close now.

“Agreed.”

“We only do this if both of us are on board. If one of us says to stop, we stop. If you are uncomfortable with anything we do, you tell me immediately. No alcohol or drugs come into the equation, we always do this sober. We don’t do this for blackmail, we don’t do this for favors, and we don’t do this if one of us is hurt.”

Barry lets it all sink in for a bit. It’s a bit more intense than Barry expected, but figures that Len would be as meticulous in his sex life as he is in his heists. Then he’s nodding again, viciously stamping down on that niggling voice that is once again louder in the back of his mind. Their noses brush, and Barry’s hands rise to rub over Len’s chest. “Agreed. Anything else?”

“Not for now.” Len drawls, and god, he’s smirking again. Barry smiles, surging forward to kiss him. His lips are soft and warm and pliant, and he tastes vaguely of fries and a hint of beer. Len’s thumbs are working circles into his hips, and Barry groans as he pushes Len back up against the wall. The kiss deepens, tongues alternating between fighting for dominance and smoothing, twisting together. Len nips at Barry’s lower lip, following with a swipe of his tongue. Barry presses harder against him, erection firm and incessant against Len’s own member, just beginning to take interest. The air is full of their panting breaths and sliding lips and the quiet moans Barry keeps releasing. When they finally part far enough to pull in gulps of air, Barry voices his question. “How do you want to do this?”

Len’s nose scrunches in distaste even as that playful glint shines in his eyes. “Not in a filthy alleyway, Barry.” And Barry laughs, tipping his head onto Len’s shoulder as he shakes slightly in humor. Len rubs his back, pressing a kiss to Barry’s hair. “I have a place. We can take my bike.”

“Or I could just run us there. It would be faster.” Barry smiles, pulling back to kiss him again.

Len just gives him a flat look, shaking his head in amusement. “We take my bike, Barry.”

“Okay.” Barry agrees readily, that niggling voice silent as his mind is full of nothing but Len. Len, who takes his hand and leads him out the alley. Len, who hands him the one helmet he has as they reach his motorcycle. Len, who is warm and firm under his tight hold as the night air rushes past them. Len, who Barry quickly thinks might be the best worst mistake he would ever do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Hope you enjoyed the first chapter on this adventure! I have more planned out, will keep an updated tally at the end of story notes should you wish to see that.  
> Also, I would like to try and add fan videos here as well. They aren't exactly connected to the story, but they are well made and help me get into the spirit of writing, so I would like to share them with you, my lovely readers, as well.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2sb_xxIel-c Rogues/Gasoline  
> If anyone notices any tags or warnings missing that you would like me to include, please let me know. I like to have more tags than too few when dealing with delicate topics such as these. Thanks!  
> Next chapter: Len and Barry make it back to his place. Smut, smut, and more smut ensues.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Len takes Barry home. Smut, smut, and more smut ensues. You have been warned.

The house isn’t what Barry expected. It’s not in a good neighborhood, but it isn’t a bad neighborhood either. Just a normal neighborhood, and a normal house with a normal front door that Barry crowds Len against the second they are inside.

“Are you sure you want to do this, Barry?” Len asks again when Barry deems his lips appropriately kiss-swollen to warrant a break for air.

“Yes. God yes, Len. Like you wouldn’t believe.” Barry moves to his neck, kissing and licking and biting the flesh there as he breaths the smell and taste of the man in.

Len chuckles, angling his head away to give Barry better access. “Then perhaps my bedroom would be a more appropriate venue than the entrance hall.”

Barry blushes, pulling back to look at Len once more as the words sink in. “Your bedroom?” he questions. “Isn’t this a safe house?”

Len just gives him a fond, if slightly exasperated look. “No, Barry. I don’t take my partners somewhere just anyone can walk in on us. When I bring someone home, I bring them _home_.”

“T-This is your home!” Barry gasps, finally looking around to take everything in. The pale white walls and the wooden flooring. The coat rack by the door and the three pairs of shoes beneath it. The living room further down the entrance way with a brown leather sofa and recliner, matching coffee table and wide flat screen TV on the wall. “No.” Barry turns back to Len, feigning dramatic shock. “No way is this your home, Len. It’s too normal. It can’t be.”

“What?” And that is definitely amusement coloring Len’s expression now. “Did you think it would be different, Barry? Heads mounted to walls and souls of the damned in some sort of underground lair, perhaps? Please, Barry. I may be a criminal, but I am only human after all.”

Barry shakes his head, running his fingers over the wet patches he left on the skin of Len’s neck. “God. Why are you so hot? Why is you being sarcastic so fucking hot?”

“It’s called _style_ , Barry. Pizzazz. Flair. Perhaps you’ve heard of it?” Len’s smirk is twitching at the corners, fighting from turning into a full-fledged grin. Barry snorts, kissing Len again as he cups and angles his head for the best access. It’s quiet again for a few minutes, slower and less immediate than any of their previous kisses had been. Len begins walking them back, guiding Barry through the house without breaking contact. They stop just inside the bedroom, flicking on the overhead light as Barry pushes the leather jacket off Len before the favor is returned for the thin red jacket Barry had been sporting.

“How do you want to do this?” Barry asks for the second time that night. Something crosses Len’s face then, but its gone before Barry can even begin to decipher what it might be.

“I don’t bottom, Barry. If you want penetrative sex, then I have to be on top. It’s up to you. There are other things we could do instead.” Len says gently, slowly and surely as if he’s said it before countless times.

“That’s fine.” Barry nips at Len’s lips and presses his groin against the hardening erection currently filling every filthy corner of Barry’s mind. “I want you inside me, Len. I want you to _wreck_  me.”

A choked off growl escapes Len as he pushes Barry back towards the bed, following Barry down onto the navy blue comforter. Hands are roaming everywhere and lips are locked as Len pants out in between kisses. “Going to make you feel so good, Barry. So fucking good.”

He pulls back just enough to push Barry’s shirt up and off the man before his lips are back, licking and kissing and sucking and biting over the expanse of pale skin before him. His tongue traces every muscle, lips kiss every freckle, teeth graze and gently nip at both nipples as his mouth glides all over the warm flesh, sinfully devouring any semblance of control Barry might have had.

Barry is moaning and writhing already, panting and running his hands over the short salt and pepper buzz that he has always seen Len have. Barry is in heaven, he’s sure of it. Arousal surges in steady waves and his skin tingles in a pleasant shiver under Len’s care. It’s building, building fast inside him and Barry groans, knowing he would never be able to stop it as the vibrations begin.

“ _Jesus _.__ ” Len moaned, pulling back to look at Barry in awe. “You weren’t kidding.”

Barry blushes under the attention, torn between a sheepish look and a confident smirk as he replied. “Told you I couldn’t sleep with anyone without giving away my identity.”

“This…” Len begins, voice rough before he clears his throat (not that it helped much). “This something that happens often?”

Barry can’t help his smirk then. “Oh yeah. Every time.”

“Every- _Jesus _._ ” _Len groans again at the implications, head falling to rest on Barry’s stomach, hands running up and down Barry’s sides. “Can you control it?” Len wants to know, head perking back up at all the possibilities suddenly laid before him. Barry does look sheepish then. “Er-no. Not when I get too…” Barry seems to be looking for the right word, finally settling on, “distracted.”

It’s Len’s turn to smirk, licking a strip from Barry’s navel to his chin, ending with a wicked kiss that has Barry shuddering and chasing more. “Then I guess we’ll just have to keep practicing until you can.” Those words, the implications of those words, go straight to Barry’s cock. It sends another quick spasm of vibrations through him, causing Len to moan and grind their hips together as he kisses him again.

Len’s hands return their roaming, Barry’s coming up to trace his thighs where Len now straddles him on the bed. The rough denim catches on his fingers, but the fabric is pulled taught and Barry can feel the ripple of hard muscle with every movement Len makes. It’s dizzying, tantalizing as all the sensations course through him. They weren’t even naked yet and this was already better than any sex Barry had ever had before. The college fumblings and experimentation's, that one time in high school where he came in his pants before things could even go anywhere, none of that was anywhere near the level of what was going on right now.

Barry moaned, hands rising to Len’s waist, his shirt. The need for things to progress faster, the need for more skin was impossible to push off. The shirt had barely made it halfway up before hands were suddenly gripping his wrist again, halting movement as Len pulled back. His face was serious, open and vulnerable when Barry looked at him in confusion.

“Nothing leaves this room, Barry. Nothing.”

And Barry is suddenly nervous, feeling the importance of this in Len’s gaze. Barry swallows, ignoring the guilt once more flaring to life in the back of his mind at Len putting his trust in Barry’s hands. He knows this can’t be easy for the other man, earning Len’s trust was nearly impossible. And yet, somehow, Barry had it. He swallowed once more before nodding. “Nothing leaves this room.” He vows.

Satisfied, Len releases his wrists and Barry slowly peels the sweater off, Len pulling his hands out of the long sleeves as Barry tosses it aside to join the growing pile of clothes strewn throughout the room. Barry swallows once more, mouth watering as he soaks in the sight before him. Len is strong. He’s not ripped, not cut like the people who live in the gym. He’s strong in a more natural way, definition softened but muscles still more than visible. He’s covered in tattoos, countless tattoos that are all different yet all connected cover his entire torso. From his stomach to his chest; his shoulders down to mid-forearms. Barry doesn’t doubt that they cover his entire back as well, and they end just above the waistline of Len’s jeans. It’s intricate and complex, detailed and beautiful and Barry doesn’t have nearly enough time to give that mesmerizing display the justice it deserves right now. He makes a mental note to examine every inch of ink on Len at a future date, and find the stories behind all of them one day.

“God, you’re beautiful.” Barry breathes, causing Len to blush slightly and duck his head, even as he plays it off with a smirk. “Think the word you’re looking for there Kid is sexy.” Len punctuates this with a roll of his hips, playing everything off as no more serious than just two people having a good time.

 _Don’t do relationships. Allergic to feelings _.__  That’s what Len had said, back at the bar. God, what a lonely life that must be, never letting himself get close to anyone. Just Len and his sister and his best friend and no one else. Barry can’t even imagine what that must be like.

His thoughts are cut off as Len grinds into him once more, lips connecting bringing his mind back to the urgent _need_ his dick keeps aching for. Falling back to playful banter is easy, shrugging off the ache those thoughts cause in favor of egging on the easy mood. “M’not a kid.” Barry pouts, sticking out his bottom lip and all. Len’s eyes soften, a smile twitching his lips as he replies. “No, you aren’t.” And then the kissing turns to what could be described as tongue fucking and the grinding only intensifies.

Rolling up to meet the hips, Barry’s hands finally find their way to the bare skin before him. It’s soft yet unyielding as the muscles twitch under his touch. It’s warm and glorious and smooth for all of a second until Barry’s fingers run across a rough patch. Barry frowns, examining the imperfections both hands found with his fingertips. Len stills above him, lips ceasing to just pant into Barry’s mouth as his entire body tenses. Suddenly, a memory rises to the surface. It was two months ago, when Lisa had come to them for help.

_I didn’t get this scar being a criminal. I got it being a daughter._

Len, eyes locked on his dying father, cold gun still powering down from the blast.

_Not as much as I…h-hate you._

And Barry had taken his cold gun. Had let Len go to prison for the cold-blooded murder of his father. But maybe…just maybe it wasn’t murder at all. Maybe it was a justifiable, a killing a lifetime in the making. Whatever it was and whatever stories these scars told, they would have to wait. Barry knew nothing would make Len end this faster than asking about his past. So Barry moved his hands, continuing to trace over every inch of skin he could without slowing or stopping for the scars he found. Some part of his mind was already cataloging them all, already drawing conclusions as to the causes, but the rest of him was simply reveling in the feel of it all, basking in the simmering heat between their legs.

It took a few moments for Len to shudder and move again, both of them ignoring the slight pause. It’s all teeth and lips and hands and tongue as Barry writhes and Len devours. And then Len is moving down once more, heat following him to pool low in Barry’s gut. He groans as Len finally, _finally_  reaches his groin. Deft fingers are at his jeans, popping open the button before stilling on the zipper.

“Is this okay?” Len asks, looking up to meet his eyes.

“Yes! Yes, God yes it’s okay Len!” Barry groans, hips lifting to bring his erection closer to Len. With a chuckle, he pulls down the zipper and pushes the fabric out of the way, wasting no time before mouthing at his erection through the thin layer of underwear in the way.

“Len!” Barry whines, hips jerking once more before hands are on his hips pushing him back down. “Don’t be such a tease.” He says, as Len seems to be content to do no more than continue, for lack of better phrasing, _making out with_ his clothed erection. Chuckling, Len pulls back slightly but his hands are now hooked in the waistline of his jeans and boxer-briefs.

“What’s wrong, Scarlet? Is this not…fast enough for you?”

Barry groans covering his eyes with his hands. “Your puns are the worst.”

“You love my puns. They make you smile.” Len smirks, pulling the clothes over his erection and down his legs. Barry can’t even deny it, settling on a petulant, “Shut up.”

Len, the chuckling bastard, actually takes the time once he reaches Barry’s ankles to untie his shoes. Groaning and impatient, Barry goes to toe them off. Len simply holds him in place and has the nerve to tut at him. “Now now, Barry. You’ll wear them out doing that.”

“I’m a speedster, Len.” Barry all but curses, cock aching and leaking in the cool air. “I go through shoes in no time. Just pull them off.”

“Patience is a virtue, Barry. I thought you hero types were all into that sort of thing.” Len has the left shoe off now, starting on the right.

Barry groans, slamming his head back onto the mattress. “You’re just trying to torture me, aren’t you.”

Len, the now clearly _evil_  bastard, smirks as he says, “I could always go slower, unless you can’t take the _heat_.”

Nope, nope Barry is done. He lunges up, ready to tear that damn shoe off himself. Len is ready though, meeting his lips even as one hand rips off the shoe and the other the rest of his clothes. His socks are still partially on, but Len takes care of that as well before pushing Barry back down. He kisses up and down each leg, driving Barry crazy with want.

“Len.” He whines, angling his hips and hoping the other man gets the not-so-subtle hint. Taking pity, Len finally takes him into his mouth, hands holding his hips still. Barry clenches the sheets, groaning as the glorious heat engulfs him. Its slow and sloppy and wet as first, Len coating his cock in saliva, twirling his tongue and sucking hard at his tip. Barry’s had a few blowjobs in his life, but quickly decides that this will forever and always be known in his mind as _The Blowjob_. It’s clear Len knows full well how to do this, reading Barry like an open book as he memorizes everything that drags those wicked noises from Barry’s lips.

And then Len is bobbing, slow and shallow at first before deepening, taking more and more until he swallows Barry to the hilt. Barry keens and Len takes a moment to adjust, breathing through his nose and locking eyes with Barry. Then the hands disappear from his hips and are prying Barry’s fingers from the sheets before bringing them back to the sweat-damp hair. The meaning is clear, and now Len is playing with his balls and tracing fingers lightly over his thighs and its all too much and Barry can’t keep still any longer.

He moves Len’s head and rolls his hips in a shallow thrust, a silent question in their locked eyes. _Is this alright?_

Len hums, eyes rolling up as his fingers spasm and Barry continues the gentle thrusts, staring wide-eyed at Len the whole time. Len, whose fingers continue to spasm off and on. Len, who doesn’t stop those sinful hums, those delicious groans. Len, who is grinding his hips in jerks of pleasure as he swallows Barry down over and over again, like he could get off on nothing more than sucking Barry's cock.

“Fuck, Len. M’close. I’m so close Len.” He releases Len’s head, giving him the option to pull back. But Len just slides his hands under Barry, gripping his ass and pressing it up as he swallows all the way down again, throat convulsing around Barry giving way to another full-body vibration. Barry keens and Len groans as his hands clench the sweat-slicked flesh of Barry’s ass. Then Barry is coming, shooting down Len’s throat as he swallows again and again, licking Barry clean through the aftershocks.

Barry pants, staring at the ceiling as he gives his body a few seconds to recover. He expects the sinful pop and slurp combo as Len comes up for air. What he doesn’t expect is for Len to stay down there, hands sliding from his ass to his thighs as he gently pushes them back. And then Len is mouthing his balls, sucking them into his mouth a few times before moving lower.

“Ever had a rim job before, Barry?” Len stops, pulling back to look at Barry with a mischievous smirk. And god, Barry can’t help the noise that escapes him when he looks down. Those lips are so red and swollen, chin and pink-tinged cheeks smeared with spit and a trail of cum sliding down one of the corners of Len’s mouth. It’s debauchment at its finest, and Len is just starting. Barry will never be able to face Captain Cold ever again. Not without the memory of this image burning behind his retinas and turning his cheeks as red as his suit.

“N-no.” Barry finally finds his voice. Len just hums in response. “You want one?”

“Yes. Yes. Fuck yes, Len.” Barry is still panting from his orgasm, panting that will likely not end soon as his cock is already stiffening once more as Len dips down. He pauses, once more. It’s curiosity and wonder painting his expression when he flicks his eyes back and forth between Barry’s face and his hardening length.

“Fastest man alive. No time for a refractory period.” Barry shrugs, feigning nonchalance like this is nothing out of the normal at all. Len just smirks, that devious smirk that tells Barry that Len has _plans_  already building with this information.

“We will _definitely_ be exploring that, Scarlet.” Before Barry can reply, he dips back down again and then Barry is keening once more. Len blows at his entrance, fingers caressing the back of Barry’s thighs and tongue circling. It’s maddening and amazing and hot as fuck all at once. Barry moans, hands back to nearly tearing the sheets as Len continues to tease his hole. When Len finally slips his tongue past the entrance, Barry feels another vibration wrack him. He has no idea how it must feel for the other man, but based on Len’s moans and the quick jerk of his hips, it must feel good.

Len’s tongue is hot and wet and firm and soft and everything Barry never knew he always wanted sliding up and down and in and out and around and around and around-

“Len!” Barry whines, fingers convulsing on the sheets. “God, s’good. You’re so good.” Len hums again, never slowing or stopping until Barry is gasping and his cock is practically weeping pre-cum. Stepping off the bed, Len shushes Barry’s protests as he pulls a bottle of lube and a condom from the nightstand. Throwing them on the bed, Len instructs Barry to roll over before sitting on the bed and leaning down to take off his own shoes, a pair of boots that just cover his ankles. His socks follow, jeans and briefs going down in one swift movement as Len watches Barry’s reaction.

Tongue darting out, Barry wets his lips as Len’s ample cock bobs free of its confines. Its only slightly larger than normal, understandable given Len's build. Its maybe an inch longer than Barry's, a tad thicker and circumcised like Barry himself. Len kicks the clothes off, climbing back onto the bed. Barry is on his elbows and knees, head alternating between looking back to watch Lean and resting on his hands as he groans when Len begins fingering him. It starts with one slick finger, finding his prostrate impossibly fast. Barry is more relaxed and turned on that he thinks he has ever been. One finger quickly turns to two, scissoring and stretching him open.

“So good, Barry. God, you’re so good.” Len mutters as Barry moans, thrusting back to meet those fingers again and again. It isn’t long before a third is added, stretching beyond what Barry thinks is strictly necessary for them to continue.

“Please, Len. Need you. Need you in me. M’ready. I’m ready, Len, please.” Barry whines, all shame lost at how desperate he sounds. Len stretches him one last time before pulling the fingers out with a moan.

“God, Barry. Roll over.”

Barry complies with only a spark of super-speed. Len’s face is frantic and earnest in his lust.

“Need to see you. Need to see your face. Need to know you want it. Need to know you like it.” Len babbles, mouthing Barry’s neck as his hands tear the condom packet open, rolling it on and slicking his clad penis liberally. Barry wraps his legs around Len’s waist as he leans to place one hand beside Barry’s head to balance his weight while the other lines his erection to the waiting entrance.

“You ready, Barry?” Len asks, question and affirmation and warning all rolled into one. “Fuck, yes!” Barry croons, pushing back to prompt Len into action. Sliding in is slow and sweet and slick and Barry doesn’t think he’s ever felt so good or so _full_ before.

They both take a minute to breathe and adjust before Len begins to move. Like with _The Blowjob_ , its slow and shallow at first, gentle rolls until Barry is grasping, clawing at Len’s back begging for more.

“God, so tight. You’re so tight, Barry. S’good. So good, Barry.” Len grunts, thrusting faster and adjusting his position until finally he finds the angle that has Barry arching off the bed.

Barry is writhing on the bed, moaning and swearing and gasping at how _good_ it feels. Len is dripping with sweat, shaking with control as he pounds into Barry and against his prostrate again and again. Vibrations flicker in and out of existence as Barry draws near embarrassingly fast. Len swears as with a final shudder Barry spurts over both their stomachs as he comes again.

“Jesus.” Len croaks as Barry comes down, dick not even bothering to soften from his orgasm this time.

“Len!” Barry whines as the other man falters in his rhythm. Without a thought, Barry taps into the speedforce to flip them with a spark of lightning. Len stills, eyes wide as he registers what just happened. Barry is straddling him, fully seated on his cock as Len releases a breathless puff of laughter.

“Fuck, Scarlet. Y’gonna be the death of me, aren’t you?” He smiles, more tender than Barry thinks he’s ever seen him before. Those wicked fingers tease up and down Barry’s thighs as the speedster shudders through another vibration.

“Fuck!” Len groans, long and drawn out as his head falls back. Barry places his hands on Len’s stomach, on smattering of curly hair on his chest as he rides and twists and arches until he finds the perfect angle once more. Len draws his legs up, feet flat on the bed to give him the leverage needed to meet Barry thrust for thrust. Barry moves one hand back to grip his knee, lifting and slamming himself down with every gasp of breath he takes.

Their hearts are pounding, sweat slicking their bodies as their panting fills the air. The smell of sex is strong and heady, both moaning the others name in between curses and gasps and variations of how _fucking good_ it is. It can’t have been more than a few minutes, and Barry knows that he is already on the brink once more.

Len is faltering, legs shaking and breaths coming faster to signal how close he is. Barry isn’t sure how much longer he will last, tears blurring his vision from all the sweat dripping into them. Thankfully, it’s only a few thrusts later before Len is grabbing his hips in a bruising grip as he shudders. His cock twitches its release inside Barry. Len’s orgasm is just ending as Barry gives his own penis a few speedy tugs, shaking in one final vibration as he comes. He shoots across his own fist and Len’s bare torso, one particularly ambitious pulse landing on Len’s chin.  

They both still, catching their breath as Barry leans against the legs behind him to keep him upright. Their panting had just returned to a more regular pattern when Barry groans and pitches forward. He curls around Len, the others arms coming up to rub his back soothingly.

“Mmm.” Barry moans quietly. “Food.” He breathes, nosing Len’s neck. “Need food.” His stomach decides now would be a good time to make its presence known with a loud grumble.

Len just chuckles, pushing the sweaty hair back from Barry’s forehead to give it a quick kiss before gently rolling them over.

“Figured you’d be hungry.” Len says as he grips the base of his cock, keeping the condom on as he pulls out. Barry winces as Len shushes him with an apology. One more kiss and Len is off the bed, disposing of the rubber before leaving the room without bothering to throw a lick of clothes on first. Barry just has time to confirm his suspicions that the tattoo does in fact cover his entire back before Len is gone.

Barry’s eyes snap open from his light doze when a small barrage hits him. Yelping, he glares blearily at Len’s smirk. Looking down, Barry sees a handful of protein bars and a damp cloth scattered around him. Len has already wiped the mess from his own body.

“You need to eat a lot, don’t you? Keep up with that crazy energy of yours and all?” Len questions, confident in the knowledge that he’s right.

“Yeah.” Barry admits with a half sigh, half yawn as he rips open the first bar. It’s gone before Len even lays back down. They lie there in silence as Barry finishes the rest of the bars and cleans himself up. Len is curled on his side, head propped on his elbow as he watches Barry with an unreadable expression. Barry feels more alert when he finishes the last bite, while still remaining somewhat lethargic from the post-orgasmic haze.

“So.” Len begins, reaching over to trace his fingers in unrecognizable patterns over Barry’s chest. “That was…”

“The best?” Barry interjects with a stupid grin.

“Yeah.” Len huffs, pausing briefly before his fingers begin their ministrations once more. “So would I be correct in assuming you wish to make this a regular thing?”

“God yes!” Barry beams, rolling to kiss Len once more. It’s slow and easy, the kind of kiss that can only happen in the sated post-orgasmic bliss. It last for a few minutes, both settling further into the mattress and each other until the moment is broken with the sharp trill of Barry’s phone.

Len snickers as Barry sighs. “I have to get it. Could be important.”

“It’s…” Len leans over to squint at the clock. “Nearly 1 in the morning. It better damn be important.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Barry waves him off, getting up to look for his phone. Caitlin’s name flashes across the screen. Dread pools in Barry’s stomach, a niggling _something_  in the back of his mind begging him to just ignore the call. Swallowing, Barry picks up on the final ring before voicemail.

“Caitlin?” Barry questions, bringing the phone to his ear.

“Barry!” Caitlin gasps before dissolving into giggles.

“Caitlin?” Barry questions again, confusion creasing his brow as the dread solidifies.

“Barry!” Caitlin giggles again before continuing in a sing-song voice. “I figured it out! I know what Bivolo's purple does! It causes-”

“Lust, I know.” Barry cuts her off, irritated at being called at such an hour for something Barry deems insignificant at this point. Caitlin giggles again. Barry goes to continue, but Caitlin cuts off the protest before it can form.

“You need to get to STAR Labs, Barry. You need to come right now!” She moans before giggling once more at the innuendo. The dread sinks and apprehension rises. “Caitlin, what’s wrong? What’s going on at STAR Labs?”

“Bivolo!” Caitlin sing-songs.

“Bivolo?” Barry tenses, glancing over to see Len narrowing his eyes at him in confusion.

“Yes.” Caitlin happily replies. “Bivolo needed something here, flashed me that pretty purple and now I need you Barry. I need you here. Need you so bad Barry.”

“Bivolo whammied you too?” Barry can’t help but exclaim, clutching the phone tight to his ear. A second passes as Caitlin does a weird giggle-moan combo that Barry immediately scrubs from his mind before he hears a sharp intake of breath behind him. Barry slowly turns to face Len, tense once more. Len sits there on the bed, body stiff save the slight tremors running through him. His eyes are wide in horror and lips pursed into a thin line. Barry doesn’t even have to ask what conclusions Len pulled from the side of the conversation he heard. They both know he put the puzzle pieces together.

“Len.” Barry tries, but the other man is already flying off the bed, racing to the bathroom before Barry even thinks to move. The door slams shut and the lock clicks into place with a finality that Barry knows means he fucked up. He fucked up bad this time. Barry winces at the sound of retching coming from the master bath, loud even through the door.

“Caitlin, I gotta go. I’ll be there soon, I swear.” Barry says before hanging up. Flashing to the bathroom, Barry bangs on the door.

“Len? Len! Let me in! Please, Len, just let me explain!”

The retching continues, broken only with the unmistakable sound of sobs.

“Len?” Barry knocks again, frantic. “Len, you need to unlock the door! Len, please!” Barry feels tears gathering himself, dread heavier than he’s ever felt before weighing him down.

“Len?” Barry calls again, another desperate knock. The retching continues, the sobs increase, and there is still no answer from behind the locked door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! I hope you enjoyed this. I will be honest, its going to be dark after this, delving into the mentions of child abuse and what Len has suffered in the past. There won't be more smut for a good while, focusing instead on the characters and their stories along with relationships and some plot movement concerning Bivolo. I do have a few more smut scenes planned out, but they won't take place until somewhere closer to chapter 20.  
> Here is this chapters video:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVA3PkBHwTU Coldflash/Super Psycho Love  
> Next chapter: Len deals with the aftermath. Trigger warnings: There will be mentions of past child-abuse and alluded rape. Self-harm, alcohol abuse, and a suicide attempt. If any of those bother any of my readers, then feel free to skip the next chapter, and I can post a short summary in the chapter following it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Len's reaction after the dreaded phone call. Trigger warnings: Self-harm, implied/referenced child abuse/rape, alcohol abuse, suicide attempt. See end of chapter notes for a summary if any of these might be triggers or uncomfortable to read.

There is a flicker of amusement when Barry’s phone goes off. Len couldn’t even be bothered to summon up the irritation he would usually feel at such a late night call, still riding high on the _fantastic_  sex they just had. Though, to be fair, it has been a bit of a dry spell for Len. With all the attention of the Flash, all the new metas running around, and building his own Captain Cold persona; Len just hasn’t found that much time lately to go looking for hook-ups. If he had known how interested the Flash was, he would have laid it on much thicker during some of their ‘fights’.

Barry, bless his soul, is digging through their cloths at 12:52 in the morning (naked as the day he was born) to answer his phone because it, “Could be important.” Cute. And god, Barry truly is a hero through and through. Anyone but Lisa who interrupts Len’s sleep better be fine with Len taking the time to rip their heads off first, if he answers at all. Barry, on the other hand, simply pauses before greeting with a quick, “Caitlin.”

Len is already curious, but when Barry repeats her name with a sharper under-currant to his voice, that draws his full attention to the phone call. Len is already mentally preparing himself for Barry to speed out there for a fire or a robbery or a goddamn kitten in a tree when he goes on.

“Lust. I know.” Now Barry sounds irritated. Len almost chuckles to think what she might be talking about to get goody-two-shoes Allen to talk about _lust_ of all things.

“Caitlin, what’s wrong? What’s going on at Star Labs?” The irritation instantly vanishes, worry creeping in to Barry’s tone. Len sits up straighter, a hint of adrenaline shooting through his system as he prepares for a possible fight.

“Bivolo?” Barry is glancing at him now, and Len narrows his eyes. Len knows that name, knows the meta and his powers. But what does a rage-inducing meta have to do with-

“Bivolo whammied you too?” Barry nearly shouts, surprise evident in his voice. It takes Len a second, mind analyzing every angle as he usually does with a puzzle before screeching to an abrupt halt. He can’t help the sudden gasp of breath, or the clenching of muscles, and certainly not the slight shivers he feels. He doesn’t even try to school his features for once, horror seeping to his very core.

_Bivolo._

_Lust._

_Long day. Long year._

_So sexy._

_I want you inside me, Len. I want you to wreck me._

His feet are already propelling him toward the bathroom before he registers the bile rising. He slams the door behind him, sparing a precious second to click the lock before heaving in all the disgust and guilt and shame and anger surging through him. Barry was still on the phone, and Len found himself praying the situation was dire enough for Barry to Flash away immediately. He didn’t want to face him. Not now. Not after what they had just done.

_What you did to him._

That voice in his head sounds suspiciously like Lewis. The banging on the door barely registers behind the pounding of blood in his ears. It was Bivolo. It was fucking Bivolo who sent Barry his way. And shit, back at the bar, steering straight into more intimate territory. From the beginning, Barry had been acting a little off. Subtle flirtations and grudging (hopeful) team-ups have nothing on the way Barry had thrown himself at Len tonight. Barry had rambled on and on, listing off any reason he could have ever possibly wanted this. Wanted him. But it was all bullshit.

Len should have known. He should have fucking known that Barry wasn’t in his right mind.

_C’mere you piece of shit._

No! Len grasped the toilet bowl harder, fingers whitening under the strain.

_Time for a lesson, son._

Tears gather in his eyes, and he is heaving. He is heaving and choking and gasping but nothing is left to come up.

_This is the only way a lil’ bitch like you will ever survive lock-up._

The sobs have broken free. His face is wet and there is bile in his throat as breathing becomes erratic at best. Blindly, he reaches behind him to pull the towel hanging from the shower door handle down. He can’t be naked now, he can’t be. Towel doesn’t cover as much as he would hope, but it would have to do.

Sobs shudder through him again as he rests his head on the cool porcelain. It’s been years since the memories have taken hold of him this bad. Even longer since he last cried. God, he should have fucking known.

A hand gripping his shoulder sends a sharp spike of panic through him. He jerks away, hitting his elbow on the ground at that perfect angle to send a tingling, burning sensation all the way to his fingertips. He’s scrambling, feet and hands propelling him to the wall before he even thinks to look up.

Barry stands above him, both hands up in peace as he also backs away. His eyes are wide and he is still as naked as he was when they-

“You shouldn’t be here, Barry.” Len gasps, ignoring the nausea as there is nothing left for him to throw up. “You shouldn’t have to-” Len cuts off, shaking his head to clear his mind, unsure what ending to settle on for the sentence.

He feels another wave of nausea, but pushes it down in favor of keeping Barry in his sights. He can’t turn his back on anyone right now.   

“Len-” Barry begins, hands reaching out only to lower when Len violently flinches back.

“Go, Barry. Just go.” And god, does his voice sound empty. He feels empty. He imagines he looks it too, if the flutter of emotions that cross Barry’s face are any indication. Barry shifts, swaying from foot to foot in indecision for awhile. Len can’t meet his eyes, and it seems Barry no longer can either.

“I’ll be back soon. I swear.” Barry eventually settles on, before disappearing through the wooden door (and no doubt the house as well). Len heaves a sigh. Then another. And another. He gets his breathing back under control, forcing his emotions down.

Shower. He needs to shower. Water turned to its coldest setting with the highest pressure, Len steps under the spray. Shivers wrack his body, but he is used to Cold. It numbs the body. Numbs the mind. The soul. He needs it now, slowing his thoughts to a crawling pace as he shudders. He missed something. He let this happen. It’s his fault.

Barry and him have always had their flirtations. Their fights that seemed more like foreplay. The banter that could always summon that blush and smile Len so loved to see. The favors and the visits. Their give-and-takes. Helping each other. Helping Lisa. Helping him. The good in him Barry was so adamant existed. The second-chances. The way Barry looked at him, confident in his belief of him when he visited Len in prison.

The way Barry looked at him tonight. Pupils blown with lust and want and need.

His skin itches, in a burning filthy sort of way that he hasn’t felt since Lewis-

The soap is calming, grounding in its heady scent as he scrubs it into his skin. He scrubs and scrubs and washes away and shakes until the water is violently shut off. Breath is coming too fast once more, but his skin is bright pink and his body is numb as he steps out, covering himself once more.

Looking in the mirror, he can’t help but see all the differences. All the similarities. His skin tone, the slope of his cheeks, and the angle of his eyes (god, those fucking eyes, __his__ fucking eyes) are all Lewis. And he hates it. Hates _Him _,__ and hates himself as he punches the image. Punches and strikes and screams until the mirror is gone and his hands are burning, bleeding with broken glass scattered about.

He can’t face the bedroom, so he keeps his eyes focused on the dresser. Second drawer, grabbing a pair of sweats and briefs; he leaves without a single glance towards the bed. The door slams in a final sort of way behind him before he dresses. The anger takes over, the violent rage that lets him push everything else down. He lets it take over. Relishes it.

Paintings are ripped off walls. Furniture overturned. Every mirror in the house shattered, his reflection mocking him the whole time.

_Weak._

_Pitiful._

_Failure._

Lewis’ voice taunts him through Len’s own mouth as he yells, rages on everything in sight. Fight or flight response taking over as he lashes out, body alternating between flares of pain and that numbing coldness that settles over him.

He is not his Father. He is not his Father. He is not-

 The table he throws is bouncing back off the wall, striking him and knocking him to the glass-littered ground. He drags himself up, moving on. The kitchen, the living room, not a single inch of his home escapes his fury save the bedroom. He can’t face that. He can’t-

A terrible wail escapes him as he slides to the ground, huddles against the cool metal of his refrigerator. He can’t help going over the night again, searching for where he made a mistake. Where he overlooked the obvious. Where he let his father take over.

He can’t find it. Can’t-

The bottle is cool in his hand. Vodka, a full bottle he had been saving for a post-heist celebration with the Rogues that he was bringing together. It would do for now. It would serve its purpose, no matter how much he hated it. It isn’t scotch though, and that’s what matters right now. The smell of scotch would just send him spiraling more than he already is.

He chugs until he can’t breath, until he is gagging and choking and forcing the vomit back down his throat. He keeps drinking, slower now with the soothing burn of alcohol filtering through him.

Barry put up a good show, but that’s all it had been. A show, spoon-feeding everything Len would ever believe could possibly make Barry fall into his bed. And he believed it. He believed it all, latched onto it because that’s what he wanted.

It had started out simple; take down the new threat. The Streak was a problem, an obstacle in need of removal. But then Len saw him. Saw his youth and ignorance and everything good and innocent in him. Then it became complicated. Len played it off as a way to change the game, a way to expose the Flash and take down the old crime families. New order, new leadership, new rules. And then it turned into a game, _their game,_ and it was a fun addiction he enjoyed, he _reveled_ in. It was a performance, a dance, a ride he never wanted to leave. It was invigorating and made him feel alive in a way that he hadn’t in so long that he didn’t know to fight it off until it was too late.

But Len had thought Barry had made sense. He had has his dry spells in the past, and knew how desperate one could become when young and  horny. He would have thought Barry was drunk at first, almost did before he remembered the whole super-metabolism meant he couldn’t get drunk.

After finding out his identity, Len had bugged everything on Barry, in the West home and STAR Labs until he felt confident in his knowledge of Barry Allen. So there must have been some truth to what Barry had been saying. It didn’t change anything though. Didn’t change the fact that Barry would have never wanted this, would have never sought Len out if not for Bivolo altering all those complex chemicals in his brain. Fuck, Barry might as well have been rufied when Len took him home for all the control he had.

His body is cold and his stomach is turning as his mind sways through sluggish thoughts when he realizes the bottle is almost gone. Grabbing the whiskey sitting mostly full in the pantry, he makes his way with both bottles to the living room. It isn’t until he gets there that he remember all the furniture has been flipped. That he had tossed them in his fit of rage.

So he sinks into the corner, leaning heavily on the walls as he gazes dispassionately at the wreckage surrounding him. Despair and weariness sink in, hooking their claws and taking hold to drag him down. The vodka is gone, whiskey lighting the fire down his throat now.

Grasping for the burner phone he knocked off the side table earlier, relief fills him as he finds it still working and fully charged. It takes longer than he likes, with his vision blurring and attention wandering as the alcohol takes further hold, but Len finally is able to bring the cell to his ear.

It rings once. Twice. Three times. His eyes are closed and his vision swimming behind the dark of his eyelids. She answers on the next ring, right as Len realizes he is about to lean far enough to the side to hit the ground.

“mmm-Len?” Lisa’s groggy voice answers, clearly just woken.

“Lise?” Len whispers, clutching the phone tight as he attempts to right himself.

“Lenny?” Lisa sounds more awake now, something in his tone must have given him away. “What’re you-Are you okay? It’s nearly 2 in the morning.”

“Lise.” Len begins, shaking and choking on the words. “A-am. Lise, A-am I like _him_?”

“Lenny!” And Lisa is definitely awake now. “Lenny, no. God no. You are nothing like that bastard.” She all but growls.

He heaves breaths into the phone, grasping for the reassurance she provides. “I-I f-f-fucked up, Lise.”

“Lenny?” Her voice is sharp now, panicked. “What’s wrong? Where are you?”

“I’m him, Lise. I’m just like him.” His voice sounds cold, empty. Even too his own ears. It would chill him if he didn’t already feel cold now.

“No. No! Lenny? Lenny, listen to me, godammit. You are nothing like him. You are nowhere near him, you hear me?” There is rustling in the background, no doubt Lisa getting dressed.

“I am, Lise. I am. I r-r-ra-” He swallows, trying again. “I r-r-” He chokes off, unable to finish.

“Lenny?” The panic in her voice is only increasing, and Len feels his guilt rising.

“He didn’t want it.” Len breathes hastily, shivering. “He didn’t want me. He didn’t-” A whine escapes him, words beginning to slur as the alcohol seeps into his blood. “I did it anyway. I did _him_  anyway, Lise.”

“Lenny, listen to me-”

He cuts her off, gasping. “I see Dad, Lise. I see him. I _feel_ him. He’s in me, Lise. He is. I _am_ him, Lise. I’m just like him.”

“No, Lenny, where are you?” He can hear the motorcycle starting up, no doubt Lisa is getting ready to search for him.

“Don’t let me hurt you too, Lise. Don’t let me hurt you like he did.” And now Len is panicking. His heart is racing and he is sobbing as he raises the bottle to his lips once more. Lisa is talking, screaming at him but his hand has slipped from his ear and he can’t make out what she is saying anymore. He only stops drinking when he feels the bile making its way up his throat once more. It takes a few moments of breathing and coughing to wrestle his stomach back under control.

“I love you, Lisa.” He says as he brings the phone back to his ear. He hangs up, ignoring her protests as he allows the phone to slip from his limp fingers.

Taking another pull of whiskey, he laments burn he can no longer feel going down his throat. He’s cold, Len realizes with another shiver. He’s cold. So fucking cold. Cold and numb. He wishes he could feel again...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, a chapter summary. Basically, Len hears the phone call Barry took and pieces together that Bivovlo hit Barry with lust. Immediately thinks that he just raped Barry, and it brings up memories from his father and when Len himself was raped when he was younger. He doesn't react well, and takes his rage out on pretty much everything in sight after Barry leaves, hence the self-harm when he is injured doing so. Starts drinking to numb the pain, and keeps on drinking until it is far past the the danger zone. The amount he drinks is possible fatal, but he never actually thinks about killing himself in words, only actions. Ends with a heartfelt phone conversation with his sister.  
> Summary aside, now let's get into it. This is one of the harder chapters of this story. Here, we see Len at his lowest, most self-hating point that we see in the story. There will be other low points, but as of right now this in the worst I have written. Everything after this will be all about what happens afterwards, because of the night Barry and Len spent together, their new relationship and their recovery. I don't really write fluff because, unfortunately, I'm no good at it. Hurt/comfort is my jam (definitely wrote that in Sam/Barry's voice), and its what I usually gravitate towards. This may be some of the heavier stuff, but there is more to come so if this might be upsetting for any of my readers, please feel free to leave this story.  
> That said, I want to thank everyone who has taken the time to get this far. The more I work on this, the longer I realize it will most likely be.  
> Video for this chapter is below:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8lDJJwbklM Rogues Tribute  
> It's a faster paced song than the others, and includes more comics as well as the TV show, but I feel like the angrier tone goes well with this chapter.  
> Next chapter: Barry heads back to STAR labs. Confides in Cisco and Caitlin before heading back to talk things over with Len.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry goes to STAR labs to investigate. Cisco and Caitlin give him some helpful advice.

Barry fucked up. He fucked up bad this time. Nothing bad he has ever done comes anywhere near this. And Barry could blame Bivolo for all of this. Does blame him, a dark part of his mind sneers. But he blames himself too. Blames himself for wanting this, for seeking Len out even when-

The world is blurring around him as he speeds to STAR labs. But he can still see him. Still see Len clutching the toilet for dear life. The horror and fear in his eyes when he scrambled away from Barry’s grasp, flinching from even the thought of Barry touching him again.

Barry had no right, no right whatsoever to use Len like that. He should have gone home. Should have jerked off till the lust subsided. Should have run until his legs gave out. Should have sought out someone else, _anyone_  else. Len was a bad idea. The two of them together an even worse idea. There were a hundred and one reasons why Barry had never sought him out like that before, refused to even consider going to him. The fantasies in his mind, in the privacy of his room and his own hand, had always been enough. His dirty secret that no one ever had to know about.

Until now. Until he went to the one place he knew he might find Len. Until he thought with his dick and ignored any warnings in his mind about how _bad_ of an idea that was. Until he flirted and begged and lied and charmed his way into Len’s bed. Until Len found out that Bivolo was the push to send Barry his way. Until Len was sobbing and puking and _cold_  on that bathroom floor. Cold in a way Barry had never seen him, never seen anyone before.

STAR labs materialized around him as he skidded to a stop in the cortex. Forcing his guilt-ridden thoughts down, he breathed and forced himself to focus on the present. Bivolo was here. Bivolo got Caitlin. Harry and Jay were back on Earth-2 picking up supplies and looking for intel, so they were safe. Iris was at home, Barry knew. And Joe had no plans on leaving the house tonight. That left only Cisco as another possible victim here in the building.

“Caitlin? Cisco?” Barry called warily, taking in his surroundings. Nothing was outright destroyed or misplaced, but just messy enough to point to someone searching through everything. If Bivolo was still here, it meant he was still searching and Barry would have to tread carefully to avoid another assault on his emotions. If Bivolo was gone, then it meant he had found whatever he came here for. A problem for sure, but at least it would be a problem for another day.

He was in his clothes from earlier that night, wrinkled and sloppy showing he dressed in a hurry. Taking no chances, Barry flashed into his suit before continuing to search the labs. He went slow, cautious even as he used his speed, glancing around every corner and bend in case Bivolo laid in wait. He started at the pipeline and worked his way back to the cortex. Knowing full well it was giving his position away, he called out for Caitlin and Cisco every chance he got. If they were in hiding, it would be the fastest way to find them and get some answers.

Cisco was the first to respond, after nearly 20 minutes of careful searching. “Barry? Barry! Oh, thank god you’re here.” Cisco’s voice came out muffled from behind the door to one of the unused labs further down the hallway. Flashing over, Barry opened the door to find a frantic Cisco rushing over from behind a desk.

“Cisco! What happened?” Barry demanded, itching to find Caitlin but needing some answers _now _.__

“It was Rainbow Raider.” Cisco answered quickly.

“I know that. Caitlin called. She got whammied.” Barry was fidgeting with restless energy, leaving the room to continue his search as Cisco trailed behind him.

“Shit.” Cisco cursed, a rare occurrence that popped up when he was scared. “Yeah, she was acting real weird. What did he hit her with?”

“Lust.” Barry had to ignore the churn in his stomach, the reminder of where that had led him tonight. “Same as what he did to me earlier at the bank.”

Cisco’s eyes widened, a question on the tip of his tongue.

“Later, Cisco. I can’t talk about that right now. We need to find Caitlin. We need to know if Bivolo is still here and what he was looking for.”

“I know where she is.” And here, Cisco pulled ahead, leading the way to another empty room a few doors down. “She had been acting real weird. Coming on to me stronger that I ever saw with Ronnie. It was kinda scary actually. Makes sense now, seeing as he got her with lust. But the second I realized how off she was and got her to mention seeing Rainbow Raider I locked her in here.” They had stopped in front of their destination, the faint sounds of moans causing them both to pause and fidget and blush. This wasn’t something Caitlin would want them to hear. Certainly not something for them to see.

With an unspoken agreement, they both walked until they were out of earshot to continue talking.

“After that, I figured I would make myself scarce. Accidentally locked myself in that lab. Phone was in the cortex still, so I had no way to contact any of you guys.”

“Is he still here?” Barry asked.

“Don’t know. Doubt it. It’s been nearly half an hour since Caitlin was hit. I’ll have to check the security feeds to know for sure.” Cisco was anxious, embarrassment still coloring his checks.

Barry sighed, scrubbing a hand down his face. Unlikely that Bivolo would still be here then. That just left them to wait for Caitlin to-

“So.” And Cisco was shifting, clearly embarrassed. “Any way to know how to lift the whammy he put on Caitlin?”

Now it was Barry’s turn to flush. “Should go away when she reaches…” He trailed off, both men uncomfortable at thinking of what they knew Caitlin was doing right now. It was a perfectly natural thing, but it still wasn’t something they ever wanted to associate with her. It felt a little like walking in on their parents doing it or something equally mortifying.

A knock filtered down the hallway a few minutes later, followed by Caitlin’s timid voice. “Guys?” She called. “Cisco? Flash? Are you there?”

“We’re here!” Both called, rushing back to let her out. They avoided their gazes until they were sure she had indeed been fully dressed once more. Her hands were still damp from when she had washed them, towel gripped tight. Everyone ignored the smell coming from the room, along with each others eyes as they made their way back to the cortex.

“Any idea what he was after?” Barry asked, clearing his voice to break the silence. “And what were you guys doing here so late anyways?”

“No idea, give me a second.” Cisco answered his first question, pulling up a chair and booting up the computers from sleep mode.

Caitlin took over his second question. “Since Rainbow Raider has clearly grown more powerful in his abilities, able to control more emotions, Cisco and I were going over everything we had. Some of his victims from earlier had elected to have brain scans, and we were comparing them all to some from when he first became active. We were trying to finalize a base, a singular area of the brain that was affected across all ranges of emotion that could be targeted to reverse the effects as a cure-all, no matter what they were hit with. On top of that, we were building in more settings and more color combinations to the original device to possibly fight back against different emotions in the meantime. Time got away from us, and then I went to get some coffee and that’s when-” Caitlin blushed, looking down. She didn’t need to finish for them all to know what she would say. That’s when Bivolo got her.

“Got it.” Cisco’s voice was only slightly rough, coughing to cover up how embarrassing this was for all of them. “Rainbow Raider left the building fifteen minutes ago. Took only one thing with him. Those Mirror Lenses we made to protect the wearer from his abilities.”

“Well, that answers why he was here.” Barry sighed. It didn’t make sense, but none of them were at full brainstorming capacity at the moment. They would tackle the why’s and outcomes of that issue later.

“Barry.” Caitlin’s voice was calm in a forced sort of way. “About that phone call. I’m sorry, you have to know that I never would have said any of that in my right mind.”

“I know, Caitlin.” Barry scrubbed his face again. He did that when he was nervous and scared sometimes. He felt like he was doing it a lot tonight. “Like I said. He whammied me too.”

Caitlin’s eyes lit up in familiar sympathy as Cisco seemed to put two and two together. “So that’s why you knew how to break the hold.” Cisco really had no filter at times, and he blushed as the meaning implied sunk in. Caitlin narrowed her eyes at Barry, however, when his expression turned stricken at the comment.

“Barry? Is everything okay?” She asked.

He fidgeted, gathering courage for what he knew he should tell them. Len likely wouldn’t bring it up in the future, that didn’t seem like something he would do. But it would still be obvious. They would find out anyway eventually. Besides, he could use some advice right about now.

“No. I fucked up guys.” He sighed, shame filling him as he went on. “You know how you called me, Caitlin? When he got to you? Like even though you could do it yourself, you still wanted someone else with you? Craved sex more than masturbation at the time? Well, it was like that with me too. I didn’t force anyone, I swear!” Barry held his hands up in defense at the wide eyed looks he was receiving before sagging once more. “I just may not have been completely honest with someone as to all the reasons why I wanted to be with them at the time. And when he found out, after, when you called and he realized-” Barry took a breath. “He didn’t take it well. He was puking and crying and…” Unsure if he should have even told them that much about what was very clearly a private matter, Barry pushed forward. “It was Len. I mean Snart. I went and found him and we…” Barry trailed off once more, meaning clear.

“Wait! Leonard Snart, Barry? You slept with Captain Cold?” Cisco was incredulous, him and Caitlin staring at him in shock.

Barry hurried into a rushed explanation, explaining how all day he was feeling more and more aroused. Like a horny teenager all over again, but worse since he knew he should control it. About turning Patty down. About Iris and the club. About his plan to be alone and finish things himself before he found himself sliding into Saints and Sinners. About talking to Len (leaving out as many details as possible while still getting the basics across). About how Len had asked him if he was sure. Had kept asking him if he wanted it. About how Len had put enough trust in him to take Barry home. Not to a safe house or a motel, but his _home _.__  

Despite his reservations, after going through it all again, Barry went into a little more detail about afterwards.

“I’ve never seen him look like that, guys. It was-it made me feel sick at how scared he looked when I touched his shoulder afterwards. He keeps people at arms-length, I know. And I know it probably has something to do with Lewis, with the way him and Lisa grew up. He didn’t want me there, didn’t want me anywhere near him. And you guys were in trouble here, and I just left. I left him there guys. And-and as messed up as it sounds, tonight was actually great. It was really, really good and Bivolo aside, it was something I realized I wanted to do again. Wanted to be with him again, in whatever sort of nemesis-with-benefits or more we could work out. But I ruined it. The way he acted, I doubt he ever wants to see me again.”

Barry was sniffing, eyes misty but no tears falling as of yet. Caitlin and Cisco had been skeptical at first. Conflicted, even now, but more accepting and sympathetic as Barry had gone on.

“Barry, crazy as it sounds, I think you need to talk to him. Talk to him like you just talked to us. Let him know your side of the story. From what it sounds, he likely thinks he…took advantage of you tonight. And he may be a criminal, but he does have a code, as you’ve said before. I imagine this would go against that code. While I may not approve…” Caitlin gave him a stern look before finishing. “ …if this is something that you want, then you will need to try and talk things out.”

“Yeah, man.” Cisco sighs, sagging in his chair. “I may not like the dude, but that is a shitty situation to be in. He probably feels like crap right now. No idea what he might do. Might go out and rob a bank or start a bar fight or something. It’s been nearly an hour since you left, right? Might want to head back and see if he’s still there. Talk him down before he does something crazy.”

Caitlin nodded emphatically. “We’ll wait here. If he did leave, we can track his cold gun. If he’s still there and the nausea hasn’t subsided, then I can give him something here to help with that. If everything’s fine, just let us know and we’ll head out for the night.”

Barry ran a hand through his hair, nodding at their logic. “Yeah, you’re right. Thanks guys, really. I know I messed up, and I know you have every reason to hate him, so thanks. It means a lot to me.” Taking a breath, Barry pulled his cowl over his eyes in preparation to head out. “I’ll let you know what I find.” And with a flash of lightning, Barry was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! I am going to a concert tomorrow night, so posted this today instead of waiting until the weekend. Chapter lengths will vary, but they should all be this long or even longer. I didn't add any extra trigger warnings this chapter, but if anyone feels I should include them then I will. The video for this chapter is below:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6LP4qH01_E Leonard Snart/Captain Cold/Believer  
> Also, there is still no beta for this. If anyone wants to volunteer or even just point out anything that needs corrected, please don't hesitate to say something.  
> Up next: Barry finds Len in bad shape. He flashes them both back to STAR labs for treatment.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry finds Len and brings him back to STAR labs for treatment. An unexpected party shows up afterwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: Suicide attempt, self-harm, alcohol abuse, mentioned rape, and blood/gore mentioned. If anyone wants this chapter summarized in the end notes, just let me know and I will add it.

The lights were on when Barry reached the house, a positive sign that Len was still there. As anxious as Barry was, he forced himself to slow down, take a breath and settle his nerves as he stood on the front porch at nearly two in the morning. He knocked.

“Len? Hey Len, it’s me. Barry. Look, I just-” He was talking through the door, listening for any sounds he could hear from the other side. “We need to talk, Len. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything earlier, okay? I just want to explain, that’s all. Len? Len, are you there?” The longer he knocked and waited the more the fear grew. He remembered standing outside the bathroom door, Len refusing to respond. He remembered phasing into the room, still with no response. Not until he touched Len’s shoulder. Not until those fearful eyes turned to him.

It had been two minutes. Two minutes of knocking as loud as he dared at that hour. The twisting of his stomach had only intensified. Something was wrong.

“Len, I’m coming in, okay? Don’t freak out, please. I just need to see you, just want to talk.” Barry took a long, deep breath as he gave another second for the response he knew was never coming. With a quick glance around to double-check no one was near, Barry phased through the door. He was still in full flash attire, and didn’t want anyone knowing that he had come to this house. If the wrong person found out, Barry knew that could be bad for Len.

Freezing in the entryway, Barry took in his surroundings. Horror filled him at the state of disarray. Shattered glass littered the floor, fist-sized holes pocketed the walls sporadically, furniture was overturned and paintings strewn about. The part that had Barry worried the most was the splashes of blood and crimson-soaked footprints that scattered the area.

Barry’s first thought was a break-in. A robbery gone wrong, or one of Len’s enemies who finally tracked him down. Or worse, one of Barry’s enemies. Within a second, Barry had flashed through the house and to the room he had last seen Len. The bathroom was practically pristine in comparison, save the broken mirror and blood painting the empty wall now visible, smearing the counter below and floor as well.

Barry’s stomach was in full revolt, but he didn’t have time for this. Didn’t have time to compare this scene to the last he had seen in this room, wondering which was worse. Didn’t have time to think that it might not have been a break-in after all. Didn’t have time because Len was still in danger.

The bedroom actually was closer to normal. Bed still messy from their activities, Len’s clothes strewn about, but all the furniture remained in its place. The mirror and walls were intact, and the only blood Barry could see was the trail of footprints leading to the door and small smear on one of the dresser drawers.

“Barry?” Caitlin called in his ear. “Barry, what’s wrong? Your heart rate is spiking.”

“I-” Barry paused, took a breath before continuing in a whisper. “I don’t know, guys. But its bad. I need to find him. There’s so much blood!” He didn’t mean to voice that last part, horror seeping in his tone. Cisco and Caitlin were asking (somewhat demanding answers for) frantic questions over the comms. Barry ignored them in favor of flashing through the house once more, following Oliver’s advice as he cased every inch.

There, in the corner hidden behind the over-turned couch, was Len. Barry skidded to a halt, being sure to keep his distance after last time, as he took the man in.

An empty bottle of vodka lay still intact a few inches away, whilst a mostly empty bottle of whiskey remained clutched in Len’s grasp. His hands an feet were a bloody mess of glass and torn flesh. One particularly large piece extended from the bottom and clean through the top of his right foot, a gash at least an inch and a half long. Blood and glass scattered the sweats he wore sporadically, minor in comparison. His left eye and cheek were swelling with bruises, lips cut and forehead still sluggishly leaking blood from a small bruised gash down his face. His eyes were open yet unseeing, but his chest was moving and Barry clung to that.

“Len?” Barry took a slow, cautious step forward. Len blinked slowly, face struggling in effort as he finally managed to squint at Barry. “Len, what happened?” Barry truly had no idea what to say or do here. As much as he wanted to hang onto the belief that this was a break-in, that pesky voice in the back of his mind that he should have listened to from the beginning was telling him in no uncertain terms that it definitely _wasn’t _.__

“Barry?” Len slurred, jerking further upright for a full second before he was sagging, leaning once more. “What’re you do’n ‘ere?”

“Len.” Barry spoke slowly, calmly as he tried another step. “Len, you’re hurt, okay. Just let me take you to STAR labs and we can get everything sorted there.”

Len’s eyes narrowed, studying him intensely. “You sh’ldn’t be ‘ere.” He jabbed a finger towards Barry.

“Len.” Another step. Another breath. Hands up in that placating gesture to show he means no harm. “Len, I know I shouldn’t be here. I know this whole thing is fucked up. But you need help right now, Len. And I want to do that for you. I want to help you.”

Len glared and Barry paused, asking quietly, “How much did you drink, Len?”

A smirk greets him then, a smirk darker than any Len has shown Barry in the past. He flails a gesture towards the empty vodka bottle. “All of that. And-” Here he squints at the whiskey in his hands, bringing it up to eye-level as he judges the remaining liquid. “Most of this.” He finishes with a proud smile, going to take another swig.

Barry can’t help it. He flashes forward and rips the bottle as carefully as he can from his hands, depositing it safely in the sink for now before returning to his previous position. Len looks confused for a second, eventually settling on a glare he turns to Barry.

“I think you’ve had enough.” And Barry is angry now. Angry at Len. Angry at himself. Angry at this whole situation. “That’s-” Barry chokes off, shaking his head. “That’s not smart, Len. That’s not like you. Drinking this much, it isn’t smart. It isn’t safe. It could kill you, Len!” And Barry may not be yelling, but his tone had begun to increase with the swell of emotion. Len’s snarled response, however, was the last thing Barry expected to hear.

“Good!” And with a single word, ice shot through Barry’s chest. He actually staggered back a step, wide-eyes taking in all the resentment in the others expression. Even an echo of a sharp inhales comes through the comms.  

“You can’t mean that.” Barry breathes, praying that this was all just some horrible nightmare that he would wake from.

Len sagged once more, resentment falling to resignation. “I’thought I killed ‘em. But he’s ‘ere, B’ry. He’s still ‘ere.” Moisture forms in his eyes as his fist runs hard circles over his heart, further bloodying the dark gray fabric.

And god, the scene in front of him is so heartbreaking that he has begun to cry silently. “Len.” He begs. “Len, please. You need medical help. You’re bleeding. You drank too much. Just let me take you to STAR labs, okay? I need to carry you, but it’ll be over in a few seconds, I promise.”

Barry gives him a few moments, but Len is already back to staring off into space. Sighing and reminding himself that however Len acts, this is actually for his own good, Barry scoops him up and speeds him back to the labs.

He gently sets the man down in the cortex. Cisco and Caitlin are both frozen in their seats. Gaping up at him in matching shocked, horrified expressions. It takes a second for Len to catch back up. His eyes snap open as he flails back, knocking Barry’s steadying hand from his shoulder.

“Don’ touch me.” He gasps, taking another heavy and unsteady step back.

“Len.” Barry falters, unsure what to do here. He looks to his friends for help, but they look just as lost as he does.

Len’s gaze is locked on Barry, fingers twitching at his sides as tremors shake through him. His eyes are glazed and he sways, pale and flushed all at once.

“You shouldn’ help me, B’ry.” He finally says, taking half a step forward and almost reaching out before faltering. “Y’should hate me.” He shudders, replacing the distance once more. Hate twists his features as he snarls. “Y’should _hate_ me, Barry. Y’should hate…after I…I-I….I _raped_ -” He pales further and Barry just has time to flash a bucket to him before Len is vomiting once more. The potent smell of bile and alcohol fills the room, prompting Cait into action. She runs to the med bay, readying the area and gathering supplies. Cisco looks lost, gaze darting between the three of them as if asking what he should do right now.

The heaving ceases and Len allows the bucket to slip through his fingers. Barry flashes it away before it can spill all over the floor. Len’s face is twisted in anguish and disgust as he opens his eyes to meet Barry’s gaze once more. His voice is suddenly clearer, more precise and slower than before.

“Why don’t you hate me, Barry? I hate _him_.”He says, as if it is the puzzle and the answer all at once.

“Len.” And Barry knows his voice sounds choked. Sounds as choked and broken as Len looks.

A hitch in his breath and another snarl is all the warning they get before Len is pressing his palms into his eyes. Barry flashes forward to pry them away, worried about the glass still embedded in his skin damaging his eyes. Len doesn’t even fight him anymore, clenching his teeth and muttering a mantra under his breath.

“Weak. Weak. S’fucking weak.”

“Cisco!” Barry calls, beckoning him over. “Help Caitlin. I’m taking him to the med bay.”

Cisco flies ahead of them while Barry slowly coaxes Len to the bed in the other room. It’s easier to work with the almost apathetic state Len has fallen into, but no less terrifying. Caitlin draws some blood to give to Cisco to run tests on the blood-alcohol level. They hook him up to an IV first and foremost to replace some of his lost fluids. Next, Caitlin gives him some medicine that has him gagging once more. Barry holds him up, guiding his head to the bowl to empty the rest of his stomach into.

Cisco returns roughly ten minutes later as Len finishes his latest rounds of heaving and spluttering. “Blood alcohol level at 0.38%.” He says, serious. “But he could have absorbed more since we drew the blood, especially with how fast he must have drank it all.”

They all pause for a second, further sobering as they take in how far into the danger zone he really was. Concentrations that high have been known to lead to death in some cases, and if he did have the time to absorb even another tenth or less of a percent, then the chances of fatality drastically increase.

Len’s eyes are fluttering now, mostly unconscious as they ease the bowl from limp fingers to dispose of the waste. Caitlin hooks up another IV, adding an oxygen mask and bag of blood while all three flutter about him, Barry and Cisco following Cait’s lead. His clothes are cut from him so as not to disturb any injuries. They continue to monitor his alcohol levels as they set to work patching him up. Glass is removed, wounds and injuries are cleaned and tended too, stitched when necessary with the dissolving thread Caitlin keeps on hand for Barry.

It’s slow progress, even with the three of them. After what feels like days, they are finally done. Cisco had left the room at Barry’s request when they had to cut off his briefs as well, giving Len that last semblance of privacy for when this was all over. A towel was thrown over him for decency when they finished removing the glass from his hip and bandaging those cuts and scrapes. His blood-alcohol level is finally acceptable, and they all take a breath to allow the adrenaline to ease from their system.

No matter what their feelings might have been for the man, none of them hesitated or even thought to deny help. It was too serious, too dangerous, and so very unfair for anyone to have been put into the situation that Barry and Len had ended up in. They are somber, quiet as Barry munches unenthusiastically on a calorie bar as Cisco prepares coffee for them all.

“Someone has to watch him.” Caitlin says quietly when Cisco returns, gratefully accepting the caffeinated beverage.

“Why?” Barry perks up, instantly focused on her. “Is he still in danger? I thought his blood level was-”

“It’s not that.” Caitlin cuts him off, refusing to meet his eyes. “Based off what we overheard from the comms, and with his actions, he needs to be on suicide watch.”

The temperature drops in the room at that, pain flaring in Barry’s chest. _Your fault! This is all your fault!_ That hideous voice snarls again. The three sag, exhaustion creeping in.

Clearing his voice, Barry keeps the tremble out of it as he changes the subject. “I’m just going to flash back to his house real fast. Grab him some clothes. Bet he would want to be dressed in his own clothes under the blanket when he wakes up.”

He doesn’t wait for a response as he flashes away. The trip blurs around him as tears fill his vision. Arriving, he phases through the door without pause and heads straight to the bedroom. He focuses on the dresser, refusing to even look anywhere else. Its tainted. Its all tainted. The bed and the bathroom and the living room and the destruction and the blood-

Taking a shuddering breath, Barry jerks the drawer open just as the whir of a gun charging up sounds right behind his head. Freezing, Barry doesn’t even think to bother pulling the cowl back up as he turns. Lisa Snart stands behind him, fury blazing in her eyes as she aims straight at his head.

“Flash!” She snarls, angrier than he had ever seen her before. “Three questions. What are you doing here? What did you do to my brother? And where the hell is he?”

Barry’s throat closes up as he stares at her with wide eyes.

“Flash.” She growls, impatience bringing the gold gun closer to his forehead.

“I’ll take you to him.” Barry chokes out. “I’ll explain everything, I swear. Just let me get him some clothes first to take back with us.”

Realization dawns on her face before the fury returns tenfold. “If you hurt my brother, Flash. If you did what I think you did. If I don’t like what you have to say, then the city will have a nice golden statue to go with their _Flash Day_!” She spits, contempt weighing heavily between them.

Barry sags, quietly responding. “I might let you, too.”

Concern wars with anger as Lisa takes another second before de-powering and holstering the gun. Shouldering past the Flash, she grabs a few pairs of comfy and warm clothes, socks and underwear included. Throwing them into a bag from the closet, she grabs a handful of other trinkets. An old iPod. An old photo from the safe hidden behind the coats. A bottle of cologne and a small blue patch quilt in the design of ice-skates with sloppily hand-quilted gold threads.

Turning back to him, Lisa finally speaks again. “I take it you have all the toiletries and food and medical supplies at the labs?” She doesn’t even have to ask where her brother is, its obvious where Barry took him considering he is the Flash and all.   

“Yeah.” He chokes, sick with festering guilt as he can’t help but feel like he is imposing on a part of Len’s life he should never have seen.

“Okay.” Lisa nods, firm and furiously calm in her resolve. “Then let’s go, _Flash _.__ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! Now, I know I'm no doctor, so please ignore any inconsistencies. The blood-alcohol level was based off some fact charts I looked up. And please, remember that as fun as drinking can be, it always needs to be done responsibly. There are a lot of dangers involved, and if you have a problem then help is always out there. My ex had a troubled childhood, and ended up turning to alcohol to help his pain and depression. It tore him apart for a long time, got him in trouble with work and distanced plenty of friends until he was able to seek out help and went to rehab coupled with AA meetings. Addiction and depression are both serious topics that I touch on with this story, so just remember that if any of you out there are going through this or know someone who is....help is out there. People care, and people will help, so just don't be afraid to ask if you need it.  
> The video for this chapter is below:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-bHylAxYkI Leonard Snart-Something to Fight For (Defender)  
> Up next: More of Len's childhood is revealed. Lisa and the others come to an agreement to continue helping Len through this crisis.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lisa and the others talk. An agreement is reached regarding Len.

Lisa doesn’t waste any time when they reach STAR labs. She instantly demands to see her brother, kicking everyone out of the room as she takes a minute with him. Her eyes are moist yet firm when she returns, Len fully dressed in sweats once more.

“Explain.” Is the only word she says, sending Barry into another recount of what happened, starting with revealing his identity because it was such a moot point by now. Caitlin chimes in here and there, some more elaborate explanations on Bivolo that Barry rushed over in his haste to get through everything. More input comes on the medical side of things, detailing out the injuries (Minor cuts, bruises, and abrasions spread throughout his body. Some deeper wounds requiring stitches. Damage focused on hands and feet. One bruised and one cracked rib. No concussion but dangerously high levels of alcohol in his blood when he arrived.) as well as expected recovery times.

Cisco doesn’t say much, just a sentence here and there as he watches Lisa sadly. Emotions flare and die in her expression during the tale. Anger, confusion, sadness, horror, worry; on and on they go, cycling around in loops. When its over, when everything has been said, Lisa takes another few minutes to go over it again in her head before forming words of her own.

“This is bad.” She sighs, glancing through the glass at her still brother. “You have no idea what tonight did to him, Barry.”

“I know.” Barry chokes, chest tight even if his tears have long since run out.

“No!” Lisa snarls, turning on them. “You have _no idea_ what you did to him!” She is fuming, shaking in anger.

“Lenny may be a criminal, but he has lines. He’s always had lines, even before you do-gooders came into the picture. Lewis was a _monster_ of a man, and Lenny’s greatest fear was that he might one day turn out just like him. He might break the law, he might live in shades of gray, but he has several lines that he _refuses_  to cross. Shall I list them for you?” Lisa is shivering in righteous rage as she defends her brother, determined to cast down any misconceptions they might have about him. Show them how truly devastating this was for him.   

“He doesn’t hurt women and children. Doesn’t even put them at risk unless absolutely necessary. He doesn’t fight or even hit anyone when he’s drunk unless someone attacks first. He doesn’t like to kill unless he has to, unless he sees them as a present or future threat. Cops, security guards, are strictly on a no-kill unless in self-defense zone. Anyplace he robs has to be vetted to ensure they have insurance and can afford the loss. He’s not about to throw small business owners out onto the streets. Anyone he takes on for his crews must follow his rules, he doesn’t tolerate anyone breaking them without good reason.”

“As for who he sleeps with.” She is up in Barry’s face now, causing him to cringe back as guilt turns in his stomach. “I’m sure he told you some of his rules for that. Did you know that he usually takes _days_ vetting and going over everything for even his one-night stands? Its always _planned_ , always built on some small level of _trust_. He refuses to sleep with anyone in our business. Refuses to sleep with prostitutes, or anyone where control like money or power might come into play. Refuses to sleep with anyone under the influence. Because consent _matters_  to him, means more to him than anything. Because if consent isn’t there, its _rape_. And rape is one of those hard lines Lenny refuses to cross.”

Lisa takes a breath, reigning in her anger slightly. “I know this isn’t all on you, Flash. I know Bivolo got in and messed with that pretty little head of yours. I’m just trying to give you some context here. Help you understand how Lenny is seeing all of this.”

“Shit.” Barry deflated further, guilt and misery and sympathy for that beautiful, complex man warring inside as he gazes as the prone figure once more. “I didn’t realize. Didn’t know all that.”

“I know.” Lisa snorts, a small burst of listless humor. “Lenny doesn’t like people knowing. Thinks those are all _weaknesses_ that he needs to hide.”

“I let him go to jail.” Barry settles on after a few moments for the last comment to sink it. “When he killed Lewis. I took his gun and let him go to jail for murder. I could have flashed him away. Could have told the cops it had been self-defense. If I had known…” His face twists in anger, full of loathing. Hindsight can be such a _bitch_  sometimes.

“You let him go to jail because Lenny wanted to.” Lisa sighs, shaking her head. “Even after everything, he still felt guilty for it. Still thinks there was something he should have done different all those years ago. Even though he _knows_  it all had nothing to do with him and everything to do with that _bastard_ , he still _thinks_  its at least partially on him. Still struggles to stop believing everything Lewis said. So as happy as it would make me to say different, that wasn’t on you, Barry.”  

“So this…” Barry struggles to find best words to voice his question. “…reaction, is because he crossed a line? Does this happen every time?” His gaze flickers to Cisco and Caitlin, all remembering the kidnappings both went through.

“No.” Lisa answers, eyes narrowing at their looks before widening in realization. “Oh God, you really bought all that, didn’t you?” A small laugh escapes her, even if the others feel like they are drastically late to some joke made in extremely poor taste.

“Please.” She chuckles. “Caitlin, Mick may like fire but he’s not a psycho. Len saw the the shift in orders, the changes the metas brought and got out ahead of the tide. Latched onto that Captain Cold moniker you so kindly gave him. Dragged Mick along with him, playing up their personas for the hungry public consumption. Notoriety means respect and respect means safety in our world. That bomb would have done no more damage than to knock your chair over, no risk of even the smallest of burns or shrapnel, they both made sure of it beforehand. And Lenny spent ages testing his cold gun, he knows how to fire it without leaving lasting damage. Your brothers fingers are perfectly fine now, Cisco, right? Any other criminal, there would have been a lot more _lasting_  damage from someone they were getting info out of.”  

All three stare at her with wide eyes. No way was all that true. No way was _Captain Cold_ , nemesis of the Flash, carefully orchestrating everything to come out on top while keeping the safety of his supposed enemies as a priority. It couldn’t be true. It was ridiculous. It was-

Plausible. More than plausible. Made quite a bit of sense after all, given his flair for the dramatic. Cisco couldn’t help asking. “So then why would he betray us like that at Ferris Air?”

Barry almost snapped at him for bringing that up, but Lisa’s eyes darkened and she whirled on the beautiful long-haired idiot.

“I don’t know, maybe because he didn’t like your methods? Because you were keeping them in solitary for god knows how long without any sort of trial or sentence or time-frame. And then you were going to cart them out of the country against their will for more of the same? Solitary confinement, isolation like that is a form of torture, Cisco. Lenny would never help with something like that. Sure, he didn’t plan on the casualties, but he was more than willing to take the risk. He doesn’t regret it, I sure as hell don’t regret it, and he still kept you all alive and kicking throughout it all.”

She deflates, giving them all a _look _. “__ I’m only telling you this for him. Like I said, Lenny see’s this all as a weakness. As a way to hurt him again. And after what happened, after what you told me….well, Lenny is going to need you. He’s crossed lines before, self-destructed afterwards a lot like this before. But now, well, now he needs you. He needs the medical side that you provide, Caitlin. He needs help in tracking down and stopping Bivolo that you can help with, Cisco. And he needs your help too, Barry.”

She takes a breath before continuing. “He needs to know he didn’t cross that line. That he isn’t a rapist and a monster like he is definitely thinking he is now. That whatever Bivolo did to you, Barry, you still sought him out. You still chose him over anything else when you needed that happy ending. Not because of Bivolo. Not because you were forced. But because, for whatever reason, you wanted my _brother_  with you when you were all hot and bothered.”

Lisa takes another minute to reign herself in, while the others process her words. “I wouldn’t tell you this unless I had too. But Lenny is going to need to stay here a few days after that. Mick and I alone can’t watch him round-the-clock like you can and tend to all his needs after this. Last time anything close to this happened was after the museum, when he miscalculated and that usher took the hit that the Flash was meant to stop. It was nowhere as bad as this, but Lenny was still out of sorts for days afterwards, off his game. Now though, he hasn’t been this bad since-”

She drew a sharp breath in. “He hasn’t been this bad in eleven years. Since the job that went south and ended with Mick in the hospital. That was the first time in _years_  I’d seen him have a panic attack. And now, with everything Lewis did still so recent…” She trailed off, sighing.

“I know you don’t like him. I know he never tried to give you any reason too. But my brother needs you, now. Needs you to be the heroes you say you are and _help_ him. He doesn’t need the condemnation. He doesn’t need the second-guessing and third degree like when I came to you two months ago. He just needs the reassurances, that he did nothing wrong. That you are there, to help and to heal, not to judge and accuse. I told you, Cisco, that it was my turn to protect my brother. And it is still my turn now. My turn, and all of yours, to make sure my brother doesn’t fuck himself over because of this. No worse than he already has.”

The room was quiet, somber in contemplation. Barry, Cisco, and Caitlin were exchanging looks. Even without the speech, they already knew they would have tried to help anyways. More so after seeing the state he arrived in. No one should have to suffer like that, not even their worst enemy. And despite it all, they knew that he really wasn’t their worst enemy. Hell, it was a game more often than not, especially after the deal Barry and him made in the woods. Now, in light of all the information, they felt confident that perhaps they could salvage this. That they could right some of the wrongs and put a tormented mind at ease.

Nodding at the others, resolve firm in their eyes, Barry turned back to Lisa. “What do you need us to do?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and hope you enjoyed awesome protective Baby Sis Lisa!!! I like to think that out of the two siblings, she is definitely the more open of the two. In the episode where Lewis resurfaced, she was vulnerable but still showed her scar, told Cisco a little bit about what happened. Whenever we see Len talking about it in Legends, its always defensive and with enough bite to hide how vulnerable it must make him. So I think, that in a situation like this, Lisa would be the one to step up for him and let the others in a bit more so they can help before he has a chance to shut them out. Makes it easier for him to allow them in, and also keeps the situation from escalating as it would if they treated Len anything like they treated Lisa when she first came to them. I get that they couldn't trust her, but considering one of the first things Barry heard about Leonard Snart was his dad took his anger out on his kids I feel like his first assumption shouldn't have been that the Snarts were happily working with their father again. This way, I don't have to write in the hostility and apprehension that the others might still have towards the siblings until they are already in a place where they can see the Snarts as humans instead of villains. Anyways, that's my little rant for this chapter.  
> This chapter's video is below:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmwjo7KBgEc Leonard Snart (Captain Cold)//Bad Guy Wins  
> Up next: Len wakes up, Joe stops by, and Barry can finally sit down and explain his side of what happened yesterday to Len.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe comes to the labs, and Barry and Len finally talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: mentioned past rape/child abuse, depression

Joe sighed as he stared at the screen of his phone, watched it dim before turning to black once more. Barry wasn’t answering his calls. It was almost noon, and he hadn’t shown up for work. Captain Singh brushed it off when Joe asked, saying he got a call from a Doctor Snow letting him know Barry was out sick for the foreseeable future. It wasn’t the first time something like this happened, whenever Flash business came up or Barry ended up injured. However, it was the first time that Joe was in the dark as to what had happened.

And Barry wasn’t answering his calls.

Scrubbing a hand down his face, Joe stood and left for an extended lunch break. There was nothing on the news last night to point to Barry getting hurt. But there was the incident with Bivolo the previous morning, and if it was anything like last time then Barry might not be in his right mind at the moment. With nothing else to do, Joe headed towards STAR labs. Whatever was going on, Joe would be damned if he didn’t get some answers.

XXX

Barry and the others had each gotten a few hours of sleep, taking turns watching Len and camping out on the cots they set up in the Lounge a few rooms over. Len had woken just before noon, having slept for almost ten hours. He wasn’t nearly as hung-over as Barry had expected giving how much he drank. He supposed they had the stomach pumping and IV to thank for that, clearing the poison from his system and hydrating him once more.

Just because he wasn’t hung-over didn’t mean something wasn’t wrong. It was the emptiness in his eyes, the blank look on his face, the lack of energy and the way his body pressed into the mattress, as if too heavy for this world. Barry knew that look, saw it in the mirror often enough while growing up. His parents birthdays. His birthday. The anniversary of his mother’s murder. Holidays. Any and every time that the world pressed in too much and the aching sadness took over. Barry had been depressed before, and it took one look to see the similar despair weighing heavily on Len.

Lisa had sat with him since he woke, talking quietly in private while the others simultaneously made themselves scarce and instantly available if needed. Lisa broke out the supplies that she had brought, piquing Barry’s curiosity. He would have to ask the meaning behind them all sometime, but it seemed they were all part of a practiced system for situations like this.

The iPod was set up to some speakers, the soothing sounds of soft jazz crooning in the background. The small quilt was draped over an empty chair, in full view for Len to look at. The photo was set there as well, framed by the quilt. It captured the smiling faces of an older man (not Lewis, but close enough that it had to be a relative, most likely Len’s grandfather) and a radiant mocha-skinned beauty with tight, dark curls holding a crying infant in her arms. She laid in a hospital bed, clearly holding her new-born child, joy and love seeping from the pair as they gazed at the new life they held.

Finally, Lisa picked up first one wrist, then the other, spritzing the cologne onto the tender skin, careful to avoid any injuries. Len hadn’t reacted to any of it. Hadn’t smiled or frowned or let any emotion slip through the empty blankness that surrounded him. He listened though, gazing at Lisa until the effort became too much and he would close his eyes or return to looking straight up at the ceiling. Lisa, for her part, didn’t let any of the pain her brother’s apathy caused show through. She soldiered on, kept mumbling reassurances, kept telling stories and stroking his arm. Kept shining that bright light of safety and _home_  for her brother to drag himself back too.

None of them talked much, shooting glances but keeping out of it. It wasn’t their business, and Cold would probably be pissed that they saw this much of his human side as is. And while they may not approve or forgive his past actions, there was a new understanding there and none of them would bring it up anytime soon. Perhaps, when this was over, forgiveness could be found. Only time would tell.

They had wanted to get some food in Len when he first woke, but he didn’t even hesitate to say he wasn’t hungry. Lisa convinced them to wait awhile, as when Len got like this he was just as likely to throw it all back up if he could even stomach it in the first place. They would try again in a few hours time, but Barry was starving himself. He was just about to suggest speeding out to grab everyone some lunch when Joe walked into the room.

“Barry! There you are, I’ve been calling all day. What-” Joe trailed off, gaze landing on the two people in the medical room. Lisa was facing away, but Len’s eyes slid past his sister to meet the detectives.

Joe’s hand was already on his pistol by the time Barry sped over to stop him. Len didn’t even react, just continued to look at them a second more before the blank white ceiling became his focus once more.

“Joe, don’t.” Barry said, placing his hand over his adoptive father’s to keep the weapon in his holster.

“What are they doing here?” Joe growled, keeping his hand on his gun but no longer trying to draw it. However angry he was, the criminals didn’t appear to be an active threat.

Barry sighed, glancing at the others. They avoided his eyes, doing their damned best to stay out of this. Super-powers or not, Barry felt a headache coming on. This would not be fun.

“I have a few things to explain to you, but not here.” He led Joe out of the room, knowing full well how disappointed Joe would be in him. Explaining it to Joe was even worse than it was for his friends or for Lisa, with all the new information he now had. He made sure to take his time, something he only did when the point he was getting across was important and he didn’t want to mess it up. He made sure to go into even further detail than the others when he reached the part at the bar. He wanted Joe to know without a doubt that it was Barry who came onto Len so strongly, and how often Len questioned if he was sure. Len was already blaming himself, thinking he raped Barry. Joe didn’t need to blame him for that too. By the time he finished, the disappointment he expected was there, tinged by sadness.

“Not gonna lie, son. This is one hell of a mess you got into this time.” Joe’s honesty sent another sting of guilt through Barry. He wished for the hundredth time that he could take back last nights events.

“Yeah, I know.” Barry sighed, rubbing tears from his eyes.

“Why Snart?” Joe had to ask. “If anything, I would have thought you would go for Patty, or Iris. What made you go to him?” And there was a tinge of the suspicion back, just like whenever Barry had worked with the Snarts in the past.

“I don’t know, Joe. I mean, he’s a criminal, and he’s betrayed me. He and I fight on opposite sides, and I’ve never let myself even think of being with him. But…at the same time I kinda have.” Here Barry blushes. “When we go up against each other…when we banter and fight and all that, it’s fun. Usually. Even when innocent people were in danger, it was still fun and I hated that because I shouldn’t enjoy it so much. But when there isn’t anyone else in danger, when its just us, I actually look forward to it. He’s a good distraction from a lot of the worse threats I usually face that actually try to hurt people. He makes me smile, and laugh, and part of me does want to be with him, no matter how I know that could never work out. And part of me still wants to be with him, even now. Even more now, after last night. I know you’re gonna tell me its a bad idea, but that doesn’t matter. After this, I’ll be lucky if he doesn’t just ice me the first chance he gets.”

Joe sighs, the disappointment remains but not as fierce as Barry had expected it to. “You’re right, Barr. It is a bad idea. It’s a bad idea as the Flash, and its a bad idea as Barry Allen. Even with his old records gone, even if you got the murder charges for killing his father dropped, he is still a known criminal. You could loose your job, or even go to prison for being in a relationship with that man. And whatever you learned about him from this, whatever he has gone through in life to lead him here, it doesn’t change the fact that he is still that same man he was before you knew any of this.”

“And while I don’t approve.” Joe gives him the _look_. “While I may never approve, if this is truly what you want then I can’t stop you. If you think he can make you happy, if you think its worth the risk and the two of you can work around all the other circumstances, then its up to you if you want to pursue this. I won’t say I’ll be happy, and I won’t say it won’t keep me up at night worrying. But if you go through with this, I want you to think long and hard to be sure you are 100% positive about this. Be smart about it. Be safe.”

Barry sagged. “He won’t want me now. Not after this.”

“I think that’s something you have to ask him about, Barr.” Joe grins, emotions warring. Whatever misgivings he may have about Snart, Barry is an adult. He can make his own choices, and at the end of the day, all Joe wants for his son is to be happy.

“Oh, and Barry? Before you make any decisions, you might want to talk to Patty. She’s good people, and doesn’t deserve to be strung along if your heart isn’t in your relationship.”

“Shit, Patty!” Barry gasps, searching for his phone. It was dead, forgotten in the chaos of the night.

Joe chuckled clapping his shoulder. “I have to get back to the precinct now, but I’ll be by after I get off.” Joe pulls him in a hug, long and tight like he knows Barry needs right now.

“Thanks, Joe.” Barry chokes, squeezing tighter before reluctantly parting.

“Anytime, Barr. Le me know if you need anything.” Joe walks away, leaving Barry to stand there a few moments longer, pulling himself back together before facing the others once more.

XXX

It’s nearing evening by the time Barry talks to Len. His phone is nearly done charging, he sent a text to Patty asking her to meet him later tonight for coffee. While not an ideal late-night date destination, it works better than dinner for the conversation he wants to have. Besides, they can both just get decaf (not that caffeine has any real effect on him anyways).

Caitlin and Cisco have stopped by a few times throughout the day, both clearly uncomfortable and unsure how to handle interacting with what is essentially a neutered, zombie-like form of the man they thought they knew. Cisco flits in and out more for Lisa’s comfort whenever Len has been silent for too long, tears beginning to build in her eyes. Caitlin clings to her medical role, detaching herself with the clinical side of things. Barry knows that Lisa tried to explain his side of things for him, but still kept his distance as he was unsure how Len would respond.

It’s as Lisa is heading off to use the bathroom and grab a quick shower before dinner that she corners him.

“Talk to him.” She commands, tone gentling. “He needs to hear it from you.”

With that, she is gone; disappearing down the hallway to the locker room they have one level down. Len lies there alone for the first time since he woke that day, remaining just the same as he had been so far. Taking a deep breath, Barry steels himself before facing him. He knows he still has a little over an hour before meeting with Patty, but that should be enough time to get everything off his chest.

“Hey.” Barry calls softly as he knocks on the door frame. Len turns to him, those dispassionate eyes sending a sharp spike of pain through him. Barry timidly walks into the room, rubbing the back of his neck as Len continues to just _look_ at him. Almost through him, and the disquiet that behavior causes in Barry’s gut only settles further.

“Lisa said she talked to you. About…about last night.” Barry hovers awkwardly, unsure if he should claim the seat so close to Len or continue standing over the man further back. Len only nods, but at least his eyes stay locked on Barry. It’s enough for him to continue.

“Look.” He sighs, running his hand through his hair. “I know this whole situation is messed up. For the both of us. But I just want you to know my side. What happened to me, what I was thinking…why I went to you.”

He decides to sit, preferring to be on the same level for this. His hands twist in his lap as he begins.

“You know Bivolo got me. But his powers affect me a lot different than they do other people. When he whammied me the first time we fought, it was with rage. And it didn’t take effect until much later. Even then, it was a much slower build as opposed to instant rage. It was the same with lust. He got me yesterday morning, and I didn’t notice anything at first. It started up throughout the day, I was just a little more….horny than usual. I didn’t think much of it, at first. After the lightning, after I got my powers, my libido has been much more active anyways.”

“It felt more like being a teenager again than anything that Bivolo had done.” Barry chuckled, a self-deprecating laugh as his gaze flickered to Len before shooting away once more. “When I did realize what it was, I figured that I would just go home for the night, take care of it myself, and let Caitlin and Cisco know in the morning. Then Iris dragged me to this club, and it made things worse. I took her home, and I could have stayed there. I could have been with her, or even tried to be with her, but I didn’t want to. I didn’t want _her_ , Len. So I decided to run it off before heading home for the night.”

“That’s about when I found myself at Saints and Sinners. Before I even walked through the door, I was already hoping you would be there. Whatever we had going on, the banter and the flirting and the back-and-forth, it had gotten to me a lot more than I would have liked to admit. I had been talking myself out of it for a long time, refusing to even consider going to you, but it didn’t change the fact that I wanted to anyways. I’m a romantic at heart, always have been. So I never let myself pursue anyone I couldn’t see being with feasibly. And with all the complications between our lives and our alter-personas, I thought for sure that things would never work out.”

“Then Lisa came to us, when everything went down with Lewis. I started to think that maybe, just maybe I had been wrong and there could be hope for us yet. Then you were in jail, and I knew the time still wasn’t right. When you came to us at Christmas, it was bad timing once more. Wally, Joe’s son, had shown up in our lives, and our family was working through all that. That, and Zoom, another speedster, the one who broke my back, was a huge threat too. So I gave into my anger at everything and directed it at you, even though you were there to help me. I know you didn’t have to warn me. Even if you didn’t work with those two, you could have still just disappeared and waited everything out. I never really thanked you for that, things could have gone a lot differently without your heads up.”

Barry sighs, knowing he is rambling but hoping to get his point across. “Anyways, what I’m trying to say is that despite everything…it wasn’t Bivolo that brought me to you. He was a push, for sure, but he didn’t have any effect over who I chose to spend my night with. And everything in the bar, me leaving Bivolo out…that was me just being selfish. I knew at the time that it was a bad idea, that I should just tell you what he had done to me. But I knew that if I did that, you probably wouldn’t be with me. And I wanted to, I really wanted to be with you, Len. I thought, seeing as Bivolo had already got me…in the mood, that it might finally be the right time. That I could be forward in ways I’m usually not, and finally get what I want.”

“Whatever he did, after my first orgasm…it had worn off. I didn’t even notice it at the time, too…interested in everything else going on at that moment to realize that the…lust I was feeling was all me again. Figured it out afterwards, when it was confirmed by someone else who Bivolo got too breaking his hold in that way. Everything after that first one, though, that was all me. The rest of the sex we had, afterwards, agreeing to more, that was 100% me. I know you probably won’t want to, after that. But if you do, I swear I will do everything I can to earn back your trust. I swear I will never put you in that position again.”

Barry chokes back his emotions, looking to Len with watering eyes. God, he wishes he could see any flicker of _anything_ on the others face. Lisa said this is normal, that it would take a few days but he would be back to himself soon. Still, it hurts to see Len have to go through this. Hurts, knowing Barry’s own part in causing it. Len takes a heavy breath, exhaling through his nose as he turns away.

“You’re a good man, Barry. You deserve better than a broken old thief.” The honesty, the vulnerability in those words shock Barry. This is the most open he has ever seen the other man, and for it to happen under such circumstances is heartbreaking. Barry knows Len would never let Barry see this side of him, never let him in this far if he wasn’t hurting so right now.

“You’re wrong.” Barry replies quietly. “You’re older than me, fine. It may not be the most normal of age differences, but it isn’t unheard of either. And you may be a thief, but there is good in you. I’ve seen it before, I saw it last night, and I see it now. However you feel now, Len, you aren’t broken. You’re hurting, you’re suffering right now, but everyone hurts and everyone suffers. Some more than others, but its all part of life. While I might not have told you everything last night, none of what I said was a lie either. I do want you. I do want to be with you. Not just for sex…but for everything else. Even as Captain Cold and the Flash, it somehow always worked in the best way. You made me laugh and smile, like only my closest friends have ever been able to do. I know now may not be the best timing, with everything this dragged up. But if you do want to give this another shot…I can wait for you to be ready for that too, Len.”

He lies there, mulling everything over for a few minutes. Finally, he turns to look at Barry once more.

“Lisa told you, then.” He says, steering the conversation away from the two of them. Barry flushes, unable to hold his gaze. It’s not a question, Len obviously realized that they would have put things together, based off how he acted last night and how everyone had been treating him today.

“Not in so many words.” Barry evades the question. “She said that you have lines that you refuse to cross. Lines that are there because you don’t want to be like Lewis. She said...” He can’t say rape, can’t bring himself to say the word so soon after his reaction last night. “She said that consent was a must, that it was one of those lines.”

Len hummed, looking at the ceiling once more. “I never actually told Lisa. She was five when it first happened, too young to understand. I was at juvie a year later, and all I could think about was how he might be hurting her too, when I wasn’t there to protect her. He hadn’t raised a hand to her yet, but I still worried. Pretty sure she figured it out over the next few years, but we never talked about it. Never brought it up except for when I was making sure that he wasn’t doing the same to her.”

Barry felt his heart crack. Thirteen. Len had been thirteen a year before he went to juvie if Barry remembered the man’s lost records correctly. He had no idea what to say to that. No idea how horrible and terrifying that would have been to go through. _I’m sorry_  seemed too general a platitude to encompass it all. So Barry sat there, silent in his thinking as he reached for Len’s hand before allowing it to fall to the bed beside him instead. Barry knew trauma, knew it well from the moment his mother was murdered in front of him. But he never knew this sort of trauma. Never knew the sort of violation Len went through.

“It wasn’t all bad.” Len continued when the silence stretched too long. “He always regretted it, afterwards. Laid off the drinking for a few weeks. Wasn’t ever father of the year material, was never kind or loving. But he was…nice. For a few weeks, he would be nice again. Almost like before prison. Made it seem worth it, especially when he started hitting Lisa too. I couldn’t always keep her safe, but at least I never had to worry about her during those times. Hell…” Len’s lips twisted into a parody of a grin. “Some of our best memories growing up came from weeks like that.”

Barry was going to be sick. He was crying silently and his chest ached and he was going to be _sick_. For Len to think like that, for him to be in a position where _rape_  was tied to a reprieve from all the suffering Lewis had put them though was…

It was…

It was just so _wrong_. That anyone, let alone his own father, could put him through all that. Could twist his thinking at such a young and impressionable age…

_He’s a monster._

Both Lisa and Len had said that, in so many words. Barry had believed them, but he didn’t understand. Not like he did now. Barry suddenly wished that Lewis was still alive. Still alive because now Barry wanted to kill him. Barry never wanted to kill anyone before, not even the man who murdered his mom. The hatred for this scum of a man had risen, choking him in its intensity. And it scared Barry that he knew he _would_. That if Lewis was still here, Barry wouldn’t hesitate to put him down given the smallest chance.

“Len.” Barry chokes, crying openly as he finally reaches to grasp his hand, mindful of the bandages. “I can’t even begin to understand all that. Can’t begin to understand what you’re going through now, after last night. What sort of memories that might have dragged up, how it all made you feel. But you aren’t alone. You aren’t alone and you aren’t like _him_. I swear, you will never be like him. There is so much good in you. So much more good than I think you even realize. And we are all here for you. Me. Lisa. Even Cisco and Caitlin. We are here to help, Len.”

Len just hummed, squeezing his hand before looking back to the ceiling once more. “I think I can eat, now, if Lisa still wants to feed me. She knows what to make.”

“Okay.” Barry smiled, sorrow shining through but flashing teeth all the same while he nodded eagerly. “Okay. I can let her know.”

He gave one last squeeze before releasing his hand. Lisa was already waiting in the other room with a bowl of soup, rich and red with tomatoes and rice and an assortment of veggies and spices. Based on how guilty everyone looked, it wasn’t hard to figure out that they had heard at least part of the conversation. Whether their voices carried from the other room or they pulled up the security cameras didn’t matter. Didn’t change the fact that they still _heard _.__ Lisa was crying, silent tears streaming that she hastily wiped before plastering on a smile once more. Barry gave her a nod, a look of understanding passing between them as she brought the food and a glass of cool water to her brother.

“Barry.” Caitlin said quietly, soothing and broken all at once.

“He was thirteen!” Barry hissed, keeping his voice down even as he shook with emotion. “I can’t-I need some time.” He shakes his head, flashing away to an empty room. He has to meet Patty soon, but first he needs to let the tears run their course. For anyone to go through that was horrible enough. For someone he knew, for someone he had begun to care for, the ache of empathy had just increased until it suffocated him. So he cried, he let the emotions run their course, until his time was up and he did his best to put himself back together. As much as he wanted to cancel, it was time to meet with Patty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and for all the lovely comments you have left! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and the developing relationships/feelings as Len opens up a bit. I'm still not sure how long this story will be, but its looking like it will end up over 40 chapters by the end. I already have two chapters added following another storyline that was much smaller in my orional plan but needed to be flushed out more once I reached that point (it changes the flow slightly, but brings everything together better I feel). Not going to kid myself into thinking that will be the last I add on to the plot (who doesn't love a good side quest), so I'm preparing for a much longer story and giving my lovely readers the heads up as well. I already have up to chapter 19 written out as of right now. I'm trying to keep posting 2 chapters for at least every 1 I write, so updates might slow down once I get closer to catching up.   
> Yesterday, I acquired and read through the Citizen Cold Flashpoint comics. There was one image in particular, showing a flashback of Len and Lisa with their father. And if I'm being honest, it was actually worse than I thought it would be. The link to take you to that photo is below:  
> http://dc.wikia.com/wiki/Lawrence_Snart_(Flashpoint_Timeline)  
> For those who don't want to pull it up, I'll just say that their cloths are torn and bloody, broken glass sticking out of their skin, eyes already blackened, and their father is coming after them with what looks like a police baton. I know its always been canon that the Snart siblings were abused by their father, but seeing it firsthand in the comics is still shocking. Not sure if I'll include anything in this story regarding the situation that might have led to that image, but it might slide in further down the line.   
> Anyways, on a more cheerful note, here is the video for this chapter:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oo8X72Kvy08 Leonard Snart/Control  
> Thank you all again for reading, and I will see you all with the next chapter soon!  
> Up next: Barry and Patty talk. Len has a nightmare, and Joe is slowly lessening his harsh opinions of the Snart siblings.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry and Patty talk, and Len has a nightmare.

Barry arrives at Jitters first. He gets coffee for the two of them, mixing in two creams and one sugar into both before finding a secluded table in the back corner to wait. The drinks have just cooled enough not to burn any tongues when she walks in. She smiles at him, but her apprehension shows through. This early in the relationship, and with how rocky it has been; meeting to talk is never a good sign.

“Hey Barry.” She smiles wide as she slides into the seat, forgoing the usual greeting kiss. That’s all it takes for him to know that she has no misconceptions about why they are here.

“Hey Patty.” Barry returns the smile sadly, dreading the fact that this won’t be the most pleasant of conversations for either of them.

“How are you? Captain said that you were out sick. Are you feeling better?” Genuine concern shows through, probably at the fact that even though he looks like he’s been run over, he doesn’t look sick or injured.

“Yeah, I’m….I’m not good right now, Patty.” He considered telling her he was fine, but what was the point in lying when she would see right through it. Taking a sip of his drink, he gathers courage and dives right in. “Something happened last night. Something I’m not proud of, and now someone else is suffering because of it. Its…its really opened my eyes to a lot of things that I’ve been ignoring for a long time. Forced me to face some feelings that I’ve been burying. It made me examine how I felt about you. How I felt about us.”

He sighs while Patty takes a diplomatic sip of her own drink, patient enough to hear him out before she interjects. “I know we haven’t been together long, but I do know I really like you, Patty. I also know that this hasn’t been working out so well, and its all on me. I keep things from you, I have trouble opening up, I cancel dates and am basically the definition of a lousy boyfriend. After last night, I realized that there are a lot of things that I need to settle with myself. Really examine who I am, who I’m becoming and who I want to be. And I can’t do that while we’re together. It just wouldn’t be fair to you. The man you’ve been seeing since we started all this, he doesn’t exist. He’s not me, no matter how hard I tried to make that projection a reality.”

“I know its a shitty excuse. I know I’ve given you a lot of those in the past. But I think this is the best, for the both of us. A clean break and a fresh start to move on.” He’s glancing at her, but her poker face is surprisingly good. “And this way, I won’t be at work for the next few days anyways, so we both have some time to….let it sink in. I don’t want it to be awkward, us working together. I really do enjoy being with you Patty, and would enjoy remaining your friend if you can find it in you to give that friendship a shot again.”  

Patty is silent for a few minutes, perfecting her reply while they continue to drink. Resignation and understanding both show openly through her eyes when she finally speaks. “I understand. This…us…it was nice. Really nice and fun in a way I haven’t been with anyone in a long time. But you’re right. It isn’t working. Hasn’t been working. We’ve both been pretending to be people we aren’t.”

She sighs. “It’s not just you. I wanted to be a CSI, for a long time. I only ever changed my career choice when my father was shot and killed by Mark Mardon. It’s the reason I came back to Central. The reason I joined the meta-human task force. Now, I’ve accomplished that goal. Mark Mardon is behind bars, and I really don’t have much reason to stay here. I was accepted to Midway City University. It was my dream school, and once I graduate from there I can finally be a CSI like I’ve always wanted. I hesitated, after Mardon, because I wasn’t sure if I was building a life here worth staying for. But you were right. About pretending. I was too, because no matter how well we would or wouldn’t work out, I know I would always regret not going to Midway. I’m not sure how well we will be able to keep in touch, but I’m not mad, Barry. And I want you to know that me leaving isn’t because of you. Its something I need to do. Something I should have done a long time ago. Not sure when I’ll leave, but I’ll sign up for classes later this week and put in my two weeks at the precinct.”

Barry feels his heart ache, just a little, at the knowledge that Patty won’t be a part of his life anymore after this. But the honesty of her words ground him, and he can understand why she chooses to do this. They talk until their drinks are empty, pleasant and simple with only a tinge of awkwardness. And while neither are happy, they both can say they are content with their relationship ending this way. He gives her a hug when they part ways, watching her a moment longer before flashing back to STAR labs.

Predictably, Joe is there when he returns. Len is asleep with the lights off and door shut to give him some peace while he rests. The others are in the lounge, video feed of the med bay pulled up on Cisco’s tablet with a display of his vital signs should anything change. It isn’t nearly as bad as Barry thought it would be, Joe and Lisa in the same room like this. Neither are being friendly, but there is no confrontation or aggression either. Lisa looks exhausted, drained from the past day. Joe looks tired too, worn and subdued as they all eat the burgers Joe brought. Barry tackles the mini-mountain of food that had been set aside for him. While he may not be in the best mood to eat, he is starving and knows the last thing anyone needs is for him to pass out right now.

“How’d it go?” Joe asks when Barry finishes flashing through his fifteenth burger.

“It went well. I think we both knew it would be ending soon anyways, even without what happened last night.” Barry might have fought for it harder if things had played out different, but with how much the both had been keeping to themselves, it might have ended much worse for them later on.

“Sorry it didn’t work out.” Joe gives him a pat on the shoulder. Barry shrugs, no need to reply as he keeps eating.

“So, what’d I miss?” Barry smiles listlessly, as if this was just any other day when the silence starts to grate on him.

“Nothing much.” Cisco perks up. “Cold-I mean _Len _-__ ” his lip twists, unused to calling him that still. “-ate dinner and fell asleep pretty fast. Been out for nearly an hour now. Joe got here not long after that, and we decided to break for dinner. Nothing else to really do right now, anyways.”

Barry nods, glad the man is getting some rest. It’s comfortable, as surprising as it is, everyone being here together. He finds himself hoping for this to last, for Len and Lisa to stick around after everything settles. For the tentative partnerships to bloom into friendships. Cisco and Lisa have been getting along quite well, and Caitlin and even Joe have taken this in stride. Its something Barry finds himself getting used to much too fast.

The peace is shattered by an alert sounding from Cisco’s tablet. Len’s heart rate is climbing. Rapidly. Lisa takes one look at the tablet before flying out of the room, everyone else right on her heels. Len is panting in his sleep, fists grasping the sheets as he begins to thrash about. His teeth are barred, jaw clenched as he begins to sweat. Lisa is at his shoulder, gently grasping and shaking his hand. He doesn’t wake, the room continues to be filled with nothing but the harsh breaths he takes coupled with quiet whines and whimpers that escape. Gripping firmer, Lisa calls out to him with a violent tug.

“Lenny!” His eyes snap open, wild and unfocused in fear as he lashes out. Lisa steps back, practiced in his reactions while he continues to blindly swing. Its only when he shoots back, away from where she (the threat, someones there, he has to run, has to hide, has to _defend_ _)_ had been near his side that Barry flashes forward to keep him from tumbling off the bed. He stiffens at the contact, back pressed to Barry’s chest, but his eyes have finally met Lisa’s and he ceases fighting. His eyes are moist but no tears fall as he continues to breathe harshly, gasps coming slower and more regular as he keeps to a count in his head. He’s shaking, muscles tight with control, eyes never leaving Lisa.

She smiles sadly, coming forward when the tremors begin to die down. Reaching out, it only takes a beat before Len takes her hand, knuckles whitening with how hard he holds her. He leans forward, regaining balance as he moves back to the center of the bed. Barry steps back, suddenly unsure what to do. Len has closed his eyes, focused on nothing but his internal cadence, giving Lisa ample time to send a quick glare their way. Her meaning is unmistakable. _Get the fuck out_ , her eyes scream at them. They hasten to comply, huddled around the cortex until she reappears a few minutes later.

“Got any sleeping pills, doc?” She asks Caitlin, ignoring the others. Caitlin hesitates, wondering if its the wisest course of action given the circumstances, before nodding and going to retrieve the proper dosage. Returning with the pills and some water, Lisa takes them back to her brother. It’s silent, awkward and oppressive once more.

Even Joe looks concerned, something Barry never thought he would see Joe display for the criminal. Earlier, Barry had told Joe enough to have him understand (not wanting to divulge too much of Len's past without his permission), but it seemed like he was just now putting the pieces together. This reaction wasn’t just because Snart had thought he raped someone. This reaction had been based off something similar from Snart’s past. Something that last night brought back to the surface.

“This because of Lewis?” He grunts, looking to them for confirmation. He knew Snart had beat his kids, it had been a note on his file, something that he had never actually been tried or sentenced for. There had been a few stories passed along, from when Lisa had come to them all when he had resurfaced. But it had just been words. A line here and there. Something he knew but could easily brush aside. The shaking man in the next room was making it harder to brush aside.

The others nod in confirmation. Joe nods as well. He had been to crime scenes, in the past. Kids who had been the victims. Some alive, some not, all tugging at his heartstrings nonetheless. For the first time, Joe looked past the adult criminals the Snarts had become and began to wonder what he would have found in their past. If it would be anything near some of the worst cases of brutality he had seen on those too young. If their horrors where better than that. If they were worse.

“How the hell did he get away with that?” Joe can’t help but ask, an outlet for his emotions that he wasn’t expecting an answer for.

“Because the system is fucked.” Lisa says, still glaring as she shuts the door behind her, soft jazz trickling through louder than it was before. “Because dear old dad was a cop once upon a time. That meant he had cop friends who owed him favors. Lenny’s mom left before I was born. Mine disappeared when I was three. Our grandfather died when I was six. After that, the only family we had left was each other. Lenny didn’t want to say anything, too afraid we’d be split up. Didn’t stop him from going to the cops when Lewis first hit me. Asshole who took our statements made it all disappear. Lenny already had a record by then, so they threatened to send him back to juvie if he said those things about our dad again. He even called Lewis to come pick us up. Lenny was in the hospital by the next morning, and we both learned to keep our mouths shut after that.”

Joe was dumbfounded. They all were. For the system put in place to protect and execute justice…for it to have failed those two so miserably. No wonder they had such an issue with cops, with authority and the laws of society. Barry met Joe’s eyes. _That could have been me._  It went unspoken, but they both understood just how differently Barry’s life could have gone had Joe not taken him in.

“Lisa.” Cisco’s voice wobbled.

She waved him off. “Its in the past. No changing it now. Just harder to stay cool when he gets like this.” Her lips twisted in a grim grin at the pun she knew her brother would smile at. “He’ll be out till morning. I’m gonna head out, pick up a few things from my place. Mind giving me a ride, Cisco?” She batted her eyelashes at him, all too easily sending him scrambling for his keys.

“Be back soon!” He called over his shoulder as they headed out. Caitlin headed out as well, following Lisa’s example. If they were going to be staying there round the clock for a few days, they would need some more of their things there. That left Joe and Barry alone in the cortex.

“You know, I didn’t understand it when you first told me.” Joe begins, glancing towards the closed room before locking eyes with Barry. “Didn’t understand it any of the times you trusted that man before either. I think I do, now. You see the good in people, Barry. Always have. You saw what no one else wanted to. What we weren’t willing to see. Maybe even what we still don’t. Whatever good might be buried behind all that-” Joe waved his hand, encompassing everything. “-you saw it. And I couldn’t be more proud. You believed in your father when I didn’t. For years, I didn’t trust you to be telling the truth, and I regret that every day I think of how long an innocent man was stuck in prison. Snart isn’t innocent, not by a long shot, but I don’t want to end up with that sort of regret again. I’m gonna trust you here, Barr. Trust that you’re making the right call just like with your dad. But if he turns on you again, Barry. If he hurts you, I’ll do my damned best to lock him away where he won’t even be able to think of escaping again.”

Barry chuckles, forever grateful for Joe. “I think I’m beginning to understand it too, Joe. I knew there was good in him, just didn’t know why he refused to acknowledge it. Everything that’s happened, everything I’ve learned since last night just makes it make more sense. He is a good man, Joe. A good man who was dealt a shitty life, and adapted to survive. Hardened. Turned _cold _.__ ” His lips quirk at the pun and Joe huffs a laugh. Barry sobers as he continues.

“I don’t know if he can ever really change, Joe. He’s spent his whole life like this. Has all these defenses in place that might make it impossible for him to be the man I see in him. But if he does take me, I want to try. I want to try and help him be the best possible version of himself. Maybe he won’t. Maybe he can’t, or I can’t. But I won’t stop trying, Joe. If you weren’t there to take me in, to give me a good home and a good life, I could have ended up just like him. And if that had happened to me, I would want someone there to try, too.”

Joe smiles, pulling him in for a hug. “I’ll try and reserve judgement in the meantime.” They stay there for a moment longer before pulling apart.

“Oh, and Barr?” Joe calls as he’s leaving. “If I were you, I’d start thinking about what to tell Iris. There’s only so long I can keep her out of this.”

Barry’s heart sinks. _Crap, Iris!_ Joe chuckles at his expression, waving goodnight. Then Barry is alone in the room, sinking exhausted into a chair as the faint melody of a saxophone drifts through the air.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...And there we are! The relationship with Patty has been resolved (no more worries about Barry cheating on her while starting out this thing with Len), and Iris will finally be brought back into the picture as well! I like to think that Barry and Patty breaking up would be something similar to this, as they don't reach the point yet when she kinda freaks out because she wants something more serious. Since they hadn't gotten that far yet, I feel like she would be the type to be reasonable and understanding. I haven't read as many fanfictions with Patty, and she wasn't in too many episodes, so I hope I was able to capture her character.   
>  Video for this chapter:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZujH8AUOcY The Flash/Human  
> Up next: Guns have been brought to STAR labs. Len opens up to Barry about him and Mick. Barry and Iris talk, Len (the OCD drama queen he is) cleans, and they finally have a lead on finding Bivolo.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Len cleans. Barry and Iris talk, and a lead finally pops up on Bivolo!

Lisa, much to everyone’s alarm, had returned with a little more than anticipated. She had all the clothes and toiletries she needed, along with a handful of books and other small items to keep her entertained. She also had a duffle bag full of guns that she brought. Everyone, Joe especially, was extremely wary of this. More so when she pulled up a table by Len’s bed and sat the bag on it the following morning.

His eyes turned slowly to look at it, taking in Lisa’s smirk as she opened it up. And finally, _finally_ , a small grin broke out over Len’s features. He was methodical in his process. He set the bag aside, dug out a cleaning mat to set on the table. This was followed by a bottle of CLP, swatches of white cloth, and a wide assortment of other cleaning supplies. One by one, he took out each gun. He dismantled it, setting the pieces aside and spread out for easy access. One at a time, he would lift up each part and get to work, wiping and scrubbing and cleaning until there wasn’t a hint of carbon residue left. He ensured to leave enough CLP to keep the inner-mechanics well-lubricated, but was sure to wipe off any excess. Then, he would reassemble the gun, cock it and pull the trigger with a loud _click_ few times before slipping the safety back on, returning it to the bag and moving on to the next.

It was repetitive, but somehow soothing process. As the day wore on, more and more of Len began to shine through. A word here, a smirk there. The task gave him enough to focus on to keep his mind centered, while leaving him free to soak in his surroundings as well. It was a balm for everyone, watching him peak out from the hollow shell once more.

Lisa sat with him, sometimes rambling on about mundane things, sometimes reading and pulling his attention with various questions every now and then (it quickly became apparent that these were all books Len had recommended to her in the first place). It was completely different from yesterday, and worlds different from anything they had seen from the two siblings before. It was nice, soft and familial in a way that caused the others to smile.

Caitlin stopped by to check on his wounds a few times, only causing him to briefly tense before setting his task aside and allowing her to do her work. Lisa left, dragging Cisco with her to cook up some lunch (more soup and piles of grilled cheese for the group). Caitlin asked after his pain levels, inquiring if he needed any pain meds (no, its manageable). Tentatively asked after his mental state, if there was anything he needed (no, dealt with this for thirty odd years, it just takes some time).

That left Barry, sitting there watching Len dismantle yet another gun (it was the fifth one, all the pistols complete and moving onto the first rifle, an AR-10 with minimal modifications). It was easy, sitting there in companionable silence, gazing fondly as those nimble, bandaged fingers went to work. If not for the occasional tremor, the pauses every now and then, Barry would be able to think this was almost normal.

“Something on your mind, Barry?” And that familiar drawl was _almost_ perfect. “Or just enjoying the view?” Len smirked, a spark in his eyes again for the moment.

Barry blushed, chuckling. “Just…enjoying spending time with you.”

That smirk faltered, falling into a more curious look. “Huh.” He said, eyes returning to stay fixed on his moving hands.

“What is it?” Barry asked.

“Its nothing.” Len shrugged, blowing it off for a few moments before he continued. “Just…no ones ever said that to me before.”

Barry can’t hold back the sad frown tugging his lips. “Really?” He asks, incredulous and empathetic all at once. “Not even Lisa? Or Mick? Or-” He trails off, realizing that he doesn’t actually know of anyone else who Len spends his time with.

“Not in so many words.” Len is shrugging again, a tinge uncomfortable showing he isn’t used to talking like this. “Lisa and I….Its complicated. I’m her brother, her father, her protector, and her friend all at once. It makes it hard, sometimes, knowing what role I have to be at any given time. And Mick…Mick and I have too much history, good and bad, for it to ever be that simple. Its…nice.” He hums. “That you think that.”

Barry can’t even describe his emotions right now, how lonely his life must be compared to the family and friends Barry has now. It might not have always been like that for him, but it had always been easy to make a few friends and let people get close. Its obvious Len doesn’t, or can’t, let people close like that.

“You and Mick…” Barry suddenly wants to change the subject, wants to keep Len here and engaged for as long as he can. “…how did the two of you meet?”

“Juvie.” Len’s lips twist in a smile. “I was fourteen. Group of older boys jumped me, most of their dad’s had a problem with mine. It was six on one, and I was just a scrawny little kid that didn’t know how to fight back yet. One of them pulled a shiv, went to gut me. Mick stepped in, broke it up and had them scram real fast. Took me under his wing after that. Ate with me, hovered, bribed a guard to bunk me with him, taught me how to fight. We kept in contact after that. Visited whenever the other was back in lock-up if we weren’t there together. Kept an eye on Lisa whenever I wasn’t around. Knocked me around if my head ever got too far up my ass.” He chuckles, fond amusement at the memories.

“Mick can be annoying as hell, but he’s the closest thing I have now to a brother. Sometimes even a friend.”

Barry laughs too, enjoying this lighter side of Len. Its similar to how Len has always been around Barry, but without the show he usually puts on Barry can see the honesty leaking through. Its refreshing.

“Only sometimes?” Barry grins, thinking back to all the times he and Iris would bicker and give each other the silent treatment (learned from the best, as Joe likes to boast).

Instead of continued amusement, Len’s eyes only darken. “Yeah, sometimes.” He drawls quietly, clearing thinking back to some rough patches. Barry is about to change the subject, chasing that lighter mood once more when Len goes on.

“When I was thirty-two, we worked a job for this bitch Alexa. New player, backed by old money looking to make a name with the families. She played us, slept with Mick and tried to sleep with me. Played our insecurities, pitted us against each other to try and sway our loyalty towards her. I didn’t like it, but it had a good payout and we needed the money. Got a bad feeling things were going south the night of the heist. Tried to talk Mick outta it. He didn’t listen, too angry to see reason. We had been…together a few times before, back in prison, and he said I was just jealous. Took him too long to finally leave. We almost didn’t get out of there. Third member of our crew wasn’t so lucky. It was a set-up, alarm tripped remotely to send the cops running while Alexa had another crew hit her real target.”

“Things were tense after that. Rushed a job because we needed the cash. Mick lost his cool, lit the fire too early, and got caught in it. Snuck into the hospital when he was finally awake. Picked the lock on his cuffs, gave him a change of clothes, and left him to find his own way out. We didn’t talk for ten years after that. Not until I gave him the heat gun and brought him back in.”

Barry is stunned, mouth gaping when Len finishes. For how he always saw them interacting, he never would have imagined they had a history like that. He isn’t sure what to think of Mick anymore, the man seems to be full of contradictions. But Len and Mick had been working together ever since the Flash, so whatever happened in the past, they must be back on good terms now.

“Is that why he left you and Lisa when Lewis showed back up?” Barry immediately curses himself for opening his mouth, words leaving before his brain even registers it.

Len just snorts. “No. Mick didn’t even know about that until I was back in prison. I tell my crew to get the job done, even if I disappear, since you have such a nasty habit of whisking me away for private chats. Lewis’ men were smart, taking me and implanting Lisa when we were all separated. I don’t blame him for getting the job done. He followed my plan, our getaway was on the other side of the building, and he got out with the cash. Even snuck me a burner and a carton of cigs when I was in the Heights after.”

Barry sits for a few moments, contemplating where to take this. “What is it like? Prison?”

“Asking for me or for you dad, Barry.” Len shoots right back.

“Both, I suppose.” Barry chuckles and Len snorts.

“Its not too bad, once you learn the rules there. Its a micro-society all its own. All about finding your place and playing the game. Wasn’t too bad for your dad. All the macho bullshit aside, he was good people. Hard to come by there. Earned him respect. Earned him protection. Even patched me up a few times, better that those infirmary quacks ever could.”

“You met my dad?” And Barry really shouldn’t be surprised, with how often Len was there their paths were likely to cross. Still…

“Yeah.” Len smiles, a real smile. “Doc Allen was always a ray of sunshine in there. I see where you get yours from.”

Barry blushes, ducking his head and smiling.

“As touching as this is, boys.” Lisa is smirking at the doorway. “Hate to interrupt, but lunch is served.”

Cisco wobbles in after her, balancing a tray full of soup. Caitlin follows with the sandwiches. It takes some rearranging, Barry flashing in and out for more furniture and utensils, before they are comfortably seated enjoying their meal. Barry can see Len slowly withdrawing once more, mechanically eating the food as the exhaustion weighs on him again. Barry and the others try to keep him engaged, but know better than to push. It just takes some time, Len and Lisa had both said. And today has already been so much better than yesterday. So despite the tinge of sadness, Barry remains happy and optimistic. The others banter, trading jokes and quips, rambling on about various subjects as they all take the time to just _be_.

Len takes a nap shortly after, Cisco and Caitlin go back to searching through various forms of media for any way to track down Bivolo, Lisa settles in with a book by her brother, and Barry decides to bite the bullet and shoot a text Iris’ way.

Barry: _Hey Iris! Just checking to see if you had time to meet up soon._

A few minutes go by before she responds.

Iris: _Sure! I’m just finishing up an article, wanna meet for a late lunch in 20?_

Barry grins, knowing he would never turn down a second lunch with his speedster metabolism.

Barry: _Giovanno’s?_

Iris: _You read my mind :)_

It’s a quarter to two by the time Barry and Iris settle in to a booth in the back of the restaurant. The usual lunch crowd has mostly cleared out, and they have a good deal of privacy.

Barry lets Iris go first, catching him up on her job and the stories she’s been chasing. It’s when she mentions the club that Barry knows its his opening.

He turns the conversation from care-free to serious, explaining quietly and just as carefully as he had to Joe. He sees her guilt and horror in the beginning (not your fault, Iris, I didn’t have to go to that club), the shock and hint of amusement (yes, you can say I have the _hots_  for Captain Cold, but don’t ever tell him to his face. He’d never let me live it down), to sorrow and compassion at the end (Lewis really did a number on him. On both of them. More than I ever realized). It’s nice, finding support through all of this in his best friend as well. She is just as shocked as he was when he tells her how Joe reacted.

“It took him _months_  to accept me and Eddie without the death glare. How the hell did you manage to turn him in one _conversation?_ I need to know your secrets, Barry. Might come in handy one day.” She jokes and the two laugh, a tightness in Barry’s chest loosening. He loves Iris so much. He may not be in love with her anymore, but he will always cherish her and forever be glad she is a part of his life.

“Guess Cold just makes him thaw faster than anyone could have known.” Barry quips and Iris groans at the pun. Its good, relaxing, and Barry is still smiling by the time they leave. He hesitantly agrees to her stopping by later (not that he could ever stop her), before flashing back to the labs.

Len is up when he gets back. Despite Caitlin’s insistence he shouldn’t be walking yet (the stitches in your feet are still healing!), Lisa backs him up and Caitlin grudgingly agrees. He’s wearing the same soft, blue slippers to cushion his feet that he’s been wearing whenever he made trips to the restroom. Out of everything Barry expected to see him do, _tidying_  most definitely wasn’t on the list.

Len eyes the room in the same critical eye Barry imagines he eyes blueprints and guard schedules. Its amazing, watching him work with so much focus and attention. Its also quite adorable, and Lisa keeps snickering at the look that thought brings to his face.

“Dude.” Cisco whispers to him. “Who knew Captain Cold was so OCD?”

“I’m the best thief in the city.” Len calls out, sending Cisco jumping in his chair as he hadn’t realized he’d been over-heard. “That requires, among other things, meticulous attention to detail. You, Ramon, just aren’t quite on my level yet.” He smirks and Cisco splutters. Caitlin and Barry exchange amused grins while Lisa laughs.

“Oh, leave the boy alone Lenny.” She chides, teasing lilt evident in her voice.

“No promises, sis.” Len hums, finishing up the desk he was at and moving on to the next. It lasts for another half hour or so, Len moving about them, the occasional banter traded as everyone relaxes. His movements begin to slow once more, frown tugging his lips as that far-away glaze starts to return. Without a word, Lisa is up from her perch by Cisco, leading her brother back to his bed where he goes back to cleaning their weapons.

“Guys, I think I found something!” Cisco exclaims not long after. Len doesn’t even look up beyond a glance, absorbing himself in his task. The others crowd around him, where he has some camera footage from outside a seedy bar (somehow even worse than Saints and Sinners) pulled up. It shows Bivolo and another man talking. They’re laughing, holding hands as the mystery man finishes up whatever joke or story he had been telling. The footage is grainy and black-and-white, so it’s difficult to get a good look at either of them.

The other man is white, hair light and around six feet with an average build. He looks handsome, dressed well for the area while still casual with jeans, a button-up and dark blazer. He looks normal, and not at all like he has a problem holding hands with Bivolo. Its as they walk out of the frame that Barry looks to the time stamp. It was from four days ago.

“Is that…does Bivolo have a….boyfriend?” Barry asks tentatively. Despite how often he thought of Len in that sense, Barry can honestly say he never even considered the love-lives of the other villains he’s faced.

“Looks like.” Lisa grits, posture stiff with anger. Its clear that while she has been so forgiving with Barry for the part he played in triggering this depression in her brother, she by no means extends that same generosity towards Bivolo.

“I’m running his face through every database I can now. It will take awhile, but once we get a hit that should help us track him down. Faster than continuing to compile and watch all the security footage Bivolo has popped up in during the last week.” Cisco takes a loud slurp from his drink, his personal reward for a job well done.

“Even if this man doesn’t know where Bivolo is, it looks like he would know how to at least get in contact with him.” Caitlin adds, already turning back to her work, pulling up programs of her own as she works over the neuroscience side of understanding or countering Bivolo’s effects.

“Don’t worry, Barry.” Cisco twirls in his chair as he smiles. “We’ll get him soon.”

Returning the smile, Barry ignored the way Lisa mumbles, “You better...” underneath her breath. Its a step in the right direction. Barry is determined to stop Bivolo from doing something like this to anyone ever again. It is with a pang of guilt that he looks over at Len in the other room. Despite how much he hates the pain this situation has caused, he also feels…glad that he got this chance. Len being here, being more open and revealing more of his past, is something Barry never would have dreamed of. And its nice, when Len is closer to his old self, just hanging out and talking. Its something Barry knows he will miss, when this all ends, if Len walks away without a glance back.

They haven’t really talked about the two of them since Barry first brought it up. But with how easy their interactions have been, Barry finds himself beginning to hope that maybe it is possible after all. There are a hundred and one problems that will have to be worked through and examined and even compromised on. But anything worth having, or anyone worth loving, deserves nothing less. Sensing his gaze, Len looks up and meets Barry’s eyes with a tired smile. Barry beams back, letting hope flare to life in his chest as he cherishes all these moments he gets to have. Yes, if Len is willing, Barry will do his absolute best to make this work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovely readers! I'm so glad you have stuck around this far! The comments are pure love, and drive me to keep posting, faster than I may have initially planned :) I'm still writing, but its difficult to always find the time I need when the muse strikes, so I might be caught up to what I have written faster than planned. Still, I want to thank you all for reading, and remind you all that this is still un-beta'd. If you notice any mistakes, please feel free to let me know.   
> The video for this week is below:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41m7tJA6ilU The Flash/Monster (Starset)  
> Up next: Iris stops by STAR labs, bringing up some lovely childhood fluff for the Snart siblings. Barry and Lisa bond, and she shares some memories of her childhood. A lovely dinner is made, and Len leaves the labs to seek out comfort from figures from his past.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Len and Iris bond. Barry and Lisa bond. More is revealed, Len cooks, and figures from his past are introduced.

Iris stopping by the night before had been better than anticipated. She was damn near _friendly_ to him. A feat that shocked everyone, especially Len.

_“Who’re they?” Iris asked, gesturing to the picture still sitting on the chair blanketed by the quilt._

_“My grandfather and mother.” Len answered, following her line of sight._

_“She’s beautiful.” Iris smiled._

_“Yeah.” Len huffed quietly after a moments pause. “I suppose she was.”_

_Iris’ cheer dims. “I’m sorry-” She starts._

_“Don’t be.” He cuts her off quickly, turning a slightly amused look their way. “No idea if she actually is dead or not. I like to think she is. Its better than the alternatives. That she promised to come back before leaving forever without a second thought. Or that her life may actually be worse now that it ever was with Lewis. No, her being dead in my mind is a kindness. For both of us.”_

Iris had talked about her own mother after that, her own feelings when she had resurfaced after so many years of thinking her to be dead. Of the unexpected brother she gained from it. Miracle of miracles, Len and Iris _bonded_ over that. They shared quiet laughs and inside looks of understanding that bewildered everyone except for Lisa and maybe Barry. Joe especially hightailed it out of there quick, not yet ready to face another of his kids growing any closer to the Snarts.

Lisa and the others joined them soon enough, catching up on each others lives as Len watched with rapt attention. Barry could see the _want_  shining through in his eyes occasionally. Like the easy friendships surrounding him was something he never experienced before and wasn’t quite sure how to interact with. Wasn’t sure how to really have.

It wasn’t long before Iris asked another question that had been bothering Barry but he hadn’t mustered up the courage to bring up.

_“What is with the quilt, Len? Its adorable!” She gushed, bringing everyone’s attention to it. It really was beautiful, done in a patch-work style. The pattern centered around a pair of white ice skates, with blue stars that were clearly meant to represent snowflakes spiraling out. The hand-quilting was done in gold thread, sweeping and circling as if tracks left on an ice rink.  Len ducked his head at all the attention, and Lisa was the one who answered._

_“Lenny helped me make it. Right after…When I was seven he asked me if I wanted to do something, just the two of us. I had just started ice skating, and wanted to try out sewing like some of my friends. So he bought some how-to books for quilting and all the supplies we needed and helped me make it. Made a deal with the home-ec teacher at his school so we could use the sewing machine there after class to patch it all together. Did most of the hand-quilting himself, since the needle still hurt my fingers at the time.”_

Caitlin and Iris had made it their mission after that to gush over the quality and absolute teeth-rotting cuteness of it all. Cisco even chimed in.

_“Captain Cold or not, you have some mad sewing skills, my friend.”_

Barry smiled fondly at him, while Len just huffed and looked away.

_“C’mon, Lise. You’re killing my reputation here.”_

Iris made sure to emphasize how on-board she was with all of this before she left.

_“Don’t mess this up, Barry. If he is anything at all like that when he’s not playing up to his persona, then this might actually be a really good thing for you. For the both of you.”_

Caitlin and Cisco had both left that night as well, no need for round-the-clock supervision on their part for the moment while Barry and Lisa still opted to stay. Once Len was asleep again, Barry took the time to get to know Lisa more as well.

__“_ So, you used to be an ice-skating, quilting queen!” He chuckled, leaning against the wall on his cot as she mirrored his pose on her own. They were both changed into sleeping attire, lights dimmed but not quite shut off yet. _

_“Yeah.” She huffed. “Though that one quilt is all I have to show for it. Too expensive to keep at it when I was young, lost interest in it long before I could afford to try again. Though I did keep up ice skating. Still do when I can.”_

_“Really?” Barry smiled. “I always sucked at it. Haven’t tried since I got my powers. Would probably melt the rink with all the friction or most likely just end up wiping out.”_

_Lisa laughed, a light, care-free sort of laugh that lifted Barry’s heart. He wondered if she laughed like that often. Wondered if Len was usually the one to make her laugh like that._

_“I could take you sometime. Though Lenny could just as well. He went with me when he could. Was pretty damn good at it too. Practiced with me when I got into figure skating. We killed it as a pair on the ice. Probably would have won competitions had we been able to enter.”_

_Barry’s eyes widened and his cheeks flushed just picturing that. Shaking his head, he chuckled. “Of course Captain Cold would be a great ice skater.”_

_Lisa snorted. “Trust me, his puns, even his ice puns, started long before Cisco gave him that name.”_

_Barry groaned. “No wonder he has so many of them. He has years of material to work with!” They both laugh, smiling and relaxing._

_“Why didn’t you enter competitions? Were there entrance fees or something?” He can’t help but ask, unsure if he will like the answer. Unsure if Lisa will even give him one._

_“I did. Lenny didn’t. Dad wouldn’t pay for him and he had a record against him anyways.” She says quietly. “Like I said, I was good at it. Dad had gotten me a coach and everything. Was probably counting on me to be his meal ticket if I made it big. Even laid off beating me leading up to competitions. When I was fifteen, my coach got me into a high-profile event. Had me on the fast track for the Olympics. Lenny stopped by while dad was out a week before, knowing he would be in Keystone for awhile getting ready to work a job and wanted to wish me luck. He was 23 at the time, brought a six pack of beer with him to celebrate. Let me try my first beer that night.”_

_“Lewis got home earlier than expected though. Got pissed that Len would even dare to give me alcohol when I was so close to making real money from skating. They argued, and then they fought. It was the first time I had ever seen Lenny fight back. He was winning, too. Up until dad threw a bottle at my head. Distracted Lenny enough for Lewis to get the upper hand. I thought Lewis was gonna kill him. There was already so much blood by the time I tried to stop it. Lewis was so mad. He threw me around for a bit. Broke my leg and fractured my wrist before he headed to the bars. Lenny called Mick, who took us to this mob doc they knew. Patched us up, but I lost my spot in the competition. Wasn’t until almost ten years later I could bring myself to drink a beer again.”_

Barry wasn’t sure what to do with all of that. With how open the siblings were being. He wasn’t sure if it was a fluke, if it was all the old memories and emotions being dragged to the surface, or if it was actually the beginnings of real friendship for them. Whatever it was, Barry was grateful that they were opening up. Grateful to listen to them, to share their pain and hopefully help them find some semblance of peace once more. He went to shrinks a lot growing up. Most of them he hated; the ones who tried to convince him that he was just delusional, that his dad had really killed his mom. Some of them helped, though. The ones who listened without judgement, the ones who helped him work through all the grief and anger to come to terms with what had happened. He imagined that Len and Lisa probably never got that, either professionally or personally before. And he was more than willing to be there for them when they let him.

It had been a slow morning. Len was back to cleaning weapons (some of them repeats, though no one mentioned this fact). Lisa went back to her books, pulling Len in every few pages. Despite his protests, Len even convinced Barry to spend a few hours back at the precinct. Cisco was back to tracking the mysterious stranger they had seen with Bivolo, and Caitlin was continuing to monitor her patient whilst also going over all the medical/scientific data they had on Bivolo.

It was an empty day as far as Barry was concerned. Sure, he was able to wrap up his tests on a few scenes worth of evidence, but that paled in comparison to what was waiting for him back at STAR labs. Captain Singh even cornered him around lunch time. Chided him over showing up when he still wasn’t at his best. Sent him away with strict orders to stay away until he had his shit figured out (Barry was pretty sure he knew about the Flash, but given plausible deniability and all, neither ever said anything about it at the precinct).

The afternoon was a treat. Len had a playful back and forth going with his sister, somehow arguing over who picked the best dinner that could be made from scratch within two hours. A petty and pointless argument, really, but they kept at it as only siblings can do. Len faltered every now and then, but Lisa kept putting her best into pulling him back. It was mid-afternoon when she dragged Cisco to the grocery store for supplies. Caitlin changed his dressings once more, and then Barry was all alone with him.

“Please tell me Lisa isn’t about to burn down STAR labs.” Barry joked, sitting by him once all the dressings had been changed. Len chuckled, smiling in an amused fashion. “Lisa may not be the worlds greatest cook, but I should hope I taught her enough to get through one meal without catastrophe.”

“You cook?!? No way…I can’t even get through toast without burning it!” Barry enjoyed their banter, no matter how self-deprecating it ended up so long as he kept learning more about this man in front of him. It was with a softer smile that Len replied to him. “I was practically her father from time to time. Of course I learned how to cook for her. It isn’t healthy for a growing kid to live off fast food.”

“Captain Cold, Kitchen Wizard….nah, don’t buy it.” Barry grinned, mischief sparkling in his eyes. “Guess you’re just going to have to prove me wrong.”

Len chuckled in response. “That’s just your metabolism talking, Barry. I know the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, but please tell me you won’t be that easy. I do like a challenge, after all.” The two grinned at each other, trading easy banter and comfortable silence as they relaxed for the late afternoon.

Lisa and Cisco returned too soon in his opinion. Lisa even convinced Len to look over their ingredients. It was clearly a trap, one Barry should have seen coming.

“Really, Lise?” Len huffed.

“C’mon, Lenny. We both know this is your favorite.” She replied.

Len just shook his head, amusement shining through. “You’re lucky I like you so much.”

“Whatever you say, jerk.” She smiled.

“Train wreck.” He replied, grin tugging at his lips. Turns out, it was some chicken-broccoli casserole that he was supposedly a god at making. Everyone who flitted in and out of the pseudo-kitchen/break area they had at the labs was given a task. Whether it be cutting the ingredients, preparing the meat, or helping arrange the side-dishes, Len seemed to find the best task for everyone. He was a perfectionist slave-driver in the best sort of way. Barry would be lying if he didn’t say he enjoyed every minute of it.

Only once the dish was in the oven did Len seem to sober. “I need to go to Blecker Street tonight.” He leaned in to tell his sister. Lisa immediately straightened, locking eyes with him.

“You sure?” She breathed. He nodded, all the confirmation she needed. Barry did his best to mind his own business, ignoring this. They whispered back and forth, going over details before Lisa disappeared for almost an hour. By the time she returned, Iris and Joe were there. Len was more subdued that Barry had seen him since the first day, taking three or even four times calling him to catch his attention. Lisa looked sad, but resigned at this. Barry just figured it was a part of his process, as his mind was clearly miles away. Joe stopped trying to include Len in conversation, expression twisting in a sort of sympathy after trying and failing to grab his attention for the second time that night.

Iris never really gave up, but her frown tugged deeper the longer it took to engage him. Barry felt his stomach sink, thinking back to how open Len had been recently. The dish was delicious, no doubt about it. But the cook was farther away than Barry had seen him yet, fork hovering over his plate for minutes at a time while his eyes swam and hands shook. Lisa looked guilty, as if she had miscalculated how much this would actually help her brother.

No one stopped them beyond vague protests when she announced they were leaving for the night. The food was still warm on the table, everyone else finishing their servings as they left. Once Barry was sure they were gone, he brought up what he overheard.

“Does anyone know what Blecker Street means?” He asked the room at large.

Joe was the one who answered, face twisting in disgust. “It’s where…it’s where prostitutes are known to pick up their Johns. Why do you ask, Barr?”

Barry felt his face furrowing in confusion. “It’s where Len told Lisa he needed to go tonight. But that doesn’t make sense. Lisa said that prostitutes…were one of those lines for him.”

The others shrugged, unsure how to handle this. Only once the meal was finished did Barry sigh.

“It’s been awhile since I’ve been out on patrol. Tonight is as good as any, since we don’t have to get back to the labs right now. Though I do want to keep a look out for Len, if you guys won’t mind helping me with that.”

Everyone agreed, far more readily than Barry would have thought. With that, Joe and Iris (much to everyone’s chagrin) headed out to watch Blecker Street, while Barry zipped around the city awaiting the smallest call of crime to distract him with.

XXX

Len thanked his sister as he stepped out of the car a few streets from his destination. He was dressed in his usual dark clothing, with gloves in place to disguise his injuries and an extra pair of socks to satisfy the Doc. Angie was at her usual corner. Len felt the bittersweet taste of nostalgia as he walked up behind her as she approached the open window of a car.

“Well, well, well.” He drawled, sauntering to a stop behind her. “How much does a fellow have to pay for a night with you, love?”

“Lenny!” She smiled, turning on her heel to face him. “Long time no see. Thought for sure you would visit after you got out.”

“Had a few things pop up. Business to take care of. You know the drill.” He smiled fondly, taking in her poof of curled red hair, the scattering of freckles that adorned her pale features accented by sharp green eyes. “You look beautiful as always, Ange.”

“And you look like shit.” She smiled at him, sadly and fondly at the same time. “Why do you always look like that when you come to me?”

“Because you always know how to put me back together.” He says quietly, intimately as he steps closer and envelopes her in a deep hug. The heels she wears put her just past his chin, and the bare amount of clothes she dons leaves her shivering in his grasp.

“I’ve missed you.” He chokes into her neck, holding her closer.

“Missed you too, Lenny.” She replies, tightening her grip before stepping back. “The usual?” She questions, gazing with a thousand bottled emotions into his eyes.

“Always.” He crooks a smile at her, taking her hand and allowing her to lead him away. She doesn’t miss the fact that he is wearing gloves, and gives him a _look_  as if she knows the bandages and wounds underneath.

It’s a quiet few blocks to her apartment, a path that Len knows well. Thomas is still up, surprised to see his mother returning with him.

“Uncle Len!” He jumps us, smile lighting his features as he mutes the television set.

“For the night.” Len slips two crisp hundreds into her hand. She huffs, trying to force it back into his hands even as he lets go.

“You know you don’t have to pay.” She chides.

“And you know I always will.” He replies. Thomas is barreling towards them, wrapping Len in a bone-crushing hug that he barely conceals a wince at.

“I’ll just go freshen up.” She chuckles, leaving them as she disappears down the hall.

“What took you so long.” Thomas mumbles into his shoulder, nearing Len’s own height at this point. His hair is a shade darker than his mother’s, cut nearly as short as Len keeps his own. He is slim yet fit, tan and freckled with blue eyes close to Len’s icy shade.

“You know me, kid.” Len chuckles, gripping tighter. “Sometimes I gotta lay low for a bit.”

They stay there awhile longer, breathing in and relishing the feeling before they part.

Thomas grins, giving him a playful shove. “Never seen mom so happy to see you in prison before. You really ice your old man?”

“That I did.” Len gives him a soft smile, ruffling his hair. “He’s gone for good, now. Just like your old man.”

“Good.” Thomas gives him a toothy grin, pulling him in tight again before sobering.

“Mom still gets ready for you, you know.” He says quietly.

“I know.” Len replies, just as serious.

“Do you think you’ll ever-” Thomas breaks off, knowing exactly what his mom does for a living.

“You know I won’t.” Len says, pulling the boys head to his chest.

“You’d be good for her.” He insists, clinging to Len.

“We both know that’s not true. Now, let me get a look at you.” Len pushes him back, eyes scanning up and down while his lips quirk in a grin. “Yep, just what I thought. You are as stunning as she ever was. Break any hearts lately, Thomas?”

“Shut up.” He pushes the older man back, smile breaking through. “Can’t think of breaking hearts. Got that scholarship to work towards.”

“Still killing it at track, then?” Len settles his hands on the boys shoulders.

“Like I would do any less for you.” Thomas beams.

Len chuckles. “You mean for your mom?”

“Yeah, her too.” Thomas grins, faltering as he really takes Len in. “You okay? You look…” He trails off, concern seeping through. The cut on his forehead is still scabbed over, the bruises not-quite fading yet on his cheek.

“I’m fine.” Len assures him. “ At least…I will be.” He amends at the boy’s questionable look. “How was your birthday? Sorry I had to miss it.”

“It was great!” Thomas smiled. “Mom took me to get my license, and Uncle Mick brought over the motorcycle you got me! It’s awesome, by the way. Best present I’ve ever gotten!”

“Hope you haven’t told your mom that.” Len chuckled, rubbing his hair again fondly.

Angie chose that moment to return. “Lenny.” She purred sweetly, clad in naught but a skimpy black lace number. It covered the important bits and those bits only, leaving next to nothing to the imagination. The black material cast her pale complexion in sharp contrast, bringing out the green in her eyes and red in her hair nicely. Len felt his heart stutter and his mouth go dry as it always did.

“Ange.” A grin twisted his features, as he bade Thomas a quick farewell before following her to the bedroom. She draws him in for a kiss, which he allows easily for now. Memories of happier times and budding love come flooding back, tinged with sadness and guilt the knowledge of their past brings. It’s only when her hands card through his hair that he draws back.

“You’ve let it get longer than usual.” She smiles, playing with the beginnings of tight curls. “I like it.”

“You know I don’t.” He gently chastises, bringing her hands down. “Just had a….busy few days.”

She smiles, cupping his cheek gently. “The usual?” She clarifies again, sadly as always, hoping for more.

“The usual.” He returns her tone, taking her face in hand with equal gentleness.

It isn’t long before she has the chair ready, draping a sheet around him as she prepares the buzzers. It doesn’t take long for her to cut his hair, practiced as she is by applying the same cut that her son insists he wants. It’s a routine they’re used to, one that brings back the comfort and familiarity from when they were together.

Angie knows about a lot of his…issues. Knows that he used to have a lovely, black mop of tight and fluffy curls when he was younger. Knows how Lewis dragged him around by it after getting out of prison. The racism that had festered in the man turned against his wife and son. How after his mother was gone, Lewis would take one look at his hair and instantly sour. It reminded them both of Len’s mother, gone without a glance back. Of Len’s own mixed-heritage, somehow a vile crime in Lewis’ eyes. How Lewis would eventually shave it all with a rusty razor one summer, cutting into the scalp and leaving Len looking like a mauled cancer patient until it grew enough to cover the scabs. Len didn’t let it grow long enough for that again.

 So, Angie understands why he keeps it short. Understands why he only lets people he trusts to cut it for him. And its only when Len lets his hand run over the short spikes of hair does he let a breath escape him. No sign of curls. No sign of anything that Lewis would despise visible. No remnants of the genetic gift his mother gave him. And Angie sighs with him as well, sorrowful but glad he is relaxed once more.

“Why did you come here.” She asks quietly, putting away the sheets after wiping his head down with a damp cloth. “Why didn’t you come after you got out?” It goes unspoken that she has been following up on him, tracking his time in prison and anxiously awaiting his visit since his break-out.

“Had some things I needed to get in order.” He drawls, nonchalant before sobering. “I messed up, Ange.”

“Oh, Lenny.” She takes his face in hand, straddling him on the chair. “What happened?”

He breaks with a sob, quiet as always as he grips her in fabric-covered digits. Slowly, she pulls the gloves from him and throws them to the floor, sending a heartbreaking look of sympathy to the bandages. He can tell that she is worried. After all, its been years since she’s seen him cry.

“Oh, Lenny.” She sighs again, kissing each knuckle in turn. He continues to cry, pulling her and her reassurances close to his heart.

“What to do you need?” She finally asks, ghosting kisses across his face.

“Hold me.” He sobs, griping her waist. “Just hold me.”

She plucks up his hand and brings him to the bed. Once there she disrobe him, baring him down to his boxers and taking in all the injuries and bandages he wears. Her brows crease in worry, but she tugs him down and tucks him into her chest. She coos and rubs soothing circles into his back as he curls into her. It’s only when his breathing slows and his tears cease that he starts to explain.

He tells her all about Barry (as much as he can without giving his identity away). He tells her all about what happened. About how he feels. The breakdown he had and the days as the labs. She lets him talk until he can’t anymore, already knowing all about Lewis and how Len feels about the man and what he did. Only then does she pull him closer still, muttering reassurances into his nearly-shorn hair as she coaxes him to sleep. Its not the first time he has come to her like this, and she doesn’t delude herself into thinking it will be the last. Still, it breaks her heart every time. And for his sake, she hopes that he can find something in this new man that he could never keep with her. She wants him to find peace. To find the happiness he deserves.

Len wakes before she does, pulling his long-sleeve dark shirt on the next morning but leaving his legs and bandages on his hands bare as he goes to prepare breakfast. Thomas is also up before she is, just as he always is. Len calls him over to finish the eggs as Len goes to the jacket he discarded the night before.

“Here.” He says gruffly, holding out the envelope with five grand in it to the boy. “You know what to do wit it.”

Thomas smiles sadly, letting Len take back over as he flips through the contents. “Don’t know why mom never accepts this from you.”

“Because she is as stubborn as I am.” Len grins, plating up the eggs and turning to the bacon as well. “Give it two months of slipping it into her purse and she shouldn’t be too suspicious.”

“I know the drill.” Thomas replies fondly, stashing the money away and looking pointedly at the heavy bandages on his hands and feet. Silence settles for a few beats before Len explains.

“You know how your mom said your dad was? How mine was.” He stares at the food, refusing to look at Thomas right now.

“Yeah.” The kid breathes, feeling the weight of this conversation. “What about it?”

“A few days ago, I thought I did something a lot like they did. Got angry. Angry at myself.” He doesn’t need to explain any more, Thomas understanding the meaning behind those words.

“You aren’t like them.” He vows, that stubbornness peaking through. “You’ll never be like them Uncle Len. I swear. I’ll kick your ass myself if that ever happens.” He vows happily. Len snorts, shooting him an amused grin.

“I’ll hold you too that, kid.” Angie wanders in soon after, and the three enjoy their breakfast until Lisa shows back up. It’s another few minutes of pleasantness as everyone catches up before she takes him back to the labs.

The trip is quiet, Len centering himself again as Lisa shoots him looks. “How is she?” She finally manages to ask.

“Good.” Len replies quietly. “Still only HIV, hasn’t progressed thanks to the meds. Thomas is doing well, still on track for that sports scholarship.”

“Great.” Lisa smiles. “He’s gonna be a star, one day. Make it like we never could.”

“Yeah.” Len smiles, leaning against the window and shutting his eyes. “He will.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so there's that. New characters introduced, and more background on some of Len's past. It will all go into deeper explanation later, but the main points are that Angie and Thomas were in a similar situation to Len's childhood when Thomas was still around 3, and he helped them escape Angie's abusive husband. They did have a relationship afterwards, but something happened to drive them apart and Len blames himself for it. They both still love and care for each other, but can't really have a romantic relationship again. What they have now isn't exactly healthy, but they let more physical affection bleed through when one of them is hurting than they otherwise allow. Its all sorts of fucked up, and a bit heartbreaking, but its a pattern they have fallen into as neither have found another partner to lean on for support. Len is still unsure about where he stands with Barry, so it makes sense that he would seek Angie out for comfort dealing with the aftermath of what happened at the beginning of this story. Thomas is the original male character for this story, and I love how much he clearly idolizes Len. In his eyes, Len is the one who saved him and his mother, the one who stood by and helped through all the bad. Len is the closest thing Thomas has for a dad now, and he isn't above calling him out on his bullshit and trying his best to play matchmaker and bring Len even more into their lives when he can. Both him and Angie will be popping up more in the story, tied into some major plot points later on, so I hope you enjoy those characters :)  
> The hair-cutting thing might be a bit weird, but its a coping mechanism that Len has come to utilize. After what happened with Lewis, Len dislikes strangers cutting his hair, but is also terrified of letting it grow out. Its a way of explaining his haircut aside from just function, and also shows how messed up he still is about such simple things.  
> Thank you all for reading, and I hope you continue to enjoy the story! Video for this chapter is below:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7BZrROpQJg Captain Cold tribute//There are no strings on me (Coldflash intended)  
> Up next: STAR labs gets a surprise visitor, Algebra equations are tackled, and Barry gets a shovel talk.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> STAR labs gets a surprise visitor, Algebra equations are tackled, and Barry gets a shovel talk.

Barry wasn’t sure what to think after the previous night. He had gone on patrol, stopping petty crime as usual without the threat of any big, bad meta lurking. But he had taken the time to run by Blecker Street a few times. Joe had mentioned it was a hot spot for prostitutes, but Lisa has said Len doesn’t sleep with them and had been adamant about no one asking questions. Still, Barry finds himself disappointed and worried when he sees no trace of the man any time he swings by that part of town. Joe and Iris had driven by a few times as well, with no such luck for them either.

Len is back at a decent hour the next morning, accepting that his treatment will be continuing at STAR labs. Caitlin and Barry show up just before he and Lisa do, Cisco trailing in soon after. Lisa had brought both of their main guns today, and no one even batted an eye now at this development. They don’t immediately get to work on them, stashing them safely away for later while they chat quietly. As bad as Len had started to get last night, whatever happened has left him in a much better mood. He is smiling, laughing even as the siblings talk.

Caitlin and Cisco keep shooting almost fond smiles at them. Whatever fear and anger they felt for the other man has long since vanished. They are good people, who Barry can proudly call his friends. The internal suffering that Len has been going through they wouldn’t wish on even their worst enemy. Would try and help even through the fear and distrust, as they had done with Len in the beginning. Its getting harder and harder for Barry to imagine things going back to the way they were before. The longer the siblings stayed here, the more everyone gets to know each other, the easier it is to fall into friendship. At least, it is on their end. Lisa seems to enjoy the new status quo as well, but the jury is still out on Len.

Its obvious that he has difficulty trusting people, so for him to remain here at this vulnerable time speaks volumes for the trust he has already placed in them. Now its only a matter of convincing them to stick around, and coming to some sort of understanding regarding their alter-egos. Because its like Joe said, Len is still the same man he was before. Even if he is changing, even if he wants to change, that’s not going to happen overnight. Barry has no misconceptions that he will never face Captain Cold again. That Len will suddenly decide he no longer wants to steal. He’ll pull a heist again, because that’s who he is, and the Flash will try to stop him again, because that’s who Barry is. The only tricky part will be keeping all of that separate from who they are without the costumes.

It’s nearing lunch when the relative peace is shattered.

“So, that’s what the suit looks like in person.” An unfamiliar voice drawls in such a familiar manner from the entrance of the cortex. All three jump, Caitlin and Cisco even letting out a small shriek as they whirl to face the newcomer.

A young man stands smirking a few feet away from them. He looks the part of a typical student, decent jeans paired with converse, a graphic tee and navy jacket with a blue backpack slung over his shoulder. He is tall and lean, a runner’s build and grace to his posture. He is fair yet tan, a smattering of freckles across his cheeks below ice blue eyes. Deep auburn hair just barely tickles his forehead, growing from a buzz cut a few weeks back.

The unmistakable sounds of the cold and gold guns whirring to life fill the room as Len and Lisa rush in after hearing their shrieks of alarm.

“Oh hell, Thomas?” Len splutters, both siblings lowering their weapons and powering them down. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at school right now?”

“Sorry Uncle Len.” He shrugs, unapologetic. “Realized you were here halfway through second period. Worried the Flash might have kidnapped you again or something.”

“So? If the flash had kidnapped me, what were you going to do about it anyways? For gods-sake you aren’t even armed! I’ve told you before-”

“Not to follow you, it could be dangerous, I could get hurt, yada yada.” Thomas cuts him off, waving off his concerns. “C’mon, Uncle. Flash is the good guy, right? He wouldn’t hurt a defenseless citizen. You woulda put him under by now if he did.”

Len shakes his head, dropping the matter for now but his eyes promise the subject will be revisited. He walks forward, handing his weapon off to Lisa as he passes her.

“Either you’re getting better or I’m getting sloppy in my old age. Burner with the GPS on?”

“In your jacket pocket.” Thomas grins, reaching out to hug him. Len hesitates, causing the boy to falter, a look of hurt crossing his expression before the older man takes a deep breath and pulls him in.

“You can’t keep doing this. Its not safe, for you or your mom. I can take care of myself.” Its spoken quietly, mumbled into the boy’s hair.

Thomas smirks in disbelief, words dripping with sarcasm. “Of course you can. Not like you ever end up in prison or on the run or locked up in some gang’s basement.”

“That was one time!” Len chuckles, pulling back. “I even got out with all my limbs intact.”

The amusement fades from Thomas’s eyes as he sobers. “Mom was really worried when you left. Said you haven’t been this bad since…” He trails off both of them knowing what he was referring to. “Just had to know you were safe.” He shrugs nonchalantly, attempting (and failing) to mask the intense care and fear and worry behind those words. 

“I know, Kiddo.” Len smiles at him fondly, a tinge of sadness to his features. He shakes it off, turning to the others while keeping one hand on the boys shoulder. “I suppose you all won’t rest until you get an explanation?”

“ _Uncle Len_?” Cisco exclaims, shock clear as his eyes dart between the two. Barry and Caitlin look equally taken aback, while Lisa just snorts and goes to safely stash the guns away once more, shooting a wink Thomas’ way as she leaves.

“Not biologically, but yes.” Len drawls.

“Yeah, he convinced my mom to leave my asshole of a dad back when I was three. They dated till I was five and had to break it off, but Len still sticks around when he can.” Thomas is smirking widely, making a point to ignore the glare Len is shooting his way.

“Yeah, one big happy family.” A hard, sardonic edge to his words that, somehow, has no effect whatsoever on the boy.

“Yep, one big happy family!” He agrees without a hint of sarcasm. “I’m Thomas, by the way. Thomas Lampert.”

“Barry Allen.” He steps forward to shake the boy’s hand, startling the others into action.

“Cisco Ramon.”

“Caitlin Snow.”

Len looks torn between fond amusement and exasperation at Thomas being here interacting with them all.

“Dude, did Captain Cold tell you this was where the Flash is?” Cisco asks, shooting a scandalized look his way. Len huffs a laugh that is matched by Thomas.

“Nah, he doesn’t like talking to me about stuff like that. Still, wasn’t hard at all to put two and two together, what with everything that goes on around here. And since you’re the only one who matches his build, I take it that means you're the Flash.” His lips curl into a mischievous smirk. “Barry Allen.”

The three splutter quick denials as Len sighs. “Now, now, Thomas. What have I told you about sticking your nose in where it doesn’t belong?”

“To be smart and have a back-up plan for my back-up plans?” He smiles innocently.

“No.” Len is smiling now too, even if he tries to hide it. “Try again.”

Thomas sighs, every inch of put-upon teenager as he replies. “To be smart and keep my nose in my studies where it belongs.”

“Good boy.” Len ruffles the short hairs, Thomas playfully batting his hand away. Lisa comes back into the room, ending her call as she tosses a cell towards Thomas.

“Breast pocket. Nice. My brother really is getting sloppy.” The three chuckle. “Angie knows you’re here. She’ll call the school, get your absences excused. Fair warning, she didn’t sound too happy hearing you skipped.”

“Yeah, I know.” Thomas ducks his head, blushing slightly. “Thanks Aunt Lise.”

She shakes her head, smiling widely. “Just tell her Lenny over here was being a bad influence again. She can’t stay mad at my brother.”

Thomas laughs and Len pulls on his best affronted face. Faux innocence seeps from his tone. “Me? A bad influence? My dear, baby sister, I will have you know I am an upstanding role-model.” Thomas and Lisa snicker, causing a grin to crack through Len’s mask as well.

Its easy again, after that. Caitlin, Cisco, and Barry relax, while Len makes Thomas vow to keep the Flash’s identity a secret (he assures everyone that Thomas will, in fact, keep his word). They get to know a bit more about the boy (track star, already catching scholarship interest even though he is still a junior). He is a good student, unsure of what he wants to pursue career-wise, which Len and the others assure him is perfectly okay. He is just as protective of his mother as Len is of his family. And if Barry didn’t know better, he would swear the kid really was Len’s own.

It’s obvious Thomas adores him, looks up to him and respects him. What is equally clear is how much Len cares for him in return. There is an easy fondness and familiarity to everything they do, a bond that stretches back years. At Len’s chiding, Thomas pulls out his books while Len clears the guns from the table. They sit on the bed, side-by-side, and get started on some Algebra homework. The routine they have going shows that this isn’t the first time this has happened, and that brings a smile and a warmth to Barry’s chest.

Len is patient, controlled and measured as he helps Thomas without ever giving him the answers, simply walking him through solving it on his own and ensuring he understands the process. A particularly difficult problem has Thomas moaning.

“Seriously. This is stupid. I’m never gonna need to know this later on in life.”

“Maybe.” Len acquiesced. “Maybe not. Either way, you need to know this to pass your class.”

“Passing is over-rated.” Comes Thomas’ quick retort. “You didn’t even graduate high school.”

“And look where that got me.” Len smirks. “Can’t even get a job at McDonald’s now.”

“Still the best damn thief in the city.” Thomas boasts for him proudly.

“Why Thomas.” Len chides. “You kiss your mother with that mouth?”

“Please.” Thomas chuckles. “You’ve said far worse and that’s never stopped you before.”

A shadow flits over Len’s face, draining Thomas’ cheer as well. “You don’t want to be like me, Thomas. You have a chance here, something I never had. And you have your mother to think of. Who’s gonna keep her safe if you end up in prison?”

Thomas squares him with his best glare. “You’re right. I do have a chance, and I’m gonna do my best to get everything I can from it. But we both know I would have never had that chance if it wasn’t for you. And if you think for one minute that me striving to be more like you isn’t anything but good, then you clearly haven’t been paying attention. Sure, you’ve messed up. Everyone has. But no one in my life has done more for me and my mom than you. I’d be proud, being the man you always taught me to be. You should be too.”

Len twists his lips in an unsure smile. “You’re good, Kid. Don’t ever let anyone change that.”

They go back to their studies, ignoring the bright smiles Lisa and Caitlin are wearing. Cisco and Barry share a look as well, timid grin breaking out on Cisco’s face to counter the flash of teeth Barry shoots him. They break for lunch soon after that, Barry running out to pick them up a few boxes of pizza and some soda. Everyone gathers to eat and chat, Thomas joking with the siblings easily. He is more reserved with the others, not quite coming out of his shell when they try to engage him. Its clear that while he doesn't distrust them, he isn't comfortable around them yet. Len studiously evades any questions about the boy's mother and their past/current involvement. This prompts Thomas to do the same. Lisa rolls her eyes at this, but doesn't volunteer any information either. Its maddening, how curious the three scientists have become with no answers in sight. Still, they enjoy their lunch and getting to know the boy. Barry earns an impressed look from Thomas and a snort from Lisa and Len as he flashes through his third box of pizza. As they are wrapping up, Len prods Thomas into taking out some more homework. 

Its history now, reading through the assigned text together as Len asks pointed questions to help cement the data and link facts and dates and people into a more comprehensible timeline than the book provides. He flips back through the book a few times, making sure Thomas re-reads any passages he isn't familiar enough with for Len's satisfaction. Cisco chuckles, confiding in Barry that Len would be the worst teacher ever, given how he is stricter in hammering in knowledge than even the most studious of professors any of them have ever faced. Barry laughs with him, quickly realizing that a good chunk of the work that went into Thomas' grades probably came from hours of Len setting aside the time to help him. All of this, this peak of a domestic and fatherly Len, send warm tingles through Barry. The good he sees in that man, usually hiding behind dark clouds, is now shining bright and clear for all to see. And its beautiful.  _Len_ is beautiful. Especially like this.

Its over much too soon, when the strain appears on Len’s face again and Thomas takes the initiative.

“I should probably go, now. Know you old people need your beauty sleep and all.”

“Just wait till you get your first gray hair, Kid. It’ll shake your world.” They both chuckle, packing Thomas’ things away once more and throwing away the remnants of their lunch still lying about. Thomas catches Barry’s eye on his way out, motioning for the man to follow him.

Its quiet in the hallway, far enough away from prying ears that they can talk in private.

“You fucking him?” Thomas asks bluntly, a hard, cold edge to his voice.

Barry reigns in his spluttering shock, taking in the tense posture and confidence of the young man. “We did. Once.” He answers honestly, unsure how this is gonna play.

Thomas nods. “That what sent him spiraling again?”

“Yes.” Barry barely breathes, familiar guilt twisting his gut.

“Did you hurt him?” There is a dark well of rage there, a fierce protective edge to the boy so similar to Len as he turns to face Barry head-on.

“Not on purpose.” Barry sighs, running his hand through his hair. “I was being affected by a meta. It manipulated my emotions. I chose to leave that fact out until afterwards.”

The rage burns brightly before simmering, hands clenched in tight control as Thomas exhales. “Uncle Len doesn’t like letting people close. He let you get close. That puts you in a position to do so much more than just hurt him.” Burning eyes lock onto Barry’s as he continues. “Powers or not, if you ruin him, I will _destroy_  you.”

Barry gulps, knowing the threat to be real and no less valid because of his age.

“I swear to you, Thomas. I only want to help Len. If he wants more, I will do everything in my power to continue to earn his trust. I can’t promise I will never hurt him again, but I can promise that I will do my best not to.”

Thomas nods, satisfied. “Y’know, for the longest time...I wanted so badly for things to work out between him and my mom again. Still want it, if I’m being honest. But I know there’s something between them now, something that can never be undone. If you can make him happy, then that’s what you need to do. He deserves it, after all the shit he’s been through.”

Barry shifts uncomfortably, wanting to ask but knowing it isn’t his place. “Get home safe.” He says instead. “You have our numbers now, so just call if you need anything. And thanks again, for agreeing to keep my secret.”

“Didn’t do it for you.” Thomas smirks, pushing the call button for the elevator. “Be seeing you, Scarlet!” He jokes, tipping his fingers in a mock salute. Barry groans, amused at this mini-Len as the boy leaves. Shovel talk aside, or maybe even included, Barry really likes the kid. He can see how much of a positive influence Len has been on him. He can’t help but snicker as he pictures Iris and Joe meeting him. Oh yes, Barry is definitely going to arrange for that to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter up and posted! This was another of the shorter ones, next one coming up is a bit longer. There will be a lot of plot, character interactions and character development for the foreseeable future. Len and Barry's relationship will progress in line with the story and more revelations from the Snart siblings past. Smut will be coming, but will likely be 15-20 more chapters before I can work it in. Anything before that would be unrealistic and put a strain on the natural progression of this narrative. I will try and keep posting trigger warnings at the start of each chapter, but please let me know if I miss anything or if any chapter without one needs one. Thank you all for reading, seeing and replying to your comments always lifts my heart and drives me to make time (or sacrifice sleep) to write more. Video for this chapter is below:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Act0SdlYPWE The Flash/Runnin  
> Up next: A breakdown is had, STAR labs gets its second surprise visitor for the day, and the team follow up on a lead on Bivolo's mystery man.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A breakdown is had, STAR labs gets its second surprise visitor for the day, and the team follow up on a lead on Bivolo's mystery man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: Panic attack and some self-harm.

The day passes quickly after that. They have a name now to Bivolo’s mystery man. Alan Scott. He worked in media, a host on the radio talk-show The Lantern. He was in his early thirties, blonde with green eyes and a disarming cheery smile. No priors showed up on his record, and nothing incriminating popped up on his social media. There wasn’t anything they could find regarding his sexuality aside from the suspicious _lack_  of anything regarding his sexuality. Not too surprising, given his job. While the world was growing more accepting, there were still a lot of dangers to coming out if you worked in media.

That made it seem more possible that he was in fact Bivolo’s boyfriend. Or at the very least, possibly a close acquaintance. They had the address to his work and his home, which Barry would pay a visit too later tonight after the man ended his shift. Despite the cheer that this brings, Len’s energy has been sapped once more. He breathes slow and methodical, intently focused on nothing as the world continues to move about him. The smiles Thomas’ visit had brought to everyone’s face have long since faded. Of course, depression is a complicated illness. There is no magic cure-all. One happy afternoon, hell, even a thousand happy afternoons doesn’t mean that everything will suddenly be better.

Barry remembers a quote from Doctor Who. _The way I see it, life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant._

Barry can only hope that they are adding to his pile of good things. It may take time. It may look dark and bleak and hopeless for awhile. But things can always get better. Barry has to believe things will get better. Thinking otherwise just traps you in the darkness. Len may be hurting, may be struggling, but he is surrounded by good people who have come to care for him. They will stay by him, to help and listen and be there for him for as long as he needs. Just like Joe and Iris and Henry (when Barry was able to visit him) had always been there for him when he needed them.

Joe and Iris stop by, bringing dinner with them. Chinese, bags stuffed full of various take-out. It takes a second to get Len’s attention. Takes longer for him to process they are asking him to come eat with them. The slow shake of his head makes them all frown sadly, but they don’t push. Instead of eating in the lounge, they stay in the cortex, conversation washing over the room. Lisa finally engages Len, encouraging him to fiddle with his cold gun to draw him out. Joe narrows his eyes at this, but thankfully keeps his mouth shut.

Len dismantles it just as methodically as he did the other weapons. He has some other tools for this specific purpose. Jewelers screwdrivers and tiny wrenches, a small bottle of oil for lubricant and some cleaning supplies similar to that for electronics. Even though Cisco made the gun, he has to grudgingly admit that Len knows what he’s doing at this point. Hell, he could probably build his own gun from scratch by now. Its an impressive feat, especially considering he never went to college or even finished high school. It shows his intelligence. They all knew he was smart, you didn’t get to be the best thief in the city being a moron. Still, none of them were quite prepared for just how smart he might actually be.

“You know.” Caitlin tells Barry quietly. “If he does decide to stick around and help out our team, he really would be a great addition. We have plenty of books here too, if he wanted to teach himself more about engineering. Its obvious he already has the basics down anyways.”

“Yeah.” Barry smiles. “I bet if he had the first cold gun a few months longer, he wouldn’t have even needed Cisco to make him another one. Probably could have been a great engineer if he had the chance.”

Cisco is pouting and glaring, but its all in good-natured fun as he gripes about how, no matter how many modifications and adjustments Cold makes, that is still in fact _his_ gun.

It is only when dinner is done and empty cartons thrown away that they start to notice the change. Lisa has been keeping a closer eye on Len, sharp looks at his increasingly shaking hands. Frustration pinches his brow alongside determination. With a huff, he gives up on whatever adjustments he was going to make and instead begins to reassemble the gun. The frustration slowly increases. Anger begins to spark in his eyes. The tremors only intensify.

He assembles the gun.

Disassembles it.

Reassembles.

Disassembles.

It takes longer each time, a frantic, wild look blossoming in his eyes. Everyone is looking at him by now, worry settling in their guts. Joe keeps a hand on his weapon, wary as to what Len might do in this state.

“Lenny.” Lisa reaches out to grab his hand, an edge of panic to her tone. “Lenny, stop!”

He wrenches his hand away from her, shaking too badly to catch the head of the small screw with his tool.

“282 seconds.” He mutters, jamming the screwdriver down again. It misses.

“It takes me 282 seconds to put this damn thing back together.” He gets closer, this time, but it still flicks half an inch to the side.

“Its been over ten minutes!” He snarls, screwdriver missing the gun entirely this time and clattering against the table.

“Fuck!” He screams, dropping the gun and hurling the screwdriver away. They all flinch at the break of glass as it hits an empty beaker. “Fuck!” He repeats, breathing hard as he shoves the table away and rises in one motion. He kicks a chair away, quilt and picture flying and tumbling into a corner.

“Stupid!” His voice is harsh, shaking in emotion as he swings at the wall. “Useless. Pathetic. Weak. Stupid fucking _bastard!”_ His snarls are over-laced by the wet thuds of fists against the wall. Barry’s broken out of his stupor by the sight of blood smeared there. He flashes forward, pushing Len back before he can hurt himself any more. The blood soaking through the bandages make him pause long enough for Len to finish his interrupted swing.

He clocks Barry across the jaw. Its a hard blow, but nowhere near full strength as Len had been holding back just enough to avoid breaking any bones. The room freezes as Barry stumbles back a step, bringing a hand up to caress the sting. His finger’s come back damp, Len’s blood a wet trail across his face.

Barry glances up, swallowing hard at the look of horror he sees. Its the same look Len had _that_ night. Barry wonders if he needs to grab a bucket, just in case, but doesn’t want to worsen this situation any more. “Len.” He says calmly, raising his hands in peace. “Len, its okay.”

Len is shaking his head, trembling as he stumbles back. He falls, sinking to the floor and pulling his legs close to his chest. Palms are pressed into his eyes again, like he had tried to do that first night in the labs. There is no danger of glass now, and Barry knows enough to hesitate. Len isn’t crying, but he is breathing hard and rocking slightly on his ass. Lisa comes to sit by him, wrapping a gentle hand around his ankle.

“Its okay, Lenny.” She says softly. “It was an accident. You didn’t hurt anyone. Its fine. You’re fine. We’re safe, Lenny. I promise.”

Barry sits as well, grabbing a rag to wipe the blood from his face. Caitlin comes in to look at his hands, nose scrunching at having to do so on the unsanitary floor, but giving Len the time to calm before trying to move him. He allows his hands to be pried from his face, but keeps his eyes closed as he breaths harshly. Lisa starts counting for him, a slow and steady cadence to ease his frantic gasps. It reminds Barry of the other night, how even coming out of a nightmare Len still had enough control to do that himself. Sorrow churns inside him as he realizes that this situation sends Len deeper into a panic attack than his memories alone had.

The stitches have ripped open. Caitlin goes to give him pain meds, but he shakes his head vigorously in denial. The others don’t like it, but allow him to clench his teeth and let the pain ground him as they stitch the wounds once more. Cleaned and re-bandaged, breathing back under control, Lisa ushers her brother back to the bed.

“I’m sorry.” He chokes, finally looking at Barry.

“Don’t be.” Barry gives him a small smile. “It wasn’t your fault. You don’t need to apologize.”

Len is still shaking slightly, an after-effect of the attack. Lisa gets him some water and he closes his eyes to rest, putting his mind back in order. Barry leaves the room while Lisa stays and Caitlin hovers, checking him over.

Iris gives him a sad look when he comes out, pulling him in for a tight hug. Joe claps his shoulder, nodding. Its all Barry needs to know that Joe is supporting him, maybe even coming around on his thoughts regarding Len. Cisco is watching the siblings, twitching as if he wants to go in there and offer Lisa some comfort as well.

“What the hell is going on.” A gruff voice calls out, startling them as a newcomer appears for the second time that day. They whirl on him, Joe already pulling his weapon but the heat gun is trained on him first. Mick Rory stands at the entrance, glaring at them all.

“Heatwave?” Cisco shrieks, jumping back. Mick grunts in response, eyes flickering towards his partner.

“I’ll ask again. What the hell is going on.”

“Relax, Mick.” Lisa leaves her brother’s side long enough to calm the situation. “Just a panic attack, nothing we haven’t seen before. How about we all put the guns away. You can finish this pissing match later.”

Mick grunts and lowers his weapon instantly, waiting to holster it until Joe reluctantly does the same.

“Good.” Lisa snaps once the danger has passed. “Now, mind telling me what you’re doing here?”

“Angie.” Is all Mick grumbles in reply.

“Of course.” Lisa sighs, rubbing her head. “Alright, c’mon then.” She gestures him forward and Mick follows. Caitlin looks startled when he enters the room, but his eyes are locked solely on Len as she flits about him.

“Hey there, partner.” Mick grunts, gruff and soft all at once.

“Mick?” Len squints his eyes open in confusion.

Mick sits beside him, giving him a once over as he takes in the injuries. “Little birdie told me you were in a bad way. What stupid shit you gone and done this time?”

Len glares at him a bit before a smirk breaks through. “Oh, you know me, Mick. Life’s too boring without a little stupid every now and then. Gotta live on the edge, sometimes.”

Mick chuckles, relaxing into his chair. “Thought stupid was my thing.”

“Yeah, well. Can’t be perfect all the time.” Len sighs and Mick snorts before sobering. “Angie came looking. Said Tommy followed ya again.”

“Thomas worries too much.” Len brushes off, Mick giving him a hard look.

“Maybe.” He shrugs. “But Angie don’t. An you ‘n Lisa have been off the radar for nearly a week. I don’t remember being in any fires recently, so it makes me wonder whats got your panties in a twist this time ‘round.”

Len heaves a breath of laughter. “Ray of sunshine and sensitivity as always, Mick.”

“Shut up.” The pyro replies, grinning. “Yer just mad I don’t take your shit, drama queen you always are.”

“Please.” Len shifts, getting comfortable. “Like you don’t like a little drama. Or is Desperate Housewives no longer in your recently watched history?”

They bicker and banter pleasantly, easily. It calms Len faster than they would have thought, Lisa is even able to sneak him some food to munch on. They don’t talk feelings, they stay away from the hard subjects, but the sense of normality returns. Len is still subdued but grinning by the end of it, lids heavy as exhaustion weighs on him. Mick leaves him to sleep, throwing the music that had been off for most of the day back on. The broken glass and mess had already been cleaned, quilt and photo back in position. Its all back to how it was before, new bandages the only indication anything had even happened.

“Think you can explain, now? Angie was stingy on the details.” Mick directs the question to the room at large, Lisa’s eyes flitting to Barry. They all explain best they can, trying to keep Barry’s identity secret. That fails miserably within the first minute when Mick calls them out.

“So yer the Flash?” He looks at Barry.

“What?” Barry was stuttering, back-pedaling as he tried to think what gave it away.

“Please.” Mick snorts. “Snart’s had a thing for ya for awhile now. Only person he would trust enough to agree to bump uglies with without his usual pre-tango process.”

“What? You knew about that too?” Barry asks, cheeks heating.

Mick snorts again. “Knew him for years and he still spent two days going over everything with me first time I let him know I was interested. For him to say yes the first night like that shows he already trusts ya. Only person he trusts like that is the Flash, ever since Lewis showed his ugly face again. Only person he’d want quick like that too is ya. Been flirtin’ with ya since the day he saw yer face, kid. Hell, since the day he saw ya in that skin-tight suit.”

Shocked faces look back on him whilst Lisa snickers. Rory just rolls his eyes at their hesitation. “Please, I ain’t stupid. I’ll keep yer secret, kid. Snart would ice me in a heartbeat if I didn’t. Now, go on.” Everyone shares _looks_ , up until Lisa sighs and nods in exasperation for them to continue. Mick snarls and growls here and there, but plays nice till the story is done. Iris and Joe are hanging on just as tight as he is, hearing all the new facts added since they were enlightened to the situation. Barry decides that he is about 1,000% done telling this tale by the end of it.

Mick grunts once he is all caught up. “You all are idiots.” He shoots glares all around, lingering on Barry, Lisa, and his unconscious partner. “I need a drink. Don’t let him do any other stupid shit.” He huffs, nodding towards Len before leaving. Lisa laughs while the others stand dumbfounded.

“Mick and Len have a….special relationship. As in, a very close friendship in every aspect except those tricky heart-to-hearts they both avoid like the plague. Don’t let him fool you, though. Mick wouldn’t’ve come unless he cared.”

“If you say so.” Barry mutters, glaring at the space Mick disappeared into.

“Um…not to break this up, but Alan Scott got off work over twenty minutes ago. If you still want to corner him tonight, now would be the time, Barry.” Cisco is clearly uncomfortable, unsure how to handle Heatwave’s sudden appearance and disappearance on top of everything else.

Barry sighs, glancing at Len’s still sleeping form. “You’re right. I’ll be on the comms, tell me if anything changes.” He flashes into his suit and out of the labs without a backwards glance. He will get to the bottom of this, if not for Len’s sake then for his own.

XXX

The apartment is even more normal than Len’s house was. Barry has to remind himself that Alan Scott is an innocent civilian, whatever his connections to Bivolo, until Barry can prove he had some part in what had gone down.

So he takes a breath and knocks on the door. It’s nearing eight at night, but considering Alan should have just arrived home, it shouldn’t be an issue. It takes a few raps before the door is answered.

“Flash.” Alan stands before him dumbfounded for a few seconds before greeting him.

“Alan Scott.” His vocal cords and face are vibrating, disguising his identity. “We need to talk.”

Alan stares at him for a moment more before scrambling out of the way. “Of course, Flash. Please, come in.”

“Thank you.” Barry can’t help but, well, _flashing_  in. He just barely resists searching the rest of the space, content to wait for his host at the end of the entryway. Alan flicks back and forth between him and the empty doorway, shutting and locking his door quickly when his mind catches up.

“So…” He trails off, coming closer slowly with hands up. “I take it this isn’t because of my radio show. Don’t suppose you want a drink, either.”

“You’re right.” Barry inclines his head. “I’m here for information. Take it you know who its for.”

Alan sags, frowning as he leads the way further into his space. “At least let me get you some water or something. I’d be a terrible host otherwise.”

“I’m fine.” Barry frowns, following him even as the man grabs a glass and fills it with tap water before handing it his way.

“Please, Flash.” Alan sighs. “If you’re here, its for my boyfriend, and because he lost control again, no doubt.”

Reluctantly, Barry takes the glass even as the man goes to fill another, keeping it for himself. Silence lasts for a beat, Alan leading him to the living room where he plops down on the couch.

“Whatever Roy did…” Alan starts, slow and considering. “I can promise he didn’t mean it. He’s had….issues lately. Ever since we got together.”

“What sort of issues.” Barry asks, knowing this whole conversation is being transmitted to STAR labs and recorded there.

Alan sighs. “The sort of issues any new relationship faces. Especially a new relationship where one party can control the others emotions whether he wants to or not.”

Barry clenches his teeth, but nods to encourage the other man to continue. Alan sighs. “I know Roy may be a criminal. But he has only ever done it for the money, never to hurt anyone. Ever since he was broken out of your prison, he hasn’t robbed a single soul. He...didn't want to be locked up again. Went clean. Hasn't committed any new crimes. Not until his powers became too much for him to control. We’ve…had some issues. Whenever he got too excited, he wouldn’t be able to control himself. Pissed him off to no end. He always insisted that he only wanted to be with me because I wanted him, not because he had a hand in my emotions. I tried to convince him I was fine with it, that I did want him, but he refused to touch me when I got that way. It was effecting the both of us.”

“He robbed that bank, hoping to get everything under control again.” Alan continues. “But his emotions, his control, was all over the place. Rage, Fear, Sorrow, Lust; all were warring inside him. He got away with the money, but it was a hollow victory. Didn't solve anything, made it worse even. So he went to your base, knowing you had a device to counter his powers. He wanted me to have it. The...lenses STAR labs created. Wants me to wear them, for whenever we are together. Blindfolds work well enough, but he wants to look me in the eyes when we...are intimate. Wants to see how much I enjoy it, not just his own lust reflected back to him.”

Barry wants to argue, wants to scream and shout at this man for what Bivolo did to him. For what Bivolo had done to Len.

“I’m sorry, Flash.” Alan continues. “I know you are a good person. And I know Roy may not always have been. But he really has been trying, ever since we got together. Whatever he hit you with, whatever he did to you, I want you to know he didn’t mean it. He’s just been out of sorts lately, and that’s sent his powers out of his control as well. But ever since he got those goggles, ever since our relationship has settled, he’s been better. I want to apologize, on his behalf, for whatever pain he has caused. But I also want you to know, how much I care for him. And I truly am sorry, but I will never give him up to you. Not unless he purposefully goes back to his life of crime for good.”

Barry sits there for a few minutes, contemplating his words. He still feels such great anger at Bivolo, but he sees himself in this man before him. If someone had come to him, asking after Len for past crimes, he can see himself reacting the same way. He is torn, conflicted, and does the only thing he can think of.

“Guys?” He questions, bringing his hand up to the communicator. Its silent for a few seconds, showing the others are thinking this over just as much as he is.

“I don’t know, man.” Cisco eventually responds. “I mean, his record is clean. He might just be telling the truth.”

“I think he is.” Barry says, sending a quick glance Alan’s way. He still looks so sincere.

“He is just an innocent civilian.” Caitlin adds. “Whoever his partner might be.”

“I know.” Barry sighs, crumbling before turning off the comms. Its with resolve that he turns back to Alan. “Bivolo really hit me. Made me hurt someone I cared about quite a bit. But its not all his fault, and its definitely not yours either. What he did was wrong, but I won’t use you to get to him. If he stays out of trouble, then I won’t go after him either. But if he does pop up again, I swear to you I won’t rest until he is behind bars.”

“Thank you, Flash.” Alan is beaming at him. “I am so sorry for what has happened to you and your friend. But despite everything, Roy cares for me and I for him. Please, if he cannot tell you how sorry he is then let me. I pray that you and your friend are fine, and I wish you all the happiness and love this world can provide. Thank you, thank you so much for giving us a chance. For being the good man this city believes you to be. I will do everything in my power to keep Roy on the right side of the law, and hopefully we will be able to repay this chance, this trust you freely gave us. Thank you. Thank you so much, Flash.” Alan is smiling widely, a hint of tears in his eyes. Barry smiles back, small and soft and sad. He may still be pissed at Bivolo, but this man has done no harm. No one should be punished for who they love, regardless of their lovers’ history. Barry would be a hypocrite if he judged Alan for the same feeling Barry himself is starting to feel for Len.

Its with a nod that Barry leaves, determined to continue searching for Bivolo (his partner may thing he changed over a new leaf, but Barry still isn’t sold on the idea), but knowing this isn’t the route. It would just feel wrong to continue to pursue this line of inquiry. If Bivolo did in fact, keep to the honest side of the law, then he would have been reformed in a way that Barry never accomplished. And if he did show up on their radar again, well then Barry would have no issue throwing everything he had at the man. Either way, there was nothing else for Barry to do here tonight. He wonders if Len is still sleeping, if the others will still be there when he finishes the quick patrol he decides the city needs. There is still too much pent up energy flowing through his veins. He needs to run, needs to breath in the fresh air and fight as much crime as he can before returning to the labs tonight. And maybe, everything will be right once more in the morning. He knows it doesn’t work that way, but a man can always hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter up! Thanks to all who read, and congrates to any who recognized the new character! Alan Scott is a Green Lantern in DC comics, chosen after a train crash that kills his boyfriend. This will all take place before that, so no appearances of the Lanterns will be popping up in this story. Still, its fun to include other comic book characters when I can :)   
> I wanted to touch on the panic attack. I know it seems like it came out of nowhere, and in a way it kind of did. Panic and anxiety attacks don't always happen directly after an event. This one was triggered from a few things. All of Len's memories have been dragged to the surface lately, and with everything going on this one had sort of been building for awhile. It will be touched on much, much later, but basically the root cause in Len's mind was from when he was younger, and his father would hurt him whenever he was too slow or too injured for Lewis' tastes. Basically, Len still struggling with depression and all those complex emotions just caused it to boil over. Small explanation, but I wanted to give you all an idea, and it didn't fit into the story to explain it quite yet.  
> My writing has slowed a bit, the chapters I've been penning recently have been on the longer side so they take more time to write. Still, I like to keep up many updates, so that should only slow once I get caught up to what I have done so far. Thank all of you who have been reading and leaving such amazing comments! Hope you enjoyed this chapter, there will be some dark stuff coming up in the next from Len's past, so consider yourselves forewarned.  
> Video for this chapter:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAeFe-Vh9as ColdFlash-Just Like You  
> Up next: Joe has his first conversation with Len. Barry and Len talk about their relationship, and Len opens up more about his past.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe has his first conversation with Len. Barry and Len talk about their relationship, and Len opens up more about his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: Recounting events that include torture and murder, mentions of past rape.

Len is awake when Barry gets back. He had another nightmare, a bad one if the looks the others are shooting his way are any indication. Afterwards, Lisa had sat with him as he refused to even try going back to sleep yet. Its talk everyone is familiar with by now, seeing as Len and Lisa never really discuss what is bothering him. Its a lot like how Mick was with him, simple and light conversation, some joking and easy banter. Len stays mostly quiet, but slowly relaxes again the longer it goes on.

Joe is just heading in to have his first conversation with the man since he has been here when Iris pulls Barry aside.

“I definitely get it now, Barry.” She smiles softly at him.

“Get what?” He rubs his neck, sheepish and apprehensive and curious all at once.

“You and Len.” She grins, both glancing at the man. “You were right. There is a lot more to him than any of us wanted to see. And even if he denies it, I think you’re doing him good. You help people, Barry. Even without the feelings you clearly have for him now, you would still be here doing what you can to help. I don’t know what’s going to happen when he leaves. If he’ll go back to how he was before, or if he’ll keep letting us see more of this side of him. But if you want to go after him, I’ll be in your corner. Dad can’t say no to both of us for long. Besides, he’s even warming up to Len crazy fast if we're being honest." She shares a smile with Barry, both of them remembering the cold shoulder Eddie received at the beginning. "Have you talked to him, yet? Len? About the two of you, I mean?”

“Once.” Barry sighs, knowing he’s been putting it off. “He changed the subject pretty fast. But it was the day after everything happened, and I did bring it up right after dropping my side of the story on him. It must have been a lot to process. I’ve been giving him some time to think, waiting to see if he’ll bring it up again or not.”

“I think you should talk to him again.” Iris is using that _tone_. The tone that says she knows she is right. Its the tone that makes Barry believe she is right, too.

“You need to clear the air, make sure both of you know where you stand. Communication is important in relationships, and with how complex everything is with you two…it would just be a bad idea to go into it without everything on the table. I know this might be a low blow and you might not want to hear it, but keeping important information back was how you got into this situation. Don’t make that mistake again, Barry. I love you, but if you put that man through this again, I just might have to remind you that I can kick your ass just as well as I did when we were kids.” She is smiling, amusement taking the sting or her playful (yet oddly serious) threat away.

“Thanks, Iris.” Barry smiles too. “It really means a lot to me. You being okay with this, that is.”

“Anytime, Barry.” She shoos him away. “Now go save him before Dad can give him the third degree.

Barry looks up, Lisa just leaving with a wary look as Joe takes her vacated seat.

“Snart.” Joe says, face closed off just like it always is during interrogations.

“Detective.” Len replies, sounding strange without the bite it usually carries.

“Listen.” Joe sighs, scrubbing his face. “I know that you’ve had a rough go of it. I know that I have had a lot of problems with you in the past. Still have a lot of problems, if I’m being honest. But Barry….Barry is an adult. He can make his own choices, choose his own partners. I don’t know if any of this will work out, but I do know the both of you have a lot to loose should you decide to continue or pursue….whatever this is. Barry could loose his job, could go to jail. And I imagine it wouldn’t be safe for you either if some of the other criminals in your circle found out about him. And that's just the jobs. Your...alter-egos serve as another issue. Not to mention the age difference. To be clear, I don’t approve of this. But, I won’t stop him and I won’t stop you should you do this. I only ask the same thing of you that I ask of Barry. Think this through, long and hard Snart, before going forward. There are a lot of issues, a lot of danger to the both of you. You and him have to be smart about this. And if you hurt my son, if you betray him like you did back at Ferris Air, then remember that I am still a police detective. I can lock you up again faster than you can blink.”

Len sits there, taking it in and mulling it over. He doesn’t smirk, he doesn’t defend or threat or deflect. He takes his time, eventually nodding as he replies. “Thank you, Detective. I’ll bear that in mind.”

Joe rolls his eyes at the slightly mortified look Barry is sending him. “Well, I said my piece. I’ll give you some time to talk. Goodnight, Barr.” He claps a hand on Barry’s shoulder in farewell as Iris and him head out for the night. Lisa is over sweet-talking Cisco, occasionally bantering with Caitlin when she zeroes in too much on her work.

Len gives Barry an amused smile when he sits down with a groan.

“Sorry about that.”

“Don’t be.” Len tuts. “Its nice. Shows he cares.”

Barry snorts and the two sit there in peace, Barry wondering how to broach the subject. Len beats him to it, face hardening as he lets a frail semblance of his usual mask slip back into place.

“This can’t work out, Barry. Why would you even want it too?” He looks genuinely confused as he turns to Barry.

Barry frowns, unsure which sentence upset him more. That Len didn’t think they could do this, or the fact that Len couldn’t comprehend Barry wanting to be with him.

“You’re wrong.” Barry says quietly. “Its like Joe said. There is a lot of stuff that might get in the way. A lot of things we’ll need to talk about, come up with plans or compromises or whatnot. But it isn’t impossible. And your smart, Len. If anyone could figure out how to make this work with all that, it would be you. And…and there are so many reasons that I want to do this with you, Len. It isn’t just for the sex. Yeah, I may have more limited options than most for who I can sleep with, but even I know there could be ways around that too.”

Barry takes a breath before continuing. “You’re…you’re so much more than you see in yourself. You’re loyal. Protective. There is good in you, no matter the bad you’ve been through and the bad that might be in there as well. You care. I know you care. Most importantly, you _try_. Most people would have given up by now. Most people would have thrown all those lines you have away and just let themselves become the monster they were raised to be. But despite it all, despite toeing the line and falling and failing sometimes, you still pick yourself back up. You try again and again and again. Try to be the man you want to be. Try to be the man I see in you. That’s all I could ever ask for. I know you might never really change, might never stop thieving, might never stop being a criminal. I don’t expect you to give it all up, I don't want you to if you don't either, but there is so much more to you than you let people see. And so long as you are willing to try to be the man we both know you could be, then all I want is the chance to try with you. To be there when you fall. When you fail. To support and help when you need it. To be there when you succeed. I want to be there for it all, Len.”

Len avoids his eyes, shaking his head. “You deserve so much more, Barry. You’re good. Pure. There’s a reason you’re a _hero_ , Barry. A reason I’m the villain. I told you before. I’m a liar. A thief and a criminal. I rob people. I hurt them. I’m a murderer. I was sixteen the first time I killed, Barry. I already had blood on my hands I could never wash away before you were even _born_. That won’t ever change, Barry.”

“Its in the past.” Barry states firmly. “I know you’ve made a lot of mistakes. And I know that everything that happened to you, that everything you did, has all led you here. I don’t want to change you into something you aren’t, Len. And while I may not like what you’ve done, I also know that I _can_  accept your past. I _do_ accept your past. The only thing that matters to me is what you choose to do from here on out. The type of person you _want_ and  _try_  to be, Len.”

“There’s a reason I don’t do relationships, Barry.” Len is tense, doing his best to push Barry away or change his mind without ever actually saying no. It shows how conflicted he is, how much he wants this even if he doesn’t want to admit it. “I’ve only been in two serious relationships. Angie got the short end of the stick out of it. I knew better than to get involved with her, and I did anyways. That job I went on with Mick? The Alexa job? I took Angie’s brother with us on it. He was the third member of our crew. And he wasn’t so lucky”.

Len pauses, sucking in a breath before continuing. “He got caught, thrown in the slammer, and within a month Lewis had gutted him with a smuggled shank just to get at me. Just because I was _friends_ with the man. I had gone to ground, didn’t find out until it was too late. Angie couldn’t support herself and her son on her own, not without a degree or experience to get herself a decent job. She had to sell her body after she lost her position as a hairdresser to feed and shelter Thomas and her. She has HIV now because of it. Because I fucked up and I made the call that put her brother and her family in danger. Because I was the one who let them down and stayed away until the damage was already done.”

Barry remembers how protective Thomas was of Len. How loving they were. The sorrow that flares up at Len blaming himself for their misfortune is hot and heavy. All he wants to do is reassure the man, to keep on assuring that it wasn’t his fault, will never be his fault, until the stubborn man believes it. Len isn’t done yet, however.

“And god, Michael.” He chokes, emotion catching in his throat. “He and I were in high school together. His parents weren’t the best, but he had a decent home life. For whatever reason, he wanted to be my friend. Wanted more, before long. Jesus, I wanted him too. He was a lot like you probably were at that age. Still growing into his tall limbs, thin and lanky in the most adorable way. Brown hair that always looked like he just woke up. And his eyes.” Len smiles at the memory.

“Fuck, his eyes were so _pure_ , Barry. He was always so happy, so innocent and trusting. He didn’t want to see the bad in me either. Told me I could be more than Lewis wanted me to be. Made me believe that maybe he was right, that maybe things would get better. He was my first kiss." Len pauses, a soft yet small smile blooming from the memory. "And it may have been selfish, I was already so tainted by then, but I clung to him and hoped that maybe some of that goodness and innocence would rub off on me too.”

His eyes darken, all the warning Barry needs to know that this is the bad part. That this is where everything went wrong for them. “Lewis found out. Still not sure how. Maybe we weren’t careful enough. Maybe _I_ wasn’t careful enough. Don’t know and doesn’t matter. All I know is that Lewis was pissed. Spouting off about how _wrong_  it was. I called him a hypocrite, saying if I was wrong for wanting that, then he was wrong for what he had done to me. Lewis just laughed. Actually, _laughed_.” Len’s voice breaks again, taking a few breaths before continuing calmer than before.

“He said that it wasn’t wrong. That it didn’t count, just like it doesn’t count in prison. That because I didn’t want it, because he forced it, it somehow made it okay. Just another show of dominance, another way to teach me _lessons._ Because loving or even wanting the same sex that way was somehow worse than r-rape. He wanted me to move on. To let those urges go. To be the man he wanted me to be. I told him no. He took me for a drive.”

“Michael was waiting for us at Lewis’ hunting cabin. Not sure if Lewis grabbed him or had someone else do it for him. He was hurt and scared and confused and already crying by the time we got there. I begged Lewis to let him go. He put a gun into my hands and told me to kill him instead. To kill the _wrong_ in me as I killed Michael. I refused, so Lewis shot him. Continued to shoot him, his feet and legs, working up to his hands and arms. Michael was screaming, and Lewis was going to keep going until I pulled the trigger.”

Len isn’t crying, but there is moisture in his eyes and his voice is thick. Barry _is_  crying, reaching out to grasp his hand for comfort. Len squeezes back, locking his eyes on their joined hands as he goes on. “I wanted to kill him. Lewis. I turned on him and aimed the gun he put in my hands. I wanted to kill him so bad, but I hesitated. If he was gone, there was no one else for me and Lisa to go to. She was still young, and I had a record. If I killed him, then Lisa and I could be separated. There was a good chance I might never see her again. So I hesitated, and Lewis shot me.”

Len reaches across with his free hand to absently rub at his shoulder. “My shoulder was on fire. Lewis shoved me around to face Michael again, keeping me in place so I couldn’t try to pull that shit again. Lewis kept going as if nothing had happened. I was screaming. Michael was screaming. My ears were ringing from the shots. There was so much pain. So much blood, most of it his. I just wanted the screaming to stop. So I pulled the trigger. I shot him until he wasn’t screaming anymore. Kept going until the mag was empty. Kept on pulling the trigger until Lewis took the gun from my hands. Told me how proud he was. How proud I made him, killing Michael.”

“He bandaged me up, made sure I learned how to dispose of the body before taking me to get the bullet removed. He knew some med school drop out that did stuff like that on the down-low. Pretty sure he messed some stuff up with the stitches. That scar still hurts worse than any of my others do. Brought me to a motel to celebrate after that. Got me drunk even though I was high on painkillers. Paid some crack whores to help us have some _fun._ ” Len face scrunches in distaste, sneering as he uses the word Lewis did to describe the following events.

“They were desperate enough for the cash and drugs that they didn’t care what state I was in. Didn’t care I didn’t want it. Lewis paid them enough to do what he asked. Told them to fuck the gay out of me. Not sure how many days we were there. How many girls Lewis brought it. Came out of it with an infected shoulder and a handful of STIs that took a few months to treat. I’m just lucky I didn’t catch anything permanent. Didn’t so much as look at anyone else for a hook-up until long after I was out of the house. Didn’t try for anything serious again. Not till Angie. And that went to shit too.”

Len is silent for a moment. The way he shifts and looks away make it clear he didn’t plan on divulging that much. But once he started talking, he just couldn’t seem to stop until he got the whole story off his chest.

Barry is still crying softly, their hands are clenched desperately as Len finishes after a few beats to center himself again. “That’s why I don’t do relationships, Barry.” He’s talking quietly, rubbing Barry’s knuckles with his thumb. “I’m poison. I only ever hurt people, Barry. Even the ones I don’t want to. _Especially_  the ones I don’t want to. That day, it changed me. There was no going back from that. And every time I killed since then, it only ever got easier. I know Lewis forced me into that situation. But there are others. Some not-so-innocent, but also some who were. Who I killed, without anyone forcing my hand. Without anyone to blame but myself. I may not like it, but I know myself enough to know that it could easily happen again.”

He finally meets Barry's eyes, hard and guilt-ridden as he emphasizes the point he is making. “Everyone has a reason, a situation that could lead to them to take a life. I have hundreds of reasons, hundreds of situations where even now I wouldn’t hesitate to kill. I know you want to believe in me, Barry. I know you want to see the good. But that bad…it’s a part of me, and I don’t think it will ever go away. If anyone I cared about was in danger, no matter how insignificant, I would do it again in a heartbeat. That’s the difference between us. Because you wouldn’t. You put your own life on the line, risking everything to _stop_  people. To stop people like me, but never to kill. That’s something I can’t afford to do. I can’t hesitate again, Barry. I can’t give that chance, can’t risk myself or those I care for in that way. I can’t loose someone like I lost Michael. I can’t.”

Barry has so many things he wants to say. He wants to comfort him, even knowing it would make Len draw away. That he would see the sympathy and translate it to pity. So Barry takes some time, lets himself plan every reassurance he could give to Len regarding what he has told him before filing it all away for a later date. Then he composes himself, ordering his thoughts and moving on.

“Okay.” He says softly, bringing his other hand to hold Len’s as well. “Okay. I wanted honesty, and you gave me that. This…this is something we can work with, Len. One of those plans, those compromises that we need. I know you’re afraid to put yourself out there again. Afraid that this relationship might not work out. Might end like the ones in your past. But you aren’t poison, Len. I swear you aren’t. It might be dangerous, but I fight a city full of super-powered criminals. Danger is already a part of my life, and I don’t want you giving up on this because you’re worried about me. Lewis is gone, Len. You made sure he would never hurt anyone again. And whatever or whoever else we might face, I would want to be able to face that threat together.”

“We both know I don’t like killing." Barry makes sure Len sees how serious, how honest he is right now. "But I’ve seen you do it before in the past, and even then I was able to move on. I will never like it, but I think its something I can live with. I asked you not to kill and you kept your word. Since our deal, Lewis was the only life you took. And that’s something that I don’t regret you doing. I shouldn’t have let you go to prison for that. It may be wrong in the eyes of the law, but you did it for the right reasons. You did it to protect people you care about. And so long as that’s the only reason you kill anyone else from now on, I think…I think I can live with that too. Whatever else may happen, whatever mistakes we make in the future, we can face those when we get there.”

Barry brings Len’s hand to his mouth, gently kissing the bandaged knuckles. “I still want this, Len. I still want to be with you. Do you think….would you be able to….do you want that, too? Us, together, I mean?”

Len stares at him for a long moment, conflict warring in his eyes. “Yes.” He finally breathes, almost shocked at his own admission. Barry smiles, kissing him again. “Then I don’t see any reason we shouldn’t give this a shot.”

“I guess your right.” Len smiles slowly, uncertainty clear in his features. “Tell me what you want me to do, Red.”

“Just this.” Barry smiles. “Just keep trying. Keep being yourself. And please, don’t push me away again if you can. I’ll be here for you as long as you’ll let me.”

Len nods, steeling himself before leaning forward. He moves slowly, giving Barry plenty of time to withdraw. He hesitates an inch away, breath mingling as Barry closes the gap. Its a chaste kiss, slow and tasting of salt from Barry’s tears. Its still the sweetest kiss he has ever had, and Barry melts into it instantly. Len lingers a moment more before pulling away, foreheads leaning together.

“This…scares me, Barry.” Len admits quietly, something Barry never would have dreamed he would hear the man say. It sends a pang through his chest as Barry kisses him quickly once more.

“It’s okay.” He says gently. “It’s okay to be scared. I’m here, Len. I’m here for you.”

Len kisses him again, the tears that have been kept at bay throughout his tale falling as he pulls the other man close. Whatever reservations they might have, Len knows he wants this. Wants it more than he has wanted anything in a long time. And maybe, just maybe, this time everything would work out for him. He hasn’t let himself hope for anything in years. It feels foreign, allowing that hope to bloom once more. Barry kisses his tears away, uttering sweet nothings in between pecks as he reassures and the two grasp closer. Lisa and the others give them space, and no one says a word when Barry drags a cot into the room to sleep near Len that night. The darkness pulls him under, and Len is thankful that no more nightmares visit him as he slumbers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there's that. They finally talked things through! I know a lot of people have Michael as Len's son, but I always felt like that name had to come from someone from Len's past. Hence, the high school boyfriend. With what we know from Lewis, I feel like he would definitely be homophobic. Its extreme, but violence against gay couples is still a very real and present threat. For someone like Lewis, I could see him wanting Michael killed for no reason other than loving someone of his same sex. Its fucked up, but there are a lot of people out there who still think that way. Having Len finish the deed was another lesson, trying to condition his son away from same-sex relationships. It sucks, but all of this shows the reasons behind Len's hesitation to get close to people.   
> I want to thank everyone for reading, with special thanks to all who left such lovely comments. Having so many chapters pre-written is a lovely feeling, letting me post so often :) I hope you all continue to enjoy, and I will see you next chapter!  
> Video for this chapter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fsRUi_qufo0 ColdFlash-Call Me  
> Up next: Iris and Len have a conversation. Two members of Team Flash arrive at STAR labs. Len does a lot of thinking, and comes close to falling back to his old ways.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris and Len have a conversation. Two members of Team Flash arrive at STAR labs. Len does a lot of thinking, and comes close to falling back to his old ways.

Iris stops by the next morning on her way to work. The labs are quiet and still in those early hours, broken only by her echoing footsteps. Last night had been difficult, seeing someone who had always seemed so strong, struggling so much. His anxiety had been slowly building enough to garner all their attention. Still, his reaction had shocked everyone. She can still hear the wet smacks his fists made against the wall. Can still see the blood left there. More than anything, she remembers his eyes. How horrified he had been after Barry stepped in and took a glancing blow. How he had struggled to breathe, Lisa counting gently for him to keep his hyperventilating from spiraling further out of control.

It had been a humbling and terrifying experience for all who witnessed it. While in college, she had seen anxiety and panic attacks. Had done her best to help her friends through them. Last night had been the final straw in shifting her view. Last night, Captain Cold had finally become Len to her. He had become human in her mind in a way she refused to fully see him as before. And that had sent the guilt flaring to life.

“Miss West.” He seems surprised to see her. Wearing what has become his usual dark gray sweats, he is bent over and tying his shoe laces as she walks in.

“Please, I think we can move past the last names, Len. After all, you are dating my brother now, right?” She smiles at him.

“Iris.” He tilts his head in acknowledgement, giving her a searching look. “I’m afraid you just missed Barry. Took some doing, but I finally convinced him to go back to his day job.”

“I didn’t come here to see Barry.” She can see the startled suspicion flicker across his face before a neutral mask slips into place at her next words. “I came here to see you.”

“Ah, and to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit, _Iris._ ” He drawls her name in the same way he had with Miss West, dripping cold formality.

“I came here to apologize, Len.” She lets her smile fall, allowing her sincerity to show through. He pauses again, brow creasing in puzzlement as he nods for her to continue. She takes a breath before going on. “I was out of line, at Christmas. You came to us to warn Barry. I was scared and angry and hurt at the time, and even though you weren’t the one causing those feelings, I lashed out. You didn’t deserve that. What I said was wrong, and I wanted to let you know how sorry I am. It won’t happen again.”

He looks even more confused for a moment before realization dawns. A smirk breaks out, amusement coloring his tone. “I see. Though, technically, you didn’t say anything wrong. We all did have rough childhoods. Some of us just take longer… _getting over it_  than others.” His nose scrunches slightly in disgust towards the end, but they both know it isn’t directed her way.

“No, Len, you’re not…that was absolutely the worst thing for me to say. I won’t pretend to know everything you and Lisa went through, but I knew more than enough at the time to know what a vicious thing that was for me to tell you. Barry and I had it rough, for sure. But we had Joe, who loved us and cared for us and protected us. He helped us through the bad, and heaped on the good. You and Lisa, you didn’t have that. The person who should have provided that for you gave you pain instead. I knew that. Knew he hurt you, knew he put a bomb in his own daughter’s head, knew the lengths you went to protect her. Our upbringings, our experiences don’t compare. It was insensitive of me to even lump them together, to try to belittle what you had been through.”

He waves her off before she can keep going. “It’s fine.” His tone has softened, eyes looking anywhere but at her. “I know how you do-gooder’s love to apologize, so I’ll accept it. But there really isn’t a need. Whatever your intentions, whatever your ignorance or lack thereof, doesn’t change the fact that your words didn’t have an effect on me. I know the past few days have probably changed a lot of your opinions regarding, well, me. How I am now…its not how I usually operate. I’ve had years of dealing with all this, have walls and protections in place to stop….certain feelings. To block out and shove down the bad. What happened a few days ago broke those walls. It lets the bad back in, leaves me defenseless from the memories and attacks. It takes time, rebuilding those walls. They’ll be different now than before. Shifts in perceptions and relationships and all. But they’ll still be there again. There is no need to treat me with care, Iris. I’m not fragile. I’m not _weak_. I promise I won’t break. So don’t loose any more sleep over something I haven’t lost a wink over.”

“Len.” She smiles as she sits next to him, leaving a comfortable distance between them. “You know, the more time I spend around you, the more I see why Barry has always insisted how good you were. I know you don’t let people in easily. Know you don’t let them see you as you really are. But that doesn’t change what I see now, what I remember reflections of seeing before. Whatever you’ve done in the past, whatever _I’ve_ said or done to you, I want to start over. You’re important to my brother, and whether you admit it or not, I know Barry is important to you. So as my brother’s….whatever you two are, I don’t want there to be any issues between us. Not from past actions, anyways. I already told Barry not to mess this up last night. I think you can be really good for each other. And while I know we aren’t friends, maybe one day…we can be.”

“Friends.” Len rolls the word around his tongue, staring into the distance. “Never had many of those. Never needed them. Somehow, I doubt that’s going to last.”

“Never.” Iris snickers. “Not so long as Barry has any say in the matter.”

“Oh, I blame him for it entirely.” He is smiling now, sarcasm dripping with fondness. Iris stays for a few more minutes, simple and light conversation before Lisa and Cisco arrive with breakfast in hand and Iris takes her cue to leave. Its pleasant, and Iris is delighted to find that she really does enjoy spending time with him. His charm and wit and snark quickly won her over. Criminal or not, Len is the first relationship Barry has been in that she can proudly say she wholly approves of.

So its with a grin and a skip in her steps that she heads out to face the day, happy for her brother’s happiness. And when she ends up late to work, she takes the slight reprimand in stride. After all, nothing can dim her joy this morning. And for the first time since he passed, Iris allows herself to really remember Eddie. Remember the joy, the love that she had fought to forget for so long, crowded in grief. Its a beautiful feeling, remembering love, however bittersweet it felt. And she knows, in whatever obscure way, she has Len to thank for finding the courage to face these memories once more. Perhaps it wasn’t only Barry Len was good for. Perhaps he would be good for all of them. Now she just had to help him and the others see that as well.

XXX

Jay Garrick was annoyed. No, he was pissed, pissed in the way that only one man seemed to get a rise out of him. Harrison Wells was the epitome of arrogance. Self-assured in his intellect and fortunes, ego vastly inflated by his fans, his accomplishments, and all the press attention. Didn’t change the fact that everything going wrong in their world lately was tied directly back to him. His clean-up attempts were pitiful, but that wasn’t the issue Jay had with him. The issue was, despite all the chaos and death, Wells still hadn’t owned up to his mistake. And that never sat well with Jay.

“Did we really have to spend so long there? Zoom could have found us any moment. We could have been making some real headway back at STAR labs instead of sneaking around our Earth for a week and a half.” Jay does his best, but disdain still manages to saturate his tone.

“We were making headway, Garrick.” Wells snaps. “The materials and equipment I needed don’t exist on this Earth. Now, we have vastly better odds of defeating Zoom and saving my daughter. This tech could be what Barry needs to take him on, to stop him. And the information we gathered doesn’t hurt either. We know where she is now, after all. We know where he’s keeping my daughter.”

“Information we found on our third day there. That mine is inaccessible to anyone but a speedster. And as neither of us currently possess the ability to run up a mountain, I don’t see why we didn’t leave a week ago.” Jay knows he’s being petty, bickering like this. But he doesn’t like the man and doesn’t like going back to his Earth now. Without his speed, there is nothing he can do to help. All the death and the destruction feels like a slap to his face, knowing how he failed his city. Hell, his world. Reports had trickled in of Zoom sightings all over the country now. Soon it would be over-seas as well.

“Yes, but that doesn’t change the fact that some of these materials, especially the more complex equipment, are hard to come by. Do you know how difficult it is to acquire all that without tipping everyone off that I stopped back by the city?” Wells gripes, striding ahead of the other man as they enter the cortex. Their time on their Earth had been strained, keeping to the shadows to avoid detection while they went about their business. The strain hadn’t faded, no small amount of resentment between the men even with their current co-operation.

The familiar whirring sound stops them both cold. A man stands a few feet before them, dressed in a sweat-soaked gray sweatsuit, cheeks still pink from exertion and salt-and-pepper buzz cut glistening damply in the light. His eyes and face are firm, hard and unwavering as the cold gun he holds, pointed straight at the two men.

“M-mayor Snart?” Jay finds his voice first, disbelief plain as he stares at the man who once gave him the key to the city.

The man tilts his head to give him a confused, deliberating look. “Mayor ain’t on my resume.” He eventually drawls. “And you can call me Cold. Now, you have about three seconds to explain what a dead man and a stranger are doing in these labs before my trigger finger gets…twitchy.”

Jay and Wells both hold their hands up, quickly realizing that this is not, in fact, the Leonard Snart that they know.

At their stunned silence, _Cold_  seems to loose some patience. “One.” He huffs, threat clear in his voice.

“Two.” He drawls, stepping closer before another voice cries out.

“No! Stop!”

XXX

The morning had been…interesting. Len waking up with Barry mere feet away, turned to face him even in sleep. Memories of the past day; the past night’s conversation. Len felt instantly exposed, and also strangely at ease, somehow all at once. It left him shaky, unsure how to handle all these new dynamics he suddenly had with these people. They knew too much, had seen too much, and he had to take time to re-evaluate all this within his mental boundaries. So while it might have taken more manipulation and begging than he would have otherwise allowed; Barry left for work in the end.

Iris was unexpected, but manageable. By the time she left, he found that he really hadn’t minded her stop-in. It was something he still wasn’t quite comfortable with, but appreciated nonetheless. She had _apologized_  to him, worried her words had made him uncomfortable. No one had ever apologized to him for something as insignificant as that. He was used to hollow apologies and violent threats. It left him wrong-footed, with the kindness and care these people where showing him.

So when Lisa and Cisco came in with breakfast, he did something he had been putting off since he got here. He worked out. The energy may have still felt sapped from him, but he knew he needed to force through it. He had been inactive for far too long, and was restless from it. Injuries and lack of motivation aside, he was used to forcing himself to go through this routine. Besides, the endorphin's released would help him. It would only take a few minutes, pushing himself past his reluctance, before the rush would settle in.

Cisco led him to a small gym they still had set up. There was plenty of open space, a wall of free weights, and a handful of machines set up in the large room. He instantly went to work, following a routine so familiar from his time behind bars. It all started out with a dynamic warn-up. Slowly loosening himself and letting his heartbeat increase at a decent rate. He spent twenty minutes on this, solely based in body-weight exercises with gradually increasing reps and difficulties.

From there, he had the benefit of a treadmill at his disposal. He ran three miles, keeping it to sprint intervals, alternating between a slow jog and breath-taking sprint every other tenth mile. His feet ached and his healing ribs burned alongside his chest, but it wasn’t by far the first time he worked out with injuries. It was grounding and calming in a way he was accustomed to. He returned to body weight exercises after, added in weights where he could. It was good to keep in shape, could be life or death for someone in his line of work. So he ignored the pain and focused on the burn; the rush that filled him. Pyramids were his exercise of choice today, working up to failure and then back down in intervals of two for every exercise he completed.  

It was exhausting in the best sort of way. His body ached in accomplishment by the time he called it a day. Switching to a cool-down intercepted with static stretches calmed his heart as his sweat slowed and cooled. It was something he knew. Could control. Could use to control his errant mind. Easier to focus on his breaths, on his aches and pains than the mental mine-field of turmoil that awaited him. The rush filled him, centering him in ways he hasn’t been able to achieve since arriving here.

It was all to easy to lay there, cool-down completed and breathing only somewhat heavy as he contemplated everything. Lisa was at home here, at home in ways he hasn’t seen her be around so many people since….well, ever. And he knew that he also felt the same way. He had kidnapped Caitlin, had threatened and scared her in ways he could never repay for. And she had yet to bring any of that up, simply accepting him as her patient and doing her best to help. The same went for Cisco, despite the black frostbite that painted Dante’s fingers from Len’s own doing, and despite the anguish Len had caused those brothers. He knew Lisa told them more about his reasoning's than he would usually be comfortable with, but their kindness still caught him off guard. He still hasn’t apologized. Wasn’t sure he ever could.

But he wanted too. God, did he want to. They were good people, who didn’t deserve the darkness he dragged around him. But saying the words, sincerely apologizing…he wasn’t sure if he could do that. Apologizing meant he made a mistake. Mistakes were unacceptable. Mistakes got him _hurt _.__ He just wasn’t sure how to get his point across. He didn’t want to dismiss it. But he didn’t want to face that _pity_. That pity that he caught enough glances of lately. That pity that made him feel just as small and weak and powerless as he had back then. Back then when he was bleeding and whimpering on the floor, too broken to stand up and stop their father from finishing his rage on Lisa.

It took some doing, but he shoved all the insecurities back down. Standing up and heading out, he returned to the level that had essentially become his safe zone for the past few days. He needed a change of clothes, needed to see the others there before he showered and ate for the beginning of the day.

Unfamiliar voices greeted him as he rifled through the duffle Lisa had brought him. The voices, the words they spoke, didn’t matter. It was an unknown. An unknown in a place he had already let his guard drop. Against his will, his heart rate kicked up a notch once more. Grabbing his cold gun, he swung with vicious defense towards the entryway. They were getting closer, whoever they were. And he wasn’t about to allow the unexpected to catch him off-guard once more so soon after….

_Barry._ His mind unhelpfully supplied. _After you-_

_No!_  He shook his head with an aggressive banishment of those harmful thoughts. Lisa, Barry, the others, they had all-

He didn’t-

It wasn’t like _Lewis _-__

Len hadn’t _raped _-__

He snarled, silencing those thoughts. The voices were right outside. They weren’t here for Len. They couldn’t be, no one outside this trusted circle of people knew he was even here. That only left Barry. And if these voices belonged to those who wished Barry harm, then Len would do what he could to neutralize the threat. Barry had suffered enough. Len wouldn’t let him suffer more. He couldn’t. He _wouldn’t._

Harrison Wells (alive in a way Len knew he wasn’t) strode in, followed by a large, blonde-haired stranger. Len didn’t know these people. Didn’t trust these people. It took nothing for him to raise his weapon. _Sorry Barry._  He thought, recalling their earlier conversation. It was like he had told the other man. He wouldn’t, _couldn’t,_ hesitate again. He couldn’t take another _Michael._ Especially not so soon after they had started…this. _Forgive me _,__ flitted through his mind, but did nothing to stay his hand. The cold gun whirred to life, stopping the intruders in their path.

“M-mayor Snart?” The blonde caught him off guard. Mayor, something he definitely wasn’t. Snart, most definitely the name his father _gifted_ him. So these two weren’t from around here then.

It was easy to goad, to taunt these men. He saw the fear in their eyes, and recoiled internally even as he held steady. Never let the fear show. It would make it worse. They would sense it, would hurt him so much worse-

He threatened, forcing his hand to remain steady, his expression blank as he had learned all those years ago. He didn’t know these people. He didn’t _know._

“One.” He forced his voice to remain steady, deadly.

“Two.” The should-be dead man opened his mouth, as if to answer. But another, more familiar voice, cut in first.

“No! Stop!” Cisco called, racing in to stand between them. Len didn’t even register dropping his gun until it hung at his side.

“They’re on our side. It’s okay!” Cisco babbled, trying to ease the tension. Lisa stood off to the side, looking like she wished her gold gun was in hand.

“Explain.” Len bit out, eyes never leaving the intruders. Cisco launched into a fantastical explanation, including alternate worlds and speedless-speedsters. Len cut him off as soon as he realized how long and headache-inducing this would be.

“You trust them?” Was all he asked.

“Yes.” Cisco breathed as he deflated.

“Alright.” Len replied, keeping his weapon on hand even as he gathered his clothes. “Then all this can wait until after I shower and get some food and coffee into me.”

Lisa gave him a look as he left, but Len couldn’t bear to look back. Not after what he did, what he had almost done. Less than a day, and he had already let Barry down. The sickness curled and settled in his gut, reminding him of all that was _wrong_  within him. He pushed it down, refusing to break again so soon after last night. He would shower, he would eat, and he would be civil and listen. And Barry would be back later, and maybe everything would be alright again. It had to be. It _had_ to be. Thinking otherwise was-

The warm spray soothed him, gave him a focus to banish the negative. He breathed hard and just let himself _be _,__ accepting the by now near-scalding downpour as calming punishment. It would be alright. _It would be alright._

It took effort, but he pushed it all down and centered himself once more. He had allowed too much lately, had shown too much. Barry would never take him as-is. Barry deserved better, deserved someone less broken. But Len was selfish, was aching and longing for what he didn’t deserve. He was a thief, first and foremost, and would do everything in his power to keep this most precious adoration Barry had placed in him. Would cling to and chase after him for as long as Barry allowed. Because he had given Len a taste of everything that could be good and joyful for him, and Len would do anything he could to keep that light in the dark recesses of his life for as long as he was able.

He couldn’t go back to his life before this miracle known as Barry Allen. He couldn’t. He _refused._ He-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go! Another chapter up :) I can't believe how long this story is getting. I think its going to be around 300+ pages on the word document I use to write it by the time I'm done! Thank all of you who have stuck with me thus far! I know there has been quite a bit of hurt, and will be a bit more before focusing more on driving the plot and timeline once more. Oh, and FYI, all of this thus far has taken place within about a week of the first chapter. Another 10 or so chapters of following the more day-to-day of it all before some time-jumps will come into play. Comments are always love, and I love reading them, so I want to thank each and every one of you who takes the time to drop me a line on your take-aways and thoughts :) It truly does kindle the fire to keep this story moving at such a quick posting schedule. I have a handful more videos saved, but will be running out soon. If anyone has any they want to send me, feel free to leave them in the comments!  
> Video for this chapter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rplmnknVcrk Captain Cold Tribute  
> Up next: Suspicious AF Len calls it like he sees it. A meta pops up that could help them in their fight against Zoom, and Len stumbles once more on his road to recovery.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suspicious AF Len calls it like he sees it. A meta pops up that could help them in their fight against Zoom, and Len stumbles once more on his road to recovery.

“So let me get this straight.” Len drawls, reclined in faux relaxation against the wall. He had been filled in earlier that day, but now everyone was gathered. The two scientists sat at their usual stations, Lisa leaning possessively over ( _her_  nerd) Cisco. Iris and West stood side by side, arms crossed in matching defensive stances. It was clear the good Detective didn’t like the amount of insight Len now had regarding all this _Flash business_ , as they call it. The not-dead Harrison Wells sat by the computers as well, while pretty-boy-from-another-earth glared daggers at the man. It was obvious this once-hero distrusted Wells, giving Len more than enough cause to let his own suspicions bloom. Barry flickered around uncertainly, going between all the others and back towards Len, who was standing proud by the Flash suit, before turning away again.

The dynamic in this room was laughable. Len had scrapped heists before with less-dysfunctional teams than this. Only it wasn’t a heist he was planning. It was a monster and a body count and Barry’s _life_  on the line.

“You.” He jabbed his finger at the blonde man. “Are a speedster. From another Earth. And you lost your…speed? Connection to this speed force? And all your powers, thanks to the same black-clad monstrosity that broke Barry’s back and paraded him around the city when I was still all comfy cozy in my cell. Correct?” He gets a nod in response, all he needs to continue.

 “And you.” He turns his intense gaze to match the one coming from the stubborn, proud fool across from him. “You are Harrison Wells. Only, not _our_ Harrison Wells, because he was killed by a speedster from the future years ago, who also killed Barry’s mother and is now dead as well after impersonating Wells number 1 to cause the particle accelerator explosion. But you’re from the same Earth as pretty-boy over there, and _say_  that your only here to help. Because this ‘Zoom’ has your daughter. Correct?” Caitlin and Jay both duck their heads and blush at the pretty-boy comment, while Wells 2.0 replies.

“That is correct.”

“Hmmm. Tell me, _Harry_.” Len draws the name out, putting every ounce of casual disdain into it he can muster. “Why should you help us? Why should we trust you? Zoom has your daughter, yes. Its clear you hate him, but that doesn’t mean you would go against him like this. What happens when he finds out that you are helping us? What will he do to her when he realizes that you are aiding his enemies?”

Harry goes to answer, but Len snaps his hand up and rushes on. “Because I know a thing or two about leverage like that. When my father had Lisa in danger, my first thought wasn’t what I could do to bring that man down. My first thought was what I had to do to keep her safe. Zoom wouldn’t take your daughter, wouldn’t keep her alive unless she was valuable. Ergo, he is holding her over your head. Ergo, you are doing whatever he tells you to do. Ergo, he wants you here. Now, why don’t you share with the class everything you’ve failed to mention thus far, or I will gladly finish what I was so rudely interrupted in doing this morning.”

The others splutter, Barry still looking at him like he can’t believe it even after Cisco had filled him in on what had happened after he left. Len ignores the pang of failure that looks causes. Joe is glaring, hand inching for his own weapon in case things get…heated.

“You’re wrong.” Harry says, quiet but firm. “Zoom doesn’t operate like that. Any other criminal, and you might be on the right path. But that monster, he doesn’t see things like that. He sees himself as above the rest of us, full of unstoppable power that even other speedsters can’t match. He has no need for leverage, and already has built an empire of fear around his name. He didn’t take Jesse to use her against me by forcing my compliance. He took her because he could, because he is deranged and wanted me to suffer, knowing that he had her. I’m here, on this Earth, helping this team, because its the only way I can see to get her back.”

Len doesn’t buy it, but its clear the others are more trusting. He won’t push it for now, knowing that he himself is still on rocky ground with this group. So he lets the matter drop, filing it away for later and making a mental note to keep an eye on the man.

“And you.” Len now turns his hard eyes to Barry.

“Me?” The other squeaks, caught off guard under the intensity Len shoots his way.

“Beaten. Broken back. Momentarily paralyzed. Metas from another world thrown at you left and right. And yet, when I literally showed up on your doorstep, you didn’t think to mention any of it? I have a weapon designed solely to _stop speedsters_! I saw that little video, him parading you around the city, once I got settled in and caught up on current events after I stopped by to pass on my warning. I understand why you didn’t mention it the other night. You had other…goals, and were otherwise distracted. But what about after that? I let it slip my mind because I thought you had it under control. Which, since you _clearly_ don’t, begs the question. Christmas. Hell, any of the days that I’ve been rotting away in these labs recently. Why. Didn’t. You. Tell. Me.” He grits the last part out, feeling cool rage simmering and knowing he is baring far too many emotions for the others to see.

Barry cowers back a bit, but still stands firm. “You had other issues to deal with, Len. I wasn’t going to add to that. Not when we haven’t even seen Zoom in awhile.”

Len has _words_ , so many words for that, but it will have to wait. Its not exactly something he feels comfortable getting into with an audience.

“And Christmas?” He bites, needing to know why this idiot insisted on going it alone so he would know exactly how to keep that from happening again.

Barry sighs, but there is a spark of anger there as well. “I did ask, Len. You said you wouldn’t help us.”

“I said I wouldn’t help with Mardon and Trickster Sr.” His voice has risen slightly, but he keeps from yelling. “You beat them both before, I knew you could beat those morons again. They broke me out, I figured it would be in poor taste to turn against them the next day. Still, I gave you all the warning you needed. Doesn’t explain why you didn’t mention Zoom.”

“I didn’t think you’d care.” Barry says quietly, avoiding Len’s eyes. The room is deathly silent. He can feel the color draining from his face, body tense as the coldness settles over him.

“Its like you said that night, Barry.” His tone betrays no emotion, hard and sharp as the feeling in his chest. “I owed you for Lisa. A debt we both know I could never repay. So why the hell would you think I didn’t care enough to help someone who’s threatening your life. Who’s threatening _my_  city. Why, if you thought I was so _cold_  and indifferent, would you have ever come to _proposition_ me at Saints and Sinners?” Its a question he knows the answer to, one that Lisa and Barry himself had both assured him was for his own attractions, and not Bivolo’s compulsion. Still, there are moments when he doubts it. Moments when he finds himself going back to that night, hurting and confused and drunk on shame when he wondered at what point in his life he finally allowed himself to become his father.

“Len.” Now Barry is the one looking at him with that broken, guilty expression.

“Don’t.” Len holds up his hand, breathing harshly as he pushes off the wall.

“I need time.” He leaves, ignoring the protests as he makes his way back down to the gym. Its too soon in his healing to knock out a few rounds with the punching bag, but the anger and disgust and swirl of emotions are too much for him to stay inactive. It won’t be as satisfying, but running again will give him something to focus on besides the maelstrom raging inside. He just needs some time. Time to put everything back in place and settle down. Then he will face the others again. Then he will face Barry. Until then, he lets the pounding of his feet on the moving track ground him, breath and heartbeat a soothing cadence to center his focus.

He let his emotions get out of hand again. It shouldn’t bother him this much, he knows he’s been much worse for longer stretches in the past. It still grates, how after all this time, his past and his father still have such an effect on him. He knows it isn’t weakness. He knows he can’t control it like he can so many other aspects of his life. It doesn’t stop him wishing he could. Hating himself when he can’t. So he runs and numbs his mind and hopes that one day, this will feel like enough. Because he has to try, now. Because Barry wants him to try. Because Barry believes in him. Because Barry just might be his final shot at lasting happiness that has been denied him his whole life. Because, despite everything, he thinks he just might be a little in love with him. And that terrifies him.

XXX

Its Lisa, who comes to get him. He had to slow the speed several times, but never stopped running. He isn’t sure how long he’s been down here, but his vision is blurry from the sweat dripping in his eyes and his body is shaking from the exhausted fire shooting through him. Lisa doesn’t look happy, but they both know he has far less healthy coping methods he could have turned to.

The water bottle he snagged when he got there is long since empty, so its with refreshing relief he gulps at the bottle she brought.

“You missed out.” She eventually says, looking him over until she is satisfied he isn’t about to break down on her.

“Oh.” Its a question that isn't a question, deflecting his genuine concern in a way he knows he was once extremely familiar with. He wants to fight it, wants to banish these old habits, but he is exhausted in more than one way, and all he wants is a shower and food and sleep.

“Yeah.” She huffs, dragging him with her towards the locker rooms. “Came up with a plan. Barry went out and found himself this meta they’re calling the Turtle. Apparently, he can absorb kinetic energy from around him. I know its your thing and all, but he was able to slow Barry down too. They’re hoping to use that against Zoom.”

“How’s Barry.” Len asks quietly, avoiding his sister’s gaze.

“Okay.” She replies just as gently. “He…he will most likely talk to you later. Things got intense back there. But he's fine. Didn’t nab the meta, but isn’t hurt.”

Len nods. He wants to help. Knows he should help. But his mind is still a little foggy and his body feels sluggish and shaky. He’s in no shape to help anyone right now. If he tried, he would most likely lash out, hurt them with sharp words and barbed comments. They don’t need that from him. Don’t deserve it. Besides, Barry and his team have gotten by just fine without him til now anyways.

Lisa leaves him with his things to shower. He spends enough time in there for his skin to prune before he shuts the water off. Its time to face the music, which he has put off long enough as is.

Food is waiting for him as everyone is eating. It seems to be a dinner-cum-brainstorming session. He can’t bring himself to look at the others so he doesn’t. Just accepts the plate handed his way and begins eating mechanically. They give him his space soon enough, the swirling bite of embarrassment and disgust and  _failure_ dragging him down. He hates it, hates that he needs it, but appreciates the space nonetheless. 

He catches bits and pieces of the conversation. Knows that Lisa helped them figure out how to track the man down. That Jay and Harry are both offering Barry advice. Knows that Barry left to face this meta for the second time today. Knows that the room is quiet now, focused on the mission and Barry’s comms. Feels the eyes heavy on him. He’s not an idiot. He knows that he’s the elephant in the room right now, without Barry there to pull their focus. Knows that it makes him a coward, but doesn’t care as he shoves the plate away, appetite gone, and leaves again. Its not to the gym again. He doesn’t have the energy for that. He goes back to what has essentially become ‘his room’. Its dark, and he doesn’t bother turning on the light, thankful for the curtains they put up over the glass walls.

The muted silence in here feels heavy, pressing in on him. But its better than being out there, better than facing all that scrutiny right now. Barry will be fine. Its that knowledge that allows Len this reprieve. Just a little more time. Just to quiet his mind.

He can’t say if he sleeps or not, but he rests, and that’s what is important. Barry will still be waiting in the morning. The rest of the world and all his troubles will be there as well. But for now, all that can wait. For now, Len tugs the blankets close and allows himself to drift.

XXX

Barry was an idiot. He knows he has this foot-in-mouth syndrome that sometimes gets the better of him. Knows that he doesn’t always say things quite the right way. Knows it well in the careless words thrown Len’s way before the man closed off once more.

“I didn’t think you’d care.” Barry had said. It wasn’t meant the way Len obviously took it. Barry didn’t think for a second that Len didn’t care about him. It had been ages since even Cisco and Caitlin had considered Captain Cold a serious threat to Barry’s health. A few cold burns here and there, but nothing serious and nothing the suit couldn’t handle for him for months. The closest it came to a real threat was when Len had iced Barry up to his chest the second another pair of footsteps approached. It was obvious as soon as Lisa elaborated on their father that Len had done it _for_ Barry. To stop him before Lewis could make Len do worse. To keep Barry away from that man.

And if that wasn’t enough, Len had hesitated. The very thing he confessed to Barry he couldn’t do again with the lives of those he cared about on the line. Yet, when Lewis held the trigger high, Len had waited.

“Kill him or you’ll never see your sister alive.” Lewis had growled. The conflict warred in Len’s eyes. It was clear how much, even then, he didn’t want to hurt Barry. His sister’s life was in the balance, and Len had been willing to put his faith in Barry. To hesitate long enough for the bomb to be removed.

And however callous they were at Christmas, Barry knew it must have been with some small amount of danger that Len came to him. He didn’t doubt for a second that those other two would have killed the man they freed if they knew he was on his way to warn their enemy. To warn Barry about the oncoming threat.

So yes, Barry knew that Len cared. He just wasn’t sure how much he cared about fighting Barry’s battles for him. Because going against Zoom wouldn’t be like going against any of his other enemies. Going against Zoom would put Len’s life in real danger. Would put the lives of those he loved in danger. That was something he was positive Len would shy away from. After all, he does everything in his power to protect the valued few he allows close. So Barry didn’t ask because he didn’t want to know. Didn’t want to know if Len would risk that much for him. Didn’t want their blood on his hands if Zoom killed them.

Stupid, _stupid_ mouth. It was obvious Len still struggled, sometimes, with what had happened nearly a week ago now. Still had moments when the doubt would surface once more. Just like with everything Lewis had done and said to him. Where he would _know_  the truth, but still falter enough to _think_  otherwise from time to time.

And Barry had opened his big, stupid mouth and those doubts had surfaced once more. The room was quiet after Len left. Jay and Harry seemed confused, but tactfully didn’t ask. They knew it wasn’t their place quite yet to earn all the details behind what was happening here. The others looked more dejected, knowing exactly what was going through Len’s mind.

“He’s in the gym.” Cisco said quietly a few minutes later, breaking the silence.

“Is he stupid enough to be punching things again?” Lisa asked, confidence failing with the worry shining through.

“No. Just running. Probably not the best for his feet, but better that re-opening the stitches in his hands. Again.”

Caitlin chimes in her two cents at the concern lighting up in the room. “His feet should be fine. Not the best, but the wounds have healed enough by now that the impact shouldn’t aggravate them too much. I’ll look over them again, just in case, when he’s ready for me to.”

Barry breathes a sigh of relief at this. He’s not sure if he could handle Len trying to hurt himself again so soon after last time.

The conversation gradually turns back to the topic at hand. Zoom. And how the hell he is supposed to stop him. That’s how Barry finds out about this crazy meta that Cisco has been tracking. The Turtle. That apparently, practically everyone _but_ Barry already knows about.

It doesn’t take long to figure out what the guy’s next target will be, and Barry is off with no small tinge of regret when Len isn’t in the crowd he leaves behind him in his lightning. Barry would like to blame it on his distraction, but he knows that isn’t why the meta escaped. It seems that even speedsters are susceptible to his powers, which is supposed to be a good thing. A great thing, even, if they can use this against Zoom. It doesn’t stop the sting of failure, nor does it ease the frustration of not knowing how to stop the Turtle yet, but it is a small step in the right direction.

Len is still running when Barry returns. He’s worried, after all its been nearly an hour since he went down there. Cisco assures him that he has been monitoring him the whole time, and it doesn’t look as if he has pushed himself too far. Still, its with relief and a grateful smile that Barry perks up when Lisa excuses herself to go fetch her brother.

They are no closer to solving the Turtle problem when Len shows back up. Barry shoots a timid grin his way, but it makes no difference when Len won’t even look up. He accepts the food, slowly begins eating, but makes no move to acknowledge anyone else. Its almost as if he isn’t even hearing them, exhaustion dragging heavy around his frame. Its with reluctant acceptance that the others stop trying to grab his attention and turn back to their other problem.

Lisa is surprisingly helpful, quickly coming up with what to search for to find where the Turtle is hiding out. After that, the itch to run is strong, but Barry holds himself in check, knowing it isn’t the smart move. They brainstorm ways to fight him, and only once everyone seems confident enough in the plan does Barry flash out.

The fight is over much faster than even Barry anticipated. A quick flash in and out to get a recon of the surrounding areas done before he is off once more. Stopping a little over five miles out, Barry preps for a super-sonic punch. They know the field will slow him, but the speeds he will be going by the time he hits it _should_ be enough to propel him to his target. Thankfully, their theory is right. The Turtle is out cold, locked away in the pipeline without a fuss.

Len is gone when he enters the cortex again. Sleeping, or at least resting, alone in his room. Barry can’t help the small, sad smile at that thought. _His room_. Up until now, the med bay was just another room at the labs. Granted, Barry himself had spent more than enough time there, but now it was more than that. Now it was a place that they would all always associate with Len. With all the good and bad and everything in between they witnessed from the man quietly resting there.

“Give him time.” Lisa comforts him when she notices his gaze lingering.

Caitlin, Cisco, Harry, and Jay all go to work on coming up with ways to use the Turtle to their advantage. Lisa hovers near them, attention elsewhere as she continues to glance towards where she knows her brother is. Iris and Joe pull Barry aside, talking quietly. Its reassuring, knowing that even Joe is here for him now when it comes to Len. That he even worries about the man, in the very least, for Barry’s sake. Iris paints on her best reassuring smile, insisting that it will be alright. That things like this just take time. She draws parallels between Len and Eddie, remarking on some of the issues Eddie had faced and how it impacted their relationship. About how they were able to work through them, and come out stronger on the other side.

Joe tentatively brings up the charges against Len, asking Barry if he has spoken to the man yet about getting them dropped. With the evidence they have from the bomb in Lisa’s neck, and the case they could make from all the abuse the siblings had suffered at his hand; it would be more than possible to make that murder charge disappear. To have the time to his sentence that would have been added for the prison break written off as time served. And with all his other records gone, Len would be a free and innocent (at least in the eyes of the law) man once more.

Barry frowns. He hasn’t even considered that. It would make things so much easier between them, if there weren’t any active warrants out for Len. Still, knowing how stubborn and proud the man is, he somehow doubts Len would appreciate his past being so publicly outed. It bears thought, and a long conversation, but now isn’t the time. He thanks Joe as sincerely as he can, but answers in the negative for now. Perhaps Lisa would be the better sibling to go to for this, but he doesn’t want to go behind Len’s back either.

Joe and Iris leave soon after. Cisco and Caitlin opt to stay the night once more. Jay vanishes to his apartment, Harry to the room he keeps at the labs far from this level, and then Lisa and Barry are getting ready for bed as well. They sleep in the cortex, an unspoken agreement to be closer to Len in case he has any nightmares again. The air mattresses they purchased once everyone tired of sleeping on cots are spread about to give everyone space, and Cisco keeps the volume turned up on his tablet to wake them should anything happen. Sleep doesn’t come quickly, but it does come heavily. It has been a long day for all involved, and tomorrow promises to be more the same.

Its quiet and relaxed, all the enemies-turned-friends resting peacefully so close together. Cisco dragged his bed closer to Lisa’s, but left more than enough space between the two. Barry and Lisa snag the area closest to Len’s room, Caitlin nearby as well. Once the lights have all been shut off, Lisa cracks the door open so there is no barrier left between them and her brother. Its to the quiet sounds of even breath that Barry finally succumbs to the tired pull dragging him under.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whelp, there you go guys. This was another heavy chapter. I feel like Len would definitely be pissed at Barry for how he goes in without thinking somethings (often) and doesn't always ask for the help he needs. That, on top of everything else going on, just set his emotions boiling out of his control. One thing I didn't mention in the last chapter, but really wanted to, was about when Len warned Barry. I really didn't like the way Iris said that. "We've all had rough childhoods. Get over it." For me, that's like telling a rape victim "We've all had sex. Get over it." Neither Barry or Iris were in any way abused as children. They had grief in their lives, the loss of parents and school bullies, but they never had to fear their own safety in their home like that. Just wanted to include that, show how Iris saw the insensitivity to her words and apologized. I really like Iris, and I feel like she should have had more empathy and tact in that situation. Anyhoo, that's my mini-rant. Hope you all are enjoying this story, and thank all of you who leave comments! It brings joy to my day and a fire to my muse! :)  
> Video for this chapter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_GMMRlx7_E ColdFlash/Never Let You Go  
> Up next: Lisa has a nightmare, and a familiar source of comfort helps her through the aftermath.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lisa has a nightmare, and a familiar source of comfort helps her through the aftermath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: Graphic depictions of violence/injury, Blood/Gore, Child Abuse. If you want to skip that part, then wait until the break (XXX) in the chapter, and there rest is safe to read from there on out. I will include a brief description in the end chapter notes for any who want to know what happens without reading.

Lisa is shaking on her bed. The sounds from downstairs have long since stopped, but she is still scared. It’s just her and Lenny with their dad now, their mommy had left a little over a year ago. Lenny is always sad whenever Lisa asks where she went, but he never tells her. Lisa is too scared to ask Dad, but she just wants to know where her mommy is. She just wants Mommy to come home and wrap her and her brother up and keep them safe.

Lenny does that for her now. He tells her when to keep quiet, when to run and when to hide. She wants to help her brother, knows that Dad is hurting him, but she’s too scared that she’ll be hurt too. Lenny always tells her its okay. That he’s going to protect her. That he’s her big brother and its his job to keep her safe. He has a lot of jobs, now. He cooks her food, reads her to sleep, and tucks her in. He gives her baths and plays whatever she wants with her whenever their dad isn’t home. She knows its bad, but she wishes Dad had left instead of Mommy.

Footsteps are coming closer to her room, and she tenses under the covers. A soft knock and quiet, “Lollipop?” let’s her know its Lenny coming in. She smiles and giggles at the name, just like she always does, remembering how fondly he calls her that given how much she enjoys the sweet treat. How he would grin as he holds one out whenever he can get his hands on some for her. “A lollipop for my Lollipop.” He’d say, sending her mouth watering and insides squealing with happiness as he messes up her hair playfully.  

She isn’t happy now, though. Lenny smiles at her, but its a hurt smile that lets her know Dad had been mean to him again. “Lenny?” She sits up straighter, lip quivering as he shuts the door and comes closer.

“It’s okay, Lollipop.” He runs his hands through her hair to sooth the tears that have begun to build in her eyes. He isn’t wearing a shirt, red standing out sharply in the light of the lamp he turns on. He’s bleeding again. Their dad makes him bleed a lot, but that doesn’t mean she likes it.

“Hey.” He coos gently, shifting closer. “Its okay. Its okay. Dad is asleep now. He won’t hurt us. Not tonight. I promise.”

“He hurt you!” She insists with all the fire a four-year-old can muster.

“I’m fine, Lollipop. Its okay now.” He continues to reassure her until she calms down again.

“I got you something.” He says tentatively, pulling out a small box.

“What is it?” She lights up at the prospect of a present.

“Its a sewing kit. A very special sewing kit.” He gives her a serious look. “You can’t tell anyone about this, okay? Its just like everything else I tell you to keep secret. If people find out, then Dad will go away and we won’t get to see each other again.”

“I want Dad to go away!” She whines. “He hurts you Lenny. He’s bad. I want him to go!”

“I know you do. But if he leaves, then we’ll have to go stay with someone else. And Papa can’t take us in, not with how often he goes to the hospital now. That means we’ll go somewhere else, and they’ll split us up, and I won’t be able to protect you there.”

Lisa wants to argue, but her brother always wins this fight and she knows that she’ll do what he tells her. Seeing her acceptance, Len slowly opens the box. “This sewing kit, its very special Lollipop. Its special because its used to fix people. You use this to help me, when I get hurt like this. See, I’m still bleeding now. But if you help me sew all these cuts up, then I won’t be anymore and it will help me get better.”

Lisa straightens, feeling the importance of this task. She watches with rapt attention as Lenny shows her how to thread the needles. He then starts stitching up the small cut high on his ribs that is still sluggishly bleeding. She instantly decides she doesn’t like this.

“Its hurting you, Lenny! I don’t want to do it! I don’t want to hurt you!”

“Its okay.” He’s talking quietly, teeth clenched to keep the pain from showing. “It only hurts a little, and then it makes me all better. I promise.”

He quickly finishes on the one long cut above his stomach. She has slowly calmed down again, hating it but determined to do this if it helps her brother. There are three gouges on his back, dad had been using his belt again tonight. Even though he just showed her, he still walks her through each and every step. His head is craned to watch her best he can, while she tries her best to keep her small hands from shaking too bad.

“I don’t like this.” She can’t help but complain again.

“I know you don’t. But no one else is here to help me, and Dad is too drunk to take me to the person he usually gets to do this. It isn’t fair, making you do this Lollipop. But I need your help. You know he doesn’t get this mad too often. You won’t have to do it a lot, I promise. Just sometimes, Lollipop. Just when I need your help.”

“Will you have to do this for me too?” She can’t keep the fear from her trembling voice. Dad hasn’t hit her yet, not like he did to mommy and not like he does to Lenny. It still scares her though, seeing him get mad and wondering when it will be her turn to have one of his Lessons.

“No!” Lenny growls, adamant in his resolve. “No Lollipop. You won’t ever need this because he is never going to hurt you. I promise, I won’t ever let him do that to you. I’m your big brother, remember? Its my job to protect you.”

“Promise?” She quietly asks.

“Promise.” He agrees, smiling softly like he only ever does when its just the two of them.

The scene melts away, colors shifting and sliding and mixing before reforming once more. She’s older, now, and even though Lenny hasn’t always been around, their dad still hasn’t come after her but once. She had been seven at the time. The bruises had hurt and taken a long time to heal, but Lenny had stepped in before it got too bad.

 They had been fighting, Lenny and their dad, just last week. They didn’t think she heard, but Lenny had taught her how to be quiet well. She was confused, and didn't understand why their dad was so mad at Lenny. He said Lenny was wrong, that it was wrong to like a boy. Lisa didn’t know why it was wrong. She likes a boy, one of the boys in her class who always wore silly shirts and insisted that is wasn’t sword-fights but light-saber duels they had at recess. He made her laugh and she liked playing with him. She knew it was different, that she was a girl and Lenny was a boy, but she still didn’t see what was so wrong with it. Liking people should never be a bad thing. Liking someone was always a good thing, she thought.

But Dad was mad and the he took Lenny and left. Dad had been back a few times over the past week, but she hasn’t seen Lenny since and she’s worried. Dad said not to be, said that Lenny made him real proud and he was celebrating was all. Lisa still worried, but she hoped he was telling the truth.

He brought Lenny home soon after that. Lenny looked bad, looked sick and hurt and sad, and all Lisa wanted to do was grab her brother’s hand and run. Run far, far away from here and go somewhere where no one would ever hurt Lenny again.

“Welcome home, son.” Their dad chuckles, breath reeking of alcohol and smiling as he leads him into the room.

“M’not your son.” Lenny snarls, ripping his shoulder from their dad’s grasp.

“Watch it, boy.” Dad growls, eyes hardening and sealing the threat in his tone.

“Or what? You’ll teach me another _Lesson_? Go ahead, I don’t care. Teach me all you want. Beat me till I can’t move. It won’t change anything. Won’t make me the son you want me to be. Won’t make me care if I ever make you proud again. Won’t stop how much I _hate_ you!” Lenny’s eyes are wild, fever-bright and intense. Lisa is scared. They never talk to Dad like this. Lenny and her never, not once, told Dad they hated him. It’s just making him mad. Bad things happen when their dad gets mad.

“Think I’m above teaching you a lesson when your still hurt, boy?” He grabs Lenny by his other shoulder viciously, dragging him close. Lenny screams and his legs fail him, dropping to the ground as soon as he is released. A dark patch soaks through the shirt where their father held him. Lenny must have already been hurt by him before they came home. Dad kicks him violently in the chest, sending Lenny sprawling. He curls up on the ground, shaking in pain and fever.

“You’re not even worth the effort.” Their dad gives him a disgusted look, going to the kitchen and grabbing a beer. He comes back in, downing it quickly while Lenny curls further into himself. “You want a lesson, boy? Maybe this’ll teach you to disrespect me!” The beer is gone and the bottle shatters with a sharp crash, Lenny and Lisa simultaneously flinching away in fear at the sound. They both know what comes next. Dad had gone after Lenny with a bottle enough times for them to know.

Perhaps that is why there is a shocked second of silence when he turns away from Lenny.

“No!” Lenny croaks, struggling to stand and reaching out as absolute terror keeps her rooted in place. Pain erupts in her shoulder when Dad swipes at her, ripping a scream from her throat. He grabs her hair and whips her around, tossing her towards Lenny.

“Never disrespect me like that again.” He glares at them, Lenny holding her protectively. It hurts so much. She wants to scream again. Dad doesn’t like it when they scream though. She has to stay quiet. Lenny always tells her to be a good girl and stay quiet. Quiet keeps them safe. Quiet keeps the pain away. The pain is here now, though. And she wants to _scream_. Wants to scream and cry until the pain goes away. But she is good. She stays quiet like Lenny taught her, knowing that if she gave in Dad would hurt them again.

He goes to get another beer from the fridge, muttering to Lenny, “Clean up your mess.”

Lisa knows he doesn’t just mean the broken glass. Knows that Lenny is going to have to sew her up, just like she always did for him.

“You promised.” She can’t help but cry, clutching his shirt tightly. She knows it isn’t his fault, but she is hurting so much at the moment.

“I’m sorry, Lollipop.” The nickname is rarely used now, Lisa demanding she is too old for it now that she is a big girl. Its only when she is really scared that he calls her that anymore. “I’m sorry. I know I promised, I know I did. I’m sorry he hurt you. Its all my fault. I shouldn’t’ve made him mad. I’m sorry. Sorry I lied. So sorry, my sweet Baby Sister. Its all my fault.”

Lenny is crying too, but Dad is coming back and they can’t be here any more. Lenny carries her upstairs, her heart rate increasing with every step. She doesn’t want the stitches, doesn’t want any more pain. She is scared. Scared and hurt and crying. Lenny is scared too, she can see it in his eyes as he stares at her blood. He’s shaking, with more than just fever now, as he stumbles towards her room.

“I’m sorry.” He keeps repeating as she keeps crying. “I’m so sorry, Lisa.”

XXX

The quiet whimpers filtering through the otherwise silent room is what wakes Barry. He sits up slowly, groggy still from sleep. In the dim room, he can make out Cisco and Caitlin rousing as well. His first thought is Len, but when another choked off whine comes from the other direction, he realizes that it is the younger Snart having a nightmare this time. He’s about to get up, go over and wake her up (Cisco seems to be having this same idea), when another figure steps up before they can.

“Lise.” Len calls quietly, rubbing sleep from his eyes with one hand while the other goes to stroke the sweaty hair from her forehead. “Lise, its me. Lenny. You gotta wake up.” His gentle words and soothing caress calm her enough for him to grip her shoulder.

“Wake up, Sis.” She bolts upright, tears pooling in her panicked eyes. He backs off slightly, leaning back on his heels as he remains kneeling beside her.

“Lenny?” She finally asks, gaze locked on him after a quick sweep of the room for danger.

“I’m here.” He gives her a crooked grin, moving to take her hand in his own. “Its okay. I’m here. You’re safe. I promise.”

That gets a reaction out of her, choking off tears as she pulls at his shirt. He seems to understand what she wants before any of the others do, swiftly pulling it off and discarding it near by. Her hands are on him in an instant, feeling the raised scars beneath her fingertips.

“You were bleeding.” She breathes, taking in the lack of blood before her. “You were bleeding so much, Lenny.” She cries, tears falling silently down her pinched face. Barry can’t help but notice they both seem to break down like this. Quietly. It clenches his heart tight when he thinks of why they would have to learn to do so. What dangers and fears kept their reactions in such firm control even at their lowest.

“Not anymore. I’m fine now, Lise. Remember? You fixed me up, just like I showed you how.” His lips are twitching in sad fondness as he looks at her. She finally seems satisfied that her brother is indeed whole and intact in front of her. She goes to rub at her scar that Barry remembers seeing when she had come to them to help her brother. It isn’t hard to figure out that that injury probably featured in her latest nightmare as well.

Len’s expression takes on a stormy look, rage and guilt and sorrow all swirling in chaotic harmony.

“Just like you fixed me up?” Her voice is small, timid and scared in a way Barry and the others never expected to hear from her. Its just like all the moments with Len when he was similar to this. Like they are trespassing on sacred territory they never should have been able to witness.

“Yeah.” Len’s quiet too, voice shaking slightly. “But we’re fine now, Lise. We’re safe. He won’t ever hurt you again. And that’s a promise I can actually keep this time.”

They curl into each other as one, Len slowly shifting to lay on the bed beside his sister. Her head is tucked into his chest, fingers still tracing scars to validate his well-being as he wraps his arms around her protectively.

“It’s okay, Lollipop.” The pet-name may surprise them, but Lisa is clearly familiar with it. “It’s okay. I’m here now. I’m here, my sweet Baby Sister.” He kisses her hair, holding her close and rubbing comforting circles into her back as she continues to softly sob.

After another few minutes of gentle reassurances, Len shocks them all when he begins to sing.

_"Hey Jude, don’t make it bad_

_Take a sad song and make it better,_

_Remember, to let her into your heart,_

_Then you can start to make it better…"_

He keeps going, softer and slower than the original song. It somehow makes it even sweeter, even more achingly bittersweet as he sings this heartfelt lullaby to his younger sister. His voice is smooth and low and beautiful as he bares his soul to comfort his sister. She shudders against him, relaxing minutely as he continues. Barry knows that tears are slowly dripping down his face as well, but doesn’t dare move to wipe them or break the tender moment. He doesn’t delude himself into believing Len thinks them all to be sleeping. Instead, he knows that Len has swallowed his pride to comfort his sister. An act that, unremarkably, makes Barry love the man even more.

_“Na, na, na nananana…nananana….hey Jude.”_ Len’s voice is so soft, so gentle that Barry can’t even compare it to the Captain Cold persona he has gone up against so many times. He doesn’t know if this is truly an insight to the real Leonard Snart, but he feels like it most definitely is a large part of who the man really is underneath it all. And that burns and breaks his heart all at once, thinking of how this sweet, kind, loving and protective man was reduced to the cold, common criminal his father made him to be.

The song ends, and Barry surreptitiously wipes his tears.

“Thanks, Lenny.” Lisa mumbles into his skin. “You always take care of me.”

“Of course I do. What else are big brothers for?” Len gently chastises her, kindness and love seeping through his tone.

“You always sang that song…” She trails off, gripping him close.

“Your mom sang it to us.” He clarifies. “Whenever you were little, remember? If we got sick, she would sing it to us. It was the only thing that would make you stop crying, after…”

“After she left.” Lisa deadpans, hollow emotions showing her despair.

“After Lewis got to her.” Len reassures. “Your mom loved us, Lise. She would never have left us with him if he didn’t force her.”

“Where is she, Lenny?” Lisa chokes off, broken in another bout of sobs.

“Gone. She’s gone, Lise. That’s all you need to know.”

“Did he-” Lisa doesn’t finish, but everyone knows. _Did he kill her,_ is what she meant to ask.

“Just gone, Lollipop. That’s all you ever need to know, I swear. That’s all you want to know. Trust me, Lise.” The way Len curls around her shows that he knows more than he is willing to divulge. “I’m here for you, now. Always have been, and always will be.”

“Why did he hate us so much?” Lisa shudders in his clenching grip.

“Not us, never us, Lise.” His voice cracks with emotions. “Just me.”

“No!” Lisa pulls back, grabbing his face in her hands. “Not you, Lenny. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Not how I remember it.” He smiles wryly, deflect the torrent of emotions coursing through him. “Not what he said, either. ‘S why he hurt you. Because of me. ‘Cause I made him mad. ‘Cause I was too weak to take what should have been my punishment. ‘Cause I wasn’t there for you. "'Cause I cared for you." He whispers, showing how Lewis would use the siblings against each other just like when he blackmailed Len into working for him again.

“You were there for me, Lenny. Long after you shouldn't’ve been. Don’t blame yourself. You did everything for me, Lenny. I could never blame you. Never. And I care about you too, Jerk. It wasn't your fault Dad was an ass.”

They hold each other, silence falling as everyone clearly ignores the fact that the three outsiders are awake and listening in.

“Remember the other song you sang me?” Lisa says after both siblings seem to calm down, seeking a lighter topic if her amusement is any indication.  

Len snorts. “Mockingbird?” He confirms.

She giggles. “You changed the words. Didn’t realize till long after you had stopped singing it to me. It was ‘Daddy’, not ‘Lenny’ in the lyrics, and ‘buy’, not ‘steal’.”

He chuckles. “Couldn’t exactly afford to buy you diamonds at the time.”

“You weren’t my dad, either.” She softly replies.

“No.” He solemnly agrees. “But _he_ should have been. And he wasn’t. Someone had to be. I didn’t mind stepping up.”

“You shouldn’t’ve had too.”

“No.” The easy agreement shocks them. “But I wanted to.”

“But what about you?” Her lip is quivering, tears building once more.

“I had you, Lise. What more could I ever ask for?” The love and sincerity shining through is beautiful, paints everything he has done for her in a new light for the others.

They continue to talk, quiet reassurances and gentle caresses until Lisa falls back asleep. Len follows soon after, exhausted by the day’s events and his double-trip to the facilities gym. Barry, Cisco and Caitlin do not succumb so easily. Their eyes dart towards each other in the dim light, wet with emotion. The callous way they treated the siblings in the past grates against their conscious. They may not have known back then, may have had no reason to know or care, but it still pulls at their hearts now that they are allowed glimpses into their past. It makes so much more sense, how readily Len worked with his father once more. How Lisa was horrified but ultimately wasn't surprised Lewis stuck a bomb in her. The Snart siblings weren’t bad people, just unfortunate enough to end up with such a shit hand in life to set them on their criminal paths. Any doubts have long since been banished, but this just serves as a reminder for them of the good, hurt, and scared people that the siblings once were (and still somewhat are).

Barry isn’t sure when the others fall back asleep, isn’t even sure when he does, but he knows it was long enough for them all to truly think. To dwell on the past that the siblings up until recently so adamantly avoided. To the good in them that was so clouded by pain and darkness.

It makes it both harder and easier, imagining loving Len. Everything he sees now confirms what he has known for so long. There is good, so much good in the man. But its hard, imagining all the walls and obstacles to overcome in this new-found relationship. It won’t just be physical, it won’t just be emotional, and it won’t just be mental. What Lewis had done to them…what he had done and forced Len to do to Michael…everything that had happened with Angie….it all serves as stumbling blocks for Len now. Makes it hard, to find and thrive in new relationships. To let people in. But Barry is nothing if not stubborn. He knows they will stumble, will fight and face set-backs; but he won’t give up. Len deserves all the love and happiness in the world, whether he sees it or not. And Barry is more than happy to provide his all for this loyal, sweet, and loving man curled mere feet away around his sister.

It won’t be easy, Barry has known this for months, before he even truly let himself consider being with the man. But he has had a taste now, glimpses here and there behind the mask Len so often hides behind. And every taste and every glimpse only has him craving more. Yes, there will be hardships and trials and tribulations, but every ounce of conflict will be worth it for the fierce love and adoration awaiting him on the other side. Its only been a week, but that doesn’t matter. Barry will wait weeks, months, even _years_ if that’s what it takes to gain access behind all those walls. Because Len is worth every minute, every second that Barry devotes to him. And if Barry is truly lucky, then Len will one day soon see Barry in the same light.

Sleep curls around him, bringing sweet dreams of warm flesh and protective arms in place of the nightmares that have been plaguing him for so long. Because Len, because Captain Cold, is an expert in slowing down speedsters. And Zoom has no place in any mindset that Barry allows Len to occupy. He only prays that same goodwill applies to their waking reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Skipped part of this chapter: Lisa had a nightmare that included memories of her childhood. The first part was when she was 4 and helping Len deal with/patch up some injuries that Lewis gave him. The second part comes from when she was 8, and received the scar we saw from the show, along with Len being hurt again (though not as severely) as well.   
> Well, there was that chapter. I imagine Len was always the one to comfort Lisa growing up. And while they a both big, bad, tough adults now, I can't help but feel he would fall back onto the same methods he used to comfort her when she was younger whenever she needs it now. And yes, Len knows the others are awake (as does Lisa, they aren't stupid), but Lisa was too trapped in all the emotions brought up from the nightmare to care at the time, and Lisa is more important than anything (including his pride and hiding behind his walls), so he went to help her without a second thought. More on his reasoning and thoughts in the next chapter. We are coming up on the meat of the plot soon, still building up to a lot of the action and Big Bad of the story and all. With how long this story is getting, I thought I would ask for your input. I have a spot, probably around chapter 40, that I could break off this story and post the rest in a sequel instead. After that, there should be another 20-30 chapters (or more) for the second half of this fic. Let me know your thoughts down in the comments, and I can rearrange somethings in my outline to accommodate that. So yeah, one story-or-two stories. Thank you all for reading and I continue to love and appreciate all who take the time to drop a comment. :)  
> Video for this chapter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUUXGKCVVr8 ColdFlash/Couldn't Stop Caring  
> Up Next: Len monologues internally, giving us an insight to what he is thinking/feeling. Him and Barry talk, both opening up for the other. Lisa, Cisco, and surprisingly Mick all bond over cleaning and repairing. Lisa and Cisco get a chance to talk as well, opening up the possibility for more between them in the future.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Len monologues internally, giving us an insight to what he is thinking/feeling. Him and Barry talk, both opening up for the other. Lisa, Cisco, and surprisingly Mick all bond over cleaning and repairing. Lisa and Cisco get a chance to talk as well, opening up the possibility for more between them in the future.

Len wishes that he could be better at all this. Relationships. Letting people in. Opening up. He knows that he’s already shared so much with him, with everyone here really. That’s different, though. When he’s hurting, when his walls are down and crumbled under the weight of his memories, things become easier in a way. He wants to share. Wants to tell someone everything and have them reassure him that none of it was his fault. To look on him in understanding and, much as he is reluctant to admit it, love. Not the pity he had thrown his way for so long. The pity in the eyes of every low-rate black market doc who felt sorry for him but didn’t give enough of a shit to do anything about it. The shrinks he was sent to but refused to talk to every time he got locked up. The other inmates back in juvie and when he was in prison those early years. The ones who knew what it was like, who’ve been beaten down by life too. The familiar situations didn’t take the sting of pity away. Not until Angie.

He had shared a little with Michael, not the whole picture but enough for him to know. Know what he could and couldn’t do around Len. But then he was gone, and soon after the list of _Things that make Len panic_  had almost doubled. Mick was Mick; knew more than anyone else besides Lisa, but mostly because he was there for a good chunk of it. He had met Lewis too, knew exactly what sort of bastard he was. But they didn’t share. Not unless Len was bleeding. Not unless his throat constricted and heart pounded in the throws and aftermath of a panic attack.

Angie was the one he finally felt like he could open up with. Only, there was still reluctance with her as well. She had been through too similar a situation. Whenever either one of them shared, it inevitably led to the other drowning in the memories it brought up. Didn’t take long for them to stop sharing, focusing on the present and shoving their pasts down as far as they could bury them.

But then Angie was gone as well. He had been furious, mostly at himself, when he found what she was forced to resort to just to keep her and her kid alive and well. They had fought, when he came back, both too hurt to continue things. Len wouldn’t leave them, no matter how tense he and Angie were, he still cared. Still tried. It took time, but they found each other again eventually. Only, Len knew he couldn’t, couldn’t ever go back to how they were before. She was hurt, but understanding, when he explained that while he would always care for and be there for them, he could never be in a relationship like that with her again. There was too much between them now for him to ever be comfortable enough to be with her intimately and romantically again.

There were so many years after that, years spent perfecting his craft and building his walls. He knew he was turning more and more into his father as time went on, but didn’t know how to stop it. Mick was gone, Angie and Thomas were safer the more he kept them in the dark, and Lisa had drifted further away to create her own image outside his over-protective shadow. The people Len mostly surrounded himself with were worthless, just crew after crew of deadbeats only intent on their mutual goal. Killing became easier, caring became muddled in anger, and Len found himself drifting through life with nothing to challenge or excite or make him _feel _.__

He had a small handful of longer-standing partners, kept everything strictly physical and even got away with remaining mostly clothed for over half of them. He saw more of Lewis in the mirror every day, but told himself it didn’t matter and he didn’t care because no one else cared. Lisa and Angie and Thomas cared, certainly. Worried for him, but he knew he would never cross that final line to becoming his father. Would never hurt those he loved just because he was angry or because he _could _.__  He kept them separate, sheltered from the worst sides of his life. In a way, they became as lost to him as Mick was.They might have been there, hovering at the edges of his life. But he didn't let them in. He couldn't let them  _see_ what he knew he was becoming. All those other lines still remained best he could keep them, however muddled they often became; but he didn’t fool himself into thinking that made him any less of a monster.

And then there was Barry. The impossible streaking into his life and bringing focus to his world once more. And then he became Captain Cold. Then they had their dances and games and deals and things became even brighter. The fondness was unexpected, but pleasant. The attraction most definitely welcome, distracting him from seeking out warm bodies in favor of quick jerks of his hand and the image of earnest eyes behind a red cowl.

Now, Barry was so much more than that. Now, all those fantasies were here and real and an actual possibility. The affection he felt for Barry brought him so much warmth that it was hard to imagine life without it again. And he wanted Barry to know that, to know how much he meant to Len. To know everything Len keeps hidden away. To let him in in ways that terrify him. He just doesn’t know how to do that, not in the warm light of day and pleasant company.

Barry seems unsure about all this as well. He is trying, trying so earnestly to get closer. But the doubt remains. He isn’t sure what’s okay and what isn’t, and Len isn’t entirely clear on that either. So they stay in this awkward limbo, of gentle kisses and hesitant touches as they learn to navigate around the other. The boundaries are different, now. It’ll take time to understand where they stand with one another. Len is usually great with time. He is patient, spending months planning heists to perfection. But Len doesn’t want to wait. Doesn’t want to wait a second more for the closeness he is starting to feel to settle in. For the happiness Barry gives him to flare to life. To take Barry to bed again, only without any other influence in play. To let Barry in. To fully give himself over to the light Barry brings to his life, whatever darkness might still remain in him.

Last night had been….something. Lisa had been drowning in memories. Not an often occurrence, but has been known to happen whenever Len has these…moods. He knew he had an audience, knew he would usually hold back from showing so much of himself. But Lisa was hurting and she needed his reassurance. It was too easy, falling back into familiar roles and comforting her as he did when they were young. It was nice, falling asleep with his sister safe in his arms, surrounded by people who had come to mean safety and security. To wake up with them tiptoeing around as they started their day, not an ounce of judgement on their faces as they strove to keep from rousing them. It made him want to scowl; want to glare and challenge and look away all at once. He wanted some distance back, felt suffocated by the _closeness_ they all had with him now. It took more effort than he would like to admit to resist. To throw the mask back up but leave the rage of negativity swirling unseen inside.

Lisa had left soon after, both of them knowing that they been pushing business off for too long. An appearance needed to be made, and Len wasn’t quite up to it yet. Lisa would stalk his familiar haunts for him, check in with everyone who needed checking in with, threaten those who were feeling bold, and otherwise ensure the status quo was maintained.

Caitlin wasn’t too happy, tsking and tutting over his feet after the abuse he put them through the day prior. They were still healing fine, thankfully, and he didn’t re-open any of his injuries. Barry was hovering, waiting for the opportunity to pounce. Len decided to bite the bullet.

“Could you give us a moment alone, Doc?” He asked as Caitlin was finishing up.

“Of course.” She looked between him and Barry a few times, a hesitant and knowing smile emerging as she left the room.

“Listen, Len-” Barry dove right in, earnest expression tinged with guilt filling his face as he came close.

“No.” Len held up his hand. “Me first.”

Barry nodded as he sat, Len turning so he reclined on the bed facing Barry. “I know…I know this isn’t easy, Barry. For either of us. That there are a lot of things between us, that can come up and complicate this. You explained everything with Bivolo and your feelings to me quite well. I know…I know what we did may not have been as real as I wanted, but I also know that I didn’t…take advantage. At Christmas, I was still an unknown to you Barry. Even if I knew I would have offered my assistance, you had no way to know that. No way to know that I wouldn’t betray you. No way to know I would even want to help you. I don’t hold that against you, Barry. I know that the image I portray is less-than-desirable. And even if you see past that, it still doesn’t change the fact that I had done nothing at that point to earn your trust.”

“Yesterday…I slipped. It happens, sometimes. I just get too caught up in my head. All the bad memories, the dark thoughts and all my other issues, just swirl and spiral out of control. Its….I know it isn’t true. The things I think sometimes. But it doesn’t change how real it feels when its happening. Growing up, Lewis always said it was my fault. Said I drove my mom away after she was stuck with me for so long. That I turned Lisa’s mom against him. That I was nothing but a failure and a disappointment who couldn’t even learn his lessons right. Its bullshit, blaming me for him being such a shit person. Didn’t change the fact that I believed it. Believed it for far too long.”

“I’m better now, with all of that. Usually centered enough to separate all the lies from the truth. Just, it gets too much sometimes. I get a little lost in it all, and have to clear my head again. I just…I need you to understand, Barry. Because this-” He gestures between the two of them.

“Because being close, and letting you in, its gonna bring up a lot of those…insecurities. And I know its going to happen again. Probably sooner than either of us would care for. And its not on you, Barry. Whatever my hang-ups are, they are mine and mine alone. I’ll try my best to tell you what I can, so you understand it all and what might set me off, but I don’t want you feeling guilty every time I get too lost in my own head. Its just…something that happens to me sometimes. No way to anticipate it, not all the time. Just don’t blame yourself. Not for stuff that isn’t your fault, Scarlet. You carry around too much guilt as is.” Len crooks a smile at the little jab.

Barry chuckles in return, eyes wide in wonderful appreciation at Len being so open with him.

“That’s….wow, Len. It-thank you. For telling me. I’m sorry that you have to go through that, because I can tell how much it upsets you. But…but I won’t push. Not if you don’t want me to. And I can’t promise I won’t feel guilty, but I’ll try my best. And, if you need anything. If you ever need me to leave or to not do certain things, just let me know. I know-”

Barry breaks off for a second, composing his thoughts. “Okay. Honesty time, because that’s what we’re doing right now. I know you are going to have a lot of things that might…trigger some things like this. I have a few myself. Most of them went away, as I got older. More disappeared after I got my powers. But some are still there, and more pop up every now and then as well. What you’ve been through…what I’ve been through….stuff like that changes people. I know you know that, and I want you to understand I do too. For years, I couldn’t stand thunderstorms. Because every flash of lightning sent me back to my childhood home, staring at my mom as lightning flashed around her. I couldn’t stand the sight of fish tanks, because it brought me back to that night too.”

“Didn’t like people grabbing my arms, because I was bullied at school and it always meant they were dragging me away for a beating or swirly or both. Now, after some of the bad fights with all the metas out there, I’ll have other ticks pop up for a bit. Can’t really stand guns since I've almost been shot so many times. Or arrows, after I took two in the back. Didn’t like mist or fog, after my fight with Nimbus. Small things, things that most people overlook, take on a lot more meaning when tied to things so traumatic. I just…I understand, Len. And I’m here for you. If you want to talk, I’ll listen. If you don’t, that’s okay too. If you want me here, I’ll be here. And if you need to be alone, then I’m okay with that too.” Barry smiles at him, slowly reaching out to link hands.

“I’m in this for the long-haul, Len. If that’s what you want. Nothing you confide in me, none of your triggers, or past, or getting lost in your head…none of that will change my mind, Len. You don’t have to worry about that. I just-I like you, Len. And I like us. All the rest, the dates and sex and everything else that goes with a relationship, that can all wait if you need it to. We can go as slow or fast as you need, Len. Whatever you’re comfortable with, that’s what we’ll do. Okay?”

“Yeah.” Len huffs, knowing that he is grinning like a fool and not caring in the slightest. He takes his time, leaning forward to kiss Barry. Its a pleasant shock every time their lips connect, knowing the depth of _something_  growing between them. It makes his heart beat faster and his stomach tingle in the best way. Makes it easy to push the rest of the world aside, just for a few minutes. To exist in this beautiful space of lips and tongues and warmth and _Barry_. Makes Len believe that maybe, just maybe, this will work. That Barry truly is in this for the long-haul, and that Len will be with him every step of the way.

The kiss deepens, but there is no sharp fire of arousal. Kissing, just for the sake of kissing. No expectations, no foreplay into more carnal desires. Just two people who care for each other, connecting with the sweetest of touches. Yeah, it’ll be hard. Len’s no fool, there will be dark times ahead. But it will all be worth it. The joy building in his chest and smile tugging at his lips let him know that it will all be worth it if it means more moments like this in his life. The smile he can feel Barry returning is all he needs to believe the other man feels the same.

So they continue to kiss, to gently explore each other with arcing swipes of tongue and soft caresses until Barry has to leave once more. The beaming flash of teeth Barry shoots him before disappearing to his day job is the final push to dispel the darkness from yesterday. Len sighs as he relaxes for a moment longer, contentment filling him. He smiles, savoring the lingering taste of Barry on his lips. It may be more than he could ever deserve, but Len has been a thief for far too long to let this slip through his fingers. Barry has already brought so much joy into the darkness of Len’s life. And Len is going to hold onto that with everything he has. However surprising it is to the Rogue, Barry seems to feel the same way. And if that isn’t all sorts of perfect, then Len doesn’t know what is.

XXX

Lisa had called Cisco a few hours after she headed out that morning. Gave him a list of supplies to pick up and bring over to Len’s house (they all knew Barry had the GPS on in his suit when he went to find Len that night, so she wasn’t giving away where he lived or anything). Cisco isn’t too sure what to make of it all, wants to insist that he is an engineer, not a home repair man. However, he does want to help Lisa (and spend as much time with her as possible), and is interested to see how much she actually knows regarding this line of work.

The attendant at Home Depot helps out whenever he stumbles over items on the list. The most embarrassing so far being the drywall mud needed for sheet-rock patches (which he may or may not have thought meant actual, you know, _mud_ at first). The total items come to a little over a hundred dollars, grabbing some Gatorade and a few pizzas on the way as well. If he’s going to help her do what he thinks she is planning, then they will most likely be here awhile.

The house is actually worse than he imagined it would be. Not from the outside. No, from there the place was practically _quaint_. Its inside that has him pausing.

_There’s so much blood._  Barry had said over the comms. He hadn’t been lying. Its not like a massacre took place or anything, just spots here and there, smeared on the walls and imprinted in footsteps on the ground. Its the fact that it really is _everywhere_  that makes it seem so bad. Lisa greets him with a sad smile and grateful thanks when he arrives, leading him to the kitchen to begin setting their supplies down. The pizza goes into the fridge for later, appetite suddenly gone.

Mick shows up not long after they have begun cleaning up the glass. Cisco really should have seen this coming, wants to be angry and defensive, but knows that this weird truce they all have going on right now extends to the pyromaniac psycho as well. Mick grunts approvingly when he sees Cisco there, tilting his head to acknowledge that they will be playing nice for the day.

It isn’t nearly as tense as Cisco thought it would be, the three of them working together. After all, both Lisa and Mick where involved in his and Dante’s kidnapping. Hell, some nights they still feature prominently in his nightmares.

“How’s yer brother?” Mick asked once the silence between them got too uncomfortable. Lisa had gone ahead to her brother’s room, making it “presentable” before allowing the others in. “Still got those talented fingers of his?”

“Like you care.” Cisco grumbled, glaring.

Mick shrugged. “Needed to be done, kid. You had the know-how, we needed the guns. Snart had his little obsession, and you had the Flash’s identity. No way round that. Wouldn’t’ve happened if we were better men, but-” Mick shoots him a toothy grin. “We are criminals, after all. ‘Sides, you both got outta there alive and mostly intact. More’n would’ve happened if any of the Flash’s other enemies gotcha.”

“That still doesn’t make it right.” Cisco refuses to smile and play along and brush it all under the rug. With Len, it was different. Lisa had explained things well enough, and seeing the other side of the man gave Cisco enough empathy to consider it all water under the bridge for the time being. Mick was another story, however.

“No.” Mick sighs, standing with a full dust pan of broken glass that he dumps in the trash. “But there ain’t no changing any of it now. Snart an’ I don’t do apologies, kid. All I can give ya is a promise it won’t happen again.”

“Right.” Cisco scoffs.

“I mean it.” Mick growls. “Lisa’s got this nice soft spot for ya. Snart trusts ya, enough to let you see him when he’s-” Mick gestures, encompassing their surroundings and current situation. “You know. That protective streak he’s got big as the side o’ the moon? You’re included in that, now. So believe me when I tell ya that, unless you go hurtin’ one of our own, you ain’t gonna get burned again. Not by the three of us.”

Cisco takes it all in, going over the words in his head. It makes sense, and sincerity rings through the man’s gruff tone. “Okay, I guess. But you aren’t forgiven!”

“Told ya.” Mick snorts. “Ain’t asking for your forgiveness. Just tellin’ it as it is.”

Lisa returns as they finish up with the last of the glass, bringing a trash bag full of it with her from the en-suite bathroom. They mostly work in silence, only talking when its related to the task at hand. Furniture that is still intact is moved to the guest bedroom (Lisa’s designated bedroom), closed and untouched by the chaos. Mick looks over the rest with a critical eye, deeming it either salvageable or beyond saving. What can be repaired is set aside, what cannot is brought out to the truck he drove over to be disposed of later.

The TV, a few chairs, recliner, side table, lamp, and some art pieces along with empty mirror frames are brought out. Cisco can’t even bring himself to ask if any of the art were stolen, priceless pieces that were destroyed in Len’s anger and…whatever else he was going through that night. With the wreckage out of the way, Lisa went to tackle the bloodstains (don’t worry, I know how to get blood out of carpet, Cisco), while Mick and him tackled the holes in the walls. They used a sheet-rock saw to cut out the area around the holes, making them big enough to screw new pieces of 1-by-1 sections of new drywall that Cisco brought into the studs .

After that, they “taped and floated”. The mud was used, in tandem with stripes of paper (tape) to fill in and seal any holes, going back over with more mud for a second coat when needed after the first dried. Cisco found himself enjoying this work, learning new things and getting into the physical labor. They stopped for dinner around eight. Pizza’s were re-heated, beers courtesy of Mick broken out in favor of the Gatorade and water they had been drinking all day.

It was interesting, eating with the two criminals. He learned a bit more about their experience with this work. Considering how run-down most of their safe houses were, the two of them and Len had long ago learned many of the tricks of the trade. Minor electrical, plumbing, and drywall repair apparently went a long way in making the near-condemned places they turned to when they had to lay low more livable.

Surprisingly, Mick was a Doctor Who fan. Cisco fell into easy chatter over their shared interest, giddy with excitement as he always is when finding a fellow fan to talk nerd with. He wanted to branch out into Star Trek, but Mick was far enough behind on the franchise that they had to keep it to the original movies (which was fine by Cisco). Likewise, Mick hadn’t even seen the Star Wars prequels! Which, okay, they had their flaws and all. But still, they were practically _gold_ in comparison to the divide surrounding newer releases.

“Disney is butchering those films. No way in hell am I gonna waste my time seeing any of them.” Mick glowers, making his anger known given the last movies Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, and Mark Hamill had been in didn’t live up to his expectations of the original trilogy. Cisco wanted to argue, enjoying the movies himself. But he could also see the others point of view, and knew the fan-base was split on the topic as well.

They get back to work after that, sanding the now dry areas of wall until they are smooth and seamless once more. A quick paint job to blend the patches in again and then they are practically done. Supplies are packed away, trash taken out, and furniture is cleaned then moved back into place now that the flooring is once again blood-and-wreckage free.

Cisco is exhausted, drained from the long day of manual labor. Mick grunts his farewells before peeling out, to either dump or burn (burn, definitely burn) all the trash in the back of the truck. Lisa tags along with Cisco as they head back to the labs.

“Thank you.” She says quietly when they are alone in the car. “For today, thanks for helping. I know you didn’t have to.”

“No problem.” He gives her a cheery grin, steeling his nerves before adding on. “What are friends for?”

He anxiously waits the rejection, the mocking laugh that he’s sure is coming. Lisa grins at him, mischievous smirk coming to play. “Is that what we are, Cisco? _Just_ friends?”

“I-I mean…” He splutters, face heating under her intense gaze.

“Don’t worry.” She cuts him off, amusement lighting her expression. “I know I wouldn’t object to more, Cisco. But our meetings so far have not been under the best of circumstances. Honey-potting you for my brother, the mess at Ferris Air, everything with _Lewis _-__ ” Her lips curl in distaste at the mention of the man. “Even if that kiss was sweet, there was still a whole mess of ugly behind all of that. And now, with everything going on with Lenny…” She sighs.

“What I’m saying, Cisco, is that yes, I do like you. But my track record is no better than Lenny’s when it comes to stuff like this. I’ve never dated ‘good’ before, Cisco. I’m sure Lenny has a whole list of my ex’s that he had to run off or, more likely, knock around a bit before sending them to the hills. You’d be the first boyfriend that Lenny actual approves of. So I just thought…if my jerk brother gets to go and get his syrupy sweet sweetheart, why shouldn’t I?” She bats her eyes at him, sending Cisco’s heart skipping ahead a few beats.

“I-I-I mean….I suppose….its….really?” He can’t help but exclaim. “For real? No con this time, you actually do like me?”

She laughs. “Yeah, Cisco, I do. You’re cute, and funny, and loyal. You’re smart, a gentleman, and I think its adorable the way you light up whenever you talk about all that nerd stuff that fires you up so much. You’re….good. Really, really good, Cisco. That’s something I’ve never been able to have in a relationship before. So unless you think otherwise, I don’t see why we can’t give this a shot.”

Cisco really hates that they have to have this conversation while he’s driving. All he wants to do is stare adoringly into her eyes, but pesky things like _the road_ and _traffic_ and _possible pedestrians_  all mean that he has to keep looking elsewhere. Still, he can’t be more thrilled that finally, _finally_ it looks like his love life is going to take a huge jump to the next level. That one kiss they shared over two months ago was amazing, just a taste of something that made Cisco’s heart swell and his palms sweat and his stomach flutter. And now, to be offered that taste again….to be offered _more_ and _everything_ ….

“Breakfast.” Cisco spits out, forcing his careening train of thought back on track. “Breakfast, tomorrow. You. Me. Date?”

“Breakfast sounds wonderful.” Lisa purrs, leaning closer to him without disrupting his driving etiquette. At least, not too much.

Cisco beams. He had to agree with what Lisa had said, only slightly altered. After all, if Barry was getting his Snart, then why shouldn’t Cisco get his as well? Who knew the criminal siblings would both fall for nerdy do-gooders (as the siblings liked to call them)? Cisco wanted to joke about it, but wasn’t about to go and jinx everything.

“Awesome!” Cisco enthuses. “Because I know this great place that literally has the _best_ pancakes…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you all go! Minor note, I'm not trying to antagonize with my Star Wars bit in there. I for one, don't really hate the new movies or anything. I may not like all the directions they take with the story and characters (mainly just how they changed Luke's character), but I can still enjoy the movies. However, I do have plenty of friends who really, really don't like them. So, as a nerd, I know that would come up in any conversation about Star Wars with any other friends nowadays. Just wanted to make that clear, so I don't have a torrent of angry comments left for that.   
> Having Mick so far behind was deliberate. Him and Len were still young when those movies were new, and they grew up with them. Makes sense that they would be fans of the originals, even if they never followed any of those franchises later in life. Might have another conversation like that with Barry and Len later on, might not. Still not sure if its necessary to include. I'm getting closer to catching up to what I already have written, so updates might be slower pretty soon. Again, thank you all for reading and commenting. Still un-beta'd, so please feel free to point out any mistakes or inconsistencies you might notice. Hope you continue to enjoy this fic, and let me know what you think!  
> Video for this chapter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kVdoq3bmi68 The Flash/Eye of the Storm  
> Up next: Len's suspicions grow. He finds an unexpected ally on Team Flash, and Thomas comes to them for help.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Len's suspicions grow. He finds an unexpected ally on Team Flash, and Thomas comes to them for help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: Metioned rape/violent attack of a sex-worker. Nothing graphic described, just a warning that reference will be included and vital to the story for now.

The Turtle was dead. Len had _so many_ things to say about that. Settled instead for _I told you so_ glares all around. All except Harry. Harry he reserved his _if you step one fucking toe outta line again I’ll kill you_ glare. Harry, justifiably, avoided him. Jay, surprisingly, warmed up to Snart real fast after that.

“I’m just saying its suspicious, is all.” Jay confides in him. Len had been there for the reveal, heard Harry so adamantly deny involvement, pulling the daughter card once more. He didn’t say anything at the time, feeling it would go over about as well as it had yesterday. Lisa and Cisco were gone, Barry coming back only when Caitlin discovered the body and called him. It was just past lunch, Barry returning to his day job, Caitlin doing the full autopsy down in the morgue, Harry disappeared back to his lab, and Joe and Iris had been informed but wouldn’t be in until later. That left Garrick, following and cornering him like a lost puppy.

“No argument from me there.” Len drawled, eyes narrowed in concentration as he tried to pull up the video feed. Nothing was there, of course, confirming his suspicions that this definitely wasn’t just a brain aenurysm. It was deliberate. It was planned, and only one person would have any use in doing something like that as far as Len was concerned. Well, two if he was being honest. Pretty-boy speedless-speedster was also largely unknown. Still, Len trusted his instincts; they had saved his life numerous times. And his instincts were telling him that Garrick wasn’t their killer.

Its silent for a moment, Jay watching over his shoulder, knowing what he was searching for. “Every time you think he’s on your team. That you can trust him. Every time…it seems something like this happens.” 

“Take it your…animosity came from before all this Zoom mess?” Len fishes for more info. He is still largely lacking intel anywhere Zoom and Earth-2 are concerned, something he wants to rectify. Quickly.

“It was worse, if you can believe it.” Jay chuckles, settling in. He goes to describe their situation. How arrogant Wells had been even before the explosion. How he had brushed his involvement under the rug. How he had only started going after Zoom by designing tech to counter him after the incident with the police. Even Len cringes when the tale of how Zoom acquired his name was told. He’s known heartless psychopaths his whole life, was unfortunate enough to work with plenty in the past. They always leave a sour taste in his mouth and an unpleasant churning in his stomach.

Wells staying in the dark about how the metas were his fault isn’t as uneasy to digest for Len as it is for Jay. After all, Len has had to be selfish most of his life. Looking after him and his own first and foremost has kept them safe. So he can’t fault the man for stepping back from owning up to his mistake in the face of the fear and anger of the masses. Still, the tech he created to find and track metas doesn’t sit well with him. Nor his sudden interest in Barry and the going-ons of Earth-1. His daughter as a bargaining tool just solidifies it. He doesn’t, for one second, think that Zoom kidnapped his daughter solely out of the sadistic nature of his heart. Even if that was part of the reason, it makes no sense not to use her as leverage now that he has her.

“You know.” Jay changes the subject, once Len has asked all his questions and has let the matter fall to silent contemplation for the moment. “Your doppelganger, back on my Earth. He’s Mayor.”

“So you said.” Len smirks, turning to look at the man. “Seems on any Earth, Leonard Snart is a criminal.”

“What?” Jay gives him an incredulous look before breaking out into laughter. “Oh, no. No. Mayor Snart, he’s not like other politicians. He actually cares about the city. Made a lot of improvements, before the appearance of metas. Even then, he created a cold gun, similar to yours, took on the mantle of Citizen Cold. Did his best to stop the metas causing destruction, bring peace and order back as best he could. Fought alongside me, more than once. Never tried to hide his identity, either. Made a huge speech, after his first outing as vigilante. Explained his reasoning's behind it, emphasizing that he didn’t do it as our Mayor but as a concerned citizen trying to make his city a little bit safer for everyone who called Central home. Even offered to step down if the people thought it a conflict of interests or a crime they couldn’t forgive.”

“They love him, though. His popularity only increased when they saw he was willing to put himself at risk for everyone else. Made metas seem less scary, considering he didn’t have any powers but still went toe to toe with some of the best. The city may be bad, right now. But its still intact thanks largely to him. Zoom would have already destroyed it months ago, otherwise.”

Len has to chuckle at that. “Well, at least that version of me is still a pain-in-the-ass for speedsters.”

“Only the bad ones.” Jay gives him a fond smile.

Len shifts at that, uncomfortable. “I’m no hero, Garrick. In fact, until recently, me ‘n the Flash were enemies. Nemeses. On opposite sides of the law, and all that.”

“You’re here now, though.” Jay still isn’t persuaded. “That’s all that matters to me.”

“It shouldn’t.” Len’s tone is sharp, dripping acid. He is already struggling to live up to Barry’s expectations of him. He isn’t sure if he can handle another hero playing up the good in him. “I’m a thief, and a criminal, and a killer. First time I met the Flash, he foiled my heist. Second time, I killed an innocent man. Derailed a whole train full of passengers to get the Flash off my back. Nearly killed him too, had his friends not stepped in and gave me an excuse to stay my hand. No idea what he sees in me. Why he wants….this.” Len’s lips curl. He hadn’t meant to divulge that bit of insecurity. Too late to take it back now.

“You know.” Jay leans forward, tone dropping to a more intimate, sincere register. “The Leonard Snart of my Earth, his father went to prison when he was barely more than a toddler. Died in a riot while behind bars. It was just him and his mom left after that, staying with his grandfather until he passed. One of the first things he did while in office was push for bills to make prison safer for the inmates. To encourage rehab programs to reintegrate them into society. Because he didn’t want anyone else loosing a loved one to senseless violence like he had.”

“From what I hear, your father made it back alive. Prison changes people. My father, when I was young, got back from the war. That changes people too. He was…different from before. Angrier. Paranoid. Drunk. Didn’t take him long to start hitting our mom. One night, he was going after her again. Only, he was angrier than before. Killed her right in front of my brother and I. Went to homes, after that. Had some good ones, had some bad ones. I knew I was going down a dark path. Thankfully, the Garricks stepped in before I had done anything I couldn’t take back. Took me in, gave me a good home, and eventually their last name as well. I could have gone down a far darker road. My brother did. He never found a home like the Garricks. Never had anyone pull him back from the darkness.”

“I don’t know where he is, now. We tried to keep in touch, but drifted apart over the years. Next thing I know, he’s on the news. Started killing people. A lot of people. Ended up in an asylum, stayed there for years without change. I tried to visit, but he started refusing to see me. Now, I don’t even know if he’s alive or not. A lot of patients escaped the night the accelerator blew, power outages unlocking their cells. Some of them died in the chaos, swept under the rug after the fact. Given that I’m not on his list, I don’t even know what happened to him.”

“What I’m trying to say is…your past doesn’t have to define you. My brother let it define him. I almost did as well. What matters is your will to change from the man that path sets you to become. To be better than what situations expect of you. To let people in, to let them help when you struggle against the darkness. So long as that’s what you’re doing now, then you have a clean slate as far as I’m concerned. If my brother was willing to do that, to want to be better, then that’s what I would give him. From what I’ve seen of Barry, I imagine he’s the same way.”

“He’s too trusting.” Len sighs, leaving out how he’s also too _forgiving_. He knows that saying that would just get him another earnest look from this man who is so good and so much like Barry.

“Perhaps.” Jay shrugs. “The real question you need to ask yourself, is if he’s right or not. Is his trust in you misplaced? Do you honestly think that you are the same man you were back then?” Len is silent for too long, too stubborn to give in and agree with the point he knows Jay is trying to make.

“Would you ever intentionally hurt him?” Jay prods when the silence stretches on.

“No!” Len instantly snarls, regretting in the second he sees the satisfied look on the others face.

“Then perhaps his trust in you isn’t misplaced after all. Perhaps the good man he sees in you has been there all along. This is your chance to be better, to accept that help just like I did. It won’t be easy, I know I struggled for years with my demons. But its worth it, in the end, once you get to the point where you can actually feel good about yourself. When you can look in the mirror and like the person staring back at you. Just…don’t throw all this away because you think you aren’t worth it. Anyone can be saved. They just have to be willing to accept it first.”

XXX

Len had taken to avoiding Garrick as well. Its not that he didn’t like the man, he actually felt himself quite at ease in the others presence. He just didn’t think he could handle another conversation like earlier. He sets up a few programs to monitor Wells through the surveillance feed, calling up Hartley to walk him through the process to do so. He’s pretty sure Pied Piper knows that he’s at STAR labs now, given the description of the equipment, but neither mention the fact and Hart knows better than to ask questions before Len divulges his plans.

Its as Caitlin is finishing up his daily check-up (all good, stitches have dissolved everywhere except your hands now, just take it easy on your ribs for another few weeks as they are still tender) that Len’s world screeches to a halt.

Thomas comes in, looking panicked. Len instantly pushes Caitlin aside as gently as he can, whipping his shirt back on. That look never means anything good.

“Thomas.” He greets the young man, doing his best to slow his racing heart. It won’t do them any good for Len to assume the worst.

“Its mom.” Thomas’ bottom lip quivers. “She wasn’t home when I went to school this morning, which isn’t unusual. But now…” He shakes his head, trying to keep from crying.

“What happened?” Len asks, ice settling in his chest.

“I should have known!” Thomas is frantic, wrapping himself around Len for comfort. “She-She….” He sniffs, takes a breath before continuing. “She got hurt. Bad. Her John he….he roughed her up. Didn’t pay. She…”

“How bad.” Len tugs the boy tighter, cradling his head against his chest. Caitlin is shooting them worried looks.

“Bad.” Len can barely hear him, he’s talking so quietly now. “Not…not hospital bad. But. Bad.”

Len nods, curtly. He knows hospital bad means she would be dying. Anything up to that is still fair game, however. “Got a name or a face for me, kid?”

“No.” He sniffs. “But…but there’s still…she hasn’t showered yet. I checked. Rape kit won’t do any good, no one would run the DNA. They don’t care….they don’t care about….about prostitutes.”

Len is tense with rage and worry, but does his best to keep it down. Thomas doesn’t need his rage, now. Doesn’t need him adding on to his own worry.

“That’s fine. We can run it here. If this guy has a record, his DNA’ll be on file.” Len keeps holding him tight, while gesturing for Caitlin to bring him his phone. They relocate to the bed, Len sure to keep a protective arm around the boy while he unlocks his phone, ignoring the missed calls from Thomas that have his chest clenching in guilt. He exits out of the call history and switches to contacts, dialing Mick. No response. Lisa. Also no good.

Sighing, he remembers his sister’s not-so-subtle plan to make his home look less like a crime scene today. They always turn their phones off during clean-up, a habit they picked up long ago, not wanting anyone to trace them when the evidence is still at the scene.

Debates just going to get her himself. Rages against the twenty minute drive he knows it’ll take just to get there. Biting the bullet, he calls a final number.

“Barry Allen.” Barry answers politely, not recognizing the number.

“Barry. I need a favor. A big one.” Len didn’t want them to meet. Not this soon. Not while they are still figuring things out. But Angie is hurt right now, and outside of Mick and Lisa, Barry is the only one he trusts with this.

“Sure, what is it? What’s wrong?” Barry clearly picked up on Len’s tense, clipped tone.

“Its Angie. She’s hurt. I need you to bring her to the labs.” Len breathes in, rubbing circles into Thomas’ back when he shudders again. “I know its asking a lot, risking your identity and…and all this for a former…lover. But, I need her to be safe, Barry. I need to know she’s safe.”

“Of course, Len. Where is she?” Barry instantly agrees, no hint of hurt or reproach in his voice. Len breathes out a sigh of relief, rattling off the address.

“Got it. I’ll…what should I say? Should I just bring her there or…” He trails off, clearly uncomfortable with whisking an injured woman away from her home without warning.

“Knock three times, wait a beat, knock four more. When she asks who’s there, tell her that Thomas and I sent you. Say that…that Snowflake says you can be trusted.” His lips almost twist into a grin, remembering her infectious laughter when she insisted on that ridiculous code-word when they changed it again after he had gotten his Captain Cold persona.

“Snowflake?” Len can hear the amusement seeping through the tone. “Never mind, I’ll expect a full story behind that later. Heading out now, should have her there soon.” Barry hangs up, no doubt speeding out of the precinct at this very moment.

“I’ll get everything ready.” Caitlin flickers into action, prepping all the generic medical supplies until she can do a full examination. Len’s stomach churns at the sight of the pieces needed to complete the rape kit that join the growing pile on the counter.

“C’mon, Thomas.” He gently guides the other man to his feet. “Gotta clear the room for your mom.”

Caitlin sanitizes the bed as soon as they leave. Harry pops his head out of a nearby room at the commotion, quirking an eyebrow.

“Not now.” Len snaps, doing his best to glare the other man into submission.

“Is it Zoom?” Harry asks instead of cowing, noticing the tension and the prep Caitlin is going through.

“No.” Len grits out, anger surging as the other man brushes it off, returning to his previous task without a second thought. It irks him, that this man cares so little. Angie is _hurt_. And even though the other man doesn’t know her, doesn’t know the situation, the anger still rises. Len’s hands itch for a gun at the moment, wanting something or _someone_ to take his anger out on.

He breathes, harsh and deep as he focuses on Thomas to center himself. No. He doesn’t hurt out of anger. Not like this. Harry may have his faults, Len his suspicions of the man, but he wasn’t involved in this. Taking his anger out on Wells now…that’s something Lewis would do. And Len isn’t Lewis. He isn’t. He-

“Lenny.” Thomas is timid, forgoing the ‘Uncle’ as he draws Len’s attention. Its something he rarely does, and instantly breaks Len out of his head. “You’re…you’re shaking.”

“I’m okay.” Len forces his tense muscles to relax, fists unclenching while the tremors slow as he taps a lid on his emotions once more. “I’m okay, Thomas.”

“She’ll be okay, right?” He asks, seeking comfort.

“Of course.” Len blindly assures him, wishing he believed it as well.

“You’re mom is as tough as they come. A survivor. She’ll…she’ll be okay.”

“She was crying. When I got home.” Thomas mutters, eyes clouding in memory. “Why do people do that? Why do people hurt…hurt others like that? There was no reason…no reason. I mean…why would he hurt my mom?”

“I’ve wondered that my whole life, Kid.” Len sighs, wrapping him close once more. “You ever figure that out, you can let me know.” He mumbles into the boy's hair.

Len senses Barry before he arrives. Always has, since their first meeting. That feeling of electricity before a storm always heralds the Scarlet Speedster. Sure enough, not a second later Barry appears in the med bay, depositing a battered woman on the bed.

“Mom!” Thomas can’t help but cry when he sees her again.

Len looks on, meeting Barry’s eyes as he keeps a firm grasp on Thomas to keep him from running to her side and interfering with Caitlin as she begins to work. The curtains are pulled for privacy, and Len wishes he had gotten a better look at what shape she is actually in. Len spares a second of irritation, seeing Barry in civilian attire. He could have at least donned the suit, kept the mask and his identity a little longer. Len pushes it all down. That’s a talk to have with Barry another time.

“Thank you.” Is all Len can manage when Barry comes their way. He looks sad, and angry as well in righteous fury.

“Of course.” Barry brushes off his gratitude, both of them knowing that Barry would help anyone who needed it without a second thought. “Do you…are we…do you know who did this?”

“No.” Len growls as his eyes turn to ice. “But Caitlin’s running a rape kit now. We will soon enough.”

“Oh. Should I call Joe?” Barry asks hesitantly.

Len just shakes his head. “She’s a prostitute, Barry. Even if Joe took the case, the court would never rule in her favor. People in her profession…they don’t matter to most. Would be lucky to keep her from getting arrested for it.”

Barry is angry again, but deflates when he sees that Len might have a point. He knows its messed up, but there’s nothing he can do with a faulty system and callous society. At least, not in time for it to make any difference here.

“What are we going to do, then?” Barry sighs, running a hand through his hair.

“I’ll handle it.” Len growls, eyes darting to the curtains. Doesn’t matter that he can’t see her. Just the knowledge that she is there is enough.

“Len-” Barry starts.

“I said I’ll handle it!” Len cuts him off, feeling the tremors beginning again before forcing it down and controlling his breathing once more. He hates it when he gets like this, when the anger is so close to taking over. Makes him think of pain and broken bottles and blood and his sister’s screams.

Barry is looking at him, screaming sympathy and hesitation in every inch of his posture. Only when Len is sure he won’t snap again does he continue. “I won’t kill him, Barry. We have a deal. But this…he has to be punished. Has to be convinced in no uncertain terms to never even look at her again. Send a message to any other brute who even thinks of messing with any of the girls on Blecker. Had to do it before, a handful of times. Likely will have to do it again. Its something…its…I have to do it, Barry. I have to. I can’t just do nothing-”

“I get it.” Barry cuts in, looking on with understanding. “Believe me, I do. But at least let me call Joe, first. See if there is anyway we can do this the right way. We have connections with the DA’s office. Just…if there’s a chance, can we try it this way first? If it doesn’t work out, then…then you have my full support to do it your way.”

Len wants to argue. Wants to scream and rage and demand that this bastard be hurt just as he hurt Angie. Takes a second. Calms the storm. Remembers all the good Barry brings him. Remembers how much he abhors the idea of letting Barry down.

“Thomas.” Len eventually turns to the young man still tucked under his arm. He had been silent thus far, watching their interaction with rapt attention. “She’s your mom.” He says quietly. “I think the two of you should make that decision. We’ll table this until she can weigh in her opinion.”

“Okay.” Thomas nods, glancing between them. The kid is bright. Len knows that he figures this could make a huge impact on Barry and Len’s relationship should the wrong choice be made. “I’ll talk to her. But…I think…if we really can do this the legal way. If he really can go to jail for this, I think that’s what she would want. Never liked it when you had to get your hands dirty for her and her friends anyways.”

Len nods, avoiding Barry’s eyes.

“I’ll go fill Joe in.” Barry eventually says, squeezing Len’s shoulder in comfort. “I’ll let you know what he thinks, if we can get this to work. Nothing official, but he should be in the loop to help figure it all out. Just…let me know when we find out who it is that did this.”

Barry leaves and Len leads Thomas to sit at the computer station. He feels useless, anxious as they sit there together. Its quiet now, nothing left to say as all they can do now is wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter, I know. But its building up to the first big conflict of this story. Once again, I'll bring up the poll I want feed-back on. Still have plenty of chapters left until it matters, but I would like you, the readers, input. Should this tale remain one story, or be broken into parts? It can easily be split into 2, possibly more if I want to include a Legends storyline further down the road. Leave your thoughts in the comments, and as always, thanks for reading!  
> Video for this chapter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LO3LZohKCnE It's called Deadwood, and isn't a Flash video. Music much like that of a soundtrack, and great to listen to while writing or reading. Super epic, and I highly recommend giving it a listen!   
> Up Next: Barry tries to help, which ends in a disagreement and breach of trust between him and Len before the two find their way back onto steady ground once more.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry tries to help, which ends in a disagreement and breach of trust between him and Len before the two find their way back onto steady ground once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: mention of rape

Len is sitting by Angie’s side when Barry returns. He looks lost, blank and hollow as his posture droops in exhaustion. Thomas is in the chair beside him, head resting near his mother’s hand as he sleeps. Its later than Barry would have liked. He had talked to Joe, pulling him aside the second he returned to the precinct.

_“What’s up, Barr?” Joe asked, taking in the determined look on his foster son’s face._

_“I need to talk to you in private, Joe. It’s important.”_

_“Of course.” Joe stands, brushing off his work for the moment and leading them to the privacy of Barry’s lab._

_“It’s….it’s Angie, Joe. Thomas’ mom. Len’s…ex. You know…did we….I mean-”_

_“Hey, breathe.” Joe settles his hands on his son’s shoulders, halting his frantic pacing. “What about Angie? What’s going on, Barr?”_

_“She’s a…a sex worker, Joe. And last night…” Barry looks down, finding the floor suddenly supremely interesting for this conversation. “Last night, she was...one of her clients, or potential clients, or maybe just some random guy….I don’t even know. But its bad. He-he raped her. Beat her. Not sure how serious the injuries were, but she could barely walk to the door when I went to bring her to STAR labs. Caitlin is checking her over now, fixing her up and completing a rape kit. But…but-” He sighs, running his hands through his hair._

_“I want to do this the right way, Joe. I want to run the evidence and catch the guy and send him to jail. But…Len made a valid point. Given her profession….what jury is going to sentence this guy? Not without her ending up in jail or charged as well for what she does. I really, really want this done right. I’m not sure how I could handle Len resorting to….what he’s always had to do so soon into all of this. How it might affect this…thing building between us. But I really don’t know if it will even work, if the justice system will do right by her or if it will fail again. Just like it failed Len and Lisa. And on top of all that, I’m pissed. I’m really, really angry. Joe. I’m…what he did to her. It isn’t right. And I almost want to do what Len would do. I know I won’t. I know its wrong. But you didn’t see her, Joe. What he did-” Barry is buzzing with emotions, brain spinning and mouth rushing in spitting out half-formed thoughts._

_Joe calms him, gets him to breathe and relax before letting his opinion be known. “You’re right, Barr. It is hard, getting stuff like this proven when…when prostitutes are involved. All too easy to have it reduced to just soliciting for sex instead of rape. But, if its as bad as you say. If Caitlin can collect the evidence, then there might be a chance. I can’t say for sure, but we do have a few DA’s on our side. This is a conversation I think we should be having with the Captain, though.”_

_“You sure?” Barry asks, looking up at him with so much conflict in his eyes. “Because I don’t want to make this situation any worse, Joe. Even if he is convicted, what’s stopping Angie from being arrested as well?”_

_“We’ll talk to Singh first. He knows better than I if this will work. He’ll also be the one making the call if we charge her for any illegal activities going forward.”_

Captain Singh had been surprisingly understanding, which maybe shouldn’t have surprised Barry as much. He may be a police captain, but he can let some laws slide for the better of all when the occasion arises. Just look at all the work with the Flash the police have done without issuing a single arrest warrant for his vigilantism.

_Joe shut the door behind them, drawing the blinds after they entered his office. Captain Singh merely raised an eyebrow, gesturing for them to begin once privacy was established. Barry launched into his recount of what he knew, being sure to leave a certain Leonard Snart out of the tale._

_Singh had sighed when he finished. “She’s at STAR labs right now?” Barry had included the Flash dropping her off, but said that Cisco had called to let Barry know._

_“Yes sir.” Barry confirmed._

_“How bad is she?” Singh hesitates for a minute. “Is this just a rape and assault case, or will it turn into homicide?”_

_Barry’s stomach turns at the thought, at the impact that would have on both Thomas and Len._

_“I don’t think so, sir. The attack occurred last night. Its…she’s in bad shape. But I don’t think its anything life threatening.”_

_“Okay.” Singh leans back, weary as he always gets when cases like this are first brought up. “Okay, then I think that we can do something with this. We’ll need to keep quiet about it. I know a few officers I can trust to bring in. Have to keep the media out. I’ll make some calls to the DA’s office, pull one of the better judges I know in as well. Have Doctor Snow transfer everything to you, Allen. Keep up the proper chain of custody for all the handling of evidence. We should be able to process it all and build a case against him without the mention of the victims profession. Won’t be as concrete as I like, but its doable.”_

Barry knew better than to get his hopes up. Wasn’t even going to consider doing the same for Len. But it was a start. That would have to be enough for now. If it all fell apart….well, Barry had already given Len his blessing to do this his way if needed.

Joe had come with him to interview Angie, but neither wanted to wake the sleeping woman still pumped full of painkillers. It could wait until morning. Cisco and Lisa were still gone, so Caitlin was alone in the cortex running the DNA samples she found through Cisco’s program in the databases.

Len finally looked up at them, blinking in confusion a few times as he realized what their presence probably meant, given Joe was still stowing his pocket book away once more. Len stands, briefly passing his hand over Angie’s wrist and Thomas’ hair on his way out. The door shuts quietly behind him, leaving the two to their peaceful slumber.

“You said you just wanted to ask the dear Detective’s opinion on all this, Barry. But I see you already decided to involve the cops instead. Just had to do things _your_ way,” Len’s sneered tone is icier than Barry figured it would be. He suddenly remembers they didn’t come to a concrete decision yet, that Angie might still want to keep this all under wraps. He shifts, just now realizing that maybe Len wasn’t the only one who could go about this in a way that might have an impact on their relationship.

“A woman was attacked and raped, Snart. Of course Barry brought it to us.” Joe snaps, exhaustion increasing his frustration.

Len glares at him, posture tense and stiff with his arms crossed defensively in front of his chest. “That wasn’t his decision to make.”

Joe looks incredulous. “You can’t honestly be angry that my son is trying to help that woman-”

Joe trails off at the harsh, derisive chuckle Len lets out. “Help, Detective? Please, when has the precious CCPD _helped_ anyone like her?” He didn’t say it, but something in the hurt, in the darkness of his tone said it for him.

_When has the precious CCPD helped anyone like us._

Joe seems to have the forethought to keep his mouth shut after that. Barry steps closer, reaching out to the man.

“Len-” He tries, heart plummeting when Len steps back.

“I told you to wait.” He says quietly, looking up at Barry with so much emotion warring in his eyes. “I-when something like this happens, Barry. When-” He sighs, struggling to put thoughts into words. Its something Barry is still unused to seeing, the usually confident and quick-witted man stumbling over what he wants to say.

“When something like this happens, there’s no choice in it on…the receiving end. Angie already had a very important choice taken from her, Barry. There’s a reason she didn’t go to the hospital. Even though she may have needed it…since her life wasn’t in danger, she made the choice _not_ to. Not to face the police report that they would have been mandated to file. I know, you’re trying to get this done right. To make sure the system actually works in this case. But that wasn’t your _choice_. That’s why I left it up in the air, earlier. Why I wanted to wait for her opinion on what _she_ wanted to do. She’s already had enough choices taken from her. I didn’t want to add to that.”

“Nothing’s actually official yet, Len.” Barry hurries to reassure, to backtrack if need be. He knows he jumps the gun in some cases, and knows he did so again now. He really had just gone to Joe for his opinion. It all spiraled after that, seeming the best course of action at the time. He didn’t even give a second thought to what Len had said earlier. To him wanting for them to wait.

“Joe and Captain Singh are the only two who know. I left her name out of it, but Singh knows that she is here. He’s going over who he wants involved in this and making calls to ensure that they will be discrete and fair with this case. If Angie decides that she doesn’t want things done this way…then I guess there really isn’t a way for this to proceed. Singh won’t be happy, but there won’t be anything he can do about it if she refuses to press charges.”

Len sags a bit, relief evident but still weary from the day. “I know you mean well, Barry.” He finally says. “I know…I know my methods are….less-than-desirable in your eyes. But this…our way of taking care of things like this? Sometimes its the only choice people like Angie and I have. I need you to understand, that while I don’t always like it, sometimes we might have to end up solving a problem my way. And if this is going to work out, I need to know that you can accept that. Others going behind my back, going against what I say; that can end very, very badly in my experience. I know you just want to help, to do what you think is right. But the world isn’t black and white, Barry. And relationships need to have communication. Need to have trust. And I need to trust that you will let me know before doing something like this, that you will tell me first and _listen_ if I say no or ask you to wait.”

“Yeah.” Barry nods, sincerity shining through his eyes. “I can do that, Len. I’m sorry. I didn’t think…I didn’t realize how much it would bother you. Or how insensitive it might be towards Angie. I’m sorry, Len. I really was only trying to help. It won’t happen again.”

Len seems to accept it, glancing warily at Joe.

“Sorry.” Joe shrugs, shocking both Barry and Len. “I didn’t realize bringing the cops in on it wasn’t what the victim wanted. Wouldn’t have pushed Barry into bringing it to Captain Singh yet if I had known.”

Len continues to stare incredulously at Joe for a few moments longer. A startling shock of laughter bubbles out of him, genuine amusement shining through.

“Didn’t think I’d ever have a _Detective_ apologizing to _me_!” Len chuckles and Joe huffs.

“Yeah, well. Don’t get used to it, Snart.”

“Don’t worry, Detective. I won’t expect another lapse in judgement anytime soon.” He continues to chuckle quietly as the mirth fades.

“I’m gonna head out.” Joe says when Barry has been staring at Len staring at Angie and Thomas for a bit too long to be comfortable. “I’ll see you in the morning, Barr.”

“Night, Joe.” Barry calls out absently as he leaves. Caitlin suddenly seems to find that she needs to be elsewhere as well. That leaves Len and Barry alone in the cortex.

“I really am sorry, Len. Sometimes…I know I don’t think things through all the way. I’d say its a speedster thing, jumping into action before planning it out, but I’ve been doing that much longer than I’ve had powers. Just, I really will try to keep from doing that again.” Barry slides closer to Len slowly, drawing the others eyes back to him.

“I know, Barry.” Len says quietly, hesitating before reaching out to grasp his hand. “I…will this be a problem?”

Barry can’t help but huff a small laugh. “Seriously, Len? I screw up, _again _,__ and you’re the one worried I’d have a problem with it?”

Len avoids his gaze, but his thumb is stroking the back of Barry’s hand. “Its what I’m used to.” Barry knows how much the other must have forced himself to admit that. Its clear in the tense line to his jaw, the tightness in his eyes and uncertainty in his posture.

“You shouldn’t have to be used to that, Len.” Barry matches his quiet tone. “Not with me. I won’t ever push my mistakes onto you, Len. I promise.”

“Are we…okay then?” Len glances up at him.

“Yeah, Len.” Barry meets his gaze. “At least, I think we are. Unless I just went and screwed all this up.”

“Never.” Len twists a wry smile at him. “A good thief never looses his score. And I am an _excellent_  thief, Scarlet.”

Barry laughs. “Not sure what to think of you comparing me to the things you steal.”

“Its a compliment, I assure you.” Len drawls, stepping closer so their chests are mere inches apart. “I only steal the best, after all.”

“God, you’re ridiculous.” Barry grins, moving closer as well. Their noses brush, a soft touching of lips following as the mood grows serious once more.

“I don’t know what to do, Barry.” Len fully embraces him, head resting on Barry’s shoulder. “I don’t know what I’d do if I lost her.”

Barry feels a sting of jealousy at that, instantly followed by guilt. Barry and Len were still starting all this out. And Angie had been in Len’s life for years before Barry. He knew how much the Rogue cared for her, and also knew that she wasn’t a rival for Barry to fear loosing Len to. Both Len and Thomas had said as much, that a romantic relationship wasn’t in their cards any more.

And after all, it has to be something similar to how Barry is with Iris. Barry was in love with her for years. Loving her as he did now didn’t mean that he was still _in love_  with her. He just had to have enough trust in Len to accept that while he loved this other woman as well, he wasn’t _in love_ with her anymore either.

“You’re not going to loose her, Len. She’s going to be okay. Caitlin even said it wasn’t anything remotely life-threatening.” Barry rubs circles into his back, holding Len close.

“Maybe not today.” Len agrees. “But that doesn’t change the fact that it could happen so easily. Women like her disappear all the time, Barry. There’s only so much I can do to try and stop it from happening.”

Barry stays silent, unsure what to say to that. Assuring him everything would be okay would only fall flat and hollow as they both know Barry can’t guarantee that. Its only a few moments more before Barry speaks up.

“You’re right. There is only so much you can do, Len. Sometimes, it isn’t enough. When that happens….then there isn’t anything else you can do about it. Just accept that you did all you could.”

“Its never been enough. I’ve never been enough.” Barry knows that Len is talking about more than just Angie now.

“Of course you are!” Barry shoots down that line of thought as quick as he can. “Look at Lisa, Len. Imagine how she might have turned out if not for you. And Thomas, looking at full-ride scholarships thanks to the help you gave him and his mom. And Angie is here now, getting help, also thanks to you. You _are_ enough, Len. More than enough. More than anything I could ask for in a partner.”

Len is silent after that, no positive or further self-deprecating comment to provide. He releases a heavy breath, settling further into Barry, who decides to count that as a win for now. They stay like that until Caitlin eventually returns. Its a slow, reluctant parting, but Barry can’t mind too much when Len flashes him a small grin.

“I’m going to go sit with Angie some more. I know you have all that hero business to take care of. Been slacking enough as is recently.”

“Seriously?” Barry laughs. “Is Captain Cold really criticizing my hero-ing tendencies right now?”

“Please.” Len snorts. “I’ve always made you a better hero, haven’t I? Making you up your game as I up mine?”

“I suppose that’s true.” Barry gives him a thoughtful look, thinking back to all their past confrontations. He didn’t realize it at the time, but maybe Len really did force Barry to be better as well.

“Let me know if you need anything.” Barry gives him a small, quick peck on the lips before the other leaves.

“Will do, Scarlet.” Len smiles with only a hint of a smirk as he quietly slips back into the med bay.

Caitlin is shooting Barry amused smiles as he settles in. It warms him, knowing how accepting his friends and family are of all this. He knows it would be a lot harder if they weren’t. If they still resented Len as they had before everything that happened recently.

“Any idea when Cisco and Lisa will be back?” Barry asks.

“No clue. My guess, they’ll probably be out late.” Caitlin replies.

“Anything needing the Flash’s attention out there tonight?” Barry wants to run, but also wants to conserve his energy and wind down for the night. It has been a long day, after all.

“Nothing the police can’t handle.” Caitlin easily gives him the out he was looking for.

“Guess I’ll start getting the mattresses ready, then.” Its obvious by now that they will continue to be staying in the labs. Len might be better, but with the new patient in the other room it would help to have them on hand.

“Give me a second to wrap this up and I’ll give you a hand.” She says, going to make sure the programs continue to run properly and saving her current work.

“Thanks, Caitlin.” Barry smiles at her, glad that he has all these amazing people in his life now. It may be a bit early, but they soon settle in for the night in anticipation for another long day with an early start in the morning. Len rouses Thomas enough to change into some STAR labs sweats they provide and brush his teeth. He protests weakly at leaving his mom, but it dies down quickly in the face of his exhaustion and the fact that they will only be in the next room. Len hesitates for awhile, before eventually joining Barry on his makeshift bed.

“Is this okay?” He asks.

“Of course!” Barry beams at him, snuggling close. Len stiffens momentarily, as if he had been planning on staying to their separate sides. The tension eases quickly enough, as Len wraps himself around Barry as well. Its nice, relaxing in his arms. They don’t talk much after that, the quiet sounds of gentle breathing slowly fill the room as, one-by-one, they all fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter for you all! Will be getting to the action in a few more chapters, along with Len being a badass protective boyfriend :) Thank all of you for sticking with this story, its really been fun to write (even through occasional writers block). Comments are love, and I will continue to post probably 2 chapters a week for the foreseeable future in case anyone was wondering about the update schedule.   
> Video for this chapter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEDiaiwFBXA The Rogues-Coming For You  
> Up next: Cisco and Lisa return to STAR labs. Angie wakes up, Len makes breakfast, and Barry does not react well when they discover the identity of her attacker.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cisco and Lisa return to STAR labs. Angie wakes up, Len makes breakfast, and Barry does not react well when they discover the identity of her attacker.

Lisa is furious when they make it back to the labs. Luckily, Len had been the only one to wake when the pair entered. He gently extracts himself from Barry’s hold, brushing his hair back and lightly kissing his forehead before leaving the room. Lisa and Cisco have moved to the lounge, Cisco nervously preparing coffee.

“What happened?” Lisa asks, tense and angry.

“She was attacked last night. Thomas came by to let me know. Caitlin has the DNA from the…rape kit running through the system now.” Len shifts, slowly stretching his limbs to help his body fully wake up. Knowing his sister, he was in for a long conversation.

“Wasn’t anyone she knew, then?” Lisa was taken aback, but they are both used to keeping a cool head and pushing their emotions down until they are safe to deal with them.

“No.” Len bites, rage at the thought that someone could do this to a _stranger_. It wasn’t fueled by hate or anger or revenge or any other emotion besides the drive to hurt someone unknown solely for the purpose of _hurting_ them. Len despised monsters like that.

“Anyone _we_  know?” Len knows the meaning behind Lisa’s question. Knows that she is asking if the attack was deliberate, a shot at Len with Angie caught in the crossfire.

“Not sure. Haven’t ruffled any big feathers lately, no more threats than the usual. You pick up anything on your rounds this morning? Anyone being….chippier than usual, perhaps?”

“No. It was business as usual. Nothing stands out.” Lisa deflates a bit at having no leads so far, but is secretly glad. If Angie had indeed been attacked by one of Lenny’s enemies, then her brother would most likely end up right back at square one with his depression and self-loathing. She wasn’t sure if she could face seeing the life drain from him once more so soon after the last time.

Len nods and sinks into a chair, gratefully accepting the mug Cisco places in front of him. His appreciation shows in his eyes, and Cisco shoots a small, unsure smile back at him before going to fill his own cup.

“Barry wants this done right.” Len says once they are all seated and sipping at their drinks. Its still too hot to gulp down, however much he might want to at the moment.

“And what do you want to do?” Lisa shoots right back, narrowing her eyes at her brother.

He shakes his head, frowning at his mug. “I don’t know.”

“I know what you would have done, what you would have wanted to do, if all this had gone down even a month ago.” She looks at him, not an ounce of judgement in her eyes regarding her brothers methods. “Someone hurts one of your own, you hurt them right back. Its how its always been, Lenny.”

“I can’t do that anymore.” He looks so torn, lost and conflicted. Lisa can’t help but bristle.

“Is that Barry talking, or you, Lenny? Because if that isn’t something you want, _Brother_ , then you need to tell us. Relationships are about compromise, that’s what you told me when you and Angie were first starting out and you toned down your heists for a bit. Compromise involves _both_ parties meeting in the middle, not one completely caving under the other. That’s how mom always was with Lewis, from the little I remember and everything you told me about her. I won’t let you stay in a relationship anywhere near that, Lenny. It isn’t healthy.”  _You don't deserve that._ It isn't spoken, but it shines in her eyes nonetheless. 

Cisco is looking like he wants to be anywhere but here right now. Still, Len cracks a small smile when he realizes the man isn’t jumping to blindly defend his friend or condemn Len. It shows that somehow, despite everything, Cisco too has grown closer to the pair. Sees them as more than the criminal adversaries they started out as. And if the looks he is shooting at Lisa are any indication, Len feels his sister might have played a big part in that as well.

“That’s not what’s happening, Lise. You have my word. I may not be the best at this, but I do know what…habits and behaviors to avoid. I-We’ve been through enough shit, Lise. I’m not about to invite more into our personal lives as well. Barry would be getting the same treatments some of your exes received if he was bad news like they were. But he isn’t, and…and we’re good. Its just, I don’t know what to do here. I know what Barry wants to do, but…its not either of our calls to make. I’ll talk to Angie when she wakes up. Let her know the options. It’ll be up to her then.”

Lisa stares at him, searching for any hint of subterfuge before accepting that he was being honest. The protective streak Len has a mile wide might not be as obvious in Lisa, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t there. She seems to accept he is telling the truth, relaxing back and searching him intently once more.

“How are you holding up?” She asks softly, knowing how much they both care for Angie and Thomas.

“I’m here.” he replies. “No break-down. No fits of rage. Can’t loose it like that right now. Not in front of them. Besides, Thomas needs me right now.”

Lisa scoots closer, leaning her head on her brother’s shoulder. “I’m here too, you know. If you need me.”

“I know, Sis.” His lips curl in a fond smile, resting his head on her hair. “Thank you.”

She hums in reply, sipping at her drink. Len lets his eyes close, enjoying this feeling of closeness and safety his sister brings. The guilt and anger and worry are all still there, posed over him as a wave waiting to crash. But not right now. Right now, he feels almost content. It isn’t good. It isn’t bad. But its enough. Its more than Len usually has in situations like this, and it gives him the clarity to cling tight and treasure every second of it.

XXX

Barry wakes to an empty bed. The warmth lingering on the sheets let him know that Len hasn’t been gone for long. He can’t help but smile as he remembers the feeling of strong arms circling and holding him close. Falling asleep with Len had been a revelation. Barry had slept with partners in the past. Hell, he even slept with Patty a few times even if they never really got past second-base. But sleeping with Len was different somehow. Even though this thing between them was still new, their ease around each other spoke of their connection. It had sparked into life so long ago, fueled by all their interactions in and out of costume.

The first peak Barry got behind the walls was when Lewis re-surfaced. Barry should have known something was up. That cold, dead smirk Len shot him when he iced Barry all the way to his chest was a look he had never given him before. Not even in the beginning, when Barry was still just ‘The Streak’ to Len. Then there was Saints and Sinners, where Len had struggled uncomfortably for far too long to even make eye contact. The way he had avoided his father’s touch after Barry came to them as ‘Sam’.

He really should have clued in faster. Leonard Snart was one of the most dangerous men he had faced. Powers or not, cold gun or not, Len was a master at what he did. The perfect balance of toned fighting power coupled with an impressive analytical mind. And yet, despite all that, he had still been terrified of his father.

Maybe that’s when Barry let himself get closer to the man. Hell, maybe it was even before that. Barry isn’t sure, but he knows it happened sometime after foiling a diamond heist and before Bivolo hit Barry a second time with his powers. It seems the same can be said for Len. After all, their banter did lean aggressively towards flirting more often than not. And Len had trusted him enough to leave his sister’s life in his hands, staying his trigger finger even as Lewis commanded him to kill the Flash. Trusted him enough to let him into his home.

Barry shakes his head, dispelling those thoughts. They were truly great memories, memories he wanted to recreate. Thoroughly. In detail. With many, many repeats. But they were also tainted by what had happened after. With _everything_ that happened and come to light after.

Still, they may have stumbled over rocky ground, but it all brought them here. To soft kisses and shared trust and sleeping in each others arms. And Barry wouldn’t trade what they were building for anything.

He stumbles into the ‘kitchen’, following his nose and the aromatic allure of fresh coffee. Len is there when he arrives, fiddling at the stove and still wearing the worn sweats he went to sleep in last night. Barry is glad they had taken to stocking the fridge and cupboards with food since everyone started staying here. If it meant seeing more of Len in here, relaxed and focused as he worked away at creating more delicious food, then Barry would make daily trips to the store just to keep this image a possibility.

“Hey.” Barry greets, giving the other man ample warning as he comes up behind him to wrap arms around his waist. Len hesitates, though not in a tense, flash-back sort of way, as he angles his head slightly to give Barry access to his neck.

“Morning.” Len greets as Barry presses his lips to the skin now available. His hands return to their task, emptying the bowl he had been whisking into the steaming pan.

“Morning.” Barry replies, reluctantly pulling back to watch Len work over his shoulder.

“How’d you sleep?”

“Peachy.” Len mumbles back. Barry knows by now that ‘peachy’, when it comes to Len, really means anything _but_ peachy.

“Len-” Barry starts, though he doesn’t know what to say.

“Its fine.” Len assures. “Nothing bad enough to wake the others. Just…worried. ‘Bout Angie, all this-” Len waves the spatula with a dramatic flourish as he sighs. “Its fine, though. Really. I’m fine.”

Barry wants to press, but not if it isn’t welcome. Sighing, he trusts that Len would tell him if it really was bad enough to bother him too much. Changing the topic, he turns his attention back to the food.

“What are you making?”

Barry can feel Len relax against him, humming as he fiddles with the pan’s contents. “Ham, cheese, spinach and tomato omelet. Its Angie’s favorite.”

“Mmm.” Barry hums, taking a deep inhale of the delicious smells. “Sounds good. Don’t think I’ve ever had that combo before. Usually just stick to the basics.”

Len snorts at him. “This is one of the most ‘basic’ omelets I know how to make, Barry.”

“Shut up.” Barry pinches his sides gently, pulling back to fix himself a cup of coffee.

“And yet you wonder why I call you Kid.” Len teases, adding in the other ingredients, sprinkling salt and pepper as well.

“Thought we agreed you wouldn’t call me that anymore.” Barry pouts.

Len hesitates, faltering in his movements. “Yeah. I suppose we did.” He replies softly. Barry isn’t sure if he should regret bringing that up. Something that had been said _that night._ But Len is being difficult to read, and Barry can’t tell if its from what he said or from everything else going on right now.

“Need any help?” He asks, wishing to be useful. Len tilts his head in thought.

“Sure.” He says. “There’s some oranges in the fridge. If you could slice them, that would be great.”

Barry’s nose wrinkles at the thought of pairing the citrousy fruit with the omelet, but doesn’t comment as he sets to work. The urge to speed through it is there, but he takes his time instead so his hands stay occupied.

“How’d you meet? You and Angie, I mean.” Barry asks after the first orange is sliced into mostly even pieces.

Len hesitates again, fiddling with the cooking eggs more than strictly necessary. “Not now, Barry. Later. After I…after Angie is awake.”

“Okay.” Barry easily agrees. He knows Len is worried about her right now, probably not the best head space to be calling up old memories. Especially if what Thomas had said was true about her situation and the similarities it had to Len’s own upbringing.

Len plates the omelet, slicing it in half (it was rather large, four eggs had gone into making it) so it would serve as breakfast for two. He arranges the eggs, orange slices, and adds a piece of toast that he quickly made to each. One is plain, the other is slathered in strawberry jelly.

“Its Thomas’ favorite.” Len grins at Barry’s raised eyebrow. “I myself am more of a grape jelly man to be honest.”

Barry laughs, filling two glasses with the only juice they had, apple, before replying. “Same here. Knew there was a reason we get along so well.”

Len snorts, shaking his head fondly as they make their way out. His mood grows somber the closer they get to the cortex. Barry can see the apprehension slowing his steps.

“Caitlin said she should be awake, soon.” He mumbles, finally coming to a halt. “She usually sleeps in, late nights and all. But still gets up around now just to see Thomas off before going back to sleep.”

Barry stops beside him, a comforting presence for Len to draw strength from.

“Do you need a minute?” Barry questions. Len nods tightly. “Okay.” Barry stays with him, awkwardly standing in the hallway with their hands full of food and drink. Len doesn’t say anything and neither does Barry. With a sharp, determined inhale, Len exhales slowly and nods for them to continue. There isn’t a hint of apprehension left on his face, but Barry feels he knows him well enough now to see that it is still there, coming out in the corners of his eyes and slight stiffness of his posture.

Angie is indeed just waking up when Len and him arrive, Thomas sitting beside her in a sleepy, still-waking haze.

“Mom!” He exclaims when she groans and moves to rise from her supine position. Thomas flutters around her, stuffing pillows behind her as she struggles to sit up and generally mother-henning his own mother.

She smiles at her son, slightly pained but full of happiness at the sight of him nonetheless.

Len clears his throat at the doorway, holding up the plates and drawing their attention. “Breakfast?” He smiles at them, but Barry can see how forced it is and the way it doesn’t reach his eyes.

The two happily eat the delicious meal, Len declining when Thomas asks him if he’s hungry. Barry doesn’t like it, but knows enough about Len to know he doesn’t eat when his emotions start to overpower him. Barry does the same, putting off food when he is queasy with worry or sorrow. Still, it makes Barry frown at the thought of him skipping more meals. He’s gotten better over the past week, but still ate far less than Barry thinks he should (or maybe that’s just Barry’s own meta-metabolism speaking).

Caitlin comes in to check her over as they eat. No one brings up what brought Angie here in the first place. Its a bit uncomfortable, the knowledge of the conversation that needs to happen hanging over them all. But it is easier, pretending everything is fine for a few moments longer. Lisa stops in as Caitlin heads out. Barry decides to leave as well, squeezing Len’s hand before following Caitlin to give them their privacy.

Full of pent-up energy, Barry flashes through the kitchen to prepare himself and the others some food. He and Caitlin eat, Lisa emerges from the med bay and drags Cisco off with her for a breakfast date, and Harry flits in long enough to get some coffee and a piece of toast before disappearing once more. Jay comes in soon after, sticking to Caitlin’s side as they quietly talk and smile. Joe arrives as they are cleaning up, ready to take Angie’s statement and whatever evidence Caitlin had collected if that’s what she desires.

Its been nearly an hour by the time Len resurfaces. They look at him expectantly, apprehension rising in Barry at the stormy look on his face.

“Not you.” Is the first thing he says, glaring at Joe. They all know that Joe isn’t the focus of his anger, but the hate in his gaze is alarming nonetheless.

“Excuse me.” Joe splutters. Len sighs, clenching and releasing his fists as he allows himself to deflate. He’s calm once more when he continues.

“She agreed, albeit hesitantly, to try this the right way. But you can’t be the one to interview her, Detective. It was…a black man who-” Len shakes his head, clearing the storm of emotions from his eyes. “Is there a woman, perhaps? On the force, that you all can trust with this? It would make her feel more comfortable, talking to someone who doesn’t resemble her attacker in any way.”

“Of course. I’ll call the Captain, he’ll send someone over right away.” Joe is already whipping out his phone. Barry can see the anger and sorrow in his foster father. He knows that Joe struggled with racism when he was younger. Still struggles with it now sometimes. Makes it harder, whenever the criminal he’s chasing is his own skin color. He knows people of all races and sexes and everything else commit crimes, but with all the stigma still surrounding his race so strongly in the States…it only makes the fear and hate grow whenever bigots think they are proven right.

Len nods his thanks, gesturing for Barry to follow him. They end up in an empty lab, closed and private for the time being.

“Len-” He starts.

“Don’t talk.” Len wraps his arms around him, Barry returning the embrace. “Please. Don’t-Just…I need this. I just need a minute.”

Barry rubs circles into his back, holding him close. Len doesn’t cry, but he shakes slightly. His breathing is harsh, but even, so Barry knows he doesn’t have to fear a panic attack right now.

“She told me what happened.” Len eventually says, grip tightening. “It was…he did the same things her husband used to do, Barry. He hurt her just like he did. Called her the same things. I don’t want to do this the right way, Barry. I want to hurt him. I want to kill him for what he did to her. And I know that’s not what you want. And its not what she decided either. But I still want to, Barry. I want to so much.”

He shudders, face buried into Barry’s shoulder. “I’m not a good man, Barry. I’m not. I hate him so much…”

Barry has no idea how Len does it. How he deals with all of this without breaking down into harsh sobs like Barry suspects he would have done if it was Iris in that position.

“You are.” Barry reassures. “You are a good man, Len. Its okay to feel like that. Its okay. What matters is that you aren’t going to do that. That you are going to do what Angie asked for, because you _are_ a good man and you don’t take choices like that from people. Not like I almost did. Because you do right by those you care about, even if it isn’t always right in the eyes of the law. That doesn’t make you bad, Len. That makes you a protector. A survivor. You are so strong, Len. Stronger than I’ll ever be. Its okay, Len. Its okay.”

They stay there until Len has calmed. “Caitlin gave me a list of her injuries. There was some minor tearing…inside, that she had to stitch up. Both kneecaps were bruised, fractured collarbone and sprained wrist. Her ribs are…heavily bruised, but not broken, thank god. Its…bad. But we’ve had worse before, and got through just fine.”

Barry stills at that. He isn’t sure if Len even knows he lumped himself into that last sentence.

_We’ve had worse before._

Its all to easy to picture Len on that bed instead of Angie, a cross between how he was that first night and how she is now. Barry tightens his grip unconsciously, holding this precious man close as if to protect him from all the horrors of the world and his past. Len returns the favor, burying his head in Barry’s shoulder as he shudders through a sigh.

“Tell me she’s going to be okay, Barry.” Its quiet, mumbled into his skin.

“She’s going to be okay, Len.” Barry reassures, rubbing his back and mumbling soothing platitudes. Len takes a breath and pulls back, giving him a shaky smile. It isn’t anywhere near okay, yet. But it is a start.

 Joe texts Barry, letting him know that another officer is on her way. Len relays the message to Lisa, letting her know to stay away for a bit. Harry has already been informed (not wanting another run in with anyone who thinks he should be dead on this earth), and Len disappears to the gym. He may not feel like it, but with nothing better to do he decides to use the time to get a quick and easy work-out in far from prying police eyes. The last thing they need is for Len to be caught here at the labs.

Barry really shouldn’t be surprised when Patty is the one who walks through the door. Joe looks sheepish, like he should have known she would be the one Captain Singh would send.

Patty is wearing a tight smile, but Barry knows it isn’t from their recent break-up. She barely even looks at him, focusing on the woman in the other room with earnest sympathy. Patty is a good person, after all, and can easily empathize with the victims they work with.

She gets straight to work, talking easily with Angie and Thomas as introductions are made. She doesn’t dive straight into the heart of the matter, waiting until they are all comfortable with her before shooing Thomas gently from the room.

Thomas gravitates towards Barry and Joe, gazing forlornly at his mother.

“Think this will really work?” He asks after a beat.

“It should, son.” Joe answers him. “We’ve got the Captain calling in all sorts of favors and connections for this to be as discrete and fair-minded as possible. And only the best officers will be working this case. You’re mom has a good chance of sending this man away for a long, long time.”

Thomas nods, turning his critical eye on him. “We didn’t meet properly yesterday. I’m Thomas. Thomas Lampert.”

“Detective Joe West.” They shake hands. Barry can already tell Joe likes him.

Thomas looks around, shifting. “And you know the-Barry, how?”

Barry smiles, jumping in. “Joe took me in when I was a kid. Younger than you are. Raised me ever since.” He gives Joe a smile that his foster father returns.

“Oh.” Thomas smiles in a way that still shows uncertainty. “Does he…can we…”

Barry is confused for a second before it clicks. He can’t help but laugh. “Don’t worry, he knows I’m the Flash. Just, the officer in with your mom right now doesn’t, so maybe don’t bring it up in front of her?”

“Will do.” Thomas smiles slowly. “You helped us yesterday, Barry. Just…cops haven’t been known to help us in the past. Makes it hard to trust them, you know.” He shrugs, the action so reminiscent of Len that Barry can’t help but see the man in the boy before him. It isn’t that they look alike, its that they act so much alike. Points to years of Len being in this boys life, making a positive impact and fostering an image for Thomas to emulate.

“Well, I can say for certain that won’t happen this time. We really will do what we can for you mother. Its our job to make sure the bad guys go away for what they do. I’m sorry that any of my colleagues have failed you two in the past.” Joe says sincerely.

Thomas shrugs, blowing it off. “Nothing to be done for it now. Besides, the Flash is out there rounding up bad guys too now.” He grins at Barry.

Barry chuckles in response. They chat easily, keeping Thomas occupied with his antics as the Flash as Patty talks with Angie. Its obvious Joe really, really likes the kid, even if Thomas is still slightly guarded around him. But Len trusts Barry and Barry trusts Joe, and that seems to be enough for him at the moment.     

Patty comes back soon enough, Thomas hurrying back to his mother’s side. They don’t really talk much, aware of their audience and focused solely on the case. Barry helps her and Caitlin bag and tag all the evidence that Patty needs to take back with her along with the statement from the victim.

The search is still going on the monitor as the three are finishing up. Caitlin assures Officer Spivot that she will send the results over to the precinct as soon as they have any. Patty reassures her that they will be running the tests as well, and thanks her for all her help. The two may not be friends, but it doesn’t stop their friendly personalities from complimenting each other. It makes Barry smile, even with the bittersweet pang the knowledge that Patty is leaving the city brings.

Barry walks her out, Joe already having left for the precinct. Both of their arms are full, the bagging process making a small amount of evidence take up a much larger amount of space.

“How have you been?” Barry asks when they are alone.

“I’ve been good.” Patty smiles at him, honest yet not quite as bright as he is used to. “I mean-” She elaborates. “It sucks, you know. Being broken up. But its not as bad as I thought it would be. And it helps, finally pursuing the future I’ve always wanted. Makes all this feel less…heart-breaky. Like I’m finally following the right path.”

“I’m glad.” Barry glances at her. “That you’re okay, I mean.”

“What about you?” Patty asks. “What about your friend? The one you told me about at Jitters?”

“I’m fine.” Barry bobs his head, emphasizing his assurance. “And he’s…he’s fine too. Fine as he can be. Its…he just has a lot going on right now. But…he’s doing better. So, you know, that’s good.”

“Good.” Patty hesitates, debating if she should say what’s on her mind. It isn’t until they reach her car that she finds the courage to speak. “Look, Barry. I know you’ve started coming in again, but I also know that you still haven’t been at the precinct that much. And if its because of me, because I’m there-”

“What? No!” Barry interrupts her. “No, Patty. It isn’t that. Its just…my friend. He’s needed a lot of help…dealing after what happened. And so I needed to be there with the others and help him out. And yesterday, that was when everything with Angie showing up went down and I was busy with all that and-” Barry breaks off his rambling, finishing with his initial point. “Its not you, Patty. I swear. I meant it, when I said I hoped we could still be friends.”

“Good. I mean, I’m glad.” Patty smiles at him. “You’re a good person, Barry. And I have some suspicions I just might need your help with some of my classes.” She laughs lightly. “After all, you’re the youngest CSI the precinct has ever hired! I’m sure there’s plenty you could teach me about that the professors won’t touch on.”

Barry ducks his head, grinning nonetheless. “Anytime, Patty. Just call or text or e-mail or whatever. Always happy to help out a fellow CSI.”

“Soon-to-be CSI.” Patty corrects.

Barry keeps grinning, so incredibly happy they ended up on such good terms. “It was good seeing you, Patty. I’m going to miss you.”

“Me too, Barry.” She matches his bittersweet smile. “I’ve already put in my resignation. Signed up to start classes in a month, so I’ll be moving in a little less than three weeks. Already have a new apartment lined up and everything.”

“That’s good.” Barry itches to hug her goodbye. “You’re going to do great there, Patty.”

“Thanks, Barry.” They finish loading her car, awkwardly tripping around each other as they share a quick hug before Barry heads back in and Patty starts the car.

Caitlin seems a bit panicked when he comes back in, Harry and Jay in the cortex as well. Len is still absent, most likely down in the gym.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” Barry asks, taking in the general serious tone of the room.

“We got a match for the DNA, Barry.” Caitlin says.

“Really? That’s great, who is it?” Barry perks up, ready to have this guy caught and behind bars already.

“That’s the problem.” Caitlin is already pulling up the files but keeping them on the computer monitor instead of the wide TV in the room (most likely because Angie would be able to see it from where she lays).

Barry looks over her shoulder at the man. He is big, intimidating and well-muscled with a hard, angry look in his eyes.

“Leonard Smalls, Jr.” Barry reads, lips twisting downward at the shared first name with __his__ Len.

“On my earth, he was known by the name, Holocaust.” Harry piped up. Barry whips his head around at that.

“On your Earth?” He has a sinking feeling in his gut.

“Leonard Smalls Jr. was found dead three days ago. His body is still in the morgue. It looks like this…is most likely a meta from Earth-2. Especially because the match took so long with the…anomalies present in the DNA pointing to a metahuman.” Caitlin explains.

Barry has to sit down at that. A meta from Earth-2. A meta who’s only here because Zoom keeps sending them his way. A meta that never would have _raped_   and assaulted Angie if Barry wasn’t the Flash. Had never drew Zooms attention to begin with.

“Oh God.” Barry feels sick, glancing over at the woman and her son. How was he going to tell them? How was he going to tell _Len _?__

“I have to call Joe.” He scrambles for his phone, clinging to action to stop his thoughts. “He has to know before they run the evidence. Otherwise it won’t work out. Because this Earth’s Smalls is already dead.”

Barry notices his hands shaking. “What am I saying, of course it won’t work out. This guy’s a meta, no way can the police take him.”

“Barry.” Caitlin puts her hands over his, stilling them best she can. “Barry, just calm down. Its okay. Everything’s going to be okay.”

Barry shudders through a few breaths, following her advice. Its only when the tremors cease that he sighs and musters up his courage.

“Where are you going.” Harry asks when Barry stands.

“To tell Len.” Barry gives him a defiant look, steeling himself before flashing away. This wasn’t going to be a pleasant conversation. And Barry was _not_ in any way looking forward to how Len was going to react. But it needed to be done. And maybe Barry was secretly hoping for Len to not blame Barry for this. For him to reassure Barry it wasn’t his fault until he believed it. Because Barry needed that reassurance right now. Needed Len to help him. To look at him the way he did this morning. To kiss and hold him and assure him that this won’t make him hate Barry. That they’re okay. That they’re still okay…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Wow, that was a lot of characters and different interactions/emotions going through there. Still, next chapter we will start kicking off the action for real! I have it in my head that Lisa was going to postpone her breakfast date with Cisco, but Angie basically demanded she go and spend time with a guy who was actually good for her and could make her happy. So Lisa (caving under her just like her brother does so often for this woman in their lives they care for) left and had a fantastic first date, even if she was still worried for her friend. Len, I feel, is someone who would really appreciate reassurances and tactile touches, he just has a hard time trusting people enough to get there. When he does, though, he doesn't hold back. And Barry carries around the weight of the world on his shoulders. He definitely needs reassurances and support more often than not thanks to everything that happens as the Flash.  
> I've run out of videos to post. If anyone wants me to post music I listen to while writing, or other related vids, then let me know! Also, if anyone has any they want me to see, feel free to drop a recommendation. Comments are love!  
> Up next: Len is brought in on everything going on with Holocaust. Barry flashes off to face him when he surfaces, diving in as he usually does into situations like this. Len, being the protective badass he is, goes after Barry to help him. Another villain surfaces, which means nothing good for any of Team Flash and their new-found friends.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Len is brought in on everything going on with Holocaust. Barry flashes off to face him when he surfaces, diving in as he usually does into situations like this. Len, being the protective badass he is, goes after Barry to help him. Another villain surfaces, which means nothing good for any of Team Flash and their new-found friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: violence, descriptions of death (unnamed civilians), graphic injuries, blood/gore

“Tell me what his powers are again?” Len stands in the middle of the cortex, arms crossed in a power stance as he glares at the picture on the screen. The curtains have been pulled and door shut as Angie lightly sleeps with Thomas in the other room. Len is freshly showered, dressed in dark, tight jeans and a thick, black turtleneck. Cisco and Lisa have returned from their breakfast outing, with Jay, Harry, Caitlin, and Barry all gathered around as well.

“The main one he has is pyrokinetics. He also has super-strength, and an as-of-yet, unmeasured amount of durability. Walked out of a burning building, clothes on fire without so much as a singe on him.” Harry answers, pulling up what info he brought from his Earth on their metahumans.

“So he can control fire and throw a mean punch.” Len drawls. “Durability could be a problem, but I know Barry took down a man of steel in the past. Shouldn’t be too much of an issue, so long as there isn’t any other unknown variables in the mix.” Its a treat to watch Len in planning mode. His entire focus has shifted to solving this issue. He’s compiling all the information he can, going over every angle and any outcome he can think of. It really makes Barry think that Len had purposefully been tripping alarms just to get the Flash to show. No way would he be sloppy enough to do so otherwise.

It makes…something flare to life in Barry’s chest. Realizing how much Len was putting on the line, even back then, just so they could play their ‘game’. Just so they could see each other.

Len had been more accepting earlier than Barry gave him credit for in his rush of anxiety. When he went down to share the bad news, he almost expected Len to lash out. To blame Barry, or to lay it on how Barry’s way would never have worked. Instead, Len had stood there calmly and let Barry get through his entire explanation without interrupting once.

_“Wait, that’s it?” Barry asked, when Len had simply nodded and told Barry they needed to gather the others and come up with a plan._

_“What do you mean, 'that’s it'?” Len shot him a puzzled look._

_“You don’t…I mean-You don’t blame me?” Barry shuffled a bit, looking down._

_The confusion increases for a second before realization dawns on Len’s face. “Did you bring Holocaust here, Barry?”_

_“No.” Barry shuffles some more._

_“Hmm. Did you ask Zoom to bring Holocaust here?” Barry is starting to catch onto what Len is doing._

_“No.” He huffs._

_“Then why would I blame you, Barry?” Len shakes his head. “You can’t keep doing that, Barry. What criminals do, regardless of their reasons, it still falls on them. You can’t keep blaming yourself for the actions of others, Barry. Their guilt has no place weighing on your conscious.”_

It had been refreshing, hearing Len shoot down the self-blame that had begun to fester. It didn’t completely banish it, but it made it more manageable. Let Barry separate that guilt just enough from himself to move forward.

Harry and Jay hadn’t been happy about the discovery of Holocaust. Apparently, he’s pretty bad news. Killed his own crew a few times in the past. Wanted for countless rapes and murders and various assaults. He’s a true hot-head, one who is sadistic enough to use his fists before fire on civilians solely for the savage joy of beating someone, sometimes to death.

Barry wants this meta off the streets. Fast. Angie is the only victim they know of so far, but there could and most likely will be others the longer he walks free. Leonard Smalls Jr. is a psychopath. Barry can already tell this fight will be harder than some of the other metas Zoom threw his way. They were mostly attacking out of fear; out of a desire to go home and be free from Zoom’s oppressive thumb. Holocaust seems more the type to attack Barry for the sake of hurting him instead. He will go all out, and won’t be worried about any of the casualties that are left in his wake.

Len had just opened his mouth to speak again when an alert sounds. Cisco rolls his chair over to his monitor, fingers flying over the keyboard.

“Guys, its him! Got an attack taking place at Central City Bank on 5th and West. Description they’re calling in matches Holocaust.” Cisco is pulling the feed up onto the larger monitors as well, GPS dot highlighted bright red at the location.

“Got it!” Barry speeds into his suit and out the cortex, ignoring the protests behind him. He’s got to take this man down. He won’t let anyone else get hurt or killed because of him. He can’t.

XXX

Barry is really starting to regret going in without a plan. It had started off as most of his fights do, skidding to a halt amidst the chaos and giving the meta a chance to end things peacefully. That went about as well as it usually did.

“If you ain’t takin’, then you gettin’ took!” Holocaust gleefully shouts at him, followed by an honest-to-god _fireball._ Barry flashes out of range, taking in his surroundings. The bank is in shambles. Flames lick the teller’s counters, lumps of still-burning masses that resemble _people_  litter the ground. There are bits of rubble and singe marks scattered about, and the vault hasn’t even been touched. Its clear Holocaust didn’t come here to steal. He came here to cause pandemonium, to get the attention of the city, and most likely lure out the Flash.

He stands in the middle of all that chaos, bare-chested with tight red pants. His chocolate skin glistens in the dancing light of flames, shoulder-length black dreads falling around his chiseled face. Bulging muscles are on proud display, dark mustache framing the hostile grin he wears. Barry instantly dislikes this man, even without the knowledge of what he had done to Angie.

Barry gives up on talking him down after that. The fight is more difficult than expected. He figured it would be similar to going up against Heatwave. Boy, was he ever wrong. The power of fire he has is wide. He shoots streams of it from both sets of fingertips, sometimes adding in fireballs and random explosions to the mix. Makes it much more difficult to dodge, especially when more and more of the interior is being covered in flames and choking black smoke. He isn't sure how many people are left in here. How many of them are even still alive. He knows he doesn't have the room, nor the time to whisk any more out of harms way. Not with the flames and unrelenting attacks he has to continually dodge. 

He manages to lure the man outside, hoping to gain the upper ground on this open playing field and get him away from any of the civilians left alive (unfortunately fewer than when he arrived) that Barry hadn’t been able to flash away. Nothing he throws at the man works. The few punches he land have no effect aside from nearly breaking Barry’s hand. The lightning he throws doesn’t leave a single mark. Whirl-winding his arms can only put out so many fires, and forces him to stay in one place for too long. He can't create a vortex either, as he quickly learns when flames lick all around him, shooting high into the air instead of being put out when he tries. Barry is tiring, taking more hits than he can count, and Holocaust doesn’t even look winded.

They had to have been going at this for nearly half an hour by now. Police barricades have been set up further away and out of range, civilians long since cleared from the area or lying in smoldering heaps on the asphalt. Barry feels sick at the amount of people he failed to save, the nauseating stench of their burning flesh filling his nostrils.

The others at STAR labs are trying to help, but nothing he has done so far has worked. They are begging him to come back, insisting he let this go for now. But Holocaust is on a rampage. Who knows how many more people he would kill if Barry left now.

He takes a hit to his legs, sending him sprawling to the ground. Another tags his chest, burning through the suit and searing his flesh. He screams in agony, world tilting and darkening for a few brief seconds. Maybe that’s why everything is so fuzzy after.

It takes him longer than he would like to admit to realize that, no, he is not hallucinating and yes, Len is here. Captain Cold, in all his parka-clad glory, stalks over to Holocaust and shatters the frozen hand with a vicious swipe of his gun. Its Holocaust screaming in agony now, frozen pieces of him scattering the torched ground.

The world is ringing in Barry’s ears as he sees Len shift the cold gun to his other hand, reaching into his back pocket. The meta-cuffs come out with a flourish and a smirk, clicking in place over the single hand left. It won’t restrain Holocaust, but it will dampen his abilities so the police can handle the rest.

Barry is just struggling to try and get to his feet when the world slows around him. Len is frozen before him, still in the process of pulling back from where he cuffed the criminal. Zoom doesn’t even spare Barry a glance, ripping the cold gun from Len’s hold and letting it clatter to the ground. Barry knows that isn’t good, grabbing things from people at super-speed can have horrible consequences. Its why Barry always takes the time to pry each finger off before he takes anything. Zoom didn’t afford Len that courtesy. He sees the fingers of Len’s gloves floating by the cold gun, praying Len’s actual _fingers_ aren’t in them as well.

Zoom has Len hoisted over his shoulder and halfway down the street before Barry even regains his feet. He stumbles a few steps after them, but he can’t run in this condition and the world is speeding up once more and Len is _gone!_ Zoom took him, took him just like his nightmares always played out Zoom going after his loved ones.

“No!” Barry screams, feeling tears blossom as he shakes in bone-chilling terror and a chaos of emotion. His comms are going crazy, everyone asking what just happened. It takes Barry much longer than the others are clearly comfortable with for him to respond.

“He’s gone. Len’s gone, guys. Zoom took him.”

XXX

Leonard Snart was pissed. No, that wasn’t right. Pissed is too mild a description. He was _furious_. Absolutely, gut-wrenchingly _livid._

Barry had just left. He had _left,_ without a fucking second to pause or think or _plan _-__

“Lenny.” Lisa comes over and places a comforting hand on his arm. He drags a deep inhale through his nose, holding it for a few beats, before slowly exhaling. He repeats the process until he no longer feels like strangling the next person who so much as looks his way.

“Thanks, Lise.” He doesn’t smile, but puts his hand over her own to let her know how much he appreciates it.

“Any time, Big Brother.” She grins at him, the hard grin that he knows means she’s in fight mode too.

“This something he does often?” Len can’t help but grumble when he turns his attention back to the others.

“Oh, man. Like you wouldn’t believe.” Cisco instantly answers, annoyance showing through as well.

Len closes his eyes, heaves a sigh of disbelief, and truly wonders how Barry hasn’t been killed yet.

Still, that’s an argument for another day. Right now, he has to focus on keeping Barry alive long enough for Len to kill him himself. Stupid, idiotic speedster, running in head-first with no plan, no back-up, no-

Right. Focus. Yell at Barry later.

They are able to pull up surveillance footage of the scene as Barry arrives. Its complete chaos. Bodies are already scattered, more civilians still in harms way, fire spreading as the smug bastard causing it all stands there grinning like its fucking Christmas.

Len leaves the room long enough to grab his gear, eternally grateful that Lisa insisted he bring it. Cisco had repaired his gun for him, much to his initial surprise, after his spectacular melt-down the other day when he had been working on it.

He knows Cisco had checked over some of the modifications Len had made, but was assured no new surprises were thrown in. Yet. Though Len would be hard-pressed to let Cisco get his grubby hands on _his_ gun again.

He brings the gear back into the room, watching and listening as he suits up. Its just a precaution, because he knows Barry is a big boy and can usually handle this superhero business quite well. Still, Len can’t quite shake the image of Zoom carting his limp and broken body around for all of Central to see.

The parka is on, holster strapped into place and goggles hanging around his neck by the time the first civilian dies since the Flash showed. Barry had been in and out, fighting (or rather, distracting) Holocaust and zipping people to the streets in his precious seconds of respite. Len isn’t even sure if Barry saw it, as it had happened the same time Barry himself was dodging a blast aimed his way. Doesn’t change the way Len’s stomach turns. Death had been part of his life for a long time. Hell, killing people had been as well. Didn’t mean he ever liked senseless violence. And that’s all this was. Killing for the sake of killing. And Len hated how powerless he was to stop it.

Barry had just lured the meta outside when Len calls it. Nothing they had done so far has had any effect. He doubts anything else will either.

“I’m heading out there.” He announces to the room at large. “Have Barry keep trying new tactics. Keep him running and unpredictable best you can.”

“Got it!” Cisco snaps, turning on the mic. “Barry! Try your windmill arms!”

“I’m coming with you.” Lisa grabs up her own gun. Len stops her with a hand on her shoulder.

“Sorry, Sis, but you’re staying here.”

“Like hell I am.” She snaps, standing toe-to-toe with him as they glare each other down.

“This is not up for discussion.” He crowds her space, intimidating in a way he knows she doesn’t buy for a second. “If things go south, what’s to keep that idiot from coming here? What’s to keep all the other metas out there from attacking Flash home-base while he’s out for the count. What’s to stop Zoom from hurling a meta at all the rest of you, or coming here himself? No, if I’m going then I need to know everyone here is safe. Besides, this fight might get messy. I’ve already got one person out there I gotta look after. Don’t need you distracting me too.” He knows its a low blow, but also knows its necessary to make her back down. And back down she does, however grudgingly.

“Fine.” She hisses. “But if you die out there, I am _so_  killing you.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Sis.” Len smirks, kissing her forehead as they exchange a quiet, “Stay safe.” He’s at the door in time to hear the windmill trick failed. He picks up the pace, cursing as he jogs down the corridor. He swiped a comm link with the rest of his gear, putting it in and making sure it works. Cisco assures him they can hear him loud and clear. When asked if he wants to be joined up with Barry’s frequency, he declines. In a fight like that, Barry needs as little distraction as possible.

He double-checks that his cold gun is secure in its holster and pilfered cuffs safely tucked in his back pocket as he mounts Lisa’s bike and starts it. The sports bike purrs to life under him. Its flashier than the cruisers he usually prefers, but faster as well. And fast is what he needs right now.

Maneuvering through traffic is a pain, but easily manageable. It seems to take forever to get there, unable to hear any updates the team might be giving him over the roar of the wind. He’s thankful he remembered to don a helmet as some asshole pulls out in front of him as he’s lane-splitting. Its a close call, nearly clipping a minivan as he swerves, but he stays upright and wrestles the bike back under control. His heart in pounding in his chest, his ribs ache and twinge from the stress he’s putting on them, but his vision is clear and his mind is focused.

The scene is even worse than he expected when he arrives. The cops have five whole blocks cordoned off, smoke rising from behind the barricades. They yell when he swerves onto the sidewalk to pass them, a few cops diving out of the way after trying to block his path. He just manages to catch and unreadable expression on Detective Joe West’s face as he passes. Its another block and a half before he applies the brake and releases the clutch to allow the bike to sputter and die. Not the best way to shut it down, but he’s in a hurry.

The helmet is off before he’s even stopped, falling to the ground along with the motorcycle as he steps off smoothly.

Barry and Holocaust are half a block away. They are still fighting, but Barry is looking decidedly worse for wear. Len admits he nearly stumbles when Barry does after taking a hit to the legs. Len increases his pace.

Another hit. This time to the chest. Barry’s scream is echoing in Len’s head as he hears frantic and worried shouts coming from his comms as well. The world slows for a moment, eyes locked on Holocaust as he raises his arms for another attack. Len raises his weapon as well.

Cold meets fire, though its nothing like when his and Mick’s beams crossed. Its a battle of opposing forces, pushing and fighting the other back until one side eventually gives. Len cut the blast off as it came at Barry, but Holocaust is aiming fully at him now. Len keeps advancing, squeezing the trigger and willing his arm to remain steady through the vibrations coursing through it.

He takes a step.

Another.

And another.

Len isn’t entirely sure which of them are winning, but he’ll be damned if he lets this monster off without a single hit.

The cold is seeping through his gloves, chilling and burning his hand until he can no longer feel it. The feeling is halfway up his arm when finally, _finally_ something gives.

The fire goes out with a cold _SNAP_ _!_  Len allows another second before releasing the trigger. Holocaust is howling in pain, ice encasing his right hand. He gives another short blast to the other limb, only enough to darken the fingers with frostbite. He figures it should keep the man from using his fire powers long enough. Cold is also the opposite of Heat, after all.

Stalking over to his kneeling foe, Len allows the full Captain Cold persona to settle over him. Hate and fury fill his gaze, never wavering from his target.

“You hurt one of mine, Junior. That alone gives me more than enough reason to end you right here, right now.” He drawls, a hard edge to his tone. Stopping a few paces away, he continues. “Be thankful I was convinced to leave you alive.”

With that, he hoists the cold gun and brings it down as hard as he can. The ice and encased flesh shatters with a satisfying howl of sweet, sweet pain. Len can’t help the vicious pleasure of revenge lighting inside, overshadowing any guilt he might have felt.

Shifting the cold gun to his left hand, Len reaches for the cuffs stashed in his back pocket. Seriously, Barry hadn’t even taken them with him when he left. It was like the kid was trying to get himself killed.

“You ever step foot on Blecker street again, and I can promise you will loose much more than a limb.” He keeps the cold gun loosely aimed as he snaps the cuffs into place with a smirk.

There is a tingle in the back of his skull, just like he gets right before Barry flashes onto the scene with the smell of ozone and electric feel of lightning. The knowledge of Barry already being here, and in an injured state, has him hesitate. Normally, he would be whipping around to aim and blast. But if Barry did manage to get up and speed over, Len doesn’t want to hurt him any more than he already is. That second of hesitation was a second too long.

The pain registers the same time as his world tilts and looses focus. He’s been carried by speedsters before, but this is nothing like when Barry whisked him away.

He’s disoriented when he’s set down, left hand screaming in agony and stomach rebelling. He forces the panic and the pain down, gulping in a breath of air and taking in his surroundings. Now is not the time to show any weakness. Now is not the time for panic. Its difficult, but he’s had a lifetime to master staying cool in situations like this.

He’s in a warehouse, abandoned and dingy and more than likely miles away from Barry. He can hear the frantic chatter in his comms, tuning them out for the most part as he cases the place. Its empty, nowhere to hide and nothing to defend himself with now that he is down a cold gun. When his breathing is back under control, he gingerly lifts his still-numb hand to activate his comms. He isn’t sure why he was dropped here, or why he’s still alive, but figures he could at least clue the others in and tell them to shut it while he works everything out.

The mic is on but he is no longer alone. A demon of a man encased in black with sparks of blue lightning appears in front of him.

Len allows his hand to continue, travelling to the back of his head and scratching in irritation.

“Zoom, I presume? Little bit of warning would have been nice.” He smirks, pushing down the surprise and fear. Thankfully, the comms fall silent after that, no doubt listening to every word they say.

“Captain Cold.” There is a dark amusement to that tone, sending ice through Len’s veins. The monster tilts his head, considering the man before him. “I thought you were a villain on this Earth. Had to double-check after I saw you helping the _Flash_.” The mask might hide his face, but his sneer is plain as day.

Two can play at this game. Len gives him his best leer. “ _Helping_ the Flash? Please, you may have been a little late to the show, but I didn’t think you would be so _slow_ on the uptake.”

Zoom cackles. “Then tell me, why would a man like you save his life?”

The smirk comes easily. “It was the perfect opening. Meta was distracted, I stepped in. Woulda been harder to take him down if all his attention was on little old me.”

Zoom is staring at him intensely. Len doesn’t give an inch.

“Why even go after him in the first place?” Len knows Zoom could kill him in an instant. Its only curiosity keeping him alive right now.

He lets his face darken. “Bastard went after one of my girls. Put her out of commission and stiffed his payment. Messages need to be sent, otherwise any idiot with a power will think they can take me on. Encroach on my territory. Now, the whole city saw me take down a meta even the Flash couldn’t beat. No one is going to challenge me now.”

Zoom laughs at that. “Leonard Snart, mob boss. You have no idea how amusing that would be on my Earth.”

“I prefer godfather, actually.” The back-and-forth is easy. Its something Len knows, can rely on to buy him time and throw his opponents off. He has a feeling that wouldn’t make a difference in Zoom’s case, but talking through this charade of a bluff is the only way he can see making it out of here alive.

The chuckles die down, a sinister edge creeping in. “I would very much like to kill a man with your face.”

“Oh? Then what’s stopping you?” Len spits with as much bravado as he can manage, ignoring the chills running up and down his spine.

Zoom is silent for a moment, just looking at him. Len gets the distinct impression that the monster is _smiling_ now.

“I like this version of you.” Zoom eventually says, giving him a once-over. “Might even bring you back to my Earth one day. The chaos that would cause would be…beautiful.”

A cold sensation settles inside him at that thought. “Thanks, but I’ll pass.” Leonard drawls. “Can’t exactly up and leave now that I’m so well-established here.”

Zoom just chuckles again. “Oh, don’t worry. I’m nowhere near done with _my_ Leonard Snart. He’ll watch his city burn long before I kill him.”

Len waits, but Zoom seems content to stand and stare. Huffing, Len drawls, “So you aren’t going to kill me. And you aren’t going to whisk me away to your fancy own Earth. Makes a guy wonder what we’re still doing here.”

Zoom remains silent long enough for Len’s skin to crawl in apprehension, afraid he’d over-played his hand. Finally, when he feels as if his mask might begin to crack, Zoom flashes forward.

“Until next time, _Captain Cold._ ” Zoom whispers, inches from him. Len shivers, but Zoom is already gone. Deflating, Len allows himself to stagger to a wall and slump to the ground, cradling his injured hand to his chest.

“Len?” Cisco’s timid voice pipes up.

“Zoom’s gone.” Len is thankful he was able to get the mic active in time for them to catch all of that. “Is Barry-”

“Barry’s fine!” Cisco hurries to assure, sounds of movement in the background coming through the comms as well. “Banged up, still can’t run all that well, but alive. His legs should be healed enough to come and get you in-”

“No!” Len cuts him off. “Zoom may be gone, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t watching this place. Have Lisa call Mick, send him my location and he can pick me up.”

“Already on the phone, Lenny.” Lisa says. “He’s pretty pissed about you going all hero on the news and vanishing without a trace. But he says he’ll be there in ten.”

“Good.” Len sighs, leaning back. He frowns, thinking of all the damage control he's going to need to do now that the whole city apparently just saw him  _saving_ the Flash's life. “We’ll stop by a few safe houses, pick up a few things and hopefully shake any demon speedsters that might be tailing us in the process. Give us an hour, and we’ll see you back at the labs.”

“Got it.” Cisco answers. “Barry is on his way with Joe. Anything you want me to pass on?”

“Yeah.” Len huffs. “Tell him he’s an idiot and I’m pissed.”

“Preaching to the choir, man.” Cisco readily agrees.

Len hesitates before adding on in a quieter tone. “And tell him I’m glad he’s okay.” He can hear Lisa snickering in the background. “Not a word, Sis.”

“Didn’t say anything, Lenny.” Lisa pouts.

Len stops listening after that, shutting off his mic. His hands hurt, his ribs ache, and his heart is still beating a bit erratically in his chest. But he’s alive, Barry’s alive, and Mick is on his way.

Gritting his teeth, he examines his bloodied hand. The skin has been torn off the inside of his fingers, strips still attached hanging from his second knuckle. Its like someone took a cheese grater to them, bloody and raw from his palm all the way to the bottom of his fingertips. He tries unsuccessfully to move them, hissing in pain. Gently prodding, he confirms his suspicions. 4 dislocated fingers, thumb thankfully escaping any damage. Could be worse. Could be broken or torn clean off. Grabbing the hood of his parka, he tugs and twists it forward so he can jam it in his mouth, teeth biting down on the large ball of fabric. Taking a breath, he grabs the first finger and swiftly forces it back into place. His scream is muffled, vision whiting out for a second behind the explosion of pain. It fades to a manageable ache soon enough. One by one, he repeats the process until he’s satisfied with the minor twitch his fingers give.

Tearing a small strip from the bottom of his shirt, he wraps his hand to keep from bleeding all over the place. He’s sweating and panting, but Mick should only be three minutes out. Only thing left to do now is wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I did promise action. Wow, I can not even begin to describe how intense and fun this was to write. Action can be hard, but so very satisfying at the same time. As for the comms, I know it might make sense for them to already be connected, but I have a small head-cannon that they are just linked to STAR labs, and only hooked together when the programs are synced up. Just in case anyone wondered, which I admit, you probably didn't.   
> The story is going to pick up the pace for a bit, some more ups-and-downs with action, plot, smut, relationships, and more appearances from Zoom in the future. Speaking of, Zoom is finally here guys!!! I'm leaning for the more creepy, plays-with-his-victims feel for him. Given the story of how he got his name, I could see him messing with people before attacking. I hope the trigger warnings at the top were adequate for this chapter, given all the violence. If anyone feels I should add more, just let me know and I will. Comments are love, thank all of you for reading, and I hope you continue to enjoy this story!  
> Up next: Mick and Len return to STAR labs, where Len begins to have a panic attack. Caitlin patches him up, bringing past injuries to light. We catch up with Joe, and more is revealed as to what Zoom has been up to.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mick and Len return to STAR labs, where Len begins to have a panic attack. Caitlin patches him up, bringing past injuries to light. We catch up with Joe, and more is revealed as to what Zoom has been up to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: Depiction of injury and medical treatment. Beginnings of a panic attack. Mild violence.

Mick is angry when he gets there, giving Len a once-over of pure disappointment at Len for getting himself into this situation.

“Thought I was the moron.” He grunts.

“Yeah, well, the idiot Kid was gonna go and get himself killed. Couldn’t let that happen.” Len hisses as he stands and follows his partner out. He is immensely grateful Mick came in a boosted car instead of on his bike. Len doesn’t even want to think about riding in this condition.

The tingle of being watched remains the entire way to their first safe house. Its the one Mick came from, a re-purposed warehouse not ten minutes away. Len downs some mild pain pills and a glass of water while there. He’s a bit shaky, knows he should have actually eaten this morning as it is well after lunch by this point. But the thought of food churns his stomach, and he settles for a dry protein bar that should stay down and tide him over for now.

The tingle remains as they head to their next stop, but its faded into the realm of paranoia more than actually being followed. He grabs his burner phone from there, the only one that every potential Rogue he has ever approached to recruit has the number for. A handful have more of his numbers, but he is too paranoid to give every member of his budding crew access to all his burners. Given recent events, he knows he needs to call them all together for a meeting.

The tingle is gone as they head to their third safe house, changing cars before they arrive. This one is in an apartment complex with an underground garage. They don’t even enter the building, just switch cars again safe from prying eyes before heading out. Its been an hour on the dot by the time he walks into the cortex. The shaking is still there, a mix of low blood-sugar and a drop in adrenaline. He can feel the break-down prodding, building ever since he suddenly found himself in an empty warehouse. Much as he hates it, this place has just become safe enough for him that he might drop his guard enough for it to finally happen.

He doesn’t want to loose his cool in front of them all again. Not so soon after last time. Not with Thomas and Angie and Mick here as well. But even he knows there are limits to his own control.

Barry is at his side in an instant.

“Oh my god, Len! Are you okay? Did Zoom hurt you? Your hand-”

Barry is frantically skimming his hands over Len, checking for injuries in his panic. Len can’t help the tightness in his throat or the stab of fear in his gut.

“Don’t touch me!” He snarls, pushing Barry back. And just like that, every eye is on him. Thomas and Angie, thankfully, are still sequestered in the med bay. Lisa, Cisco, and Caitlin are at the computers, Joe and Iris in the open space of the cortex with Harry and Jay. Barry stands straight in front of him and Mick stays to his back, blocking the exit, keeping him here. He’s trapped, surrounded, can’t get out, no way out, _he can’t _-__

“I’m fine.” He snaps, breathing harshly when Barry moves closer once more.

“Easy there, Boss.” Mick says slowly, without the bite of rough edges his tone usually carries. Its enough to get Len to breathe a bit easier. He’s fine. He’s safe. Doesn’t matter that he’s hurt. Doesn’t matter he’s crashing from adrenaline or still shaking from the tendrils of terror he shoved down. None of that matters because he is _safe_ here.

“I’m fine.” He repeats, almost sounding like its the truth. Its easy to redirect his tension and the maddening swirl of chaos. Easy to glare Barry down, shifting to tower and glower in anger. Barry looks confused even as he backs up a step. Len takes advantage, advancing without mercy.

“What’s _not_ fine, _Flash_ …” He sneers, getting as close as he dares. “...Is you running off to your death without a backwards glance. No plan, no canvasing the location, no collecting intel or asking your _team_  for any fucking _input_. You didn’t even bring the damn _cuffs,_ Barry. Didn’t think to go and grab one of those fancy heat shields you graced the CCPD with so long ago. So tell me, what the hell _were_ you thinking?”

Barry is staring at him with wide eyes, unused to being the subject of Len’s anger. Len knows how intimidating a Snart's anger can be. His grandfather had that anger, even if he had the grace to control it and never direct his ire towards an innocent. His father had that anger as well, though he never bothered even trying to control it after prison. Len has that anger himself, focused enough to willfully decide when and who to release it on. He’s cool enough to know he won’t ever physically hurt Barry like this, but the heat in his gaze is enough to send a shiver through the other man.

The room is deathly silent, but Len appreciates the fact that the Detective isn’t reaching for his sidearm. It takes a few seconds, but Len can see the righteous anger building in Barry now as well.

“What was I thinking?” He huffs a hard, hollow laugh. “I don’t know, maybe that people were being hurt and killed? That Holocaust was dangerous, and needed to be stopped? That I’m the Flash, and that’s what I do. I stop bad guys, Len. I didn’t have time-”

“Make time!” Len can hear the echo of his raised voice slamming back at him. He winces slightly, hating it when he yells. He’s quieter when he continues. “Make time, Barry. When its serious, you make time. You won’t do anyone any good if you end up dead.”

Barry deflates at that, scrubbing a hand down his face. “You’re right. I just…I can do so many things. I hate just sitting around, doing _nothing_ when other people, innocent people, are in danger.”

“Its not doing _nothing_ , Barry.” Len lets an ounce of tension ease from his posture. “Its playing it smart, taking time to do it the right way. Better a few minutes before a fight planning for contingencies than a city left without its savior.”

Barry quirks a grin. “Its savior?”

Len rolls his eyes. “That’s what they’re calling you, aren’t they? _The Savior of Central City_.”

“You saved the city today, Len.” Barry smiles, looking at him as he always looks at him while gearing up for the _good in you_ speech.

“Wrong.” Len shakes his head. “I went after the idiot who messed with one of my own. Nothing more, nothing less.”

“Whatever.” Barry huffs. “Just keep telling yourself that, Len.” Barry frowns after a beat, looking him over again. Len can’t help the way he moves his crudely bandaged hand from view.

“Are you sure you’re okay? Zoom didn’t-”

“I’m fine.” Len assures once more, managing not to shift or give any other tells that he’s lying. A feat that means nothing when Mick snorts behind him.

“Yeah, sure you’re fine. An’ I’m the Queen of England.”

Len turns to glare at Mick, ignoring the worry blooming in Barry’s eyes.

“Perhaps I should be the judge of that.” And _fuck_ , Caitlin is striding over now, full doctor mode coming to play. Len steps back, holding up his right hand to stave her off.

“No need, Doc. All in one piece, I assure you.” His assurances fall on deaf ears as not a single soul in the room falls for it.

“Stop being a stubborn ass, Lenny.” Lisa pipes up from her spot lounging just a smidgen too close to Cisco. “Just let her look you over.”

“I’d rather she didn’t.” He snaps, stepping back another few feet. Mick has definitely noticed, and moves even further to block his exit should Len try and run for it. They both know its something that’s happened in the past.

“Len-” Barry tries, but he doesn’t give him the chance to finish.

“I said I’m fine. Just a few dislocations, already popped them back into place at the warehouse. No need for any _help_.” He sneers. Its irrational, he knows, but the anxiety remains. If they look at his hand, if they run the tests Caitlin will insist on, then they’ll _know _.__ They’ll see the damage that his skin hides, the damage that garners pity, the damage Lisa shares and means he _failed._ If he was calm, if he wasn’t injured and had time to prepare, then it would be fine. But none of those things are being afforded to him right now, and his control is cracking, leeched of strength as his body crashes and crumbles over the fear that’s _still there_. Still there in the echoing cackle of blue lightning and fire and _Barry screaming in agony _-__

“Boss.” Mick’s voice sounds muddled, distorted as the room shifts around him. His breathing is fast again, and when did that happen? He was careful, he was in control, he was _fine!_

“Leonard.” Caitlin is using his full name, closer than he last remembered and reaching slowly for him.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” He bats her hand away, lurching back.

“Lenny!” Lisa is on her feet now, striding over in a fierce gait full of purpose. He steps back another step, not wishing to lash out at his sister as well.  

“Snart!” Mick’s roar has him spinning, its volume the threat that now draws his focus. He gets a glimpse of Mick’s apologetic expression before pain blooms in his left temple and everything goes dark.

XXX

“Len!” Barry rushes forward, catching him before he hits the ground. In a blink of an eye, the two are across the room.

“What the hell, Mick.” Lisa is glaring at the arsonist, halting as indecision weighs on her. Should she go to her brother? Or should she tear Mick a new one. Both are desirable, and it keeps her rooted to the spot a moment longer.

Mick just shrugs. “You know how difficult he can be when he gets all wound up like that. Easier to patch him up this way.”

“Easier with a concussion added to the list as well?” Caitlin screeches, turning icy eyes his way. “We do have sedatives, you know. You didn’t have to resort to violence.”

Mick shrugs again. “Always worked in the past when he got that bad.”

Caitlin splutters for a moment, clearly outraged at the prospect of this being a regular occurrence. She sends a final warning glare his way, letting him know he isn’t off the hook yet, before turning her attention to her patients.

Barry is already back to 100%, burns healed completely minutes before the others returned. Len is out like a light, dangling limply in Barry’s arms.

“Cisco, could you get a cot set up in the med bay? Angie is still using the bed, but we need the equipment there.”

“Sure thing, Cait!” Cisco is already out of his chair, rushing off the lug the large and cumbersome, yet surprisingly light aluminum cot to its designated destination.  

“C’mon Barry.” Caitlin urges him to bring Len and follow her. “We have a second X-ray machine downstairs. Don’t want to risk Angie being exposed to the radiation when we scan his hand.”

Barry knows exactly where she wants him to take Len, flashing them there to set him gently on the bed before returning for Caitlin. She’s surprised, still doesn’t like being whisked away unprepared, but Barry was worried. And worried Barry means impatient Barry means rushed and unthinking Barry.

“Sorry.” He mumbles anyway when she sways with a second of nausea.

She shakes her head, clearing it and getting her bearings once more. “Little warning, please.” Her uneasiness shows through as she snips tersely, but she gets to work immediately.

They take the scan down there, spending only a few minutes preparing everything, cutting the remains of his glove from his hand along with the strip of fabric used to wrap the injury, and turning the machine on. The results are transferred to her monitor upstairs, where she will finish going over and treating Len.

The cot is ready by the time Barry brings Len back up, fidgeting as he arranges Len in the most comfortable position. Frowning, Barry flashes away for a moment, returning with a pillow he fluffs a few times before lifting Len’s head to place it under him. Satisfied, Barry grabs Caitlin (giving her warning this time) and brings her back.

“Remove his parka and shirt. I’ll need to check over his ribs again as well.” Caitlin instructs, heading over to pull up the scans.

“Lenny?” Angie is awake, both her and Thomas looking over with wide eyes. Barry feels his throat close up as he tries to reassure them. Luckily, Lisa comes to his rescue.

“Lenny’s fine, Ange.” She smiles at the other woman, coming over to help Barry disrobe him. “Mick just thought it would be a fine idea to knock him out when Lenny was getting a bit twitchy. Should be up and kicking again in no time.”

The two still look worried, but remain silent as they sit back to watch as the others work. Len’s left hand is swollen and bloody, skin ripped from the inside of his fingers and joints ballooning to twice their normal size. He has new bruises forming on his torso, no doubt from being jostled as Zoom sped him away. His right hand is a mess as well, red all the way to mid-forearm with his hand purpling to black at the fingertips.

Barry stares at it, wondering how long Len had to keep the cold gun firing to cause that damage. How much pain he pushed through to defeat Holocaust. Another stab of guilt hits Barry when he realizes what Len had to go through, all because the Flash had _failed_ to stop the meta.

“Um, Lisa?” Caitlin calls hesitantly from the other room. “Could you come here for a moment, please.”

Barry takes the time to grab a blanket to throw over Len before following her out. Caitlin has the X-ray pulled up on her screen, frowning at the image before her. Everyone has seemed to migrate over, realizing that something might be wrong.

“What is it?” Lisa asks, glancing at the screen before frowning at the doctor.

Caitlin shifts, parsing out how to word her question for a moment. “It…well, he _appears_ to have a good deal of what _could_ be scar tissue, but with all the swelling I don’t want to overlook any potential build-up of fluids. I just need you to clarify, best you can, if it really is scar tissue or something else. I don’t want to cut him open to check if it isn’t relevant to this injury.”

Lisa’s mouth opens in a perfect, surprised ‘O’. Looking over to the screen again, she follows the areas that Caitlin points out. Her eyes darken and she glances over at her brother.

“This is why was being all cagey. Idiot.” She mumbles, shaking her head. Raising her voice enough for those close by to hear more clearly, she continues. “Yeah Doc, that’s all scar tissue. No need to go cutting up my brother’s hand more than it already is.”

Instead of looking relieved, Caitlin looks horrified. “ _All_ of that is scar tissue? How does he possibly have full movement-”

“He doesn’t.” Lisa shrugs, cutting her off. At their questioning, slightly shocked looks, she sighs and holds up her left hand. She moves her thumb in stilted circles, expanding outward until the digit shakes and stops. Even the ones without medical training know that is far from the range of motion she should have.

“Shoulda killed him when I had the chance.” Mick growls, startling the silence that had fallen.

Lisa waves him off. “Lenny told ya not to, Mick. Besides, the bastard is dead now anyways.”

“Lewis did this?” Barry feels that anger and sickness festering once more. “To both of you?”

“Wasn’t like the other Lessons.” Lisa isn’t looking at any of them, staring off to the side with only a few quick glances towards Cisco. “Actually taught us something, even if it was a stupid way to do it. Made Lenny go through it when he was twelve. I got my turn at sixteen. Needed us to know how to get out of cuffs when he started taking us on jobs and to some of his…shadier dealings with the families. Just in case, you know? Picking the lock wasn’t good enough, or maybe he just didn’t know how. Either way, dislocated our thumb to slip out of the cuff and popped it back in so we knew how to do it if we ever needed. Made us keep doing it until he was satisfied we were fast and competent enough. Hand stayed swollen for months while he ‘taught’ us.” She sneers, spitting the last part out. “Just lucky he let us focus on our non-dominant hand. Would have made things a lot more different if both our thumbs were all fucked up.”

 Caitlin looks like she wants to comment, but with a guilty glance at Len, she pulls on her role of doctor once more and goes to tend to her patient.

“Lisa.” Cisco is looking at her with those hurt puppy-dog eyes that let everyone know how deeply he is feeling right now.

“Its fine, Cisco.” She gives him a shaky smile. “All in the past, right?”

He looks like he wants to say more, settles instead for wrapping her up in a slow hug and resting his head on her shoulder. Barry avoids everyone’s gaze as he follows Caitlin. Len may not be awake, but Barry still wants to be there for him right now.

XXX

Joe had been having one hell of a day. Started out bad, with the new knowledge that Angie wouldn’t feel safe enough to talk to him. Wouldn’t feel safe because the scumbag that did all this was the same race he was. Not a rare occurrence, if he was being honest. Cops were used to being swapped out to appeal to the needs of the victims. Didn’t mean it didn’t sting every time it happened.

Patty showing up wasn’t exactly bad, but he still wasn’t sure how she and Barry were doing. Both seemed fine with the way things had ended, but Joe wasn’t foolish enough to take it at face-value. He knew how bad things could get when jilted lovers and exes were involved. They seemed amicable, but Joe didn’t want to push his luck or stick his nose in their business. So he left, made his way back to the station, and buried himself in work.

Thomas had been a delight, but he was too distrustful of cops for anyone without a record. His words about their past niggled and wormed its way through his mind. He did what he could to look the boy and his mother up, but it was clear a lot had happened off file. Found the old reports of domestic abuse, brushed under the rug. The hospital reports and rape kits that had never been followed up on. The one time Thomas had been taken to the hospital, only three years old, with too many injuries for _anyone_ to believe he had ‘tripped and fallen down the stairs’. Still, that’s what had been listed, and Joe is only thankful for the restraining order Angie had filed against her soon-to-be ex-husband afterwards.

It was never reported broken, but Joe has a sinking feeling it was if the mangled body of her former husband floating in the harbor a year later was any indication. He knows murder should never be the answer, that this was most likely Len’s handiwork. Still, he can’t fault the man for doing what he could to keep her and the boy safe. Even if the means he went to do so were extreme.

The call from the labs only drags his day further into the gutter. Assailant matches the DNA of a dead man. Matches the description of a meta from Earth-2.

The Captain isn’t happy when Joe fills him in, but he trusts his best detective and doesn’t ask questions they both know Joe can’t answer. Its a delicate dance, neither outright saying they know the other knows about Barry. But it gets the job done and gives them both the deniability they need should this ever blow up in their faces.

Said meta being sighted, however, is when Joe knows there is no recovering this day from the shit-show it has become. The carnage at the scene is horrendous. They have an estimated thirty civilians dead, another forty injured, and more still in harms way as they continue to evacuate the area. Barry getting his ass handed to him over and over sends his heart racing and his gut turning in worry.

He knew Barry was slowing, could see him taking more and more hits. And as much as he wanted to jump in and help, this was a fight way beyond his capabilities. The whine of a motorcycle has him turning, shock filling him as he sees the familiar parka-clad figure race past them. He isn’t sure if he should be elated or terrified at his appearance. If anything happens to him, Barry will never forgive himself. This might be the only chance to save Barry, but Joe still isn’t sure if Len is here to help his son, or to kill the man who hurt his loved one. And he can’t say for certain he trusts the man to keep from killing Holocaust. The last thing any of them needs is for there to be another death on Leonard Snarts hands right now, even if it was a murderous monster like Holocaust.

Joe is relieved that, even if he goes a bit too far, Snart leaves the man alive as he goes to put the power-dampening cuffs on. He is just breathing a sigh of relief and turning to order the officers to move forward and arrest the meta when a blur of blue lightning streaks past.

Blood turns to ice in his veins as he whips back around. _Barry!_ His son is hurt, down for the count, and the enemy who last left him broken and paralyzed is back. The relief he feels when he sees Barry, standing and here and alive, is short-lived. Because Barry is staring after where Zoom disappeared to. And Captain Cold disappeared with him.

Its easy enough to have Barry leave the scene and meet back up with Joe so he can give him a ride back to STAR labs. What isn’t easy is seeing Barry frantic with guilt and worry, still wincing in pain, as he frantically asks his team for updates. It seems they muted his mic, however, as he gets no answer.

Finally, right when Barry is about to ignore Joe’s protests and his current state and flash out of the car to search for the man himself, his team answers.

Cisco explains that Zoom did, in fact, take Cold. That they were able to listen in on the whole conversation. That Zoom was his usual creepy self, but didn’t seem to hurt Len after whisking him away. Barry wants to go grab him, but Cisco talks him down, saying Len insisted Mick pick him up and that they would both come to the labs soon.

Iris calls next, letting them know that Zoom broke into Picture News and went through all their archives about the same time he showed up earlier. Probably the reason why Snart was even able to have enough privacy to activate the comms in the first place.

She assures him they already informed the police, so Joe checks in with the officer heading to the scene, asking to be kept up-to-date on their findings.

Caitlin looks Barry over the second they show up, deeming the burns less serious than they thought as they are already halfway healed. She still applies the burn cream, checking him over for any other injuries as she does so. Iris shows up, wanting in on what’s going on. Joe can’t fault her for that, the cortex a mass of confusion as all are gathered. Angie and Thomas are kept away from the madness for the moment, but its a whirlwind for everyone else.

The chaos ceases when Captain Cold and Heatwave walk in. Joe doesn’t like the tension that follows. The wild look in Len’s eyes and his harsh breaths. He knows Len doesn’t want to hurt anyone here, but still can’t trust a man acting like a wounded and cornered animal. Mick knocking him out is an unexpected relief, even if he will never tell that to another soul.

Chatter has begun to build again, everyone talking over each other and arguing over the situation and everything Zoom related. It dies when Barry flashes back into the room. Joe can’t help but stare when Lisa and Barry remove the man’s shirt. Snart-no, _Len_ has some pretty extensive tattoos. That isn’t what catches Joe’s eyes. Its the shadows cast and almost shiny hue taken on by the startling amount of scars glaring in the harsh light. Things only get worse after that.

Hearing Lisa tell the story of the traumatic experience both siblings went through is hard. He feels rage build at the thought that any father would put their children through that. Iris is tearing up, lips wobbling as Joe pulls her in for a tight hug. Despite the mistrust and animosity he clung to against that man for so long, Joe still feels deeply saddened by all of this. Can see, more and more each day, what Barry had always insisted Len had. The good man beneath it all, dealt a harsh hand in life.

Caitlin treats Len, wrapping, elevating, and icing his left hand to help with the injuries and swelling, keeping the tender joints in place for the moment. The bruising on his ribs thankfully only goes skin-deep, no further complications to that area. His right hand is warmed and treated for the frostbite and 1st degree cold burns. He won’t loose any limbs, just a small patch of skin needed to be cut from each of his fingers. Having both hands out of full commission for a few days will be a bitch for him for sure, but still manageable.

Len wakes up around the time Caitlin goes to check for a concussion. Joe tunes them out again when he gets a call.

Taking it in the hallway, he is updated on everything going on outside the labs right now. Zoom had pulled up every mention of Captain Cold and Leonard Snart Picture News had on file. On top of that, there were a few more break-ins he committed about twenty minutes after the first. CCPD. The Courthouse. Iron Heights. A smattering of hospitals in the area. They haven’t checked everything he went through, but one thing was clear. Zoom was researching Captain Cold, learning everything he could from whatever evidence remained from Leonard Snart’s past. On top of that, Holocaust was dead. Killed along with the officers guarding him while being transferred to prison. The only surviving officer, the driver, reported seeing blue lighting before and after the attack.

Joe trembles as he takes it all in. This isn’t good. Zoom just killed the meta he sent to take down Barry. Zoom ignored Barry, focusing instead on Captain Cold. Zoom has been researching Leonard Snart ever since, going to great lengths to learn everything he can. It isn’t hard to figure out that Zoom will go after the man again. And he isn’t sure if there’s a damn thing any of them can do to stop that from happening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there's another chapter. Some more peaks into the Snart siblings past, more info about what Zoom has been doing, and fierce-mode Doctor Snow :) I don't pretend to have any real medical knowledge, mainly just TV/movies and some light reading on interesting injuries/subjects, so please either ignore any inconsistencies or bring them to light so I can correct any mistakes. The scar tissue came from multiple dislocations in a short period of time. Since they were young, it isn't as bad as it could have been, but is still an issue they face. I wanted to show that there is lasting physical harm (not just emotional) from their childhood, something that impairs them more than the scars on their skin could. It won't be a major plot point, but it will pop up again here and there.   
> For this chapter, I listened to Jonathan Davis on Youtube while writing/editing. Chapter updates will probably drop to only one a week here pretty soon, as my buffer of pre-written material is dwindling. In all fairness, the chapters have been getting longer as there is so much more going on now, so I'm sticking to that excuse for the slower writing. Thank all of you for reading/commenting, and I look forward to seeing you all again next chapter!   
> Up Next: Len plans, heart-to-hearts are had, and Jay has some surprisingly good news for Len regarding his injuries. Caitlin and Len talk, coming to some understandings and forms of forgiveness in the process.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Len plans, heart-to-hearts are had, and Jay has some surprisingly good news for Len regarding his injuries. Caitlin and Len talk, coming to some understandings and forms of forgiveness in the process.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: Mention of a past suicide attempt.

“Just…give me a minute.” Len frowns, waving the others off. They’ve been fluttering around him ever since he woke up. His head aches dully, but he’s had enough concussions to know that this one is minor, if he even has one at all. He had been pissed at first. A bit at Mick, but that fades easily. He’s more pissed at himself, angry that his emotions and insecurities grabbed hold once more. It doesn’t happen often, him freaking out like that when he’s injured and preparing for treatment. It takes the right combination of events to get him to that stage.

A touch or blow falling in the wrong place during a fight, bringing those memories surging back later once the adrenaline fades.

The wrong combination of words, of smells and situations that remind him of when he was powerless.

The wrong setting when he gets patched up, too similar to all the times with back-alley quacks. The rushed hospital visits because he had been _dying_ and Lewis had no other choice. The few times that the man himself had tried to help bandage Len, back when the abuse was still new and Lewis still felt guilty.

This time though, it wasn’t any of those. It was just _fear _,__ cold and sharp and burning in its intensity. He felt it choking him watching Barry fighting and _loosing _.__ Felt it since Angie showed up broken and bleeding. Felt it when his world shifted and _Zoom_ was there. Pushing the fear down for so long only set it to boil over the second he had a chance to breathe again at the _safety_ STAR labs now provided.

He knew they had discovered more about his past. Could see it in the shifty glance of his sister’s eyes that she had most likely spilled the beans. Again. Still, this wasn’t just his problem. It was an issue she had as well, and he couldn’t fault her for opening up. Even if it opened him up to them as well.

None of that is what he’s focused on right now. No, what he’s focused on is everything Joe told the room after he came back in from his call. It would seem Zoom has shifted his immediate focus from the Flash to Captain Cold. He takes a breath and closes his eyes. This isn’t by far the first time his life has been in danger. The only reason he is even still alive is a good helping of fantastic luck and the ability to stay calm enough to _plan_ when shit hits the fan.

Barry is terrified for him. It sent Len’s stomach churning, watching that fear bloom on his face. He doesn’t want that look anywhere near Barry, especially not for someone like him. The others reacted with varying degrees of shock and worry as well. Lisa and Mick want him to leave, no doubt, but that’s a tiny bandage on a gaping wound of a problem. Might buy him time, but if a speedster who can hop dimensions is after him, he doubts a few cities worth of distance will change that.

“He doesn’t want to kill me. Not anymore, at least.” Len talks while he thinks, taking advantage of a room full of support and attentive ears to solve this. “That means he wants me for something else. Can’t be to get at the Flash, otherwise I’d probably be chilling in a cell with Miss Jesse over on Earth-2 by now. He knows I’m a criminal, went so far as to raid my Picture News portfolio to confirm it. So my money’s on him wanting something from me. Can’t be a heist, he could steal anything he wants. So if it isn’t my thieving he wants to utilize, then the only other things I made the papers for recently was jail-breaking and killing Dear Old Dad. Jail-breaking is as useless as robbing, so patricide is clearly what’s got him interested.”

The others shift as he goes over everything, looking alarmed at the casual way he talks about it all. He ignores them, pressing on.

“Doubt he wants me just for that, but it does paint me as a cold-blooded murderer. Takes a special kind of monster to kill their own family.”

“Len-” Barry jumps in at that, clearly gearing up to remind Len of how _good_ Barry somehow believes he is.

“Its fine.” Len cuts him off, raising his bandaged hand. “I know that isn’t always the case, Barry. Doesn’t change how it looks to outsiders. Came up quite a few times when I was being convicted for murder. What I’m trying to say, is, I think Zoom is trying to recruit me. These metas he’s been throwing at you, most of them have been terrified of him, only following his orders to get home. From what Harry and Jay have described, that isn’t the case with the _army_ of metas he has following him back on his Earth. Stands to reason that he would look to expand now that he’s turned his attention to this Earth as well.”

Len frowns, going over all the facts he has gathered in his head, looking everything over for anything he missed or misjudged in light of new evidence.

“Can’t know for sure what he really wants until he contacts me again. And he _will_ come grab me for another little chat. No point in denying that. The only thing we can do is prepare. Cisco, think you can make me something?” He tilts his head, looking at the fidgeting genius as he snaps upright at the attention.

“Sure, man. I mean, I think I can. I should, just…what do you need?” Cisco rambles a tad, hands flourishing as his nerves spike.

“Comms with a tracker. Small enough to be invisible while worn. The one I wore today was large enough that Zoom either was stupid enough to miss it or, most likely, didn’t care. Doubt I would be breathing now if he knew I was in contact with all of you at the time instead of my own crew of criminals. On top of that, it needs to be constantly transmitting here, preferably passively to a memory file just in case we need to review later. Would be helpful if you could program them to activate the speakers on your end automatically with a verbal cue on mine instead of using a manual button. A code-word or maybe whenever it picks up Zoom’s voice.”

“Sure man, I mean, I can totally do that. Just, give me like, 5 hours?” Cisco is already fiddling with his tablet, Harry watching over his shoulder as he pulls up schematics for current communication systems to modify.

“Good.” Len lets himself breathe a sigh of relief. That would help him feel marginally safer the next time Zoom deigns to grace him with a private chat. “And we need to be clear, here, Barry.” He locks his eyes on the speedster.

“Clear? On what?” Barry questions, a look of wariness that shows how much he already dislikes whatever Len is going to say.

“When Zoom gets me, you need to stay away. Can’t have the Flash showing up and trying to rescue his _enemy_  from Zoom. That would give both of us away in a heartbeat. No matter what he says or does, Barry, unless he is actively trying to kill me, then you need to let everything play out. We need to play this safe, at least until we have a solid plan to go up against Zoom.”

Barry looks like he’s gearing up to fight this. “Yell at me later.” Len snaps at him. “But this is the smart way to do this, Barry. Nothing good will come from Zoom finding out you care about me. This way, maybe I can get us more intel to use against him. It isn’t my first con, Kid. I know how to play things _cool._ ” His lips twist in a dim parody of his usual smirk at the pun. Everyone else looks decidedly unimpressed at his attempt to lighten the mood.

He goes on. “Also, we need a way to track Zoom. Can’t put anything on him, and following locations from video footage puts us too far behind to do anything. He uses breaches to come here, correct? Any way to track those, pick up when he is at least back on this Earth or his? Not the best, but it  gives us a heads up for when he might strike. Also lets us know when we can carry on business as usual.”

“We can do that.” Harry states, firm and confident in his abilities. Len frowns, still distrusting the man. It only takes a look before Cisco is piping up.

“Yeah, uh, I can help you with that.” He says, giving the game away instantly. Harry shoots a glare at him that Len meets. Harry caves first, huffing and turning away.

“C’mon then. Let’s get started.” He snaps, Cisco trailing quickly behind him.

Len sighs and closes his eyes, giving his body a chance to process everything flowing through him. Pushing feelings down is how he wound up snapping earlier. By letting himself a second to acknowledge, to _feel,_ he is able to sort the tangled knot of emotion and apprehension. Let’s him pack everything away once more as he needs so his head can clear of the storm barreling around the back of his mind.

“Len.” Barry comes closer, tentatively sitting on the bed, thigh brushing Len’s hip.

“I’m staying the night, Barry.” Len opens his eyes and meets the gaze weighing heavily on him. “But I’m leaving in the morning. And I’m not sure how good of an idea it will be to see each other right now. Might have to stay away for a bit.” He lets his emotions shine through, letting Barry know without words how much he dislikes that.

Barry reaches out to take his hand, thinks better of it when he sees the bandages, and lets his hand fall listlessly to the mattress.

“It won’t be forever.” Len says quietly, pain building in his chest at the defeat and desperation radiating from his Scarlet Speedster. “Just…until we figure all of this out with Zoom. I don’t want you getting caught in the crossfire when he comes after me.”

“But its my fault.” Barry is tearing up. “Zoom is only here, only interested in you, because of me, Len! How can I stay away when-”

“Because that’s what I’m asking you to do.” Len ignores the pain, gently grasping Barry’s hand with his own as he barely winces. “I won’t stand for another death of someone I care about. Not because of me. I can’t do that, Red. Besides, what hope do the rest of us have if Zoom kills you, Barry? Who will protect this city if you’re gone.”

Barry opens his mouth, closes it again as he thinks it over. His slump of defeat lets Len know he has won this round.

“I don’t want to loose you either, Len.” The dam finally broke, tears falling down his beautiful face.

“You won’t.” Len quietly reassures. “Not if I can help it. I’m pretty hard to kill, Barry. Can’t even remember how many people have tried in the past. So I swear, if something happens. If I…don’t come back. Then that means that something went horribly wrong. And you being there would only mean you probably wouldn’t come back either. Please, Barry. Just trust that I know what I’m doing. This risk, its the best option of all the shitty ones we have right now. Let me do this, Barry.”

They sit there is silence, Barry crying and Len rubbing his hand best he can. Barry takes a few shaky breaths before nodding.

“Hey.” Len reaches up, brushing away the tears with the back of his fingers, leaving small damp patches on the wrappings. “Hey, its okay. I’m here, Barry. I’m okay.”

The crying turns to full fledged sobbing, Len tugging Barry down to curl up beside him. Barry clings to his shirt and buries his face in Len’s chest as he is held tight in the others arms. Len is only thankful the rest of the pack cleared out pretty fast when Harry and Cisco left, no doubt scurrying off to do their part to help with this mess. Angie and Thomas are still there, blessedly silent for the moment. They will talk to him later, when they can be alone. But they give him the time he and Barry need right now. And he is intensely grateful for their presence in his life.

“It’s okay.” Len continues to assure, kissing Barry’s head as he shakes and keeps on sobbing. “It’s okay.”

XXX

“I need you to stay away from me for awhile.” Len says after a few minutes of silence. Barry sped out of the room to pick up some food and to help out the others, checking over progress and asking after any new info. Angie and Thomas have both been staring intently at him, waiting for him to speak.

“This mess with Zoom…I can’t have either of you anywhere near it. Already have too many people involved. It’ll help, knowing you two are safe.”

Angie sighs, but she is used to this. Anytime Len got too deep with the wrong crowd for a job, he would pull the same stunt. Would push them from his life to keep them safe. It never makes it any easier, knowing the danger he will be in without their comfort or support. But it is a routine they are used to, and it helps knowing he at least isn’t going it alone this time.

“Will you call?” Angie asks, hoping for some sort of updates. She hates finding out something happened to him after the fact on the news.

He shrugged. “Maybe. Have to play it by ear, don’t know how…involved Zoom will be in my life. Lisa can pass anything on for me in the meantime.”

Thomas shakes his head. “Why do you always attract so much trouble?”

“Hazards of the job, Kid.” Len grins at him. Noticing the boy’s frown, Len continues. “Beat the Flash before. Beat other metas too. Zoom isn’t gonna hurt me. I can take care of myself.”

Thomas shoots him a disbelieving look, Angie mirroring it with a raised eyebrow.

He ducks his head and amends. “I can _usually_ take care of myself. Got a whole team behind me this time in case things go south. I’ll be fine. I promise.”

They finally let the matter drop, still tense with apprehension but relaxed enough to pursue other topics.

“You really like him.” Angie smiles, speaking softly as Len turns his attention back to them.

“Yeah.” He breathes, hardly a whisper as he admits the truth. “I really do. He’s good, Ange. Something I haven’t had in a long time.”

“I’m happy for you.” And Len knows she means it, honesty and affection shining through. “I know in the past…we haven’t always been on the same page. Had our rough patches, and could never really get past it. So if this is what you finally, _really_ moving on looks like, then I couldn’t be happier.”

“Thanks.” Len smiles fondly at her, the serious weight of this conversation settling over him. “I do still love you, Ange.”

“I know you do.” She matches his expression. “And I will always love you, Lenny. But we tried this before, and we both know it doesn’t work out. Doesn’t mean we can’t still be in each others lives. Doesn’t mean we don’t mean anything to each other. Just means that while we may never stop loving each other, we can still find someone else to love as well. To make it work, in a way we never could.”

It takes a bit of effort, but Len swings his legs over the edge of the bed and leans over to kiss he forehead.

“Stay good, Ange.” He whispers against her skin.

“Stay safe, Lenny.” She replies, angling her head to brush her lips against his cheek.

“Thomas.” Len calls, beckoning him over as he shifts to stand upright again. Thomas comes quickly, hesitating a beat at the open arms awaiting him before gently falling forward.

“Keep your grades up, and don’t even think of slacking on the track. I expect you to still be killing it at school when I visit again.” He gingerly pulls the boy closer, both mindful of his injuries.

“I will, Uncle Len.” Thomas isn’t crying, but the emotion still chokes his voice.

“Don’t worry about me, Thomas.” Len can’t help but tack on. “Before you know it, this’ll all be over.”

Thomas snorts in disbelief, but remains silent.

“Take care of your mom.” He leans down to tell the boy, knowing Angie still heard but all of them pretending she didn’t.

“I will.” Is Thomas’ determined reply.

Len heads out after that, wishing to give them some peace and quiet. He knows that Angie is still hurting, but with him in the room they would just focus on his problems instead. Thomas and Angie just need some time, to let things settle and let Angie heal. Physically, emotionally, mentally; its a grueling process. One both Angie and Len are familiar with. He’s confident that she will ask for help if she truly needs it. They haven’t always done so in the past, and it never worked out well for them. But until she recovers, Thomas should be the only comfort she needs to find her footing once more.

Len seeks out Caitlin, Jay an ever-present fixture around her. It seems something might be blooming between those two as well, and Jay falls easily into protector-hover mode. Len would snort a laugh at that, if he didn’t do the exact same thing himself on occasion.

“Len!” Caitlin jumps at his approach, looking him over as she frowns. He can already tell she doesn’t like the fact that he is up and about, even if none of his injuries affect his ability to walk.

“Doctor Snow.” He inclines his head in greeting. “Jay.”

Caitlin rolls her eyes at that. “How many times do I have to tell you to call me Caitlin.” She mutters under her breath.

Len smirks, enjoying this playful banter. He’s about to push it even further when Jay steps in.

“You know…” He begins, looking Len over as well. “On my Earth, we had a lot of technology that hasn’t been invented here yet. Really expanded the medical field.”

“Oh?” Len prompts him to continue, unsure where this is going.

Jay nods. “One of those advancements includes being able to re-grow patches of skin on extensive woulds. Like a skin graft, only we don’t need to remove any skin in order to complete the process. And its grown on site, not stitched over the wound.”

Len studies him for a bit before turning his attention to his hands. His left is a mess, large enough wounds that it would most likely take weeks to heal and scar his hand extensively. Would also limit mobility, which could be a problem. His right hand fared better, but the patches of frostbit removed were still sizable enough to be an issue as well.

“You don’t say.” Len drawls, looking up as he drops his hands. “Too bad we aren’t on your Earth then.”

“Doesn’t matter.” Jay sounds confident, which could mean very good news for Len. “We brought a lot of equipment and materials back from our Earth with us when we returned. I know enough about the procedure that, with Caitlin’s help, we should be able to re-create what we need to complete the process. Might take a day or two, but its doable.”

Len thinks it over. It sounds dangerously like experimental treatment, given Jay wasn’t actually a doctor, just a scientist back on his world. Still, if he knows how to create the equipment they need, he’s confident enough in Caitlin’s abilities to allow himself to be their guinea pig.

“Thank you.” Len lets the smirk and sarcasm he usually relies on fall away, displaying only gratitude and sincerity. “If its not too much trouble, I could certainly use the…assistance in healing.”

“Of course!” Jay beams at him. “I’ll go get started on it now.”

He leaves, Caitlin smiling after him as the two watch him go. Len still can’t say he fully trusts the man, but he doesn’t _distrust_ him and that speaks volumes compared to the suspicion he usually carries for newer faces in his life.

It’s just the two of them now, and Len feels a hot ball of lead in his gut. He knows that Caitlin has gone out of her way time and again to give him help for a little over a week now. Its more than he ever expected from anyone who didn’t know _him_. Not like Lisa and Mick, or Angie and Thomas know him. He supposes everyone here has gotten closer, has seen more sides of him than he usually allows. It still doesn’t take away the sting of regret their kindness causes.

Its difficult, and something he is unused to. Apologizing. A feat that he still hasn’t managed to achieve with Mick. They had both messed up, feeding off of each others mistakes and anger until it blew up in their faces. He didn’t apologize, when he visited Mick in the hospital afterwards. Didn’t seek him out, or try for a hint of redemption. He froze Mick out of his life for ten years, and when he was finally ready to pull him back in, it still wasn’t in him to let Mick know how sorry he truly was.

But these people aren’t like Mick. They thrive off positive emotions and healthy communication. He can’t treat them like he treats Mick. They don’t deserve that.

“Caitlin.” Len calls her attention over. She looks concerned, as his struggle is no doubt painted clear on his face. “I never…apologized. For before.”

Understanding blooms, softening her features. “That’s okay, Len. Lisa explained it. I…understand now. It was a horrible thing to do, but…thank you. For apologizing.”

Len shakes his head, needing her to _understand_. “Its…I had no good reason for it. I know what I told Mick and Lisa. That it was to draw out the Flash in order to establish ourselves. And that was part of it, was the reason they bought it. But…it was just Barry. I had tasted the impossible. Saw something good and pure, fighting to protect this whole city from the worst humanity has to offer. And…fighting Barry was indescribable. My life had become…routine. Plan a heist. Execute a heist. Lay low. Fence the goods. Start over. It was all rinse and repeat, the same thing over and over no matter how I tried to change the game. To find the rush I desired. But then there was the Flash. All the thrill of a heist I had grown to crave without any of the pitfalls they can have. I didn’t have to worry like I usually do. Barry took care of any potential…victims to the best of his ability. I could get my adrenaline fix without the guilt of injured bystanders. Suddenly, there was a way to do what I have always done without adding more blood to my hands. A way to find a challenge that I had never faced before.”

Len shook his head a bit. “I may not have wanted to kill, but Barry was the one to give me a chance to actively avoid it. And then he ignored me. I _needed_ to draw him out, and he wasn’t biting anything I threw his way. So I went after his friends. Remembered you from my research, and knew he wouldn’t hesitate to come save you. All the rest, the threats and intimidation…that was the way Lewis did things. Lessons I learned long ago and habits I hadn’t quite let fall to the wayside. There was no reason for any of it. And for that, I’m sorry.”

Len avoids her eyes, unsure if he wants to see her reaction. He’s fairly confident there won’t be any rejection or snide disbelief. Isn’t sure if there will be sympathy or pity. Or worse, isn’t sure if he can face her forgiveness. Not when he still isn’t sure he deserves it.

She places a gentle hand on his elbow, drawing his gaze back towards her. He is meet with kind, open _understanding_. He swallows thickly, lump forming in his throat keeping him silent.

“I know…you struggled. For a long time. PTSD, learned behaviors and conditioning…it can be hard to overcome. The man we have seen this past week, he isn’t the same man that kidnapped me. That man was still fighting past everything life threw at him. Hiding behind walls and pushing his true self down out of self-preservation. My mother…we don’t have the best relationship. After my dad, well…” Caitlin sighs, frowning as she continues.

“She was distant. Threw herself into her work. No longer had time for her daughter. That emotional trauma, of loosing one parent and the feeling of being found still wanting by the other, it changed me. Made me angry. Made me push others away and lash out. That only changed when I met Ronnie. He’s the one who helped me find my feet again and sort through what I was really feeling. Just like Barry is helping you now. He is right, you know. About how good you can be. I don’t think any of us believed it; I know I didn’t. Not until Barry brought you to us, so upset over thinking you had…hurt Barry in that way. So upset you, well, that was an attempt at suicide, Len. Whether intentional or otherwise. A bad man wouldn’t have gone to that extreme over guilt. The man you wanted us to believe you were at the beginning wouldn’t have gone that far.”

Caitlin is looking at him intensely, as if projecting the importance of her words until she is satisfied he believes it enough to go on. “I forgive you, Len. For everything that happened then. And so long as you continue on the path you’re on now, I can’t see myself ever fearing you like I did then.”

Len exhales a heavy sigh, shuddering as he sinks into a chair beside her. He doesn’t say it, but she can see it. _I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve forgiveness._

“Len?” She seems a bit more timid now. “I know we haven’t discussed it yet. But…in light of your history of depression…” She flounders a bit before straightening and firming her resolve. “Was that an intentional attempt? That night, there was a good bit of blood loss. And the alcohol poisoning likely would have been fatal if you didn’t receive medical attention.”

Len looks away, hating discussing his _failure_. Because that’s how he saw it. Failure for sinking low enough to resort to _that._ Failure for coming out the other side alive. His outlook on it changed with his moods, but it never changed the sick feeling he got thinking of it.

“I don’t know.” He admitted, frowning. “I…spiraled a bit. Lost it, in a bad way. Raging and drinking, it numbed everything else. Numbed the pain and guilt and anger. I just…wanted to stop feeling. Not sure if I wanted it to last just for the night, or forever. Only made one serious attempt in the past. Never tried again after that. Lisa needed me too much to abandon her like that.”

Caitlin scoots closer, lowering her tone to match Len’s. “Were you able to receive help after? Any sort of counseling?” Concern shines through, breaking the illusion of a simple doctor-patient relationship. Makes it easier, talking to Barry’s _friend_ instead of the cold professionals he always got stuck with in juvie and prison therapy evaluations.

Len snorts. “No. I was seventeen at the time. Lewis found me shivering and sweating after downing all the pills I found in his room. Took me to the hospital, said I came back from partying like this. It was ruled an accidental overdose, and I got a second stint at juvie out of it for drug use and possession. The quack they had there wasn’t paid enough to give a damn, and I was going to be out again a few months later on my eighteenth birthday anyways. I was used to sorting myself out by then. The structure of being locked up again helped with that too.”

Caitlin frowns. “No one should have to go through that alone, Len. And you aren’t alone anymore. If you ever need someone to talk to, someone outside your close circle of friends, then know you can come to me. Anything we discuss will remain between us. Unless you are planning to hurt yourself or others, I won’t breathe a word to anyone. I can promise you that.”

He nods, considering her and finding he trusts her sincerity and discretion. “I’ll think about it.” He eventually concedes. They move on, switching the talk back to Zoom when Barry returns. It isn’t bad, Len discovers. Talking to Caitlin. He never told anyone the truth of his overdose. Lewis had been the only one to suspect what he had really tried to do. Telling someone now, around a quarter century after the fact, feels like a great weight has been lifted off his chest. He still isn’t sure if he will seek her out for more…soul-baring. But the option to do so still has him feeling lighter than he can remember being before. Like there might finally be a way, surrounded and supported by so many _good_ people, for him to let his demons lay to rest.

He’s too old to fully change his ways at this point. He will always be a criminal. His past crimes are etched as firmly into him as his scars. But maybe that doesn’t matter. Maybe, with a little help and patience, he can shed enough of the bad to let enough of the good shine though. Enough to be the man Barry sees in him. Enough to be a man worthy of Barry. Enough to find peace within himself. And that thought is enough to have him smiling widely as Barry returns a questioning grin. Yeah, its more than enough for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there you have it. Another emotional chapter, with some more build-up in the plot. And it may be super-made-up science, but yay! Len is going to have his hands fixed again! If I can finish another chapter or two this week, then I will post sometime in a few days. If not, I think this is going to be where I turn to weekly updates instead of bi-weekly.   
> As always, thank all of you lovely readers and for each and every comment! :) It brings a smile to my face and encourages me greatly reading them all. I'm stuck on a difficult few chapters right now, covering an issue I haven't before and wanting to put all the emotions and actions in the right light. Its something I've been stuck on for a bit, already re-writing it 3 times, maybe more before I'm done with it. Not a great excuse, I know, but its slowing down my writing and the reason my updates could slow as well. Just wanted to let you guys know what was going on. Also, I'm going through and splitting up some chapters. I had a few that were well over 10 pages, so am cutting them in half to keep to a more regular length. That should help immensely with updates after I get past this minor road-block. :)  
> Up Next: Barry helps Len take a shower while his hands are still bandaged, and Len opens up about some more experiences from his past.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry helps Len take a shower while his hands are still bandaged, and Len opens up about some more experiences from his past.

Len feels mortified. He is gritty; sweat and grime accumulated from the day itching unpleasantly against his skin. But his hands are practically useless right now, making it nigh impossible to clean himself. Both Caitlin and Lisa had offered to give him a sponge bath if he wanted. An offer he viciously declined. He wasn’t an _invalid._ He could take a goddamn shower, for fuck’s sake. Except for the fact that he, obviously, couldn’t do it alone. Not with hands that he could barely move, wrapped thickly in bandage and plastic to keep the injuries from getting soaked and risking complication.

He hates it, but eventually turns to the one person he both _trusts_ with this and doesn’t _completely_ mind seeing him nude and vulnerable. The silence echoes in the locker room as Barry turns on the taps and adjusts the temperature.

“How do you want the water?” Barry turns his head to glance his way, still fiddling with the knobs.

“Wet.” Len can’t help but snark back, defiant in this uncomfortable situation.

“Right.” Barry snorts. “Warm it is, then. That’s how I usually prefer my showers.”

Len shifts, second guessing how much he truly needs this. Surely he can go a few days without washing, right?

“Okay.” Barry sighs, running a hand through his hair as his back straightens once more. He is hesitant, shifting as he goes on. “How do you want to do this, then?”

Len refuses to meet his eyes, hating the vulnerability he feels. “Just…help me get undressed.” He grits out, tugging ineffectively at his shirt sleeves.

“Of course.” Barry steps forward, gently pulling the Henley over and off his torso, taking extra care with the sleeves to keep from catching or tugging. He drops to his knees next, unlacing the boots and holding Len’s calf steady as shoes and socks come off. Len keeps his gaze locked to the ceiling, refusing to acknowledge the position they are in now. He doesn’t want this tainting any future images of similar positions they might wind up in for vastly different and pleasurable reasons.

The button and zipper on his jeans are tackled next. Something Len managed earlier when he relieved himself, but the plastic bags taped over his hands make it much more difficult now. Doesn’t stop the traitorous twitch of his member when the heat of Barry’s hands and nimble fingers brush so close by.

He steps out of his jeans and boxer briefs in one slightly stumbling movement, resting his forearms on Barry’s shoulders for balance. Barry stands once more, neatly folding and setting the clothes aside before flashing out of his own, leaving him clad only in boxers.

Len can’t help the quick glance of smooth, unblemished (except for the pebbling constellation of moles) skin his eyes rack over. Barry blushes, seeming to realize what he had just done after the fact.

“Its, uh….since I’ll be in there, getting wet too…just…figured it would work better, this way.” Barry stammers, rubbing his neck in embarrassment.

Len feels a quirk of a smile before his nerves stop it down once more. “Its fine, Scarlet. No need to worry.”

He takes a breath, steeling himself before stepping under the pleasant, and surprisingly warm spray. Hotter than he usually uses, but it helps relax him in a way he can appreciate. Its all fine, after all. He trusts Barry. He wants Barry. He can do this. He _can_ do this.

XXX

Barry can’t help but take the time to admire Len like this. Naked and on display, without any of the sexual rush they both felt the other night. He hates the circumstances that led them here, but appreciates the opportunity nonetheless. The speed force surrounds him unconsciously, slowing time and allowing him to look his fill.

Len is beautiful, water running in rivulets down his frame. The muscles and softness of his flesh stand out in stark, mouth-watering definition. There are a few scars that he missed before. Some of the longer ones on his back extend to the firm, ink-less skin of his buttocks. A handful more shine against the pale flesh of his legs.

Len spins in a quick circle, allowing the water to drench him completely and take in his surroundings once more before facing the wall. It seems habitual for him, and Barry stays rooted to the spot, taking in the tattoos he missed previously. There is a dove on his left forearm, clenching a banner that spirals down with Greek writing and what look like dates inscribed on the fluttering cloth. Branches full of thorns and jagged red flowers that are depicted digging into and through his skin fill the background, swirling in impossible patterns up the length of his arm and tapering out on his shoulder.

There, the vines glisten with frost and transform into a flurry of snowflakes across his chest, framing a pair of golden ice-skates sitting in a pool of blood over his heart and beneath the sparse chest hair. The blood turns into drops, trailing down to circle his belly button and fall alongside his happy trail, stopping a scant few inches above the trim, dark poof of pubic hair. The drops vary in color with no discernible pattern, a mix of red and blue and black. There is an angel and demon on either side of his ribs, claws and daggers digging into his flesh and battling for dominance. Surprisingly, the angel has fire in her eyes and horns protruding from her otherwise heavenly visage. Likewise, the demon sports blue eyes and a halo of light shining down on him.

Barry can see the meaning behind that. The bad inside what most think to be good. The good inside what people despise as bad. The duality of morality etched in gray, shooting down the black-and-white views so many cling to. A bolt of lightning explodes from where they meet, spiking upwards and wrapping around his right shoulder. From there, it explodes into a shower of sparks. Sparks that gradually transform into bullets raining down. Behind this, there are open wounds depicted as their trails. Barry can’t help but notice those wounds match the scars littering his arm.

His back, when Barry sees it again, truly is breathtaking. Unlike the rest, it is all one large piece instead of connected artworks. A fierce dragon is depicted, howling in rage as fire spouts from its mouth and leaps all around. The same fire lights the tail, wings, and lower body of the dragon, burning away the scales and revealing crisp, blackened flesh beneath. Barry has a feeling Mick was the inspiration for this particular piece. Like with the rest of the tattoos, the lines follow along with the scars, disguising to the best of artistic ability.

Barry wants to touch, wants to feel and hold and _ask_ what they all mean. Settles for taking a breath, and letting the world catch up to him once more. Len needs his help right now. It isn’t the time or place to satisfy his curiosity. Feels wrong, appreciating Len’s body like this when the man it belongs to is still so hurt and reliant on Barry’s aide.

Said man shoots a wary glance over his shoulder. “Appreciating the view, Scarlet?” His jab has more bite behind it that Barry expected. Nothing of the softness their banter usually carries. Regret instantly dries his mouth and turns his stomach.

“Yeah, sorry. I’m…I mean…” Barry fumbles for words, shifting uncomfortably. Len sighs, turning so they face each other once more and gesturing Barry closer.

Len takes his hand (or rather, places his bandage-plastic bound monstrosity into Barry’s hand), breathing slowly a few times before speaking. “Didn’t mean to snip at you like that, Barry. Its okay to look, you know. Might be insulting if you didn’t, us being together and all.”

“You’re hurt, though.” Barry frowns, staring at the injured appendage he holds.

“I’m aware.” Len drawls, smirking slightly. “Doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the view, even if we can’t get to the…main event quite yet.”

Barry huffs, shaking his head in amusement. “Still, I should be thinking about helping you right now. Not ogling your body like a teenager just discovering porn.”

Len laughs at that, an actual, honest laugh. “Pure, innocent Barry Allen, talking about porn. My, my, my, _Scarlet_. Don’t tell me I’ve already corrupted you.”

“Shut up.” Barry grins petulantly. “Sex is a perfectly natural thing. So long as all parties are consenting adults, there really is no reason for the stigma or embarrassment surrounding it.”

Len tilts his head, considering Barry. It looks like he might be gearing up to say something, before letting the matter drop instead.

“Perhaps we should get started on what we came here to do.” He says, nodding towards the bottle of Old Spice 2-in-1 shampoo and body wash. Its clear he doesn’t really need the shampoo for his short cut, but he always preferred the scent and the slightly gentler quality of the 2-in-1 versus normal body wash.

“Right.” Barry reaches out to grab the bottle, not missing the way Len has tensed up again.

“Just.” Barry hesitates, large glob of the blue gel-like material in his hands. “Tell me if anything makes you uncomfortable. Or if there’s anywhere you want me to skip.”

Len sighs, closing his eyes and tipping his head forward so Barry can begin. “Its not that, Barry. I don’t mind you touching me like this.”

“Then what is it?” Barry frowns as he rubs the gloriously _clean and crisp_ smelling mixture over his hair and behind his ears.

Len waits until Barry has finished with his head, stepping back to allow the suds to wash away as Barry lathers up a washcloth.

“Don’t like to shower with others.” He admits quietly.

Barry pauses. “That must make prison harder for you.” He answers just as quietly.

Len snorts. “Prison is why I prefer showering alone.”

“Oh.” Barry isn’t sure where this is going, frowning in contemplation. “Did something happen?” It just slips out, already hanging between them before Barry’s brain catches back up. “Sorry, you don’t have to answer that.”

Something in his tone has Len pausing as well, staring in puzzled contemplation at him. Whatever connections he draws has him sneering in a derisive chuckle. “I wasn’t raped in prison, Barry. All those dropping the soap jokes are vastly blown out of proportion. Too many people in one room and guards close by keep things from getting out of hand. No one wants to be dragged off to solitary still naked and wet. No, _that_ unfortunate possibility usually happens elsewhere.”

Barry blushes, but is still thankful that his worst fears were incorrect. “Sorry. Never been in prison before. Not sure how things work there.”

Silence falls once more, but Len is still tense. Barry lasts until he goes to wash his back before asking again.

“So, what is bothering you then?”

Len glances at him over his shoulder before looking away again. “Got shanked in the showers. Twice. Not looking to make it a third time.”

The rag falls from his hand, Barry staring at him in shock. Its the casual way he said it, tightness dispelling the unaffected illusion Len portrayed.

“That’s horrible.” Barry gently turns the other man to face him, needing to see his expressions for this.

Len shrugs, staring at a point on Barry’s chest. “Its what happens sometimes. I made the choices that led me there. Nothing I can do to change it now.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Barry asks. Len’s eyes dart towards his, calculating for a few heavy beats. He gives a terse nod, gesturing towards the forgotten cloth.

“Keep going. It’ll keep me distracted.” Len turns again, letting Barry gather up some more soap to replace the suds that have dispensed and circled down the drain.

Len is still tense, and Barry can tell he is hyper-aware of everything around them right now. He shivers slightly when Barry returns to rubbing and cleansing his back, taking a bit more time than strictly necessary to offer some semblance of comfort.

“I was twenty-five. Not my first time in jail. Knew how everything worked by then. Had people I could trust. Informants and muscle. Knew my place in the system and knew when I could push to improve my standing in the pecking order. Kept my head down and my mouth shut when needed. Never gave away any weakness. Never did something stupid like paint a target on my back. Not until I heard Lisa was in the hospital.”

He breathes, spreading his legs as Barry drops to wash them as well. “She missed her visit. Mick got word in to me after the fact. It was…it was the same injuries I had. First time Lewis-”

He shakes his head, pushing forward. “He didn’t do it. Didn’t hurt her in that way. But I thought he did. Saw red, but I still had a few months left on my sentence. No way for me to protect her from behind bars. So I did the one thing I knew to get her away from him. I turned on Lewis. Had one of the guards arrange a chat with some cops for me. Gave them all the info I knew for the heist he had been planning. Told them he had abused me, was still abusing Lisa, without getting too specific beyond what warranted hospital visits. They were able to catch him in the act, undercover officers in place before he even arrived. Went down for grand larceny, aggravated assault, assault with a deadly weapon, and a handful of other minor charges. Lisa and I refused to testify in the end, so he wasn’t tried for child abuse. Still, getting caught got him locked away for a long time from all the rest they had on him. Gave Lisa the chance to get herself emancipated and move in with Mick.”

“Word got out that I had talked. Got jumped the day before Lewis arrived. Guys who did it didn’t even know him. Only thing criminals hate worse than cops in jail are snitches. Spent the rest of my stay in the infirmary. Got released two months early for my cooperation. Though, I think it was more to just keep me from getting killed in there. Doesn’t do their reputation any good to have inmates dropping on their watch.”

Barry moves to his front, cleaning areas he’s already gone over, not quite ready for this moment to end. Len still isn’t relaxed, but some of the stiffness has eased as he talked.

“Took me years to regain trust and credibility. Had to stick to smaller jobs until I could convince enough people to work with me on my crew. A few more years of that before only the old-timers remembered I ever rolled on a fellow criminal for the cops.”

Len quirks a smile. “Next time was because I pissed off the Santini’s. One of the up-and-coming sons planned a hit on a small convenience store. His ex had left him for a woman, and the bastard planned on taking out his anger on her new paramours family. Didn’t sit well with me. Sabotaged the plan, ended up getting a few of the grunts the dick brought with him shot. Cops were called, and he ended up in jail. Got out nice and quick, but the family was pissed. Made sure to let me know next time I was in Iron Heights.”

“A few of them tried jumping me before, but it was nothing I couldn’t handle. Came after me in larger numbers the next time. Still managed to take care of them myself long enough for another inmate to walk in. He had a rather large friend with him, and they scared the others off pretty quick. Stayed with me and kept me from bleeding out till the guards came. Went with me to the infirmary and patched me up.”

“An inmate patched you up?” Barry can’t contain his shock of confusion. “Don’t they have doctors there for that?”

“They do.” Len is smirking at him, clearly waiting to deliver some sort of punchline. “But most of them are hacks, and their work is half-hearted at best. When they found out this other inmate had been a doctor before he got in, they jumped at the chance to let him do their work for them.”

No. No way. It can’t be. There had to be other doctors there, right? His face gave it all away, Len chuckling as he finishes.

“Bet your dad might regret that after he finds out about us.” The amused mischief is sparkling in his eyes, dispelling the last of tension from his frame. Barry gapes at him, shock blatant as he stares.

“My dad saved your life?” He can’t help but shriek slightly, unsure what to make of it all.

“A few times.” Len shrugs, refusing to elaborate. “You can ask him all about it, if you want.”

Barry’s jaw stays firmly resting on the floor while Len steps back to rinse off. He fumbles to shut off the water, spurring Barry back into action.

He shuts the taps off for the other man, flashing off to dry himself and dress (shucking the soaking boxers in the process), before returning with a towel for Len.

“Wow.” Barry mumbles, shaking his head. “I mean, I knew you two met there and all. Just didn’t really seem… _real_ , until now.”

  “You can ask him if you want, Barry.” Len drawls, doing his best to help him with the drying process before gesturing for the fresh clothes they brought down.

“What, not going to tell me all about how close you apparently are with my dad?” Barry chuckles, unwrapping the plastic so Len can at least mostly dress himself.

Len shrugs. “Not my stories to tell, Kid. I know he never liked talking to his son about prison life. He kept you in the dark for a reason. I’m not about to go behind his back like that.”

Shaking his head, Barry smiles. “I told you, back at Christmas, that you had honor. And that, right there? That’s honor too.”

Len huffs. “Call it what you want, Scarlet. A code, honor, self-preservation. Doesn’t change who I am or what I’ve done.”

“No.” Barry takes the shirt, the final garment Len was struggling with, into his own hands and helps the other don it. “But it does show the man underneath all the bullshit you usually hide behind.”

Len gives him a sharp, intense look. Barry worries he might have over-stepped. It takes a second for Len to soften, leaning forward to press a chaste kiss to Barry’s lips.

“What did I ever do to deserve you?” Len mumbles as he pulls back.

Barry beams. “I’ve been wondering the same thing about myself.”

Snorting, Len shakes his head and motions for Barry to follow him.

“C’mon, Kid. Best not keep the others waiting. They might think we’re…up to something.”

“As if.” Barry laughs, trailing easily. “Like we could even do anything now. And I thought I told you not to call me Kid!” He pouts, but there isn’t a hint of heat behind it.

Len smirks. “Figured that only applied to the bedroom. Other than that, all bets are off. Kid.”

They continue trading light banter, easy quips, and gentle laughs as they make their way to join the others for dinner. The threat of Zoom still hangs over them all. But just for a bit longer, they are able to ignore it. To revel in their company and cherish the warmth in their chests. Zoom, and all the dangers and problems he brings, will still be waiting in the morning. For tonight, Barry and Len are going to make the most out of the precious time they have left. This past week in the labs, this break from reality and the rest of the world, had reached its end. Until Zoom was dealt with, they would keep their distance. Settling for stolen moments and intimate touches in whatever dark, sequestered recesses they could find. Tomorrow, Len would be Captain Cold once more. But tonight, Barry planned to stay glued to his side. A plan that Len seemed to second, pausing just outside the cortex for another, more heated kiss.

“Sleep with me tonight?” Len asks, foreheads touching as their panting echoes in the quiet air. Barry knows Len isn’t inviting him for sex. Knows its just to share a mattress, to hold each other close. Doesn’t stop the twitch of interest his cock gives, nor the happiness settling in his heart.

“I’d love to.” Barry grins as he goes to kiss Len again, incredibly grateful that this is something they can do now. Grateful that Len is still here. Is still alive. Is still with Barry. The tight curve of lips meeting his own let Barry know Len is grinning as well, wrapped arms pulling each other close as their tongues continue to dance. And if they linger there a few minutes longer, then that isn’t anyone's business but their own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I know I was going to wait, but couldn't resist! :) Finished another chapter, and just had to give you guys one too! And yes, I always bought in to the fanfics where Len and Henry meet in prison. Len's been in and out of Iron Heights the majority of his adult life. Makes sense he would run into Henry there at some point. Anyhoo, let me know what you guys think so far! Always love seeing theories about what is coming next as well! I can honestly say that this fic is growing each time I want to come up with an expected length. We are already past what I originally thought, so many more minor characters and side-plots popping up to flush out the over-all story arch. As always, I want to thank all of you lovely readers and commentors. I hope you continue to enjoy this and stick around for what I have planned for future chapters.   
> Also, today is national coming out day (for my american readers)!!! So in honor of that, I would like to come out to countless strangers on the internet who will never know who I really am! ;) I am proudly bisexual, and am welcome to accept anyone of any orientation or gender identity. For anyone out there who may struggle to come out (due to peers or family or any other dangers of physical/mental/emotional trauma), I just have something to say to you. You are not alone. You are loved. And you are beautiful as you are. I hope that one day everyone can feel comfortable enough to be themselves, but until then, just keep fighting the good fight and stay as true to yourself as you can. Life really does get better, no matter whatever low or dark places you might end up in. If anyone needs someone to talk to, I encourage them to search for help-lines and groups for a safe place to open up. Love you all, and will see you next chapter!!!  
> Up next: Len thinks over the crew he plans on assembling for the upcoming conflicts with Zoom. Jay and Caitlin are able to heal Len's hands, and Cisco shows off the tech we was able to create for Len.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Len thinks over the crew he plans on assembling for the upcoming conflicts with Zoom. Jay and Caitlin are able to heal Len's hands, and Cisco shows off the tech we was able to create for Len.

Len stays longer than he planned to the next day. Jay and Caitlin had stayed up most of the night preparing. They both assured him everything would be ready within the hour. No point in leaving now only to return so soon, so he settles in to stick around a bit longer. He called Hartley, gave him a vague idea of the threat they would be facing, told him to do what he had to in order for everyone he needed to make it to Saints and Sinners tomorrow night. Texts were shot out inform the others, but Hartley would be following up and taking care of the rest.

 Shawna Baez was in Keystone, taking night classes for nursing school and working part-time at a designer clothing store on weekends and a handful of mornings. Len had tracked her down to talk after Ferris Air, easily agreeing when she showed interest in non-criminal goals. Her ex had been a shitty piece of work, dragging her far too deep into a life that wasn’t meant for her. It was easy, getting Rathaway to set up a fake identity and funnel enough funds into her new bank account to get her started. She thanked him, far more than he thought was needed, and she assured him that if he ever needed her help, then she would be there. It was time to collect on that promise.

Roy Bivolo was another matter. Len had been putting off thinking of the man, unsure if he could face it all. Last they saw each other, Bivolo had thanked him for busting them out. They had been at a bar, hours after the incident that was Ferris Air, Mardon and Bivolo and Len. Bivolo didn’t have a problem per say with robbing. He never stole a dime in his life before his powers opened up the possibility to finally take what he needed from life. Being a starving color-blind artist struggling to make rent had taken its toll on him. Then, some beautiful idiot with a charming smile had offered to buy the man a drink, interrupting their discussion. After the two spent the night talking and laughing before heading out together, Len knew Roy might be reconsidering his criminal lifestyle. They talked on the phone, a few weeks later, when Roy told Len he was going straight. Well, straight in the eyes of the law, at least.

A favor was still owed, and Len had no issue with taking advantage of that. But, after what happened with Barry, Len didn’t know how he would be able to face the man again. To face the man that nearly turned Len into a rapist. He made no effort to help track Bivolo down; didn’t even tell Lisa he knew how to contact him. He wanted to be at his best when the time came to show the man how _wrong_ what he did was. Then Barry found Alan Scott, and Len soured at the realization that revenge was off the table. He knew all about metas who couldn’t control their powers. Had been approached by enough to know it wasn’t Bivolo’s fault. Well, not entirely. Still, he felt a sick tug of apprehension at the thought of seeing the man again. He could only hope he would be able to control himself when the time came. Bivolo was useful after all, and Barry would be disappointed in him if Len lost his _cool._

Mark Mardon was a hot-head with an ego bigger than even his brother’s had been. Since Christmas and the break-out, Len hadn’t seen hide nor hair of the man. He wasn’t sure he could be trusted, but if he did fall in line, he would be quite useful. Hartley was instructed to get a tablet to him, hooked up over Skype so they could all talk even with Mardon still rotting in the meta-wing. He would think about putting in resources to break him out if he could indeed see reason.

Kyle Nimbus would be harder. Len knew the assassin was a threat, and had wanted him out of the city. Thankfully, Nimbus agreed. He may have taken out the head, but the Darbinyan crime family still flourished well enough. Nimbus would have a target painted a mile wide wherever he went. Cops, mobsters, and other hit men would all be after him. So Len made a deal. He arranged transportation to South America, where there were a number of very rich parties interested in his services. Nimbus would carry on his line of work far from Len and his city. In return, Nimbus agreed to drop everything and return the second Len needed him. While in the city, Nimbus would follow Len’s orders as law. After that, Kyle would leave once more and never set foot in Central again. A win-win for both parties.

There were others. Metas. Criminals. Desperate people who flocked to Len for guidance and leadership and the safety being a part of his crew provided. Some were turned away. Others were kept on the back burner or given smaller tasks to prove their worth. It seemed now was the time to assemble his Rogues Gallery and cash in on all those favors. Tomorrow night would be a simple testing of the waters. Feeling out where everyone stood and who he would need to watch more closely. He wouldn’t tell them the full plan, not until he knew where everyone stood. But it would be a start, and would bring them all back to the city so they could be on hand when the time did come. What happened after that depended on how well everyone worked together as a team and who was interested in sticking around.

He had originally planned to bring them together for the perfect heist. To become an untouchable crew of thieves. That plan wasn’t even a pipe dream anymore. Wasn’t worth considering. Not when everything Barry was offering him was worth more than even the most elaborate of heists could provide. Not to say he was done thieving. Not by a long shot. He was just able to recognize where his priorities truly lied now.

Mick was off helping Hartley where he could. He wasn’t the best with technology, but he did great grunt work and was good with mechanics when needed. Lisa and Cisco went off on another breakfast date. It seemed the prior one went well. He was glad for his Baby Sister. Cisco was a good guy, even Len had to grudgingly admit that. So while he was pissed as he always got around her new paramours, he wouldn’t lash out or threaten. It was unnecessary and counter-productive in this case. Cisco wouldn’t hurt his sister. Len didn’t need to rough him up to drive that point home.

Harry was off tinkering away with the comms and tracking systems Len had asked for yesterday. The comms had already been completed, but Harry seemed to have some bright ideas for subtle additions. On top of that, the program designed to track Zoom’s presence on this Earth still needed fine-tuning. Len would have Cisco look everything over for him when he got back. Len still didn’t trust Harry. Not one damn bit.

With Barry, Joe, and Iris off to their day jobs, that left Len alone as he roamed the facility. Jay and Caitlin would call him over the intercom soon enough. Thomas and Angie had headed out first thing that morning, retreating back to their apartment to continue her recovery in safety. For the meantime, however, Len finally had the privacy to sort through everything.

It was easier than he thought, opening up to Barry. Hell, even Caitlin had been there for him as well. It was still difficult, talking over such deeply personal struggles and harsh memories. But it was doable. He sighed. Maybe it was his age, going soft as he grew closer to crossing the line between middle-aged and just being _old._ Much as he hated to admit it, the large age-gap between him and Barry still bothered him. Differences in the eras they were raised in aside, he couldn’t help but realize that even if this all worked out…even if they lasted until Len miraculously lived to die of old age. Even then, Barry would still have a few decades left of life to live without him.

He couldn’t help but think of how unfair that would be to Barry. He would still be young and vibrant enough for so many things Len wouldn’t be in the coming years. He was still in shape for now. But the aches in his joints and scars, coupled with the general process of growing older, would change that sooner that Len wished to think about. He still had a sex drive, despite his triggers. But there was a possibility that would change as well. Hell, what if Barry wanted _kids_ someday. Even if they got past the criminal background to adopt, Len would be old enough to be their goddamn _grandfather _.__

He sighed again, breaking off that train of thought. They could all be potential problems. Problems that Barry had no doubt thought about as well. No use in giving himself any more grey hairs worrying over it. That would be a talk for them to have another day. For now, all those issues were still years away. They could deal with it later.

That brought him back to his first thought. Opening up. Caitlin had made him a valid offer. It was clear that she had plenty of experience with therapy, even if she wasn’t certified herself in the field. She already knew him, and knew enough of his backstory that he wouldn’t be revealing any startling secrets. And she was trusted enough that he knew she could keep her silence. Still, it almost felt wrong. Opening up to her in that way if he couldn’t even do so with Barry. He wouldn’t dismiss her just yet. Barry would be the first for him to turn to. _Had_ to be the first for him to turn to and bare himself to if this were to work. He had done so enough times before. Just would have to continue as he had been. To tell Barry more and more until his chest no longer felt tight at the idea of revealing and reliving those memories.

Barry was an open book, but he still had secrets. Still kept parts of himself hidden from the rest of the world. He was letting Len in far enough to glimpse those hidden troves of _Barry_ at his honest core. It was the least Len could do to return the favor.

His musing was broken when the call came. They were ready for him. Taking a fortifying breath, Len made his way down to where he had apparently had his hand x-rayed yesterday.

It all passes rather quickly after that. Caitlin and Jay had tried to explain the procedure to him. Everything fell flat, however, in his lack of appropriate medical and scientific knowledge. He wasn’t stupid. Not by a long shot. Still, this was out of his usual scope of understanding.

Best he could figure, they were taking genetic samples. His DNA. Pieces of skin and the layers of flesh underneath. It stung, seeing as they couldn’t administer pain medications that could tamper with the process. It didn’t last long, however, and was nowhere near the threshold of his pain tolerance.

The samples were placed in a small machine Jay had designed after that. They were scanned, and the results had somehow been imprinted into the substance it created. According to Jay, it promoted accelerated healing (much like meta healing, if he was being honest). Once that was done, they applied the paste to the damaged areas before re-wrapping the injuries. After that, they only had to wait.

Jay advised a sedative. That was the common practice on his Earth, after all. Len hated sedatives, though. Hated them with a passion. It left him weak. Vulnerable and exposed and loopy as he couldn’t defend himself. Idiotic to refuse, given the safety of these labs. Still, he wasn’t in the habit of accepting them. And he would have to be clear-minded when he left. So he was left wide awake to face the healing.

There was a slight tingle, at first. Nothing too bad. A tickle here, a soft sting there. Before long, his hands were singing in sensation. It spiraled after that. Cold. Cold so similar to what his gun created set in. He hated watching his hands tremble uncontrollably. The heat came after. Burning away the pleasant tingles from before; the numbness of the Cold. It was as if there were ants, scrambling and biting and _burning_ his hands. He grit his teeth in pain and irritation, barreling through it.

Weeks, no _months_ of healing were being shoved into a time span of a few measly hours. Pain was to be expected. It wasn’t anything Len couldn’t handle. The fire continued well past lunch, Len refusing to eat due to the turning of his stomach. Caitlin hooked him up to an IV then, hydrating him and replenishing nutrients. When his blood sugar dropped to dangerously low levels, she hooked up another.

Harry decided to grace them with his presence at that point. He chastised Jay and Caitlin for doing this without consulting him. Explained what they had missed. That even though it only lasted a short while, there was still a tremendous amount of energy going into healing Len. That his metabolism was being leeched dry. Caitlin scrambled to hook up more IV’s than Len could count after that, world swaying dangerously close to dark and fuzzy a handful of times.

It was mid-afternoon before he felt fully aware once more. The burning had lessened to more of an itching spike of sensations constantly pinging his nerve centers. Couldn’t quite be called pain anymore, but remained highly uncomfortable. Exhaustion weighed heavily on his bones, and without a thought it dragged him under.

Dinner was just being finished up by the time he awoke. The whole process had been surreal; one he wasn’t fond of repeating. Still, it was with awe and no slight amount of suspicion that he gazed on the whole skin of his hands once more.

Caitlin unwrapped the bandages, poking his fingertips in various places to test his nerves and responses. He could feel everything, sharp and tender in the way of new flesh. Callouses were gone, but those could be re-acquired. He flexed his fingers, testing movement and following Caitlin’s lead.

There was a small pink line left where old flesh met new. Jay assured him that would fade in no time. It was a miracle he had any function at all. Any sensations other the pain of raw, angry wounds.

“Give it a week, tops, of taking it easy. Your skin is closer to that of a newborn’s right now. It’ll take a few days to harden, so I’d recommend wearing gloves when you can. Other than that, there shouldn’t be any issues.” Jay beamed at him, proud and happy for the help he provided.

Len couldn’t meet his expression. “Thank you.” He mumbled, pushing away the uncomfortable feeling of being _indebted_ to this man.

“You’re welcome.” Jay smiled softly, clapping his shoulder. “Glad to be of help.”

“Caitlin.” Len inclined his head towards her. Her eyes softened at the acknowledgement.

“Don’t mention it.” She grinned. “I’m just happy it worked. This could really help a lot of people, you know.”

Harry seemed more disgruntled at that, taking the time to explain the dangers of introducing technology that had yet to be invented on this Earth. Len rolled his eyes, needing no further promting to take that as his cue to leave.

He still couldn’t stop looking at, or touching, the tender, pale skin. It truly was amazing, all the healing that had occurred in such a short time. He wondered if this was what Barry felt like, anytime he recovered from injuries now. Smiling, Len couldn’t help but hope it was. Nerves sang with sensitivity and stimulation. It was amazing and wonderful for soft touches and gentle caressing. He couldn’t even imagine what this would feel like if it was… _elsewhere_ on the body.

Grinning, Len walked into the Cortex. Lisa had already left for the day. Len could take a vehicle, but didn’t want to steal one of their vans. It seemed that would be in poor taste, after all Team Flash had done for him.

“Cisco!” Len greeted, startling the nervous scientist. “Don’t suppose you could offer a simple thief a ride outta here.” Len smirked.

Cisco huffed an incredulous laugh. “Simple? As if!”

Len snorted, but raised his eyebrow as he waited. Cisco waved him off. “Yeah, yeah. I got you man. Just give me a minute.”

Cisco saved his progress and closed out as many programs as he could.

“Here.” He thrust his hand out as he stood. Len strode over to take the small piece that rested there. It was smaller than a pea, a dark tan color to blend in with his ear. Turning it over, Len examined it as Cisco explained.

“It swells slightly to stay in place once you insert it, reacting with your ear wax. Gross, I know. But it works. We have Harry to thank for that, much as I hate to admit it. Should be invisible, though, which is what we needed.”

Len nods, spinning it a few more times before inserting it. Not the most pleasant sensation, having something lodged in his ear, but easily dismissible.

“And this reacts to Zoom’s voice?” Len asks.

“It should.” Cisco shifts where he stands, turning to face the monitors once more. “Here, we have some recordings of his _speech_.” Cisco sneers, pulling up a video of when Barry was dangling from the monsters grasp at Picture News.

The second he speaks, a small alarm sounds and every noise is echoed as it is picked up and re-broadcast through the comm. Satisfied, Cisco pauses the video feed and cuts the active speaker once more.

“Good.” Len nods, satisfied it not only works, but can be shut down once more again. “Some powerful mics you have built in there.”

“Yeah.” Cisco beams. “I’m pretty proud of that, actually.”

They talk a little longer, testing and reviewing the recording ability. Satisfied, Len tests out the code-word they settled on.

“Hellish Hermes.” He mumbles, making sure it works even if not properly said. Again, a small alarm sounds, and everything they say is being echoed through the speakers in the Cortex. Grinning, Len tests out the other phrase to shut it all down once more.

“Mischief Managed.”

Cisco can’t hold back the snort at that (even if he was the one to come up with the phrase), and Len’s smirk fights hard from turning into a full-fledged smile.

“Good work, Cisco.” He grudgingly praises the other man. It was deserved, after all, and could really help all of them in the near future.

“Of course its good, man. _I_ worked on it.” Cisco puffs up slightly, somehow boasting without coming across as egotistical.

Len inclines his head, not agreeing yet not refuting the statement. “Now, I believe you promised me a lift outta here?”

“Yep!” Cisco pops the ‘p’. “Wanna grab some Big Belly Burger on the way? I know you missed lunch and dinner.

“Sounds _fantastic _.”__ Len drawls, gathering up the single bag he has left here along with his cold gun. “Let’s blow this Popsicle stand.”

“Seriously?” Cisco snorts. “Is everything a pun for you?”

Len shoots him a side-eyed glare. “I’m sorry, which of us has a compulsive need to name _every_ meta and villain they come across?”

“Totally different, dude!” Cisco holds up his hands in defense as he pouts. “Besides, I’m buying you dinner here. No complaining allowed.”

Len hums. “Suppose you’re right.” He lets the silence linger for a moment. “Besides, there are so many other things to talk about. My sister, for example.”

Cisco gulps and Len grins.

“Y-You’re sister?” His voice had to have gone up at least three octaves there.

“Yes, my sister.” Len drawls, strutting as confident as any cat to have ever caught a canary. “I do believe there is a shovel out there with your name on it, Ramon. If you catch my drift.”

Cisco definitely shudders at that. Len may trust the man, but he was still Lisa’s older brother. Someone had to give Cisco the _Talk _.__ The threat may not be there as it was with the other, less-deserving potential suitors. Still, there was tradition to be followed here.

Placing a hand on Cisco’s shoulder, Len leads them to the garage. “Now, let me tell you what will happen if you ever break my sister’s heart…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry for the delayed post. Long story short, my mom ended up in the hospital for a little over a week. There were some close calls, and with all the stress/time spent at the hospital, I just didn't have the time or motivation to work on this story. Updates will be slow for awhile, now that I have work to catch up on along with helping my parents settle back in at home. Thank you all in advance for your patience, and I hope everyone continues to enjoy this story! Comments are love!!! :)  
> Up Next: Flashback to Len and Barry's last night at the Labs together. The two talk, getting to know each other a bit more as they enjoy each other before facing the real world once more.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback to Len and Barry's last night at the Labs together. The two talk, getting to know each other a bit more as they enjoy each other before facing the real world once more.

Barry was giddy with excitement as they settled in for the night. Not a sexual sort of excitement. No, he was just happy that Len would be all his for the rest of the night. They had sequestered themselves in a dark, empty room. No one would disturb them until morning. And the single bed they (well, Barry) set up ensured that they would spend that time cuddled close together.

So yeah. Barry was practically vibrating with happiness. Whatever else was going on, and however long it would be before they saw each other again; tonight was just for them.

“Do you mind?” Barry asked, pulling his shirt up a little to convey his meaning. “I have a tendency to run warm. It’s just more comfortable-”

“Go ahead.” Len waves him off with a slight smile. “Strip all you want, Barry. You won’t get any complaints from me.”

Barry blushes at the comment, but pulls his shirt off nonetheless. He’s left in red flannel bottoms for his sleepwear. Len himself is wearing similar navy pants with a black tee. Barry thinks its the first time he has seen Len wearing anything other than long-sleeves. He has a feeling that is mostly due to the fact that its just the two of them down here. Len doesn’t like showing his skin to large groups if he can help it. Barring when he was injured and being treated, Len has been as fully clothed as possible his entire stay here.

Its nice, seeing Len expressing his growing comfort in Barry’s presence. Somehow, it seems more intimate than any time Barry has seen the man naked. The first time was completely sexual, intimacy charged by lust. The others had been when Len was hurt and needed their aide (bringing him back to STAR labs that first night, Caitlin checking over his injuries, and helping Len shower earlier when he couldn’t do so himself). There is a softness, a simplicity to this time in comparison. Its like Len is letting Barry in on a different side of him, and Barry can’t help but treasure ever second of it.

Len is fiddling with his bandages, unused to having nothing to occupy his hands with. The forced immobility is grating against his nerves, but there is nothing more they can do for it tonight.

“Come here.” Barry calls him softly, settling into bed himself.

Len glances up at him, taking a breath and dropping his hands before striding over. He slides onto the air mattress next to Barry, positioning himself as he gets comfortable without aggravating his injuries.

He ends up on his back, arms across his chest as Barry tucks himself close into his side.

“This okay?” Barry has to ask.

“Yeah.” Len whispers, neither wanted to disturb the quiet of their surroundings too much.

“Thank you.” Barry mumbles, slowly winding his arm low across Len’s stomach. “For earlier. Opening up. I know you didn’t have to tell me what happened…back in prison.”

Len snorts, turning an amused expression his way. “Please, Barry. Its public knowledge. Probably still records of it out there, seeing as I didn’t include medical files in the list of everything I wanted you to disappear for me.”

“Right.” Barry frowns, wanting to ask just _why_ those hadn’t been included in their… _deal_ back at Ferris Air.

“It’s…” Len sighs, making a move as if he wanted to scrub his face before scowling at the bandaged hand and allowing it to fall once more. “It’s just, those memories aren’t like the others for me. It sucked, for sure. Makes group showers pretty damn uncomfortable for a number of reasons. But, even if I ended up worse off than some of the other times I’ve been hurt, it still wasn’t nearly as bad. At least in prison, I could fight back. _Did_ fight back. Makes a helluva difference from just lying down and taking it.”

“Like with Lewis?” Barry isn’t sure how much Len wants to tell him now. How much he can even take re-living at the moment. If Len wants to back off the subject, then Barry will happily oblige. However, if he does want to talk, then Barry will be here to listen.

Len nods. “Lewis…got to me young. Right after he was released from prison. Him and my mom were having, well, _issues _.”__ He sneers, disgust taking over his features for a moment.

“Dear Old Dad came out with a chip on his shoulder, a drinking problem, plenty of anger, and a good deal of bigotry to throw around. Started throwing _her_ around, within the first week. Made it nearly a month before he came after me too. Didn’t take long for mom to wise up and get out while she still could. Didn’t help me much. Then Lisa’s mom was in the picture, only Lewis was playing nice to convince her he was worth sticking around for. Then she was pregnant, and he didn’t want to risk his new kid. Left me as the odd one out. He insisted his second kid would be right in all the ways I had become _wrong_ to him. Insisted he would get it right this time. Turns out, him getting it right included having another _son _,__ so when Lisa was born instead of the boy he wanted, well…that became my fault too.” Len is staring up at the ceiling, recounting everything as if reciting facts from a history book.

Barry knows the walls are at least partially up now. Knows that Len is either shoving down or hiding his emotions. Still, he is talking. And that means more coming from Len than anyone else Barry knows. So he stays silent, gaze locked solely on Len, and continues to listen.

“Bullshit, I know. But at eight, it didn’t sound like bullshit. Adults, my _dad _,__ were still people to be trusted and believed. They clearly knew what they were saying, and I was just a kid. So I believed him. Believed every word he told me. That kept me from fighting back long enough for the…fear to set in. By the time I realized it was all bullshit, I was already too scared to fight back. Lasted until well after I was out of the house. Then he used _Lisa_ to keep me down.”

Len snarls, and Barry can sympathize. Lisa told him about the one and only time Len fought back in front of her. Barry himself was there for the whole bomb-in-the-neck fiasco. He can only imagine there were other times, times where Lewis threatened Lisa to get his son to do whatever he told him to that only Len remembers now.

“But prison was different.” Len is calm once more as he goes on. “In prison, I was my own man. And no one and nothing there could keep me from doing whatever I could to defend myself. Made getting hurt easier. Because then, I had at least _tried_ to stop it. Meant I had mistakes to learn from, mistakes that I would never make again. Helped me become a better fighter. Got me a reputation. Kept others from trying anything later on down the line.”

Len is silent for long enough that Barry knows he’s finished explaining his thoughts.

“Do I even want to know how many fights you got into in prison?” He mumbles, a grumpier, protective edge coming out.

Len snorts, then tilts his head as if considering.

“Twenty-three.” He says confidently.

Barry stills. “What?” He chokes out, leaning up on his elbow to get a good look at his expression. Len merely smirks even more.

“Twenty-three.” He says smugly, as if he is _proud_ of it.

“Twice in the showers, three times by the Santini’s, once by the Darbynians, twice by the Triad, five times over petty, macho bullshit, three times by some of Lewis’ friends, four times stepping in when someone else was being jumped, once for your dad, and twice during prison riots.”

Seeing Barry’s horrified look, Len chuckles and continues. “Only ended up seriously injured from five of those encounters. Well, six if we want to include juvie, but that was before I knew how to fight. So overall, loosing five out of twenty-three isn’t too bad if you ask me. Especially considering it was almost never one-on-one.”

“God!” Barry can’t help but shake his head. “You didn’t even go to _prison_ that often. How the _hell_ did you get into so many fights?”

Len just shrugged. “Prison can be a violent place, Barry. And I was busy making a name for myself. Bound to ruffle more than a few feathers.”

“Hold on.” Barry had to take a second to go over everything again. “Did you say one of those fights was for my _dad _?”__

Len stills at that. “Dammit.” He mumbles under his breath. “Sorry, still not my story to tell.”

Barry shakes his head, collapsing beside him once more. “Unbelievable. God, you’re so-Just…” He sighs, still wrapping his head around it all. “Unbelievable.” He eventually settles on once more.

Len laughs, a sound Barry doesn’t hear nearly often enough. It makes him smile, relaxing fully once more. Its quiet again for a few moments once the laughter dies down. But its calm, and comfortable, and Barry can’t help but trace the skin of those muscular, inked forearms that Len left bare for him. He stills at first, almost as if he expects Barry to be tracing the scars that lie there. The tension fades as he recognizing the path Barry’s fingers are actually following.

“What do these mean?” Barry asks once Len is fully at ease once more.

“The tats?” Len clarifies and Barry nods. “Which ones?”

“All of them.” Barry can’t help but grin as he goes all in.

Len chuckles, beginning with the one Barry is currently recreating with his fingertips. “You know what the dove is used for in some tattoos?” Barry shakes his head. He’s seen a few, but never had enough friends with enough ink to ever get down to the meaning behind these things.

Len angles his arm (not that they can see what lies on his skin in the dim lighting) before explaining. “Its often used for _in memorium_ tattoos. Its a sort of…optimistic way of looking at death. My mother…never really cared for children's stories. But she loved mythology. Told me all the epics before bed for years. Since her…absence was the first I wanted to memorialize, it only made sense to use Greek. Have the names and dates for all the family members I’ve lost. Her, Lisa’s mom, our grandfather…Lewis.”

Barry stills. Len included _Lewis_  in that list? Len seems uncomfortable as well, no doubt picking up on Barry’s tension.

“He wasn’t all bad, Barry. That was the hardest part. He was still our _dad _,__ sometimes. Despite all the pain, he was still there for some of the happy memories too. Less and less over the years, but he always tried for the important stuff. Like he had a checklist, of things that all the other happy parents boasted about, and he needed to be there for us as well. Granted, it was less-conventional than most. Taught me how to play pool. Spent hours, hell, _months_ on it. Was actual proud when I started getting good. Turned it around to teach me how to hustle, a few years later. But still, it was somehow _good _.__ Gave me my first beer at twelve when I finally went with him for a full heist. Not just getting in the wiring, but actually helping to get the loot. Gave me a share of the profit, let me take Lisa and spend the money from my share on whatever we wanted while he nursed a hangover the next day.”

“Taught me how to throw a perfect fast-ball. Changed tactics when I lost interest in baseball and got me everything I needed to get into hockey. Showed me some techniques he remembered from when he played when he was younger. I may have been the one to buy Lisa her first tampons when she needed them, but Lewis was the one to get her make-up. Dragged us to the store, sweet-talked the sales associate into showing Lisa how to apply everything. Sat there and _beamed _,__ saying how beautiful she was becoming. She really needed it at the time, too. Kids her age were just starting to figure out attraction, and it left her feeling vulnerable and hormonal. And instead of shooting her down and belittling her, Lewis _helped_ her. It was all those little things, here and there. It showed us that somewhere, beneath all the anger, a part of him still _cared _.__ Was still our dad. Didn’t change the bad. Just…made it harder to hate him.”

Len is quiet for a bit in contemplation, eyes locked on his tattoo once more. “He’s the only one with two dates. The date he went to prison that first time, and the date I killed him. Because I know my real father was mostly gone the second he ended up behind bars. Just took the rest of him a bit longer to die as well.”

Barry stays silent for a moment, processing. He knows that they won’t be going over any more tattoos tonight. Doesn’t care. This is far more insight into Len than their previous discussion would have given him.

“I’m sorry.” Barry says. “That you had to go through that. That…he didn’t come out of prison the same man.”

Len does his best to shrug from his position. “No way to change it, Barry. What’s done is done.”

He angles his head, shooting Barry a soul-piercing look. “What about you? I know you have some tragedy of your own in your past. Know that Henry probably came out different, too. Not like Lewis did. Henry was too good a person for that. But I imagine he’s still changed from the man you remember before it all.”

Barry swallowed, realizing that it was his turn to show a bit of vulnerability. Turn-about is fair play, after all. He tucks his head against Len’s chest, tracing patterns against the skin of the arms that shift to envelope him.

He starts from the beginning. Len already knows the story. This time around, Barry tells him all about how he felt. The anger and sorrow and fear after her death. The happiness tinged by guilt the West’s brought him. His anger, his absolute _rage_ at the fact that his father couldn’t be there for his mother’s funeral. The depression that settled in, keeping him trapped listlessly with tears and draining motivation as he couldn’t summon the energy to leave his new room.

All the denied visits to see his father. The attempts to run away and see him anyways. Joe, by his side through it all even if he didn’t believe Henry was innocent. The visits to Nora’s grave, Joe heading up to leave flowers for her on every birthday and anniversary of her death as Barry couldn’t even drag himself from the car. The semi-regular visits when Joe eventually allowed him to see his father.

The bullies at school, taunting him for his father's crimes when the nerd and orphan jokes ran dry. Iris, by his side through it all. The love that grew for her, clinging to it because it separated them. If he loved her like that, then it meant that they weren’t siblings. Meant that he still had his original family and the sweet crush on the cute girl from his class. Helped him pretend everything was still alright when his world was spiraling.

He branched into his search for the unexplained. Pursuing the one field he was confident could prove his father’s innocence. The pride he felt at graduation from high school, from college, and when he was granted an internship turned job at the CCPD. The stab of longing, of hurt, that his father couldn’t be there to see any of it.

He described the pain of being struck by lightning, and the confusion upon waking nine months later. The joy at seeing his loved ones again, muddled by fear and confusion as his powers surfaced. All the pain that seeing Iris with Eddie fostered in him. The pigheaded refusal to let go of the comfort his love for Iris had always provided him. The eventual peace he found when he accepted that Iris wasn’t meant to be with him. Love that finally felt right between them as he no longer pined after what he could never have.

Went over how devastating Wells betrayal was. The failure at freeing his father, knowing the monster who killed his mother was still too fast for him. Always one step ahead, destroying Barry’s life every chance he got it seemed. The conflicted feelings after Eddie and Ronnie’s sacrifice. The guilt at the damage and death wrecked by the singularity. The reluctance to even have anything to do with Wells’ lawyer.

Eventually, Barry got around to seeing the confession. How elated he was when Henry was finally freed. And how devastated he was when Henry told him he was leaving Central. Barry had just gotten his father back. Finally hugged and held him again, for the first time in much too long. And then he was gone, not even twenty-four hours after he left Iron Heights for good.

Barry had cried more than once during it all. Len simply held him closer, nosing his hair in comfort when his bandaged and useless hands couldn’t sooth as he wished. And it was a comfort, easing the weight off Barry’s conscious to Len’s attentive ear as he poured it all out. Left him exhausted, yet lighter than he’s felt since before the whole mess with Zoom. Maybe even since before he became the Flash.

His face was still blotchy, grimy with the salt of dried tears. Didn’t stop Len from kissing him. Kissing his forehead, his cheeks, his nose, his _lips _.__ Mumbled reassurances breathed against his skin. Promises that Barry was okay, that Len was here for him now. A gentle symphony of loving caresses until the hitched breaths eased and Barry’s chest no longer constricted in the sorrows of his past.

“Do you want my…opinion?” Len eventually asked, making it clear he wasn’t going to force any advice on Barry. Not unless he wanted to hear what Len had to say.

“Sure.” Barry huffed against the now-damp shirt clinging to Len’s broad chest.

“There’s no simple answer for any of it, Barry. No reason or excuse to right the wrongs that happened to you. But as far as your father goes…” Len sighs, nuzzling into Barry’s hair as he picks out the best way to word his thoughts.

“Its like you said. You’ve never been to prison. And prison changes people. Its all structured. Someone else is constantly there, watching all the time. No privacy to eat or sleep, to shit or shower or even jack off. No control over when or where you see your loved ones. Someone else telling you when and what to eat, where to go, when to sleep and when to wake.”

“Its…mind-numbing in a way. Yet terrifying, surrounded by the worst society usually has to offer. Getting out, even after a short time, can be quite the adjustment. Henry was in there for over a decade and a half. Makes sense, that he would need space. Need some time, to find himself and understand this new world he’s been thrust into once more. It wasn’t to hurt you, Barry. Henry loves his son, loves _you_ too much for that. Just…understand that this is what he needs. To acclimate once more to being a _free_ man. Once he’s done that, then he can start getting used to being your father here on the outside once more.”

“He didn’t think I could be his son and the Flash at the same time. That I couldn’t be ‘all I am becoming’ with him here. That’s what he said, Len.” Barry can’t help but mumble the complaint out. It still hurts, the feeling of being abandoned by the last of his family. His original family, at least.

Len can’t seem to hold back as he huffs. “Barry, I just told you he has no idea how to be _himself_ again. Much less your father. Much less the _Flash’s_ father. You are surrounded by people who love and support you. If Henry stayed, he would have been surrounded as well. After being in prison for that long, I can only image how good a bit of solitude sounds. Just give him time, Barry. Just give him some time. He’ll be back in your life for good before you know it.”

Barry feels a light kiss brush against his hair. “And if not, I can always kick his ass for you.”

Barry can’t help but snort at that. He can almost _feel_ the smirk radiating off his…partner. And that thought lifts his spirits just as Len’s sarcastic comment had. Partners. He really likes the fact that Len has agreed to be just that with him.

Twisting in the others hold, Barry surges up to kiss him. Its soft and sweet and fervent and deep all at once. Its too much and not enough and everything Barry needs at the moment.

Even Len isn’t sure how much time has passed when they eventually part, panting into the quiet air between them.

“Its late. We should get some sleep.” Len says once he’s managed to catch his breath once more.

“Yeah.” Barry sighs, exhaustion settling as he pecks the other man one last time.

“Good night, Len.”

“Good night. Barry.” Len whispers, clenching tight around Barry for a moment before relaxing. Sleep finds them soon enough, bringing the bliss of quiet rest and dreamless slumber. Barry’s last thought is that he wished every day could end like this. Safe. Secure. Loved, wrapped up in Len’s arms with warmth and contentment filling his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Sorry for the update, life has been just as hectic as I warned you all. My mom is doing better know, but we are all scurrying around catching up on work and home life, and just enjoying having her back and healthy with us I really liked this chapter, as it was just Barry and Len talking about themselves and getting to know each other. Hopefully, there will be more chapters like this in the future, in between all the action and plot! Thank you all for reading and commenting, writing and updating will continue to be slow for awhile, but hopefully I can speed it up again soon! Until then, it should be a week to two weeks for updates! Hope you continue to enjoy, and please let me know if I leave out any trigger warnings!  
> Up Next: Len leaves the Labs, and Barry gives him a call to talk over problems and their lives now that they are somewhat back to normal. Len assembles his Rogues, and Zoom makes another appearance.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Len leaves the Labs, and Barry gives him a call to talk over problems and their lives now that they are somewhat back to normal. Len assembles his Rogues, and Zoom makes another appearance.

Its a day after Len left the labs. He needed to reschedule assembling the Rogues, some of the moving pieces taking longer to fall in place than he hoped. Still, everyone will be where they need to be tomorrow night. Until then, he can only plan and wait.

Last night had been…interesting. Sleeping alone, once more. He didn’t even realize how accustomed he had become to being surrounded by the others at the labs. Its disconcerting, how unsettled he feels at the sudden absence of company when he spent good portions of his life alone. The darkness was drifting, pressing heavily into him once more. Took what energy he had left just to try and battle off the depression once more. Left him listlessly tossing and waking somehow even more exhausted than when he went to sleep.

The day slugs by, food bland and spaces of time missing as he zones out. Rubbing his eyes, Len scrubs half-heartily at the dishes from his dinner. He can’t even remember what he ate. Just that he did consume some sort of food for the meal. He was doing so well, dammit. Should have realized he would need to ease back into solitude once more.

The shrill tone of his phone breaks the oppressive silence. Sighing, he abandons his task as he searches for the source of the noise. Smiling, warmth blooms against the cold inside him once more as he recognizes the number.

“Barry.” He purrs, answering the call and bringing the phone to his ear.

“Hey, Len!” And god help him if he can’t _hear_ the smile in his voice. “Listen, I know that we agreed to stay away from each other for a bit and all but-”

“Barry.” Len gently cuts him off, moving to sit on the ratty old couch to keep from pacing. “Being potentially seen together by Zoom is one thing. Phone calls are entirely different. You don’t need an excuse to talk to me.”

“Oh thank god.” Barry breathes, relief evident. Len can’t help but grin at that.

“So, what’s up, Red? Any dire reason for this call or just to chat?” He settles further, getting comfortable.

“Um, hopefully both?” Barry sounds both regretful and hopeful all at once.

“Alright. How about we start with what you need, get all that pesky business out of the way so we can move to the…pleasure bit of this conversation.” Len’s lips curl in a smirk as Barry huffs.

“I’m not having phone sex with you, Len.” The amusement shining through takes any hint of stinging rejection away.

“Please.” Len snorts. “Why would I ever settle for _that_ when you can be in my bed in a _flash_ anyways?”

“God, you’re ridiculous!” But Barry is laughing and Len grins as the last of the darkness clears from the edges of his mind.

“So, Barry. Why did you call me?” He keeps his tone light but serious, giving Barry his full attention.

“Its…nothing final yet but…” Barry sighs, and Len imagines he is scrubbing his hand through his hair right now.

“Maybe, I-I mean, we-were just thinking…well…”

“Spit it out, Barry.” Len snaps without bite, knowing the speedster can ramble for ages if given the chance.

A breath and then Barry is replying. “We were just thinking about going to Earth-2. To save Jesse. Jay and Harry know where she is being kept, but they need a speedster to access it. With Zoom….distracted-” Barry pauses, both of them knowing _Len_ is the distraction he is referring too. “Well, it just seems like a good time. As good as any, anyways.”

Len mulls it over, making sure it isn’t an over-reaction before voicing his opinion.

“No.” He states. Firm. Final.

“What?” Barry sounds shocked.

“No!” Len growls, repeating himself.

“But this could be our best chance too-”

“I said _no _,__ Barry!” Len manages not to shout, but stands again in agitation.

Barry is, thankfully, silent as he allows Len to explain.

“Do you even know how many ways that could go wrong? How dangerous it would be, for the both of you, if Zoom found you there? You can’t beat him on your own, Barry. You need time to plan if you want to even _think_ about risking yourself like that again.”

Barry sighs, and Len feels the spike of anger and worry fade.

“I can’t just leave her there, Len. I have to do something.” Its quiet, vulnerable yet firm in only a way Barry has ever managed with Len.

He swallows his regret at the outburst, sinking back to the couch. “I’m not suggesting you do that, Barry. Just…you need to be smart. Zoom has some sort of interest in me. Should hopefully give us the chance for more info. Just…give it a few more days, at least. Talk to the others. Talk to me. Pull in all your resources to scouting and planning. You have so many people here for you, Barry. Use them.”

“I know.” Barry croaks out a noise of frustration. “I just hate this, Len. Waiting. Too slow. Too _weak_ to face Zoom. Makes me feel powerless, you know?”

“I know, Barry.” Len keeps his tone firm, yet quiet and full of understanding. “I know that feeling better than most. But Barry, you aren’t weak. You aren’t powerless. Zoom is a monster, Barry. And monsters don’t play by the same rules as the rest of us. There’s nothing wrong in admitting you can’t face him alone. Nothing wrong in asking for help.”

Silence greets him long enough for Len to begin to worry.

“Barry?”

“Yeah?” Barry sounds as if Len broke him out of his thoughts.

“Promise me.” Len has to make sure.

“Promise you what?” Barry asks.

“Promise me you’ll wait. Promise me you won’t do something stupid like running to the rescue without talking to me again first.”

It takes a few beats for Barry to reply, but Len is comforted by the honesty bleeding through his vow. “I promise, Len. Just…we’ll talk about it again in a few days, like you suggested. But until then, I promise I won’t ‘do something stupid’.”

Both of them huff a laugh at that. The tension eases quickly, topics changing to their respective lives since they last saw each other. Well, mainly Len asking after Barry’s work and Flash duties, and Barry asking how Len’s hands were doing after the procedure Jay and Caitlin provided him.

They talk for nearly an hour, simple and easy as if old friends. Its relaxing and light and everything it seemed the two needed. Barry breaks off with a hasty farewell after informing Len of a fire requiring the Flash’s assistance.

Staring at his phone blinking at the disconnected call, Len can’t help but smile. Shaking of the lethargic shadow that had plagued him all day, he rises to busy himself a prepare for the following day.

He does a quick round of the safe house he had been staying at since leaving STAR labs. Mick and Lisa are off on their own, mutually agreeing to separate in case Zoom decided to check up on Len. They hadn’t been happy, but agreed it wasn’t wise to give Zoom any more insight into Len’s life than possible. Plus, all three had their own parts to play before the meeting tomorrow.

There is nothing more he can plan for now, no blueprints or schematics to pull up. He is missing too much info to do any good now. Not until he gets a read on everyone and some more insight into why Zoom has turned his interest on Len himself.

The canned goods are running low, he notes dully. Makes a point to start up a list for his next supply run. Perishable goods aren’t usually kept at safe houses, but he might need to pick some up if he will be staying here for a bit.

Sheets are still clean, but the last spare set was thrown out last time they stayed here after getting blood and soot on them thanks to the most recent fight-turned-bonfire Len and Mick got into with the Santini’s before they made their final move at overthrowing the crime family.

First-aide kits and toiletries are still well-stocked, and Len pointedly ignores the lack of lube and condoms. He’s not about to bed Barry _here_ of all places. Doesn’t even want the option available. Barry deserves better than that. And Len can’t help but be reminded of shady brothels and dingy motel rooms with the run-down appearance and dank smell that lingers here. No, he  _definitely_ won’t take Barry to bed here. Not even if the other man showed up naked and horny on his doorstep. Nope, no lube or condoms here. Not even an option. Not even worth thinking of.

Glaring at the sudden bulge as his cock takes interest, Len has to palm himself. Glancing around, he figures the rest of his survey can wait. After all, he is in a bathroom with a fully-functional shower. And his cock is taking even more interest as he palms himself once more.

Stripping and stepping under the warm spray, images of Barry assault his fantastical imaginings as his hands wander. The skin on this fingers is still new and tender, and the sensations blaze in a trail of pleasure. He gets off faster than he has in years, marveling at the glorious tingling ecstasy and new-found appreciation for quickly regenerated flesh.

He lingers a moment longer, basking in the after-glow as steam builds in the enclosed space. Today was hell at first, lasting up until the unexpected yet pleasant call. Tomorrow was still an unknown. The Rogues could live up to his expectations. Or they could spit in his face and turn their back on this city. Zoom could show up, or he might not. There was no way to plan for every possibility, and no reason to worry over events out of his control for the moment. For now though, his cum was still washing down the drain and the taste of Barry’s name lingered on his lips. For now, Len was content. And that was more than enough to bring a smile to light his face once more.

XXX

Len took in the assembly surrounding him. Charles, the co-owner of Saints and Sinners, had dismissed his bartenders for the rest of the night and kicked the rest of the patrons out. Amazing what sort of favors fronting the money needed to purchase this run-down dive would grant you.

Mick, Lisa, Hartley, Nimbus, Rathaway, Baez, Walker, and Bivolo remained. Hartley had a monitor set up, linked to an open video call to Mardon. He knew there might be some others pulled in further down the road, but for now this was the core of the crew he was trusting to include for now. The rest would be figured out later.

“I suppose you’re all wondering why I gathered you here.” He drawls, confidence with a flair of unflinching _leadership_ oozing from his very presence. At their affirmation, he continues.

“I’m sure you’ve seen or at least heard of the atrocity that was Holocaust. How I had to step in to call that dog to heel. And how a burst of blue lightning vanished me from the scene. Zoom and I had a nice little chat. You all are here as a result of that.”

“What?” Mardon sneers from his cell. “You getting us all together for him? To good to work with Trickster and I, but you’ll finally fold for _him _?__ ”

Len shoots him a glare. “Who the hell said anything about working for that psychopath? No, I called you here for a different reason.”

He takes a breath, knowing this will be far out of the norm for any of the room’s currant occupants.

“I brought you here as a contingency. Zoom is a threat. To this city. To us and any we hold dear. He would destroy it, given the smallest chance. Already plans to do so, from what I hear. He took out the Flash before. He can do it again. And once the Flash is out of his way, nothing will stop him until this city is in ruins. Not unless we oppose him.”

“So its the Flash, then. That’s why you backed out. Can’t stomach killing him, can you Snart? Going soft, are you?” Len is beyond done with Mardon and his taunts and leers. But Mardon could prove useful. Its just about finding the way to control his anger and push him into following Len’s command.

“It isn’t about the Flash!” Len snaps, glaring. “Zoom has all the power of the Flash. A man who has beaten everyone in this room before. Only, he doesn’t have the Flash’s _restraint._ No morals or code to follow. He killed Holocaust, a meta who _worked_ for him. Who fell in line and followed his orders. And Zoom killed him on a whim. Killed him because he lost a fight. What’s to stop Zoom from doing that to every person in this room?”

Silence greets him, and he can see the reality of their situation settling in. Despite their egos, despite their bravado and show of power; they all know they aren’t truly unstoppable. Everyone is fallible, even the metas this world now has. No one interrupts him as he proceeds.

“The Flash takes you down, you might get hurt. Might end up locked away again. Zoom takes you down, then there is no coming back from the dead. He has plans in place, still working the angles for figuring all that out. But I do know he has an army of metas on his Earth. An army he has been sending, meta by meta, to stir up trouble here. When the time comes for him to make his final play at the Flash, I have no doubt that he will bring more of them with him. That’s why I need you all here. To fight those metas while the Flash and I fight Zoom.”

“You expect us to work with that…that _monster_ who locked us away indefinitely without trial or any sort of human interaction?” Baez looks angry and disturbed, as do the others who were treated to the pipeline prison. Len sighs, knowing how harmful that experience was and how much some of them still suffered for it.

“No, _I’ll_ be the one working with the Flash. I don’t expect any of you to go near him, or Zoom. Like I said, you’re here to stop anyone else he might bring with him. To _protect_ this city.” He can’t help the sneer at that. They are criminals, after all. Protecting isn’t usually in their bag of tricks. From the looks they are giving him, they agree.

“ _Protect_ the city? I thought we were supposed to be the bad guys?” Nimbus grins at him. He may call Len out, but they both know he won’t openly defy or disobey him. Not until his debt has been paid.

Len inclines his head. “Yes. You all have loved ones, I’m assuming. Family, friends, lovers that you might want to keep alive. On top of that, I had something pointed out to me awhile back. We’re all thieves, some more than others. And you can’t rob anyone if everyone is dead. Besides, what do you think will happen when the city comes under attack? Panic. Fear. Desperate, angry mobs. Anarchy and violence will rule the streets. What happens when one of you gets sloppy? Misses something you shouldn’t have and end up hurt or worse for it?”

Noticing Mardon’s contemplation mixed with derision, he targets him for the next part. “And it won’t just be Central, either. It’ll spread like a virus. Prison won’t keep you safe either, Mardon. Its only natural for riots to happen once the inmates get word of what’s going on outside. And you won’t have access to your powers in there. It’s only too easy to end up with a knife in your back during the chaos, I can assure you.”

He waits until it seems everyone has come to a decision. “So, time for the million dollar question. Are you in? Willing to set aside personal differences and become part of my Rogues? It won’t just be all tiresome heroics, I assure you. Do well here, and you will each be given a chance to stick around if you want. Pull off heists and make an untouchable name for yourselves. You agree to that, and you become a Rogue. And Rogues _will_ look after their own. That’s a promise. And if you want out after this instead, then I will consider all debts paid in full.”

It’s tentative, pulling agreements like pulling teeth. Still, no one voices any dissent. It seems even Mardon can be bowed to see logic.

“Good, now-” He cuts himself off as a tingle pulses at the back of his neck. Blue lighting surrounds him, and he spares a moment of panic as he realizes he hasn’t gotten a chance to tell the others to play along. If they give away the game now, he’s a dead man.

The metas in the room are summoning their powers, preparing for a fight even as Mick and Lisa charge up their weapons. Axel, for whatever reason, it thrusting out a _rubber chicken_ of all things in defense. Len leaves his own weapon in its holster, confident Zoom won’t outright attack him and unwilling to have a repeat of what happened the last time he came into contact with Zoom, cold gun in hand.

“Well, if it isn’t the Hellish Hermes himself.” He drawls, the figure coming to a stop in front of him. He knows its all a show, a power-play for the benefit of the others in the room. Fairly confident in the knowledge that his comm is working as it should, Len can only hope Barry retains the presence of mind to stay away.

“Captain Cold.” Zoom’s voice sends chills running through him.

“Back so soon?” Len taunts, persona pulled tight around him displaying nothing but confidence and a hint of mockery as is par the course for his confrontations with those more powerful than him.

The mask covers his face, but Len can still hear the grinning sneer in his voice. “We need to talk.”

And then there is air swirling around him once more as his stomach is left behind. He stumbles forward as soon as he is released, eyes going wide at the drop in front of him. It would seem Zoom deigned to bring him to a rooftop for this particular conversation. The thirty story fall more than enough threat for him to come to heel like a good little human and listen to Zoom. Too bad he’s never been good at cowing beneath threats. Not since he freed himself and Lisa from their father’s hold.

“Well, well, well.” He drawls, stamping down fear and panic as he allows _Captain Cold_ to settle in its place. “Isn’t this a lovely venue for a chat.”

Blue flashes of lightning still spark around the man as he settles into a stationary stance.

“I see you’ve been recruiting.” Zoom says, a hint of pride in his voice as he cuts straight to the point.

Len huffs a laugh. “No patience with you speedsters, is there? Not even going to ask me how I’ve been before dropping straight into business?”

Zoom tilts his head, considering him for a moment that probably lasts ages for the meta. Finally, with a chuckle, Zoom reaches up to grasp his mask. Len stiffens instantly. Zoom is showing him his face. That means he either trusts Len more than any of them realized, or that he is over-confident that Len can do nothing with the knowledge, or that Len isn’t going to be leaving this rooftop alive.

Len recognizes the face instantly. No one he’s ever seem before, but the similarities are there. Dirty blonde hair braided back tight against his skull to keep from interfering with his mask, falling in a trail down to the center of his neck. Tan skin with the pallor that accompanies lack of recent sunlight. Sharp eyes and chiseled features. He looks exactly like Jay, if only older and beaten down by life. The biggest difference for Len, however, isn’t in the physicality of it all. Its the cold indifference there. The unhinged glint of psychotic _glee_ buried behind it all. Its nothing like anything Len thinks he would ever see on Jay. Recalling the snippet of his past Garrick had shared, Len has no doubt in his mind that this is the elder brother he spoke of. Somehow, he doubts _Zoom_ will be as inclined to accept _salvation_ or the chance to be _better_ as Len had.

“Cute.” Cold smirks, raking his eyes over the grinning man before him. “Although, I’m not quite sure you grasp the meaning of a mask.”

Zoom just leers, stepping closer. “Please. I don’t have a counter-part on this Earth. And even if you knew my identity, it wouldn’t change anything. I’m untouchable.”

Len tilts his head, conceding to the other man’s point. “True.” He drawls. “Which still begs the question. Why show me at all?”

“Because.” Zoom is nearly an arms-length away by now. Len can’t retreat. Not unless he’s willing to tip over the side and face the subsequent fall. “You’re like me. Or, you could be. We could be like _brothers _.__ I have plans for you, _Captain Cold _.__ And there should be no barriers between us for that.”

Unease churns his gut, but he turns up the smirk anyways. “Oh? Do tell. Fair warning, I’m not exactly a _follower _.”__ It may be stupid, antagonizing him. But that defiance seemed to win the man over and spared his life last time. No sense in breaking character now. Besides, he resents the _familial_ relation Zoom claims they could possible achieve, even if supposed acceptance grants him a longer life.  

“I know.” Zoom pulls his lips back, flashing teeth in a wicked parody of a smile. “Neither am I. We have more in common than you think.”

“Really?” Len raises a brow, allowing disbelief to congeal in his tone. “Did you kill your dear old Dad too?”

“No.” There is mischief sparkling in his eyes. Len can already tell he isn’t going to like what comes out of his mouth next. “But we do have our…similarities. Locked away for murder. Bringing together a following of metas and keeping them in line. Rough childhoods.” The grin turns sharp and feral. “Oh, and watching _dear old Dad_ kill our mom. Well, in your case, it was your second mother I suppose.”

Len’s heart skips a beat, and he feels himself freeze for only an instant before plastering on a bored and indifferent expression. Zoom saw, of course, but catching Len off guard isn’t nearly enough for him to give the game away. If anything, Zoom looks even more impressed.

“How do you know? Not on any file, and she still hasn’t even been declared so much as missing as far as I’m aware.” His hands twitch for his gun, even with the knowledge it would be futile and stupid. He prays to every god or variation of one that could possibly be out there that Lisa will _never_ hear this conservation.

“I have my ways.” Cockiness oozes from the monster’s very core. “A conversation for next time. I’ll even bring you a gift. Right now though, let’s get straight to business, as you said.”

Len nods when it becomes clear Zoom is waiting for a response. He has his full attention, and Len will listen to what he has to say.

“Good.” Zoom purrs, casually walking around and taking in the surrounding city.

“When my mother died, my life changed. I knew who I was meant to be, then. Placed on a path I could never waver from. Formulated who I became, gave me my _purpose _.__ Set me above the rest, even before my powers. I imagine it was similar for you. After all, you wouldn’t have helped get rid of the body otherwise.”

Len tenses, heart racing in his chest. How could he possible _know _?__ No one, _no one_ knew! It had only ever been him and Lewis, and Lewis is _dead!_ Still, he shoves the panic away, forces his hands to remain steady and face blank. Zoom goes on.

“Its how I know you can do what I need done, here. See, there are countless worlds out there. Countless Earth’s, ripe and waiting for the taking. I can’t be everywhere at once, though. I need someone to stay behind. To hold my place and keep to the standard I’ll provide in my absence. I already have a meta in mind for my own Earth. But when I saw you...when I read about all you had done, I knew you would be more than suited for this Earth. Even as a human, you were able to face and beat the Flash. Took out Holocaust as well. Brought other metas under your beck and call like moths to a flame. You did all that, with nothing but your wits and a fancy gun. Imagine what you could do with the _world_ spread out beneath your feet.”

“So let me get this straight.” Len pauses, picking his words carefully. “You want me…to rule this world? _For_ you?”

Zoom turns back to him, grinning widely. “In a manner of speaking. When I’m here, obviously, you would answer to me. Other than that, you can do as you please.”

“And how do you plan to work that out?” Len fishes for more info.

Zoom shrugs, as if its a minor obstacle to his end goals. “You’re already gathering your metas. For me, I assume, after the uncertainty our last discussion ended on. I have plans in place, set to happen in the near future. A few months from now, I should be ready to finally finish my dance with the Flash of this world. When that happens, you and your metas can work with the chosen few I’ll be bringing with me. After that, there shouldn’t be any sizable opposition left to stand in our way.”

Len thinks it over. The pieces are falling into place, and he can see it all play out in his minds eye. He shudders internally, even as he lets his face light up in thoughtful contemplation.

“Plausible, I suppose. And I assume you whisked me away because you don’t want the others knowing the full plan? Knowing your face?”

Zoom sneers. “You can tell your grunts whatever you think they need to know. I don’t have the time, nor do I care to deal with every pawn in play.”

Len nods. Its just as egotistical and deranged as he would expect from the warped scope on reality this meta has.

“Then what do you need from me?” Its confrontational, in the intentional way that shows Len may be playing along but not bowing out beneath the other. A trait that seems to spark that sick, fiery delight in the other man.

“Continue gathering your resources. Make sure they are ready for when the time comes. Other than that, just wait for me to find you once more.”

“Any idea when that will be?” Len drawls. “Don’t exactly fancy you showing up for our next chat out of the blue. Might interrupt a heist, and I hate being interrupted.”

Zoom tilts his head, considering. “Sunday night. Two in the morning. Be at the same location as you were tonight. I’ll let you know when the next time will be after that.”

Len nods, filing that info away. Doesn’t mean Zoom won’t still watch him, but hopefully earned him a bit of privacy and the chance to spend time with Barry and his team in between…chats.

“I’ll be there. Anything else before you take me back to my crew?” Len lets himself lean back slightly, showing ease he doesn’t feel in the others presence.

“Stay away from the Flash. Make sure the others do as well. He’s mine, and I won’t be happy if someone else kills him before I’m through with him.” Zoom is grinning madly. Len knows that means nothing good for Barry.

“Duly noted. Anything else I need to know regarding your plans for him? And what do you expect us to do should he interrupt our…extracurricular activities?” Len almost holds his breath. Zoom had already given him more than enough. Still, if they could prepare for _everything_ Zoom had in store for them…

He waves his hand dismissively as he replies. “Nothing much. Just going to give him the opportunity to become like _us _.__ He has the potential for it, just needs the right trigger; the same push _we_ got. If he doesn’t, well, then he’s dead. And as for _interruptions _…__ do what you have to. Just leave him alive and whole for _me._ ”

Len’s fingers ticked, a single clenching spasm the only tell. _The same push._ And god, if that’s what Len thought it was...if there was a _reason_ Zoom brought up them both seeing a parent murdered in front of them...

Len just shrugs. “If you think that’ll work. Fair warning, the Flash isn’t like us. But me and my Rogues will stay away for now. I’ll make sure they don’t kill him if he interrupts our _fun _.”__

“Good.” Zoom pulls his mask back on, voice slipping back into the register of his own persona. “Next Sunday. Be there.”

And then the world swirls around him once more, and he is stumbling to a stop in the middle of Saints and Sinners, surrounded by frantically cautious Rogues.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well there it is. The next chapter. I meant to post this a few days ago but...well, I posted another story instead. A one-shot I wrote that night. Had something shitty happen and...I described it there. Don't feel like getting into it, but it was family issues again. You can read it and the notes if you care to learn more. A Mouthful of Roses was the title. Other than that, I'm really excited to post this chapter. Loved including Zoom and badass Len again. Also liked the plot development. So, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I loved writing it! :)  
> Writing is still slow, thanks a lot in part to the medical issues plaguing my family members. Makes it hard to write this story at times, when my current life is drowning me in love and sorrow and fear and all that. I love this story, but can't work in any lighter moments when I feel too strung out by the bad I have going on right now. So thank all of you for your patience, and I will continue my best to keep semi-regular weekly updates.   
> Also, for those in America, the 10th was the 243rd birthday of the Marine Corps. I served for a little over 5 years, deploying 3 times in the process thanks to the right duty stations. Loved my time in the service, and would like to thank all, from all nationalities, who volunteer in service of their country.   
> Up next: Lisa's view on what happens after Len disappears with Zoom. Len comes back, and reveals more to get the Rogues to fall into line completely. Len finally confronts Bivolo in private, and explains what will happen if he ever hits anyone with lust again.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lisa's view on what happens after Len disappears with Zoom. Len comes back, and reveals more to get the Rogues to fall into line completely. Len finally confronts Bivolo in private, and explains what will happen if he ever hits anyone with lust again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: graphic depiction of a violent death in this chapter. If that bothers you, then feel free to skip. It starts with: “Hart. Pass out the folders.”, and ends with: There are varying degrees of horror and apprehension, but no one defies him.  
> It is a description from an autopsy report, and can be skipped without taking away from the story or confusing any readers further on.  
> Also, there is a brief description of a past assault/rape on a fellow inmate in prison at the end. Nothing graphic as it does not go far into detail, but still be warned if this is something that might bother or potentially trigger you.

Things had been going as well as they could have expected, so far. Players falling into line beneath her brother’s dramatic flair. Even Mark Mardon, the biggest wild card they had to deal with, conceded beneath Lenny’s stern glare and impeccable logic. Roy Bivolo was grating on her nerves with his very presence, but Lenny had forced both her and Mick to relax and let him deal with Rainbow Raider. He could be useful. Wouldn’t be if he ended up a golden statue. Or torched, as much as she would have preferred those outcomes. 

But then shit hit the fan. Sooner than any of them could have anticipated, blue lightning was whirl-winding around.

“Well, if it isn’t the Hellish Hermes himself.” He brother drawled. All the current and future Rogues present had their powers and/or weapons up and ready for attack. Didn’t stop the monster from disappearing with Lenny moments later.

“Shit!” She cursed, turning and finding a suitable target lacking.

“What the hell?” Seemed to be the general exclamation, everyone stunned by the sudden appearance and subsequent _disappearance_ of a threat with their new leader.

“Keep a look out!” She shouted, taking charge in her brother’s absence. “Form a circle. Be ready for anything. Nimbus, Axel, take the back entrance. Hartley, Mick, the front. The rest of you are with me, covering the rest of the bar. Speedsters can go through walls, after all.”

This might have been new knowledge to some of the assembled, but no one missed a beat in following her instructions. No one, that is, except for the one ‘member’ who wasn’t there.

“What the hell? Who put you in charge? What’s going on?” Mark Mardon seethed, eyes casting around the screen, not quite caught up on what truly happened.

“Shut it, Mark.” She growled, turning on him. There was no need to raise her weapon as he wasn’t actually here, but the threat was still quite clear in her voice. “Unless you want my brother to leave you rotting in your cell.”

He sulked, but thankfully remained silent after that. The minutes ticked by, tensions rising as there was no sign of her brother or their enemy.

“Listen.” She snapped quietly, drawing their attention even as they kept vigilant. “Lenny didn’t get to this point of the spiel, but we are supposed to be playing along when he gets back. Zoom is too dangerous to oppose right now. So we follow his lead until there is a chance to strike, and no one goes blabbing about crossing him just yet, capiche?”

There were general grunts of agreement all around. No one was happy about it, but they knew cons were sometimes required to get ahead in the criminal underworld. Lenny may not have shown them the absolute worst Zoom could do yet, but Zoom was still enough of an unknown for them to hesitate turning on Lenny just yet. They may be criminals, but they weren’t stupid. Running in without info and switching loyalties is how you ended up with a bullet to the brain and a weight dragging you to the bottom of a harbor. 

Nimbus started misting, thankfully only small wisps that wouldn't hurt or kill the others in the room. “Guys!” He warned, the only second they had to prepare before lightning swirled around them once more. It was gone in a second, and Lenny was standing right where he had been once more.

XXX

Len was back, Zoom already out the door before he even found his balance. He stumbled slightly before righting himself, the assembled Rogues frantic around him.

“What the hell?”

“Are you alright?”

“What the fuck is going on?”

The exclamations came all at once, blending together. He held up his hand for silence, ignoring their expectant looks as he pulled out his cellphone.

“Um. Len?” Cisco asks through his comm. “Are you alright man? We heard what Zoom was saying. Just, uh-” He trails off as the text Len typed out went through.

To: Cisco

**Is Zoom gone?**

“Uh…” Cisco mumbles, keyboard clacking heard in the background. “Why are you texting? You can just…Oh! Yeah, Zoom is gone, man.”

Len breathes a sigh of relief, Cisco continuing to ramble about the portal opening and video footage they collected of the speedster disappearing.

To: Cisco

**Don’t tell Lisa. You or anyone else who heard. No one says a word until I can talk to her.**

There is silence for a few seconds. Clearly Cisco is contemplating the reasoning Len would have for keeping this information from his sister.

“Yeah, man.” He sighs. “We understand. That…that’s gonna be tough for her to hear.”

Len breathes out in relief. If he has his way, it’s something she will never _have_ to _hear_ about. Now, he just has to convince the rest of them to keep their mouths firmly shut if Cisco can't do so.

“Mischief Managed.” He whispers, loud enough to deactivate the comms without the others hearing. He straightens, taking in everyone in the room.

“Hart. Pass out the folders.” He had meant to hold off on this. Zoom’s early appearance forced his hand. Pied Piper is solemn as he passes the info out, transferring a file for Mardon to read as well.

“What are we looking at?” Baez looks slightly nauseous, he medical training letting her know _exactly_ what she is looking at.

“Autopsy report for Holocaust.” He brusquely explains, letting everyone take it in.

“Frozen and shattered hand was my fault. The blown shoulder and lost arm, splintered femurs and hip, broken ribs, shattered sternum, and crushed heart all came from Zoom. Along with the fist sized _holes_ left behind from what I can only imagine came from him phasing his _hands_ into Holocaust to tear him up from the inside. This is the fate that could await you should Zoom decide he no longer needs you. This is why you need to follow my lead. Play along and let him believe he has us working for him until we are _certain_ we can take him out. Any problems.”

There are varying degrees of horror and apprehension, but no one defies him. They all know this is a monster they can’t hope to face alone. Unhinged enough to attack even those loyal to him. That leaves Len as their only life-line in this shit-show. Can’t even run and hide, not if there is a determined speedster on their ass.  

“What do you need us to do, Boss?” Nimbus asks. He knows betrayal well. Isn’t looking to burn or get burned again. Len is someone that, while they may not like each other, they still _respect_ each other. That is more than enough for Nimbus to remain loyal, pulling the others along with him.

“Follow my orders to the ‘T’. I should be able to work a deal with the Flash. No one dies, he won’t arrest you. Might even be able to come to an agreement with the CCPD. When we go all hero on this town, I’ll do my best to have the cops look the other way until we can all slink into the background again. Would look real bad if they arrested the people who saved this city. Keep innocents out of harms way, and don’t kill unless in self-defense. Those are my rules for this.”

“What the hell, man?” Mardon sneers. “You want us to go up against crazies like Zoom with one hand tied behind our backs?”

The rest seem a bit unsure as well. Not killing, while a code for some, doesn’t apply to all. And with the treatment and fear they have received, Len can’t fault them for that.

He gives them a _Cold_ look. “Let me explain something to you all. I advise you listen before bullshitting your way through bravado again. Metas are still new. Unknown. A threat. Right now, they have a fancy new wing at Iron Heights to hold them. Word on the street, however, has other whispers. Whispers of military involvement and human experimentation. They already tried once, when one of their own was _affected_ by the particle accelerator explosion. She ended up dead. Obviously, they want more to…study. Tear open and see how you all work. Take in less-than-eager _volunteers_ to…re-create the powers you all now have. Mind-altering drugs to turn you into the perfect weapons, stripping every aspect of _you_ in the process.”

He has their attention now. Good. “Right now, the people of Central still oppose that. Its inhumane. Cruel and vile and tramples on dozens of human rights violations. However, if their mindset changes. If their _fear_ overwhelms _empathy _,__ then maybe metas will no longer fall under _human_ laws. Suddenly, metas arrested won’t be put in Iron Heights anymore. They’ll disappear to some black-listed military warehouse for any Dr. Frankenstein to play god with whatever is left of them. Not everyone here is a meta. But enough of you are for it to affect all of us. If you want to keep from having your organs on display, I recommend we keep the _fear_ of metas in Central to a minimum. Flash can only change public opinion so much. So if you really want to go around killing for no reason, then be my guest. Just don’t expect me to track you down and break you out of the next Area-52.”

His growled speech has the desired affect. The Rogues are cowed beneath him. Even Mardon has withered in his defiance.

“Now, any more problems with my plan? With the Code I expect to be followed?” No objections, as expected. It’s enough for him to continue, trusting in their continued submission and loyalty.

“One last thing. No killing, that applies double to the Flash. Zoom wants him alive, to keep playing whatever sick game he has in mind for our resident hero. So for anyone who has ideas of revenge, I recommend you remember who will be coming after you if you do. I can be a bastard, no arguments there. But Zoom is even more cold-hearted than I am, and you've all seen what he can do if he feels inclined. Just something to keep in mind the next time we face the Flash.”

The others nod, not a hint of defiance to be found. They don’t like the Flash, and for good reason in some cases, but they aren’t stupid enough to risk _that_ kind of death for a little taste of revenge. Convincing them to continue leaving the Flash alive will be a problem for after Zoom has been dealt with.

“Mardon.” He snaps, directing his attention to the screen. “You’re in the meta wing. We’ll break you out, details to follow in the next few weeks. In the meantime, ask around. See what other powers are at our disposal there. Anyone who could be helpful and loyal to our cause. When we come for you, we’ll take any others you recommend with us. After that, I’ll make the final call on if they are in or not. Understand?”

Mark nods. “Got it. I know how to ask around without giving the game away. What’ll I owe you for the jail-break?” He’s been around enough to know to mistrust free hand-outs. Good thing Len isn’t doing this out of the goodness of his heart.

“Your help with Zoom. After that, if you prove a good _team player _,__ then you can have a spot with the Rogues. I broke you out, you broke me out. I’m breaking you out again now, and you know _exactly_ who I am. Betray me and my own, and you’ll be in for a _frosty_ reception.”

Mardon nods. “I ain’t no coward. I’ll do what you need of me to take Zoom out. Don’t worry about me breaking your rules, either. Smart enough to know when to lay low and stop pushing my luck.”

Len narrows his eyes. “These rules apply to West and family. I know he killed your brother, but your brother killed his partner. I think a life for a life is good enough to consider the blood debt even.”

Mardon scowls, but doesn’t push the issue. “West can have his life. We got bigger problems to deal with now.”

“Good.” Len nods, gesturing for Hart to turn the video feed off. Mardon knows what he needs to do. He doesn’t need to hear the rest of the conversation.

“Axel.” He turns his attention to the youngest member. “I want you with Hartley. He can help with your…toys. Maybe even help with upgrades. Rathaway, you know what I need you to do. Have Axel be your shadow. Kid might even learn something.”

Both nod, but Axel speaks up before Len can turn to the next Rogue.

“What about my dad? Any way we can get him out of prison again?”

Len wants to shake his head, violently against that crazy psychopath being let on the loose again. Still, he knows the deep connections family can forge. Instead, he tilts his head in consideration.

“Last time he was out, he threatened children. Can you keep him in line, keep him to our _Code_  should he walk free?”

Axel seems unsure, yet resolved. “I can!” He proudly boasts, hope blooming in his features.

“...I’ll think about it.” Len eventually concedes. “If he goes off the rails, however, you _will_ answer for it. Understand?”

“Understood.” Axel holds up two fingers in a parody of a vow. Len sighs, dismissing the two.

“Baez.” He gestures her forward. She comes, unsure yet without fear.

He leans in, not wanting the others to overhear. “You were able to keep away from the Flash for a bit, right?”

She nods, the fear in her eyes showing she might know where he is going. He sighs, knowing exactly what he is asking.

“I might know who Zoom could target. A doctor, friend of mine from prison. He’s human, but Zoom might be coming after him in the coming months. I want you to go to him, introduce yourself and keep in contact. I’ll let you know when you need to be there more often, but for now you can still keep up with night classes. Just…if the time does come. Keep him away from Zoom. Best you can.”

Her eyes are wide, understanding the danger of his request. Still, she squares her shoulders and nods. He sags in relief, scribbling a name and address on a napkin for her to take.

“Go to him tomorrow. He’s a good man, might even help you with classes. He can be trusted, Baez. I assure you.”

“I’ll be there.” She vows, turning to leave. He grabs her arm, refusing to meet her gaze.

“Thank you. This…keep him alive, Baez. Best you can.”

“I will.” She gives him a softer look, seeing how important this person was. Henry Allen, whoever he was, was about to get the best shadow possible. He nods in response as she leaves.

“Nimbus.” He straightens as he turns to the man. “You’re too high-profile for now. I have a safe house you can hole up in. Fully stocked. If you need…companionship. Let me know. Don’t need you going wandering if you get lonely. Just know that if you hurt my girls, I’ll make sure you end up just like Holocaust did. In case you had any misconceptions about what happens when you go after those under my protection.”

Len doesn't relish the idea of sending women his way. It makes him feel dirty, as if he is some heartless pimp out there with no regards for the  _human beings_ he sends out to pleasure whoever pays for their time. But he knows Nimbus is likely to do something reckless should he grow bored. And he has a history with some of the girls. Len doesn't run them, per say, but he did liberate them from the Santini's. He makes sure they have protection, and profits are theirs to keep in full now. He'll foot the bill for any company Nimbus might desire. Still, he wouldn't have even considered it if he hadn't heard one of them talking about him back when he first popped up again. Said he was always good to her, that she almost missed him even. Doesn't stop the sick feeling twisting his gut, but does provide a measure of calm to his nerves. 

He shoots Cold a crooked grin. “Wouldn’t dream of it, Boss. I’ll stay in line.”

Len nods, dismissing the man easily. Mick and Lisa already know their parts. That leaves just one.

“Bivolo!” He snaps, gesturing for the other man to follow him into the kitchen. Its quiet in there, allowing Len a chance to breathe.

“Boss?” Bivolo asks hesitantly, bringing back memories of _Thank you_ in an abandoned hanger,and timid smiles at a beautiful man who brought him back to the right side of the law after the mess settled. Len grits his teeth, banishing them as easily as those of Barry moaning and writhing beneath him thanks to the _lust_ Bivolo hit him with.

“Did I ever tell you about my first stint in prison?” He begins, knowing the other is confused. At his negative response, Len goes on.

“There was a man there. Don’t remember his real name, everyone just called him Willie-Will-Fuck. There for rape and child molestation. You see, even in prison, kiddie-touchers and rapists were the darkest scum of the earth. Free game on the block, for anyone who wanted to give a good beating or get their rocks off on. Walked in on him in the laundry room. Five guys were around him, taking shots and taking turns at railing him. There were others there, like me, just watching. No one stepped in. No one wanted to. Locked him in a dryer and turned in on after they were done. Guards stepped in before he died, but it didn’t do a damn thing in the end. Guy killed himself before he could leave the infirmary, taking death over… _that_ again.”

Len turns to face Bivolo, face devoid of anything except rage and hate. “I know what you did, Bivolo. I know you were struggling, maybe didn’t mean to. Your boyfriend sure seems to think so. So I’ll give you a pass, just this once. Get your powers under control, Raider. Because if you ever use _lust_ or anything that has your _victims_ scrambling off to fuck your effect away….then I can guarantee you I will make _absolutely_ sure you end up in prison for it. And everyone will know _why _.__ I wonder how many beating and gang-rapes it’ll take for you to end up just like Willie.”

Bivolo is pale, eyes wide as he cowers back. Good, bastard should _know_ and _fear_ what’ll happen should he ever pull shit like that again.

“I-I-I..” He stammers, swallowing. “I-I understand. It's…it's all under control, now. You don’t have to worry about me…hitting anyone with _that_ again. I swear.”

“Good.” Len snarls, stepping closer. “So long as we both understand. Now, go back to your life for the time being. Recruit, if you can. Otherwise, just wait for my next call.”

“I-I understand.” Bivolo is still pale, but resolved. “Don’t worry, I know what I did. It won’t happen again. Thank…Thank you. For giving me a chance. It's…”

Len cuts him off. “I don’t need a damn _explanation._ Just your _guarantee_ it won’t be a problem.”

“It won’t.” Bivolo vows, firm and unbowed.

“Good.” Len spits. “Then we’re done here.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter up and available for consumption! And the Rogues are finally fully forming!!! I will try to include more from them when I can, while still focusing on the plot and developing relationships. I keep getting closer to the end of what I already have written, but life has been too crazy lately to keep up writing as much as I would like. I'll try and post every weekend until then, and will continue to keep everyone posted on when to expect new updates or longer waits. Also, there will be more smut coming up soon. It will be different from anything I have written or read so far. It will include something many men deal with, but no one really talks about. I don't want to give anything away, just leaving this heads up for my lovely readers.  
> Thank you all for reading, and know that I love each and every comment left. It really does make this all feel worth it, pulling the story from my head and posting it for you all to read. I hope you continue to enjoy this adventure, and I will catch you all next chapter!  
> Up Next: Len and Lisa head to STAR labs. Zoom's identity is revealed to the team there, and worrying information comes to light regarding Jay's health.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Len and Lisa head to STAR labs. Zoom's identity is revealed to the team there, and worrying information comes to light regarding Jay's health.

With Zoom gone for the moment, Len risked a visit to STAR Labs. Lisa went with him, Mick remaining with the rest of the Rogues. Cisco, Caitlin, Jay, Harry, and Barry were all gathered there.

“Len.” Barry looks devastated as he approaches him. “Cisco played the recording for me. I’m…I’m so sorr-”

“Don’t.” Len cuts him off, shooting a sharp look just _daring_ him to breathe a word of what Zoom had said in front of Lisa.

“Its not your fault, Barry. Nothing he said about my past was news to me. No idea _how_ he knows, but that isn’t what matters the most right now.”

Len looks straight at Jay. “Your brother. The psycho that went on a killing spree. Got a picture for me?”

“What?” Jay looks confused, or maybe its just denial. Len sighs and swings his gaze to Harry. The other man catches on quick, picking up his tablet and going through his Earth-2 files.

“Hunter Zoloman.” Harry announces, swinging the tablet around for all to see the picture displayed there. “Only have what was recorded on his criminal records. I have my meta registry and police files, but anything that happened after his conviction wasn’t available to download at the time.”

Jay looks crestfallen, taking in his brother’s image. Len can’t imagine what he’s going through. What he’s _about_ to go through. Ignoring the sick twist of empathy stirring, he double-checks Hunter’s face just to be sure.

“That’s Zoom.” He announces, a monotone drawl that he’s perfected to hide any emotions. A skill none of the others seem to share. Shock and surprise seem to be the main two reactions filtering through the suddenly tense atmosphere.

“What?” Jay croaks, turning wide eyes on Len. “Are you sure?”

Len nods. “Face was similar enough to yours to get me thinking. Backstory he provided matched what you had told me. That picture just confirms it. Hunter Zoloman is Zoom.”

Jay looks sick, Caitlin quickly striding to his side in comfort. Harry is glaring furiously at the picture of the man holding his daughter captive. Lisa drifts to Cisco as he starts pulling up information on Hunter wirelessly from Harry’s files to his own computer terminal.

“Len.” Barry is right beside him, hand resting on his arm. “If you want to talk…”

Len takes a deep breath, exhaling through his nose. “Later, Barry. Just…later.”

“Okay.” Barry’s lips twist into a sad smile, sliding his hand down to interlock their fingers. He kisses Len’s cheek with a quick peck, squeezing his hand and leaning close. “Okay. Just remember I’m here if you need me.”

Len nods, shoving the memories down and pulling up the other relevant info he learned tonight.

“Another thing.” He calls out, gaining their attention once more. Glancing at Lisa, he wishes he could have been able to talk her out of coming with him. Since Zoom snatched him up again, she hasn’t let him out of her sight. That’s a habit that doesn’t look to be changing anytime soon.

“Zoom said he wanted to make Barry like us. From what he said…it implies that he might go after Henry Allen.”

“What?” Barry pales beside him.

“I’ve already got Baez on him. She’ll be around, checking in just in case he needs a quick escape.” Its Len’s turn to squeeze Barry’s hand in comfort. Barry looks like he’s going to be sick.

“When?” He croaks.

“Not sure.” Len shrugs, tone quiet and sympathetic. “Sounds more like his end-game. Could be months from now. It will be at least after his next talk on Sunday. Might be able to pull more info out of him then.”

“Are you sure?” Barry asks. Its not that he doubts Len. He is just still hoping that this might be all some misunderstanding. That his father won’t be killed by the Flash’s enemy just as his mother had been.

Len nods, shifting his attention to Cisco. “Why weren’t we alerted when Zoom showed up?”

“Oh.” Cisco actually looks guilty then. “We were. Just…there was another meta. Barry was fighting him. Forgot to warn you. Sorry?”

Len scowls, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Edit your program. Make sure it sends an alert to my comm. Don’t relish the idea of being caught with my pants down by the bastard again.”

Cisco nods emphatically, already typing away at his programming.

“Lenny.” Lisa’s voice is soft and sultry in the way that he knows means nothing good. “What did Zoom say to you? About Henry. Does he know the two of you were…friendly in prison?”

“No.” Len grits out. “Drop it, Lise.”

She matches his glare evenly. “You came running here the second you could. Even though you said you would be staying away until all this was done with. He shook you, Len. Whatever he said, whatever he did, I need to know.”

“No, you really don’t, _Sis_.” He sneers, hand spasming in Barry’s grip.

“Cisco.” She turns her syrupy-sweet smile to him. “Why don’t you be a dear a play me that recording.”

“Um.” He falters, gaze snapping back and forth between Len and Lisa. “Sorry.” He squeaks. “I-I can’t.”

Lisa stiffens, shooting daggers at Len. “If you’re keeping this from me, that just tells me its something I _should_ know. What is it, Lenny? Is he threatening me like Lewis did?”

There’s a hint of worry in her expression for her own safety, but it's overshadowed by her brother keeping her in the dark and being _brother-knows-best_ in his reaction. He never keeps things from her. Not without reason, and its usually stupid, over-protective reasoning anyways.

“No.” Len growls, tense and glaring. She narrows her eyes. “If it isn’t that-”

“I said drop it!” Len shouts. It catches everyone off guard, Lisa included. Her brother never shouts at her. Never. Only when he’s close to…

“Lenny.” Her expression changes instantly, softening as she comes closer. He is strung tight, shaking in the last desperate grips on control. “Lenny, its okay. Its okay. Talk to me.” She coos, wrapping her arms around him. Its takes a few seconds for him to respond, shuddering in her grasp.

“Please, Lise.” He croaks, disentangling his hands so both are free to return her embrace. “Just drop it. Please, trust me on this.”

“No more secrets, Lenny.” She says, stroking his back.

“Trust me.” Len is still shivering, close to a melt-down but fighting tooth-and-nail against it. “You don’t want to know.”

She frowns, knowing the only other time he tells her this. Knows the only secret he so adamantly spouts that she doesn’t want to know the answer to. Her blood turns to ice in her veins, but she is interrupted before being able to voice her defiance again.

“Speaking of secrets.” Caitlin interjects, dragging all attention her way. She is glaring heatedly at Jay.

“What?” He somehow encompasses innocence and guilt all at once.

She continues to give him a _look _.__ “When were you planning on telling us that you were _dying _?”__

He magically manages to look sheepish, while also maintaining a whole _its not a big deal_ persona. “It just wasn’t relevant.” He shrugs.

Lisa’s tirade is forgotten. The threat of Zoom pushed to the back-burner. Suddenly, there is a razor-focus on the potential ailing health of Team Flash’s new teammate.

“Relevant?” And now Barry is jumping in. “How is your…you…how is this not relevant?” Barry, soft bleeding-heart he is, is looking at Jay with so much _depth_ in his eyes that Len feels his own chest ache in sympathy.

Jay just squares his shoulders. “You had more important things to worry about. _Have_ more important things to worry about that some has-been hero.”

Everyone deflates underneath the comment, but not in the way he was going for. Len already knows there is a _talk_ coming Jay's way. Not unlike all the _good in you_ talks Len himself has received. He knows how these talks go. Knows it won’t work the way Team Flash wants it to. Not right now.

“Jay.” He finds himself stepping back from Lisa, tilting his head towards the hallway. “A word.” He snaps, turning and walking out, knowing the other man will follow.

He can feel the curious looks at his back. Knows that Barry wants to follow him. That Caitlin wants to follow Jay. Just as he knows that this is a talk best had out of earshot of those who care for you. Who you care for in return. It's too close to involve people already… _involved_.

He ends up on the roof, so similar to his earlier conversation tonight, yet so different. The view, the wind, and the cool air all help calm him instead of bringing the fear from earlier. He’s in control this time, and Jay is no _Zoom_.

He steps up behind Len, taking in the view as well. Central City truly is a sight to behold at night.

Len sighs, shifting to get comfortable. “Dying, huh?” He breaks the silence, knowing the other man is curious, yet hesitant. “How did that happen?”

Jay sighs, leaning against the ledge alongside Len. “Best I can figure, it started the night Zoom stole my speed. Still not sure how he accomplished it…but whatever he did…” Jay looks away, staring at the flickering lights instead. Len can’t blame him, and follows suit easily. “Its killing me. How he took the speedforce. My cells are just…dying now. Not sure how to reverse it. Not without getting my speed back.”

“So get your speed back.” Len replies easily. “You and Barry were both gifted unique abilities. Surely, between the two of you, and the team of bright individuals downstairs, you can re-create the events that led to getting powers.”

Jay shakes his head. “Its not that easy. Not without another particle accelerator. And that has the potential for another catastrophe. This Earth has enough dangerous metas as is.”

Len frowns. “So come up with another way. You have people willing to help. Why not let them in?”

Jay sighs. “Taking down… _Zoom_ is more important than that right now.”

Len turns his sharp gaze on the defeated man beside him. “You know, you shared quite a bit with me the other day. Figure its my turn to return the favor.”

Jay looks at Len now, but Len resolutely looks away. “My sister was emancipated at 17 when I told the cops enough to arrest Dear Old Dad. She still had a few months left of high school, and I was in jail. She went to live with a friend of ours; wanted to drop out and follow in our footsteps. Become a criminal, just like us. I refused, insisted she finish school like I never did. Get her diploma. Go to college. Make something of herself like I couldn’t. She fought tooth and nail, but got that diploma in the end. After that, we fought again. She went off to train for her license, driving 18-wheelers for a year. Wasn’t what I had in mind, but at least it was legit. Until she came to me later, insisting on being our getaway driver. See, she had only gone with that job to get the experience needed for helping us move stolen items. Only started out clean for a chance to get her hands dirty.”

Len shakes his head, glaring at his hands. “I thought I had failed her. Corrupted her in ways even our _Dad_ couldn’t. Made me sick, knowing the lifestyle I led her to. Took months before I caved. She went on her first heist that night. Got away clean, and she was ecstatic with adrenaline and the thrill of it all like I had always been. I went home and got stupid drunk before puking my guts out all alone that night. Because I knew the road she had chosen. And I knew it was my fault she was on it.”

He glances at Jay, seeing the other man watching him raptly with wide eyes. “But in the end, it wasn’t my choice to make. What she did with her life was her choice. I couldn’t force her to be who she wasn’t. Could only do my best to protect her; to drag her back when she got too close to the edge. Keep her record clean, even if it meant I served more time for it. And I succeeded. And some days, I almost believe I didn’t fail her.”

Len looks out again, taking in the landscape. “You didn’t fail your brother, Jay. He made his own choices, and paved his own path. So if you…letting yourself die like this, has any relation to what happened with him…” Len shakes his head. “I won’t tell you what to do. But, if it was Lisa out there, running around unchecked under that mask, then I know what I’d do. I would do everything in my power to get to her. Would stay alive long enough to drag her back to who she _was._ Sitting back and dying without a fight would be letting her down. And I would never, _never_ let my sister down. Not when I have a chance to right the wrongs done to her.”

Len glares at Jay. “It's not just your brother who needs your help, now. Barry needs you. His team needs you. Hell, two _worlds_ need you to get back on your feet and face your brother. So I don’t care how miserable you are. How much guilt you feel or how insignificant you see yourself now in comparison to what you were. Do whatever the hell you need to do, Garrick. Stay alive, get your speed back, _help_ Barry take on your brother. Because you’re supposed to be a hero. And hero’s are no cowards.”

Len steps into his space, nose-to-nose in order to drive the point home. “ _This_ is the cowards way out. Way I see it, you have a choice now. Die a coward. Or live on to be the hero you once were. Just remember, this doesn’t only affect you. There’s your brother out there, who needs you even if he doesn’t want to admit it. There’s Team Flash, who could use another speedster for this fight. And all those innocent, precious people you do-gooders seem to care about so much. So what’ll it be, _Garrick?_ ”

Jay takes a step back as Len nearly spits in his face, but keeps eye-contact nonetheless. Slowly, a smile blooms on his face.

“You know…” He chuckles. “You really would make a great hero yourself.”

Len rolls his eyes. “Sorry, only speedsters _with_ their speed are allowed to give the ‘good in you’ speech to me.”

Jay smiles widely. “You really care for him, don’t you. I know you didn’t come out here because of _me _.__ Its _him_ you want to protect. _Him_ you want to let the 'good' out for.”

Len’s fingers twitch and his face pulls into a sneer, but he can’t bring himself to deny it. Jay seems to accept whatever he sees, and continues. “Okay.” He nods, sighing and running a hand through his hair. “Okay. I’ll…I’ll talk with them. Come up with a way to counteract this. Maybe even get my speed back if we are lucky.”

Len nods, looking away. “Barry thinks you are a good man. Hell, even _I_ see it too. Just, don’t let him down. Hero business is lonely. Barry can use all the help he can get.” Jay seems to understand what Len can’t say. That Len _wants_ to help Barry. Just isn’t sure he _can _.__ Not with the life he has now. Not in the way another _hero_ like Jay can. And Len is trusting Jay to be that pillar of support and friendship for Barry, so long as Jay is willing to take the steps needed to ensure he sticks around to make a difference.

Jay seems to be gearing up for another speech, so Len merely rolls his eyes and cuts him off. “Good talk. See you back downstairs.” He walks away, feeling Jay’s eyes on his retreat before the man follows. Two-against-one is much better odds after all. And Len is willing to expose a bit of himself if it means Barry is better prepared and backed-up when he next faces Zoom. Jay truly is a hero, much like Barry is, and yet in his own way. And if the Flash has brought this much light to this world, then Len thinks it would be a shame for another world to live without the light Jay no doubt brings to it as well. Len doesn’t fool himself into thinking he’s good for trying to keep the Flash (both of them) alive and kicking. But he also knows he isn’t bad for it either, even if it is selfish reasons that brought him here. And that is as good as he thinks he can get for now. And its enough to have him craving Barry’s smile and soft touch and assurances that Len has _good_ in him. Maybe enough for him to _believe_ Barry someday too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow guys. More plot, and more backstory. Always love scenes with Jay and Len! :) It has been a hectic week for me, what with all the family visiting. Happy belated Thanksgiving for all my American readers!!!! Anyways, life is still crazy on my end, but I am doing my best to continue as promised with updates and writing. Hope you all enjoyed and comments are love!!!  
> Up Next: Barry brings Len back home. They talk, and smut ensues, even if it isn't what either of them pictured.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry brings Len back home. They talk, and smut ensues, even if it isn't what either of them pictured.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up for smut. Also, this covers a medical/psychological condition that many males face. Just a warning that this smut may seem awkward and triggering with hints of anxiety if that is something that you might have a problem with.

Everyone is back in the Cortex. Jay, Caitlin, and Cisco are discussing his medical issues. Pulling up all the tests they had on Jay since coming to this world, comparing any changes as they look into possible causes and solutions. Len still isn’t entirely sure why he talked to the man. Maybe it's because his expression reminded him too much of Len himself. Maybe it reminded him too much of Barry. Either way, he knew the man would dig in his heels and procrastinate looking after himself until this mess with Zoom was over. The way the others argued and would have tried to convince him wouldn’t work. Len knew it wouldn’t have worked for him. Knew it didn’t work on Barry either. So he shoved his own comfort and issues aside, and made the pleas he knew would make the man listen. He tells himself it was only for Barry’s sake. To help another ally keep the Scarlet Speedster alive and well. Tells himself it was that and nothing more, even if his chest compresses in empathetic flutters and the thought of this _good_ man dying like that leaves his fists clenched and mouth sour. It doesn’t mean he _cares._ Doesn’t change who he still _is_ at the end of the day.

The blood on his hands doesn’t always feel quite so tacky. It’s been there long enough that most days he doesn’t even notice. Still, there are times when the phantom itch burns to life. Where he sees the lives he took and the ones he ruined. When his stomach churns and he scrubs the memories of tainted flesh until it's his own blood coating swollen and abrased skin.

It has to be because of Zoom. What he said and what he implied and the _memories_ that shoved to the forefront of his mind bringing the stupid itch back to life. He can only be thankful that Lisa has dropped the subject for now. She isn’t dumb, and clearly suspects what it is about. But she knows him. Knows when to push and when to leave him be. And that sends his love for her flaring to life, overwhelming everything else. He has no idea how she became such an amazing woman. It certainly wasn’t their father, and Len has failed her too many times to even consider taking credit for any part of her strength and cunning and character. If he were a weaker man, he would envy her for coming out of their childhood with as little damage as possible. As it is, he can only be thankful that she isn’t anywhere near as fucked up as he is.

Barry is slowly edging closer, breaking him out of his train of thoughts. “Hey.” He says, trying his best to smile brightly despite the circumstances. “How are you holding up?”

Len shrugs, taking the offered hand in a firm grasp. “I’m here.” He mutters softly. Barry is staring at him with soul-piercing, inquisitive eyes. No doubt looking for the lies and pain underneath the pretense. It makes Len want to laugh and cry and ravish and _scream_ all at once. Barry Allen, in all his goodness and compassion, _cares_ for Len. Cares if he’s hurt or sad or one step away from loosing control. Cares if he’s happy. Cares enough to ask. To be there. Its more than he’s had in…he can’t even remember if anyone has ever cared like that for him before.

Angie, Lisa, and Mick were all broken in their own way. Made treading feelings difficult; a minefield for all involved. Thomas was…well, the boy that Len was determined to give a good childhood to. The chances Len never had for a good life in the real world. Michael was lifetimes ago and gone before they really had a chance. And all the others were simply just there. Circling his life without ever being let fully in. Barry is the only one who stormed past all his defenses; broke the barriers down, and made a home in Len’s life as if that was something he actually  _wanted._ As if Len _deserved_ to have him there.

“I’m heading home.” Len picks his head up, meeting Barry’s gaze in clear invitation. “I can’t be here anymore. Need a change of scenery.”

Barry searches his face before nodding. “Alright. Would you like me to give you a ride?”

Len nods. They drove here, and Lisa can take the car herself. She’s flittering closer to Cisco, and Len knows now is the time to make his escape.

“Hang on.” Barry’s voice caresses his ear as he feels himself lifted. He runs them for ages and the blink of an eye all at once. Len will never get used to it, but finds he  enjoys the experience nonetheless.

He stumbles, standing in his own entryway as Barry flicks on the lights; the sound of a door slamming behind them registering belatedly. It's sloppy, returning home and keeping Barry with him so soon after…

But the thought of going back to a safe house leaves him nauseated, and the mere idea of being alone right now has his fingers twitching in panic.

“Thanks.” He mutters as he strides for the kitchen. He needs a drink. Needs a few, if he’s being honest. Barry follows him, staying close without encroaching, and that’s all Len needs to know that Barry is treading carefully around him right now.

The glass clinks and amber liquid fills his cup three fingers deep. He brings it too his mouth, alcohol tingling against his lips when he sees Barry moving in his periphery. Len freezes, glancing over and taking in the way Barry is studiously _avoiding_ looking at him right now. Sighing, Len sets the glass back to the counter. He never could watch when Lewis drank either. Lewis was the one who turned to alcohol for all his problems. A habit Len avoids, when he can.

Scowling at the drink, Len knows that he won’t be able to stomach it now. He drops it in the sink, with only a tad bit more force than necessary as he leans back and crosses his arms.

“Barry.” He calls softly, causing the other man to snap his head up. His throat is achingly dry, and Len finds he has no idea what to say here.

“Len?” Barry comes closer slowly, giving Len plenty of time to back away if he wants to. “Do you want to talk about it?” Barry is close enough to touch now, if Len wanted to. But he stays back just enough, letting Len make the moves for now.

Len wants to scowl, spit out a resolute _no_ and leave it at that. He doesn’t want to talk about it. But Barry is concerned, and Barry is _there,_ and Len finds his mouth opening.

“She didn’t want to leave.” He says. “She may not have been happy, but the heroine helped her get through the bad days. Changed her mind pretty quick the first time she found me stitching myself up in the bathroom. Convinced her to take us all out of there, before Dad could get to Lisa too. Took a few weeks, but she agreed in the end.”

He sighs, staring at the floor. “Told me to pack a bag, and one for Lisa too. Lewis came home early, yelling about dinner. She went to make it, hoping he would drink himself asleep so we could leave. Heard them arguing later. Things were getting loud, and I went down to see what was happening. Got there in time for it to get quiet again. Lewis had a knife in her gut and his hands around her throat. Like some useless _moron _,__ I just stood there and watched. I watched her die, and didn’t do a _damn_ thing to help. Lewis…looked lost and confused afterwards; a wild look I had never seen in his eyes. Never saw it again, either. Not even when he made a point to kill in front of me. Teach me how to do business ‘ _properly _’.”__ Len scowls, hating that he believed those lessons and followed in those same footsteps for so long.

“He threatened Lisa when he saw me, telling me to keep my mouth shut. Had me help him wrap her body in some old sheets and move her into an old trunk before taking it out to his car. Not sure what he did with her after that, but he left me to bleach the kitchen floor and get rid of the blood. Didn’t come home until the next day, reeking of alcohol and _thanking_ me for my help. Never mentioned that night again, and as far as anyone else was concerned, she had just left like she had been planning on doing anyways.”

“The divorce papers she signed earlier were filed, the bus tickets she purchased given away so they were recorded as being used, and no one asked any of us about her after that.” Len frowns, fists tight and shaking against his chest. “Lisa doesn’t know, obviously. Better she just think Mom left. Never wanted her to find out the truth. What I did to _help_.”

Soft, gentle hands pry his arms from their defensive stance; Barry plastering himself chest-to-chest as his arms circle Len’s waist.

“I’m sorry.” Barry whispered, holding him close. “I can’t even imagine what that was like. What you went through.”

“I should have done something.” Len’s voice cracks, unable to put the volume or resentment into it like he wants to.

“It’s not your fault.” Barry states firmly, pulling back to lock eyes. “It’s not your fault, Len. You told me not to take on other people’s guilt. Well, I’m telling you the same thing now. What Lewis did was his choice. So don’t you _dare_ keep blaming yourself for what _he_ did.”

Barry looks like he is gearing up for a whole speech, but Len cuts him off with a desperate crashing of lips. This isn’t like their other kisses. This is a battle for dominance. A clashing of lips and teeth and tongues as scraping fingers clench in bruising grips against skin and clothes while Len takes everything he can as Barry gives as good as he gets.

They eventually make their way to the bedroom, a trail of clothes marking their path on the way. Barry collapses to the mattress, Len bouncing down atop him. There are only boxers and the errant sock left by now, easy enough to shimmy out of with gyrating hips and slithering bodies. They clash and kiss and nip and _grind_ against each other in the oldest dance known to man. Erections slide as bodies writhe with nips and licks and the hot press of flesh.

Len shimmies his way down, leaving a path of marks behind to record his progress along the chiseled torso and on to even sweeter pastures. Barry bucks up under a particularly sensitive bite to his hip bone. Len presses him easily into the mattress, relishing the taste and heat and _feel_ of the glorious man beneath him.

There is no time left for foreplay as Len swallows everything Barry has to offer in the first dip of his head. The hot, heavy flesh drags against his tongue and catches his throat as Len swallows around him, bobbing and dipping in perfect rhythm to the cadence of his own name spilling from Barry’s lips.

Tears gather at his eyes with the brutal pace; but Len ignores it in the chase of pleasure, loosing himself in _Barry_ and pushing down the rest. It's fast and sloppy and dirty in a way Len doesn’t often indulge in. It’s quite new for Barry as well, if the sounds he is making are any indication.

“Len. Lenny. God- _fuck _-”__ Barry gasps, hips spasming in pleasure as Len swallows to the base once more. Barry is hard as any Greek statue, warmth of the sun brimming beneath his smooth skin. Len can’t get enough, yet takes too much all at once.

Barry’s hands _burn_ against his scalp; the hard press of legs against his back pushing Len into the mattress as Barry’s manhood seeks deeper refuge in his throat. Its not enough and too much all at once. Everything Len loves and all he dreaded fighting for dominance as his body shakes in pleasure and sorrow and joy and _fear_ all at once.

His hips are dragging against the mattress in hopes of feeding the fire inside. Hands are shaking against Barry’s hips outside his control, while tears warm his skin as he wills his cock to keep interest and struggles to force the lifeless eyes of Lisa’s mom away from his mind.

_You’re my kids._

A vicious swallow.

_You can’t leave me._

A playful nip.

_You want Lisa to end up like her?_

A bone-deep shudder.

_You want to leave me too?_

Len chokes out a sob against Barry’s groin, cock softening as he grips the warm flesh of _sin_ and _debauchery_ and _pleasure_ close.

“Len?” Barry questions, barely audible above the roar in his ears. A gasp replaces his apprehension as Len chokes his cock back into his mouth. His eyes are watering and his hands are twitching, but his mouth can still perform where the rest of him fails. Static fills his mind as his fingers leave bruises in their wake, swallowing burning flesh again and again and-

He grabs his cock, desperately tugging and dragging in the hope of re-kindling his physical reaction to this glorious man beneath him.

“Fuck, Len.” Barry can see and feel the violent pull of Len’s hand on himself, arching as Len swipes his tongue across Barry’s slit. There is a mess of pre-come and drool adorning Barry’s groin and Len’s cheeks. His eyes are red and lips swollen as he sucks on, focusing on the taste and the warmth and the feel of his own hand twisting and squeezing and-

He’s barely half-hard now, erection waning by the second. Fuck, he hated it when he got like this. When he really was interested, but his body was still reacting to all the negative memories and emotions still coursing through him. It's hard as hell to keep an erection when all you can see behind closed eyes is an innocent woman laying in a pool of her own blood; muting his pleasure and sending his anxiety sky-rocketing.

“M’close.” Barry pants, hands clenching and running over Len’s scalp. He relishes the feelings, the words and taste and _Barry_ dragging him back to the present. He may not be able to get off tonight, but there is no reason he can’t help Barry enjoy himself at least.

He abandons his cock, leaving it limp and useless as he turns the full force of his attention to Barry. One hand cupping and playing with his balls, rolling and tugging and massaging. Another scrapping patterns across his inner thigh, dipping in to tease closer to Barry’s hole. His mouth, hollowing in suction and throat vibrating in a hum of approval as Barry twitches inside him.

It doesn’t take long after that. A few more thrusts, a swipe of tongue and final swallow as Barry releases. The warm, salty seed pulses down his throat, pulling back enough for Barry to finish on his tongue, using it to caress Barry’s head as he swallows again and licks the other man clean.

“God, Len.” All tension drains from Barry, sprawled and relaxed in sated bliss. Len hums, moving up to lay beside him. His voice will be rough for awhile, but he can’t bring himself to complain. Not if it means that  _he_ is the one to leave Barry looking like _that;_ the taste of his pleasure still coating Len’s mouth.

“That was amazing.” Barry grins at him, seeming to finally find the energy to roll over.

“Glad to be of service.” Len smirks, his playful, hoarse tone sparking a quick giggle from the other man.

“Do you want me to…” Barry trails off, gaze sweeping down Len’s form as light fingers follow in their wake. Barry frowns then, movement stuttering to a stop. Len sighs, knowing Barry realizes how uninterested his body appears to be right now.

“Are you-I thought-” The frown deepens, confusion blooming on his face.

“Its fine, Kid.” Len shrugs, dreading the conversation he felt was about to happen.

Sharp eyes turn back to him. “I told you not to call me that.” Barry snaps. Len closes his eyes, knowing he was deflecting with the nickname, and knowing that turned confusion into irritation. This isn’t at _all_ the kind of talk they should be having only minutes after Barry came in his mouth.

“Sorry.” Len mutters. He considers tacking on a quick _won’t happen again _.__ But in all reality, he knows it probably will, and doesn’t want to make promises he can’t keep right now. He’s wired and exhausted and just wants a damn _drink _,__ but those are Lewis’ habits talking, and being with Barry is better than any drink in the world.

Barry sighs, sitting up and running a hand through his hair. Len follows suit. It seems they are do for some form of _talk _.__

“What’s…what’s going on in that gorgeous head of yours?” Barry fishes for info lightly, as if small flirtations and thrown-around compliments will magically make what comes next bearable.

Len frowns, wishing this conversation could have been put off. Angie was the only other one he had to explain this too; casual flings being more than fine with him fleeing without a word if this issue presented itself.

“Its not your fault, Barry. Just…everything that happened today. The memories it brought back. Kinda kills the mood. Not that you aren’t insanely arousing, Barry, because you are. But…I don’t think I’ll be good company tonight. Not for the things we both want to do. And trust me, I _do_ want to be with you Barry. Just can’t get out of my head enough to focus on it right now.”

“I’m sorry.” Barry shifts. “We didn’t have to-”

“It’s fine, Barry.” Len forces a small smile. “Like I said, I want you. I wanted to do that. Wanted more for tonight. Just…lost my head in it all.”

Barry takes his hand, stroking his thumb softly across the skin. “Do you…want to talk about it?”

Len frowns. “I think I’ve done more than enough _talking_ for tonight.” He almost sneers at that, hating that this is so difficult for him.

Barry frowns too, a confused yet considering crinkle in his brow. “Then what do you want to do? Do you want me to go?”

Len tightens his grip on Barry’s hand, holding it firmly. “No.” He vows, actions mirroring his words. “But…if we continue as we were…its going to take awhile. Much longer than usual, and I don’t want you to feel like its your fault if I can’t….get into the mood or…finish.” Len scowls. He read up on it a little bit, when he first realized he occasionally had a problem. Was too young at the time to blame it on age. Had already had and wanted and enjoyed more than enough sex to think himself as being  asexual. Wasn’t related to anything Lewis or…or the prostitutes had done with him either. It was just _him _.__ And he didn’t know what that meant at the time. And it terrified him.

Delayed Ejaculation. A problem many men have throughout their life, though usually in sporadic occurrences. He is thankful he doesn’t have to deal with this for every sexual encounter as some do (the times he does suffer through it being hard enough as is). Doesn’t stop the sour taste left in his mouth when he realizes that this is a  _psychological_ problem for him. One brought on by traumatic events and depression, no doubt. Though he knows it isn’t true, knows it isn’t his fault; doesn’t stop him from feeling _weakness_ and _failure_ when it pops up.

The definition he found all those years ago definitely suited him; though the bare minimum of ‘30 minutes of stimulation to reach ejaculation’ sounded like a joke to him. He was lucky if it only took him 30 minutes to finish like this. Usually, anxiety filtering through his system kept him from toppling over the edge for hours. More often than not, he ended up frustrated enough to not even bother continuing. Just stepped into a cold shower and let the water wilt whatever remained of his failed attempt at pleasure.

He remembered how confused and concerned Angie was the first time it happened. Hours on end of hot, sweaty sex sounded immensely great until you looked at the picture behind the curtain. Of Angie in the throws of pleasures, chasing orgasm after orgasm while Len pounded and soaked the sheets in their sweat and changed angles and swallowed her cries and drowned in frustration after she eventually asked _are you getting close_ when they had been at it for nearly two hours and his aching cock just _couldn’t_ find the release it needed.

He hated himself in that moment, because he couldn’t tell if she was _loosing interest_ or _growing bored_ or just _worried about him _.__ Worried about the pain and frustration that must have been clearly written on his face when they switched to the ninth position of the night and he _still_ couldn’t bring himself to follow her over the ledge.

It had worked out, in the end. Only because they had eventually sat down and talked it all out. Angie was more understanding than he could ever hope for when he finally opened up a week after that first night. Her understanding had helped quite a bit when it arose after that. Knowing the things to avoid saying or doing, encouraging him and respecting when he felt he _couldn’t_ do it anymore. Len knows that Barry, being _Barry _,__ will likely react the same way. Doesn’t make this any easier.

Barry stares at him, that deep stare that shows how much Barry is truly _looking_ at him. Looking _in_ him, and reading into everything he can as he searches for whatever Len keeps hidden.

“Is that what you really want?” Barry asks softly, not wanting to push what _he_ wants onto Len, just as he doesn’t want to tell Len what to want either.

Len sighs. “I want to, Barry. I just…it really will take a _long_ time tonight. And I don’t want you to end up discouraged, or dissatisfied, or anything else. So if you don’t think you’re going to be fine with that, then tell me and we can wait until I’m better suited to do so again.”

“What do you mean?” Len knows Barry is still confused, wanting all the facts laid out before diving in. Makes Len breathe easier even as he wants to duck in shame as he explains.

“Just…it's a psychological thing. Sometimes, it takes me awhile to orgasm. If I even can at the time. Its no fault on my partner, or the position, or anything outside my head, really. I know…I know it could end up being frustrating, for both of us, if I can’t get off and you can’t get me off. Might be really, really amazing sex. Might be a complete disaster. So, if you really want to do this Barry, then I would love too. But if you feel it might be too much, then I will have no problem waiting either. Ball’s in your court, Scarlet.”

Len can see the lightning-fast thoughts flickering through Barry’s micro-expressions. He waits, knowing this could potentially bring them so much closer or drive them further apart. Finally, Barry seems to settle on his decision.

“You really want to do this?” Barry asks again, as if its the first time they’ve had sex. Which, in reality, it _is_ the first time they’ve been together without any sort of outside influence. Len never, _never_ thought their _first_ would be like this. Still, they’ve already waited so long since that first night with everything else, and who knows when they might have a chance like this again.

“I do.” Len tilts his head, watching Barry just as closely as he himself is being watched.

“Okay.” Barry nods, smiling. “Then I want to be with you too. Just…is there anything I should avoid? Or anything that might help?”

Len frowns, hating laying himself bare like this, but knowing it's better than having something that could potentially trigger him pop up later.

“For one, I don’t really care for being asked what _helps_ when I’m…struggling. Reminds me…makes me feel…less-than-normal. Not in the good way, either. And don’t ask me if I’m close, or getting there, or anything like that. We can stop anytime you or I want, so if you loose interest or feel too tired to continue, just let me know. Sex doesn’t have to end with my orgasm, and being asked when I think I can reach it just adds to the pressure and anxiety that makes it take longer.”

Len thinks a bit more. “It's…no generic pet names, either. The girls Lewis paid to…I just don’t like being called _babe_ or _doll_ or anything like that. Outside the bedroom is fine. Just stick to my name or more personalized nicknames when we’re in bed and I’ll be fine.”

“Okay.” Barry smiles, even if the hint of sorrow and tinge of anger on Len’s behalf remains in his eyes. “I can do that, Len. Anything else?”

“No.” Len shakes his head, letting a hint of a smile surface. “Just be honest with me, Barry. Let me know whether it's working for you or not. Don’t need both of us ending up frustrated and exhausted if it…doesn’t work out right now.”

Barry still seems a bit unsure. “Are you _sure_ you want to do this right now? Because it sounds like-”

“I do.” Len cuts him off. “I would tell you if I didn’t. Just wanted you to know what you were getting into is all.”

“Alright.” Barry smiles. “How do you want to-”

“What do _you_ want to do, Barry.” Len smirks at him, letting a mischievous edge seep in to cover up his anxiety. “We have quite awhile to play around with various positions…fantasies…desires. So how do _you_ want to start this?”

“I-” Barry blushes, beautiful red lighting his cheeks and bringing out more of the glorious _green_ in the hazel of his eyes. “I want to suck your cock. If that’s okay with you.”

Len smirks wider, pecking Barry quickly on the lips. “Better get to it then, Scarlet. Know how impatient you speedsters can be. Would hate to be left out in the _cold_ because I couldn’t _keep up. _”__

“God.” Barry moans, trying and failing to cover up his chuckle. “Are puns seriously going to be a permanent fixture of our sex-life from now on?”

Len snorts. __“_ Chill _,__ Barry. My puns are amazing. Not my fault some of us are too _slow_ to appreciate them.”

“You’re a dork.” Barry grins, kissing him quickly.

“Not the worst thing I’ve been accused of being. I think I can live with it.” Len heaves a put-upon sigh, as if shouldering through a great sacrifice.

“Yep. Total dork.” Barry snickers.

“Total dork who’s cock you wanted to suck, if my memory serves me. Which it _always_ does.” Len grins widely, running his hands down Barry’s torso. He can _see_ the dilation expanding in Barry’s eyes.

“Yeah. I’m gonna do that now.” Barry breathes, swinging his leg over to straddle Len.

“Good idea.” Len grins, meeting lips halfway as they kiss lazily and with a slow build of heat that Len had not anticipated for any of this. But it's perfect and hot and exactly what he needs right now. And no way in hell is he going to stop Barry now that they are doing this. If they way Barry is gripping the sheets and moaning into his mouth are any indication, he seems to be thinking the exact same thing. And that, if nothing else, finally drags Len’s entire focus to _Barry _.__ And that’s enough to finally bring his cock to give a twitch of interest. Yeah, Barry definitely had an excellent idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there you have it. Len and Barry finally do-the-do again. Will continue, but obviously both chapters will be vastly different from the last time. This really is a problem many men face. And most are related to previous trauma, whether sexual or otherwise. So Len wanting it...but being unsure if he can act on it is completely realistic. And communication really is the best way to approach relationships, hence Len stumbling to explain his reactions to Barry. This is something I experienced in the past, on the receiving end and with no communication until the end. Understanding the other person really can help both parties enjoy the experience more. Whether it be a condition or simply personal preference. Just remember to communicate what you want and what you don't. Other than that, comments are still pure love and drive me to write much more enthusiastically. Thank you all for reading, and I will see you again next chapter. Not sure if I will post warnings again or not, but be forewarned that they will still apply.  
> Up next: Pure smut. Continuation of the end of this chapter. Completely NSFW.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pure smut. Continuation of the end of this chapter. Completely NSFW.

Barry wasn’t sure what to expect. What he was thinking. What he was even doing. Len had sounded… _off._ Off, and nervous in a way that was _drastically_ different from the last time they ended up in bed together. He thought…he thought this might be a flash-back sort of scenario. Of Len trapped in what he _thought_ happened last time with Bivolo. Of what had happened to him with Lewis, or what Lewis put him through with Michael and everything after. Hell, with the memories of Lisa’s _mother_ Len had re-lived and divulged. But Len said he wanted this. _Insisted_ he did, even if it might take awhile for his body to respond properly.

Barry wanted to stop it at first, unsure how this might affect Len. But he was horny, and recognized the gleam in Len’s eyes that said he _wanted_ it too. Even if he couldn’t…perform as he usually did. So Barry decided to take his time. To watch and wait and listen for any sign that he needed to stop this if things started going… _wrong _.__

He mapped out Len’s body with mouth and tongue and fingers. Barry knew his own body intimately. Len knew it as well, finding all the places that made Barry arch and grasp and groan last time they were naked and alone and aroused. Barry had been especially sensitive ever since waking up from his coma. Behind his ears and high on his neck. His nipples. The hollow by his hip bones. His inner thighs. Scraping of fingernails against his back and hot breath behind his knees. All those places made him go _crazy_ with desire and pleasure.

Len didn’t share all those places with him. He hummed in contentment when Barry worked behind his ears, drawing the lobes into his mouth and sucking at the flesh available. But it wasn’t _enough _.__ It wasn’t _aching_ with how _good_ it felt. So Barry continued to search.

The place where neck met shoulder, easily covered by the turtle-necks or even regular shits Len wore. That spot finally drew a _groan_ of delight from the man. So Barry stayed there, leaving a few more marks than men of his age should be tempted to leave or men of Len’s age receive. But it felt so _good _,__ knowing the pleasure it gave the other man, even if they were necking it like insatiable teenagers. So Barry continued to suck and kiss and nip his fill until he continued on.

His chest and nipples weren’t too sensitive (much to Barry’s disappointment), but high on his ribs and just under his armpits brought those sounds of content andgasps of _awe_ back to life. The spots around his hipbones seem to be as sensitive as Barry’s, which brings a wicked grin to his face as he continues to work the area.

Len is half-hard by now. A far cry from their last experience, but worlds better than it was when Len talked about what was going on with him tonight. Barry takes his balls into his mouth, sucking and playing as his fingers ghost over Len’s thighs and stomach. He can feel the hitched breaths and cut-off groans as he keeps licking and rolling and _feeling_ the orbs of soft, loose flesh. Len has some hair down there, which Barry isn’t entirely used too, but he keeps it trim and clean, and Barry finds he can enjoy the taste and texture well enough for it to not bother him in the least. He always found the thought of pubic hair near or in his mouth would be disgusting, but it adds much more to the experience than he could have ever imagined. Barry thinks he might even _like_ it, especially on Len. It must feel _amazing_ for Len as well.

Recently, Barry has taken to shaving his own pubic hair to avoid any friction or catches on clothes and zippers at super-speed. It only had to happen once for him to decide _never again _.__ Still, he can happily remember how arousing gentle tugs and brushes of the sensitive hairs could be. Is eager to give Len those same sensations now.  

He finally turns to Len’s cock, enjoying the hot and heavy flesh in his mouth. It’s still soft enough for him to fit most of the length inside him much more easily than if he had been fully erect. He suckles and strokes and _takes_ as Len lets him continue at his own pace. Barry has no idea how long it goes on, alternating between mouth and hand whenever his jaw begins to ache too much; but Len is fully hard now, and Barry himself is aching for release again between his own legs.

Feeling bold, Barry takes in as much as he can. Much more than expected, as it turns out, when he pulls off with a gagging cough.

“Barry.” Len chuckles, eyeing him with concern. “You okay, there?”

“Yeah.” Barry rasps, eyes watering. “That’s harder than it looks.”

Len’s face softens with fondness. “Yeah, I know. You don’t have to deep-throat me, Barry. As much as I enjoy it, it’s only good when my partner enjoys it as well. When they have enough experience to be able to do it easily enough. Just take as much as you can handle, Barry. Sex isn’t supposed to be uncomfortable. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to here. And what you were doing before was definitely... _good._ ”

“I _do_ want to.” Barry pouts. “It felt amazing when you did it to me.”

“It does.” Len smiles. “Again, only if the one performing it _can_ do it well enough while _enjoying_ it. Just stick to what you know for now. We can try for more later, if you want.”

Barry feels himself blush, but is also relieved that he doesn’t have to stretch himself outside his comfort zone at the moment. He had tried, back in college. Never worked out there either, and never stayed with someone long enough to reach that point. It is something he would like to try successfully one day, but after plenty of time to work up to it.

“What do you like?” Barry asks, lazily stroking Len’s cock.

“What you were doing. Just…play with my head. Maybe rub your finger against the vein on the underside of my cock. And…and keep playing with my balls. Yeah, just like that, Barry. I like that.”

Barry cups his balls in hand, rolling them as he sucks hard on the head, running and pressing his tongue along the slit at the top. Len groans, angling his hips up for better access as he throws his head back.

“God, so gorgeous Barry. So fucking hot with your lips around my cock. _Jesus _.”__ Len moans, running his hands through Barry’s hair and tugging at the strands.

It goes on until Barry needs another break. “C’mere.” Len mutters, arranging them so Barry is straddling Len’s face with his own resting near Len’s dick, sloppy and wet and standing at full attention.

“I’m going to suck you now, Barry.” Len’s words ghost warm and incredibly _sweet_ against Barry’s inner thigh. “You can do whatever you want to me in the meantime.”

And then Barry’s cock is enveloped in _heat_ as Len swallows him down. Barry knows he isn’t giving _nearly_ as good as Len is, with his experience and talent and eager _taking_ of all Barry has to give. Still, he tries his best, and Len’s moans and hums of appreciation show that he must be doing something right.

It takes no time at all for Barry to empty himself into Len, words of warning going unheeded as Len pulls him closer and drinks him up.

Barry shuffles after that, returning between Len’s legs and stroking lazily. “What now?” He grins.

“What do you like, Barry?” Len tilts his head with a smile.

Shaking his head, Barry replies. “Nu-uh. I just got off. This is about _you_ tonight, Len. So what do you like?”

Len looks thoughtful for a moment. “I like it when _you_ like it, Barry. I like making you moan. Making you _come_ with my name in your mouth.”

Barry blushes, pushing down thoughts of how _sweet_ it is that Len gets off on his partners pleasure. Ignores the traitorous part of his mind that brings up it _might_ be because sexual acts weren’t always pleasurable for Len. That he was raped and violated and _never_ wanted to be the one forcing that experience on someone else. Makes him ache with what might be _love_ and _compassion_ for the man, even as _anger_ and _hate_ against the father who put his son through those awful events rises.

“I-” Barry contemplates for a moment, bringing his mind back to the present before forging on. “I want to suck you again. And finger myself while I do it. So I can ride you after I’m loose and ready.”

Len smirks while his eyes darken in pleasure. “Sounds like a plan, Scarlet.”

With a duck of his head, Barry goes to do exactly that. It feels so good, tasting and _feeling_ Len in his mouth while his own spit-slick fingers explore deep inside; prodding and opening and _stroking_ his prostrate in time with the bobs of his head.

Barry either opens much faster than he thought possible, or he lost time in _Len_ surrounding and encompassing all his senses. He pops off with an obscene sound, fingers pulling out reluctantly as he moves up.

“Wait.” Len stills him with a hand on his chest, reaching out for the bedside table. He retrieves lube and a condom before hesitating.

“I’m…I’m clean, Barry. I have the tests to prove it, and haven’t been with anyone but you since then. If…if you’re fine…it’s just better for me now, easier to actually _feel_ without the condom when it takes me awhile. If you’re comfortable with it, that is.”

Barry takes a second to think it over. It is a big step, after all. Unprotected sex. Takes a lot of trust to know the other person is as clean as they claim. Even with the knowledge that Barry’s healing factor will now take care of anything he might contract, it’s still hard to shake that habit, nor is it a habit he wishes to leave behind.

“Okay.” Barry smiles. “I’m clean too. You can ask Caitlin, if you want. She’s done enough tests on me by now to have any results you might want.” Barry doesn’t doubt for a minute Len hasn’t already checked somehow. He seems like the type of person who would be thorough like that before making such an offer. “I want to feel _you _,__ Len. Want you to feel me too. I trust you. We don’t have to use a condom if you don’t want to.”

Len returns a timid, crooked flash of teeth. “Want to make you feel so good, Barry. Want to fill you up. In the best way possible.” He pops the cap, lubing his cock before holding it in place to gently guide Barry down with a hand on his hip.

Barry sighs in pleasure as Len breaches him, pausing to adjust. Len senses his slight discomfort, giving him all the time he needs. He didn’t prep himself as much as he usually did, not for someone with the slightly-larger size that Len has. They both take their time, shallow thrusts and ample pauses until _finally_ Barry is able to sink all the way to the base without a hint of pain and only pleasure bouncing around his nerves from the _fullness_ he feels.

“Feels so good, Barry.” Len grunts, clenching his hips tight as his breath picks up.

“God, Len. So do you.” Barry groans, rising up to sink back down as he begins to gently bounce on Len’s lap. Len grips him tight, angling his hips to meet Barry as best he can. Barry moans over and over, relishing the slow drags against his inner walls striking a fire of _bliss_ from his very core.

“ _Barry _.”__ Len moans, throwing his head back as they both pick up the pace. “S’good, Barry. Just like that.” Barry wants to make this last, striving to slow down and enjoy every moment, even as his next orgasm is fast approaching. Len plants his feet, using the leverage to snap up into Barry _hard_ and _deep_ and _fast _.__ God, he’s pounding into Barry so fast now, striking his prostate perfectly when Len changes angles, hand on his back forcing Barry forward to lick into each others mouths.

“I’m close.” Barry pants against wet lips. Len keeps pulling Barry closer, keeps thrusting up in a brutal pace as they mouth against each other (breathing too hard to properly kiss right now). His other hand eventually makes its way from Barry’s hip to his weeping erection, playing with the beads of pre-come at the tip before wrapping fully around and _tugging _.__ It only takes a minute of that before Len is painted with spurts of Barry’s come.

Len keeps thrusting, settling into a more gentle pace as he works Barry back down and shivers in sympathy and pleasure as the vibrations fade.

“You good?” Len asks him, thumbs rubbing circles into his skin as Barry blinks open to lock eyes with the _fond_ look Len is giving him.

Barry can’t help the owlish grin he gives at that. “Yeah, Len. M’more than good.” They kiss lazily, a hint of exhaustion still weighing on Barry after his last orgasm. He may have a near non-existent refractory period, but multiple orgasms can still tire him out eventually.

Len rolls them over, kisses slowly turning more passionate as Barry’s cock swells in anticipation once more. Slow, shallow thrusts leave Barry more than compliant as Len arranges them. He ends up on his back with Len’s thighs kneeling under his ass. Hands are on his ankles, bringing them to rest his feet against Len’s chest as the other man sits up. The position forces Barry to roll his hips back, presenting his ass in the air as his spread legs leave everything on display.

Len watches with rapt intensity as his cock disappears into Barry’s willing body again and again. His eyes flicker back and forth, taking in Barry’s face, his body, and their most intimate connection.

“Ready to go again?” Len asks, a slight falter in his pace as he fights against speeding up.

“Fuck yes, _Len _.”__ Barry whines, pushing slightly against him as he lifts his hips in further invitation. They are both covered in sweat; tacky streaks of come adorning Len’s torso as his muscles ripple under the sheen with his every move.

Len finally releases his ankles, moving to hold Barry’s hips in place as he lets go. It’s unpredictable, Len speeding up to sharp, quick thrusts, and slowing down to slam hard into Barry with a gentle drag out. The sensations drive Barry crazy, moaning and writhing as he begs Len with pleas of _more_ and _right there_ and _keep going _.__

His legs end up draped over Len’s shoulders, shaking too much to keep their previous spot on their own. Len gently nudges his thighs further out, thumb stroking around his entrance, brushing his own cock with every push and pull of their hips.

“Sweet _fuck _,__ Barry. You have no idea how you look right now. How pink and willing your ass is. How hard and _wanting_ your cock is. Your gorgeous body on display for _me _,__ Barry. How fucking sexy you look.” Len tears his gaze away from his circling thumb to stare deep into Barry’s eyes. “You have no idea what you do to me.” He breathes, slamming hard into Barry before he can respond with anything more than a moan of pure  _ecstasy _.__

Len leans forward seconds, minutes, _hours_ later; sloppy kisses and panted breaths filling their senses as their nerves hum in _approval_ and _connection _.__

“I’m almost there, Len.” Barry gasps, release hovering over him as he tilts near the edge. Barry bats his hand away when he reaches for his cock. “Want to come like this.” Barry can feel the blush adorning his cheeks, his neck, his chest. “Want to come on you holding me down, Len. Please, want that so bad. Want to make you feel so good.”

Len shivers as his hips stutter in their cadence. “Fuck, Barry. Okay. What do you need?” His eyes are wide and blown, jaw slack as he picks up the pace while Barry writhes best he can while bent in half and trapped under Len’s warm and gentle weight.

“Keep going.” Barry pants, fingers clawing at Len’s back as his other hand moves to quickly jerk his own cock. “A bit faster. Don’t stop.” A short whine slips past his lips, Len following his every wish.

They are absolutely soaked in sweet, dripping from Len above him and sliding down Barry to the sheets below. They’ll have to change them after this, but it doesn’t matter. It’s more than worth it, if it means they can have _this_ and the feeling of Len all around and _inside_ is driving Barry absolutely _mad_ with desire.

Barry comes down from his orgasm in waves a few minutes later. Len continues to ride through the after-shocks with him, gentling the force behind his thrusts without slowing the pace.

It’s only then, when his mind clears from the haze of pleasure, that Barry can finally notice the hint of frustration peaking through Len’s expression. Like Len is on the edge, but can’t find that final push to send him over. Barry feels lost, unsure how to help him and not wishing to make things worse.

“What do you need?” He asks, hoping it won’t be one of those phrases that stall Len even more.

The thrusts finally slow, and Len releases a frustrated growl. “I don’t _know _,__ Barry.”

Barry can feel his heart softening in sympathy even as he leaves his face open and understanding.

“Do you want to keep fucking me? Or do you want me to suck you again? Or we could do something else, if you want?”

Len sighs as he pulls out, flopping on his back beside Barry as he continues to stroke his cock.

“Do you need a break? I’ve been inside you for awhile.” Len seems to be looking him over, checking to see how Barry’s body is holding up. Barry smiles as he swings a leg over to straddle Len.

“Super-healing, remember? You aren’t going to break me, Len.” He gently kisses the sweaty brow below him, running his hands up and down the hot, heaving flesh of that beautiful torso on display. His fingers catch on ridges and glide over smooth patches of skin and scar; giving equal attention to everything Len has to offer him.

Len snorts. “Doesn’t mean it won’t be uncomfortable if we keep this up much longer.”

Barry frowns at that, conceding that he might have a point. And now that he thinks about it, he isn’t too sure he wants Len’s cock inside his mouth after where its been for so long now. He’s never tasted _himself_ on someone else before. The musky scent of his most intimate of locations is now coating Len. A hand-job probably won’t get the job done either. Sighing, Barry feels a hint of frustration as well, understanding why Len was hesitant at the start of all this.

Still, Barry is nothing if not stubborn. And he is determined to do whatever he can to make this as enjoyable for Len as possible.

Grabbing up the tube of lube, he generously coats Len’s cock once more. “I think I’m good for another round.” He smiles coyly, rising up to impale himself once more. He bounces for ages and no time at all, feeling blood pool low in his groin once more.

“Move me however you want.” Barry chokes out once he is fully hard again, tired of Len lying complacent below him as he allows Barry to take whatever he needs. “Want you in charge. Need you to manhandle me. To make me let you feel so good, Len.”

Len groans, dragging Barry down for a heated kiss. Finally, _finally _,__ his feet are planted firmly once more as he snaps up into Barry. Barry moves away from his mouth, finding all the areas that made Len arch and moan once more as he continues to ride him.

His legs are burning and his ass is a fire of sore pleasure as exhaustion weighs on him. Still, he eventually finds himself nearing the edge once more.

Len is tense and taught as a bowstring beneath him, harsh grunts and even harsher snaps of flesh and desire filling the air. Barry knows how much Len wants this. How much he _needs_ release by now. So Barry continues doing everything he can to help him there.

It takes longer for him to come this time, spent from all his previous orgasms. Still, it’s no less pleasurable or powerful when it does overtake him.

He gasps Len’s name as he comes, feeling the vibrations over-take him once more. Len groans and stutters his hips as he does every time Barry gets like this. Going for broke, Barry forces the vibrations to continue even after his cock empties itself across Len once more.

“ _Jesus fuck _,__ Barry.” Len pants, cheeks a lovely rosy hue as his blown eyes roll back. It’s harder than Barry thought, keeping this up for so long. Still, Len is finally right at the edge. His breath catches and his rhythm falters as his muscles spasm in pleasure.

Barry is nearing his limit, knows he might pass out if he keeps this up for much longer.

“Come in me, Len. Want to to fill me up. Please, Len.” Barry whines, voice shaking with a hint of vibrations. Len’s face scrunches up as his hands bruise Barry’s hips in their tight grip. Still, it only takes a few more thrusts before Barry feels it.

Len’s cock twitches inside of him, a hot rush of fluids spurting after. Len’s jaw drops and his back arches off the bed as his head rolls back in release.

It takes minutes of them lying there and panting, sweat cooling on their over-heated skin as they both come down. They both hiss with discomfort as Len pulls out, Barry lifting himself slightly to help.

Barry braces a hand on Len’s chest as he goes to roll over, catching a nipple with his pinkie in the process. Len winces, gripping Barry’s hand tight as he does so.

“Over-sensitive.” Len mumbles in explanation, releasing Barry’s hand.

“Yeah, I get like that too sometimes.” Barry grins in reply. It usually only happens when there is a lot of static electricity in the air, surrounding him both inside and out. So he understands how one’s body can be sensitized to the point of unpleasantness. Makes a note of it for future reference, for whenever this might happen again.

Sighing, Len rubs gentle circles into his own stomach with his fingers, testing his body’s reaction as he continues to control his breathing.

“How do you feel?” Len asks, voice harsh and husky from exertion.

“Fantastic.” Barry grins, mimicking Len’s actions himself. They are both covered in sweat and come, due for a shower and some food as well in Barry’s case. But it was still a _fantastic_ night of sex, and Barry doesn’t regret a single moment. “You?” Barry asks, hoping Len feels even an ounce of the pleasure still humming under Barry’s skin.

“Great.” Len smiles. “Tired. Muscles will be sore. Need to change the sheets. But really, really _good _.”__

Barry chuckles, glad this night worked out for them both in the end. It was rough, knowing what Len went through earlier. He can only be happy they were still able to end it on a high note.

They lie there in companionable silence, Len continuing to test his sensitivity until he deems it reasonable once more.

“There’s food in the kitchen. Know you probably need some now. I’m gonna go shower.” Len sits up, groaning and stretching as he rises.

Barry follows suit, glancing at the clock on the nightstand. He does a double-take, not quite believing his eyes.

“Holy shit!” He exclaims, drawing Len’s attention. His brow quirks in question, and Barry feels himself blushing as he sheepishly explains.

“We’ve been having sex for…four hours?” The numbers don’t lie, but it still somehow comes out as a question. Len chuckles, only a hint of self-deprecation present. “My record is five. Angie stayed in bed for most of the next day after that. Take it you won’t have that problem, super-healing and all.” Len smirks, standing to collect his clothes for the rest of the night.

Barry can only gape, trying not to focus on the pleasant burn he feels in his ass, or the knowledge that it will be gone by morning. A morning which is only a handful of hours away by now.

“I-I don’t. _Wow._ That’s…I didn’t think it was possible.” Barry knows he is still blushing. Knows he wants this to happen again, but maybe without the frustration Len has to deal with. Imagines giving the man multiple orgasms, wondering how much longer it will take with all the breaks of a normal, human refractory period. Maybe with some food in between sessions, just to keep his energy up. Yeah, Barry could get on board for a weekend like that real fast.

Len has stopped chuckling by the time Barry focuses once more. “You can have the next shower.” Len smiles fondly from the bathroom doorway, clothes set on the counter behind him.

“Okay.” Barry grins widely.

“Food’s still in the kitchen, Scarlet.” Len reminds him with a smirk as he shuts the door. Barry chuckles and ignores the sound of a lock clicking into place. He knows it isn’t personal. That it must be habit. The action still stings, despite knowing how guarded Len is used to being. Has always had to be.

Sighing, Barry stands and strips the sheets before going in search of food. It hasn’t even been two full weeks since that first night. They have come a long way in that time. And Barry knows how much Len trusts him. How much he cares. It’s only Barry’s own insecurities causing this uncertainty now. Insecurities that have given Barry plenty of trouble in the past. But now, with Len, maybe that can change. Maybe they can help each other be better. And that thought is enough for Barry to let the matter lay to rest for now.

He’ll talk to Len about it if it pops up again. For now, though, Barry needs food. And his stomach waits for no man. Everything else can wait because right now, Barry is going to eat. They can worry about re-stocking the kitchen in the morning.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it folks! Smut, smut, and more smut! I know it's a bit different than most found on this site. I hope I was able to include a healthy amount of both realism and the unrealistic sexual fantasies of a speedster using his powers in bed. I covered a bit of the topics that popped up in the last chapter as well. If anyone feels that any part of it needs more explanation, please let me know and I will try to add it. Also, unsafe sex is a serious issue with a lot of serious consequences. It should always be talked about beforehand, and no one should ever feel pressured into complying with it.   
> Personal life is still hectic, and I have also been distracted by other story ideas popping up that I am trying to outline as well. Hoping to continue weekly updates in the meantime, but that is always up for change depending on how quickly I catch up to what I have already written. Thank you all for reading, and I always enjoy seeing the fantastic comments left. Seriously, you guys are great! :)  
> Up Next: Barry and Len talk. Barry brings up getting Len's record cleared legally of Lewis's murder and the subsequent jail break. Lisa interrupts their morning, determined to get some straight answers out of Len. The siblings talk, and Barry tries and fails to hide how embarrassed he is at the awkward position Lisa found them in when she arrived.


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry and Len talk. Barry brings up getting Len's record cleared legally of Lewis's murder and the subsequent jail break. Lisa interrupts their morning, determined to get some straight answers out of Len. The siblings talk, and Barry tries and fails to hide how embarrassed he is at the awkward position Lisa found them in when she arrived.

Barry wakes up slowly. He is relaxed and content to nuzzle further into the warm covers. The scent of _Len_ still lingers on the sheets after the two had remained cuddled close all night. Barry had come out of his shower last night to find Len had already made the bed and set a pair of soft, flannel pants aside for him. They were still too big on Barry with his slim waist, but the cinched knot he ties keep them from falling down. Len slept fully clothed, something Barry expects he always does, prepared to be up and running at a moments notice. Still, he remembered that Barry prefers sleeping without a shirt. Chose the pants he knew Barry would enjoy the color and texture of. Little acts of remembrance and kindness that Barry never expected from the other man. And he loves every moment of it.

The smell of bacon and eggs is what finally drags him from bed, stumbling after his nose vaguely towards the kitchen.

“I’ll see you soon, Thomas. Tell Ange I said ‘hi’.” Len is scowling at the phone in his hand as he ends the call. Barry looks at him curiously as he comes in, wrapping around the other man and dropping a kiss to the back of his neck.

“Morning.” He mumbles, mouthing at the warm flesh of his neck, even as he eyes the coffee pot greedily.

“Good morning, Barry.” Len drops the phone on the counter, picking up a mug to wave under Barry’s appreciative nose.

“Hmmm. Hazelnut?” Barry accepts the beverage happily, humming once more in appreciation as he sips the hot-yet-drinkable nectar of the gods.

“Remembered you liked it.” Len shrugs, turning his attention back to the stove as he checks on the bacon before plating it up to drain excess grease on some paper towels.

Barry smiles wide as he takes another sip, absolute _heaven_ flooding his mouth with the single cream and two sugars Len had mixed in. Exactly the way Barry likes it.

“Thanks.” Barry can’t help but peck his cheek, going in for a kiss on the lips as Len turns to him. Its domestic as fuck; something Barry hasn’t ever had with any of his romantic interests in the past. Yet if feels good and _right,_ and Barry suddenly wishes every morning could start like this.

Barry frowns, still seeing a hint of tension in Len. “What did Thomas want? Are they okay?” Barry asks, the first conclusion he comes to for explaining Len’s lingering mood.

Len sighs, prodding at the eggs as he answers. “Lisa is trying to get him to do her dirty work. Wants answers I don’t think I can give her.” He frowns, grabbing up two plates to dish a single serving of eggs and bacon on one, and the rest of the batch on the other.  

“She’s asked before. Her whole life, really, ever since her mom was gone. Should be used to it by now, but she hasn’t been this persistent before. Usually let it drop pretty easily. Now though…I don’t think she’s going to let it go this time.”

They move over to the table, Len carrying the plates and Barry their mugs.

“Why don’t you want to tell her?” Barry asks quietly, taking a few bites first to think over what he should say. “She’s strong, Len. We both know she can handle this. So what’s stopping you?”

Len frowns, playing with his food more than eating it. “I’ve always been the one protecting her, Barry. But this…this is the opposite of that. I’m part of the reason she grew up without a mom. Bad enough I left her alone with Lewis for so many years. Don’t want her to look at me as see the brother who stood by and watched her mom get murdered on top of all that.”

Len starts eating after that, as if chewing will be the only excuse he needs to keep from talking. Barry feels a stab of pain in his chest watching the other man struggle to keep his blank expression in place. Reaching out, Barry takes his hand and holds it firmly.

“That’s not going to happen, Len. What happened back then doesn’t change who you are today. Who you are to Lisa. The way she looks at you, looks _up_  to you…I honestly don’t think there’s anything you could do to change that, Len. I’m not trying to tell you what to do here, but now just might be the time. Zoom isn’t going to go away, and he might bring it up again. Better she hear the truth from you than finding out like that.”

Len glances up at him, ice-blue eyes deep and penetrating. He gives a slight nod before taking a sip of his coffee (black, as it should be, _Scarlet_ ). “I’ll think about it.” Len tactfully replies, calm and calculated as ever. Barry can’t help but snort, turning back to the small mountain of food in front of him.

“I’m here if you need me, Len. Just let me know.”

Len hums agreeably, and they eat in companionable silence after that, while another issue twitches at the back of Barry’s mind. It’s as they are loading the dishwasher and cleaning the pans that Barry finally brings it up.

“Hey, Len? I, uh-well, Joe had a fantastic idea the other day. I was going to bring it up, but stuff kept getting in the way and everything and-”

Len gives him the _look;_ the raised eyebrow and hint of warring fondness and exasperation that let Barry know he is rambling, and that Len finds it utterly adorable, even as he somewhat patiently waits for Barry to get to the point.

Taking a breath, Barry starts over. “What happened with Lewis; we could get the conviction over-turned. With the right judge and the evidence we have, we could refute your sentence and pass off any other charges for your jail-break as time-served. Cisco still has the bomb Lewis put in Lisa, and I’d be willing to testify as the Flash as well that he was forcing you to follow his orders by threatening her. Since you said you told the cops about the abuse before, there should still be a recording of that somewhere in evidence, even if you didn’t press charges back then. It will be more off-the-books than usual, but Joe thinks he knows a judge that wouldn’t mind. With all that, I don’t think you would even need to testify. Just…if that’s something you want, then we could do it.”

Len focuses on scrubbing the pan of any remaining egg residue, even as his brow furrows in contemplation.

“You’re saying I could have a clean slate again.” He states, voice flat.

“Yeah.” Barry smiles, trying to stomp down on the giddy feeling rising from that thought. Doesn’t mean they would be able to be open with their relationship, but if Len’s record is technically clean, then Barry wouldn’t be able to get in trouble at work if they were ever found out.

Len stomps down on that hope with his next sentence. “Few problems with that, Scarlet.” Len drawls, unconsciously leaning more towards his Cold persona. “For one, I don’t like the idea of my dirty laundry being made public knowledge. For another, wouldn’t that recording have been destroyed with the rest of my records? Also, I don’t know much about the legal system, but I do know what it's like to go through the courts to be convicted. Know the process for applying for parole and attempting to argue a conviction. None of that is as simple as you make it sound.”

“I know.” Barry sighs, wishing the other man wouldn’t be so stubborn and damn pragmatic all the time, even if it is a trait he can admire every now and then. “Like I said, it would be more off-the-books. Joe and Captain Singh could pull the right strings, and given the evidence…I think any judge with a hint of empathy would agree that you don’t belong behind bars for what happened. And that recording would have been linked to Lewis Snart; you would only be listed as the informant or victim, depending on how it was filed. Stuff like that is kept separate from any evidence linked to your own…criminal actions. Especially if you or Lisa were a minor at the time.”

Len sighs, handing the pan off for Barry to dry and put away as Len drains the sink. “I said a lot of things back then, Barry. Needed the cops to know _why_ they needed to get Lisa out of there. Didn’t…didn’t say anything he did to me except for the stuff I knew there were already hospital records of to back up my version of events. Still, I don’t need that information getting out now. Right person finds out, and they’ll know where to target me in a fight. Lisa too. Previous injuries are tricky like that. I’ve lived my entire adult life with a record, Barry. It was nice having it gone for a bit, but I knew that wouldn’t last for long. Only a matter of time before I end up getting caught pulling a heist. Then making all this go away would have been for nothing anyways.”

Barry feels the ice-cold seeping of _reality_ filling his mind. He had almost forgotten Len still planned on pulling heists. The ramifications of a job gone wrong. Of _Barry_ being on the opposite side of the cold gun once more.

They haven’t seriously fought in a long time; more playful banter as they dance and weave around each other. Barry had almost started to think of it as a game, much like Len described it. Still, at the end of the day, Len was breaking the _law_. Could get arrested. Could go back to _jail._

Scrubbing a hand over his face, Barry scowls. This wasn’t news to him. So why did it feel like he was just now _thinking_ about it? Len said he wouldn’t change, wouldn’t stop thieving. Barry said that was fine, that he didn’t expect him to. Just…that had always been something that Barry thought they would address in the future; when Len eventually pulled another job. Only that future was suddenly here, and it wasn’t a heist, but a quiet kitchen and pleasant breakfast and _Len_ standing before him in place of Captain Cold.

“It won’t be public.” Barry protests, fighting for this because he _has_ to. Because even if Len gets caught, he doesn’t want any more time on his record than there needs to be. Because the stain that is _Lewis Snart_  shouldn’t be left on Len’s records. “No one else would have access to the evidence or anything else except for the judge’s ruling. And…and even if you do have a record again, at least it won’t be for murder. You’ll have more open visitation rights, and chances at parole, a-and everything my dad never had when he was in Iron Heights. I-I won’t ask you to do this if you don’t want to, Len. But you don’t deserve to rot away in a cell for _Lewis_. You did what you had to back then, and it would be _wrong_ for you to be sent back there for that. The heists and everything else; we can address when it comes up. Just…just think about it, for now. The option is there, if you want it.”

Len casually crosses his arms and leans back against the counter, giving Barry a long look. “This is important to you.”

Nodding, Barry can’t help a sad smile from forming. “My dad spent over half of my life in prison for a crime he didn’t commit. I finally have him back, even if he isn’t here. I don’t want to loose someone else like that, Len. If you get arrested because of a heist, then I can come to terms with that. But if you get arrested because you still have time to serve for Lewis’ death, then it’s just like my dad all over again. And I don’t want to go through seeing anyone else I love in prison for something like that.”

Len goes abruptly still. Barry catches on a second later, blushing as his mind catches up to his mouth.

_Love._

Barry had just lumped in Len with those he loved. Didn’t even think about it. Just came out, because that’s what Len had come to mean to him. And Barry would be lying if he said he didn’t love the man.

Opening his mouth, no doubt to ramble through excuses or something equally mortifying, Len swoops in before he can get so much as a word out.

Lips crash against his, fervent and sweet and demanding. Tongues collide and curl and Len licks his way into Barry’s open mouth, savoring every sensation as hands roam and grasp while their bodies are pulled flush.

Len quickly backs Barry into the nearest wall, pushing against him as his hands roam Barry’s bare torso; skimming over the hot flesh and firm muscles. Barry groans when Len moves to his neck, latching on to the spot behind his ears that make Barry arch and _ache_ with how _good_ it feels.

Mapping his way down with tongue and teeth and lips, fingers running up and down his sides; Len finally ends up on his knees. He had just begun to mouth at the hard flesh beneath Barry’s tented pants when a series of knocks and not-so-subtle banging sounds can be heard.

“I know you’re fast, Flash. So if you two are indecent, you have about five seconds to put some clothes on you both before I have to wash my eyes out with bleach.” Lisa calls from the entryway, making more than enough noise as she gets closer.

Len groans, resting his head on Barry’s hip, but making no move to stand. “Bit busy, Sis.” He calls, irritation evident in his snapped tone.

Barry freezes in horror, eyes locked on Lisa the second she steps in. He can see her eyes widen at their positions as she starts to turn, before smirking and facing them head-on when she realizes none of their private bits are out in the open.

“Well, I would say don’t stop on my account. But that really is something no girl ever wants to see her brother doing.” Len glares and Barry blushes, finally finding the wherewithal to flash away for a shirt. He comes back, fully clothed, not a second later to Len blinking at the empty space Barry left behind.

Sighing, Len stands and heads back to the coffee pot, shooting a look at Barry over his shoulder with promises of finishing what they started later. That looks does nothing to stop his blush from spreading further, nor does it stop him from grinning widely despite the awkwardness of the situation.

“You really have the worst timing, Lise.” Len grumbles, filling a mug for her anyway and mixing in the honey she takes her coffee with.

Lisa shrugs, setting a bag of bagels she brought on the table. “Seems perfect to me. Any later and I might have needed that eye-bleach after all.” She smiles sweetly and bats her eyelashes as Len continues to glare.

“What’d’ya want, Sis?” He grouches, crossing his arms and narrowing his gaze. She sips innocently at her coffee, humming in appreciation.

“What, can’t a girl just want to spend some time with her brother?” Her lips twist in a smirk, eyes wide and open without a hint of deceit. They don’t buy it for a second.

Len snorts, still pouting (in a completely adorable way. I mean, not adorable. Nope. Len pouting isn’t cute in the slightest.). Barry continues to fight his blush and force his wandering eyes back under control, while willing his penis not to get any more bright ideas until Len and him have a bit of privacy again.

“Just get to the point, Lise. In case you didn’t notice, Barry and I were otherwise occupied until you stormed in.” They end up sitting back at the table; Lisa diplomatically pushing the bag of bagels Barry’s way while Len shoots still-heated eyes at him. Barry gulps as he can only imagine the ideas Len is coming up with now that Barry is more than fully-fueled to have their wicked ways with each other.

“Sure. If you guys don’t mind cutting out the bedroom eyes for five fucking minutes.” She makes gagging noises, covering her own eyes in mock horror. It’s enough to startle a laugh from Barry, Len rolling his eyes in good humor.

“It is my place, Lise. I can look at my partner however I please. You can always leave, if it bothers you.” He gives her a pointed look, licking his lips for extra effect. Lisa laughs this time, Barry discovering his cheeks can achieve a new shade of ‘fire-hydrant red’.

“God, it's great to see you this happy again, Lenny.” She smiles fondly at him, Len’s lips quirking in a return grin.

“I _was_ happy, Sis. Now, spit out whatever you need to so I can go back to being _happy_ again. Preferably on my knees. With a nice, big-”

“Okay!” She cuts him off, chuckling as he smirks wickedly. “Never needed the details of you sex life before. Can’t say I want them now either.”

Barry makes a point of blending in with the table, munching away at his third bagel while the siblings continue to bicker. He definitely enjoys this playful, flirty side of Len. Can say he would enjoy it much _more_ if they were alone and with less clothes when it came out but….he’s not exactly complaining now. Nope. Not complaining at all. Just blending in and hoping the table hides his erection and-

“Barry.” Len shoots him an absolutely _filthy_ look. “My sister has exactly five minutes to convince me to listen to whatever she wants to say. After that, we’ll be picking up _exactly_ where we left off.”

Barry flushes and Lisa groans. “Gross, Lenny. Seriously, its almost like you don’t want me here.”

She is the one pouting now, Len matching her look spectacularly while Barry continues to wallow in awkward erections.

“I’m trying to be serious here, Jerk.”

“And I’m _not _.__ ” He shoots back easily.

She huffs, settling back into her seat and letting amusement fade. Len follows her somber mood, sighing even as he tenses.

“Okay.” His voice warbles slightly, but no one mentions it. “What do you want to know?”

“What…what happened to mom, Lenny? Why did Zoom bring her up? Because I _know_ he must have mentioned her, given how cagey you got and all.” Her lips quiver, but again, no one says a damn thing about it. Barry suddenly wishes he could be anywhere but here, even as Len reaches over and grasps his knee _tightly _.__

“Zoom is…a special kind of crazy, Lise. Thinks I can be some form of brother to him. Thinks we had…similar upbringings.” He curls his face into a twisted grin, all dark anger and sorrow. “Thinks I’m like _him _.__ That I _want_ to be like him. It’s…I’ve been told his father killed his mother. In front of him. And that was his first push along his dark path and all that. No idea how he knows but…somehow he does. Cisco showed you the recording, I take it?”

“No.” She huffs out an angry pout. “Said he _couldn’t _.__ Not without permission.”

“Good.” Len exhales heavily. “I don’t want you hearing that _monster_ talking about her like that too, Lise. Like he’s glad she’s…she’s dead.” He finishes in a whisper, Lisa sucking in a harsh breath.

“You never said...” Her voice is hard and sharp, even as it trembles with emotion.

“No, I didn’t.” He grits out, grip clenching sporadically on Barry’s knee. “I didn’t want you to know.” He continues smoother, emotions leaking through nonetheless.

“Why?” She rasps, demanding answers. He closes his eyes, falling back against his chair in a defeated gesture.

“Your mother is dead, Lisa. Why do you think I didn’t want to tell you that?”

She slumps back as well, eyes downcast. “I always thought she would come home. One day.” She says quietly, Len tensing and shooting straight up. “Thought she just needed time away from dad. Whenever things got bad…whenever you weren’t around…I’d dream of her. Of her coming home and taking me away too. Knew it was stupid but…it still helped.”

Len screws his eyes shut, hand abandoning Barry as he clenches tight fists that shake with his every sharp breath.

“I’m sorry, Lise-”

“Don’t be.” She cuts her brother off, head tilting up in a wet grin. “It still helped, didn’t it?”

He shakes his head, unable to meet her eyes. “I should have been there…”

“Yeah. But you couldn’t have been. I understand why you had to leave. What kept you away. Not your fault dad was an ass.”

They both smile sadly at each other, hands reaching as if to touch before withdrawing once more.

“Are we still good?” Len asks, uncertainty shining through his eyes.

“Yeah.” She wipes her eyes and flashes a crooked smile his way. “We’re still good, Lenny.”

“Good.” He slumps, relief radiating from his posture. Silence descends for a moment before Lisa sniffs and stands. “Okay. I’ll just be going now. Let you boys get back to what you were doing.” She shoots Barry a knowing look, sauntering out as Len shakes his head in fond amusement at his sisters antics.

Barry is certain the mood has been well and fully killed by this point, but Len still manages to surprise him. The moment the door is shut, his hand is back on Barry; only sliding much higher up than his knee.

“Now, where were we?” It’s like a flip has been switched, Len reverting back to that glorious Cheshire grin. He wants to talk to Len. To see where the other man is at right now emotionally. But all blood quickly vacates his brain, leaving an awkward and unintelligible “uh” to escape his mouth.

“Oh, yes.” Len grins wider still, fingers curling around Barry’s member. “I remember now.”

They don’t talk after that. Not really. But Barry can’t find it in himself to complain, and based on Len’s enthusiasm, that was his goal all along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading. And just a heads up, it might be closer to 2 or even 3 weeks before I post again. I will be traveling to visit various family members over the holidays, and cannot predict when I will be able to write or post again. But there was more Lisa this time!!! Always love writing her, however hard she might be to capture :) And seriously, I Iove all my readers and commentors. Your guys are great, and help motivate me to continue on this story through my blocks :)  
> Up Next: More smut. More plot. And Len in planning mode for those who wish to see it :)


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More smut. More plot. And Len in planning mode for those who wish to see it :)

Barry was having a supremely shitty day. It had started out great; breakfast with Len (and later Lisa as well). The most _fantastic_ blow-job of his life (and really, it’s getting ridiculous by now how every sexual act with Len is suddenly just _the best Barry has ever had._ It’s setting the bar too high and building up for disappointment later on. Not that Barry thinks that will ever happen, but still. Who knew what a difference experience and a heaping dash of chemistry could make in a lover?), followed by a heated round of quick and dirty sex. They didn’t talk about what spurred that on. About Barry accidentally dropping the L-bomb, however unconsciously. Still, Len’s response was enthusiastic at worst and completely _enraptured_ at best, so Barry couldn’t really regret it.

Len never gave him his answer on proceeding to get the murder charges dropped, but Barry remained hopeful. Len had valid reasons for killing Lewis, however unmoral the act might appear to outsiders. After everything that man had put Len and Lisa through, Barry found those actions to be completely justified. It may go against everything Barry always thought he stood for, but some monsters just can’t be redeemed. Sometimes the only response is to keep the problem from ever arising again. And no one should be punished for defending themselves or their loved ones from people like Lewis. It was the system that had failed. The system that let Lewis walk free for far too long before he was caught. They system that then greatly reduced his prison sentence, talk of funding and over-crowding the go-to excuse. Len couldn’t trust that system to hold Lewis once more, to keep him and his sister safe. It took some time, and many a glimpse into their past, but Barry finally feels he understands.

Thoughts of justified murder and potentially-(soon-to-be)-clean records aside, Barry can’t hold back the sigh of exhaustion as the rest of the day’s events cloud his mind. Eobard Thawne had made an appearance once more. That was about as horrible as Barry expected it to be. He was exhausted, emotional upheaval draining him emptier than any amount of running or fighting ever could.

He longed to be wrapped up in Len’s arms once more, safe and secure as he wades through the storm of memories and emotions today dredged up. But Len isn’t home. Doesn’t want to stay there too much until the Zoom fiasco is sorted.

Barry stands on his dark front porch for what feel like ages before he bites the bullet and just calls him instead. He answers swiftly, voice muddled with sleep reminding Barry of the late hour.

“Mmm, ’ello?” His voice is gruff, likely not even bothering to check who was calling as precious, trusted few even had his personal number.

“Len?” Barry chokes out, somewhere between a whine and gasp and sob.

“Barry?” Len’s voice is still rough with sleep, but more alert and urgent now as he picks up on Barry’s tone.

“Where are you Len?” Barry has to ask, unable to even think of going through  another moment of dealing with all of this alone.

Len quickly rattles off an address, worry evident as he continues. “Barry, are you okay? What’s going on?”

Barry can’t force words out past the hard, dry lump in his throat. Simply hangs up and speeds off to find Len’s latest safe house. He recognizes the street name, able to find the shady neighborhood of renovated warehouses and run-down apartments easily enough. He doesn’t even think as he runs there. Only knows that he needs to be with Len right now. Everything else can wait. Tonight, he’s going to cry, and Len will hold him, and just maybe, in the morning, they can pretend everything is fine once more. Keep on pretending until, hopefully, it becomes reality as well.

XXX

Len had been riding on cloud nine all day. What Barry said that morning…it was something Len hadn’t been expecting. Definitely not so soon. Definitely not directed at _him_ of all people. Len didn’t deserve Barry. Had done too much bad to ever really be good. Yet somehow, Barry loved him regardless. Maybe not love with a capital ‘L’. But considered Len a loved one. Like his father, or the Wests, or any of those other _good_ people that had made their home in Barry’s heart. A home Len now shared as well.

Lisa interrupting had been unfortunate, but they were able to bounce back quickly enough after she left. Len had blown Barry right there at the table; tucked in between Barry’s spread legs on his knees while he swallowed Barry again and again. He was learning more ticks and tricks to making Barry come undone each and every time they slept together. Experimented with fondling his balls as he sucked him deep. Scratching his fingernails across the soft, sensitive flesh of his inner thigh. Ran his hands up under Barry’s shirt, skimming across gloriously smooth skin before circling and lightly pinching his nipples. Humming and moaning as he vocalizes his own pleasure with every twitch of the hot and heavy cock in his mouth.

Barry loves all of it. Gasps at each new sensation. Mewls with each suck and swipe of Len’s tongue. Keens at the nimble fingers dancing across his skin. Len is ridiculously hard in his pants by the time Barry comes, and he loves every minute of it.

The sex that followed had no chance of lasting. Not with how close Len knew he was. Not with the warm feeling permeating from his chest. Barry helps stretch himself, growing impatient with Len’s slower pace. Len marvels at the feeling of those vibrating digits inside Barry alongside his own. They each thrust in sporadically, stretching and twisting and rubbing until Barry shoves both their hands away and demands for Len to ‘ _hurry up and get your dick inside me _.’__

Len pulls Barry’s legs around his waist, lining up and thrusting in faster and harder than he usually allows at the beginning. Barry takes it in stride, grinding back against him almost instantly.

Their chests are pressed tight together, trapping Barry’s cock between their sweaty bodies. Len slides one arm under Barry’s hips, helping to lift in time with their frantic pace. His other snakes behind Barry’s back, simply holding the other man as close as possible while they pant into each others neck and shoulder and chin and mouth; tongues flicking out to taste both their lips.

Barry claws the shit out of his back, but it only spurs Len into pounding even harder and faster. Pressing his heels into Len, Barry adjusts his angle just enough to have him spurting all over them only seconds later from nothing but Len’s dick brushing his prostate and the slick slide of their bodies trapping his member to provide the bare minimum of friction his aching cock needed in the end. Len follows him, chasing after Barry’s orgasm with one of his own as soon as the rhythmic clenching and sporadic vibrations encircling his cock begin to slow.

They are sated and sticky and sweaty, gasping for breath and still holding their over-heated bodies close. It’s with reluctance that Len pulls out, blinking in what would have been horror had they not discussed this last night when he realizes that he wasn’t wearing a condom. He’s never gotten so wrapped up in the heat of the moment like that to _ever_ forget to, well, _wrap it_ before.

He should be panicking right now. _Would_ be panicking if it was anyone other than Barry and if he didn’t already know for a fact that they were both clean. Growing up, times had been much less understanding. AIDS was seen as the Gay Plague, sent from God to wipe out the sinners and all that bullshit. The ‘education’ provided in school focused more on scare tactics than anything else. Lessons his own father furthered, etching that fear deep inside Len to linger his whole life. Especially after the prostitutes, Len _never_ had unprotected sex. Even with Angie on birth control, there were still only a handful of times they had slept together without protection. But somehow, the _safety_ of Barry overwhelmed that life-long fear. He didn’t even think about it until after the deed was done.

They should probably talk about that, he thinks. About if they want to get tested together, and figure out if this will be a regular thing or not. It does feel more intense without any barrier between them, but on the flip side there is less mess to clean up afterwards if they do use a condom. There are pros and cons for both options; pros and cons that Len will review much, much later. Right now, his mind is drifting to the beautiful man below him. Warm and happy and _smiling_ at Len like he is the sole reason for Barry’s current euphoria.

Barry has to leave soon after they both shower. Len laments his absence, but knows he has work of his own to attend to as well. He stops by one of the storage lockers he keeps, rifling through blueprints and picking out the best potential targets. He doesn’t feel the full sense of euphoria that he usual does in planning a heist. This one is forced and rushed in a way he hasn’t done since…well, Lewis springs to mind. But that was blackmail and Lisa’s _life_ hanging on the line. That aberration to his usual modos operandi aside, Len hasn’t spent any less time than at _least_ a month solely on _planning_  since his twenties. It was just sloppy; too many factors and moving pieces that could make everything go wrong. Planning and analyzing every last detail is how he avoided another Alexa job. How he kept from loosing any of his crew like he nearly lost Mick for good to the blaze of a fire.

If a member of his crew is caught now, he already has plans in place to ensure their silence or even garner an early (if unscheduled) release. If Len is caught, it means it was planned. A contact he needed to meet with in prison. Time lying low in plain sight while the stolen goods were transferred to the buyer outside the country. That one time when he had picked up a tail. Worried Angie and Thomas would get caught in the crossfire of his life. Ensured said tail ended up in the back of a squad car with him instead. Best way to get rid of the problem without pissing off the family the guy was working for too much. Not to mention killing Lewis. It hadn’t been planned. Never thought he could actually pull the trigger, no matter how badly he wanted to at times. Still, he doesn’t regret removing the threat of Lewis from their lives forever.  

But this is different. He had always planned on testing the Rogues when he finally decided to bring them together. But Zoom threw a wrench into the spanners of all his fledgling ideas. Zoom expected a criminal. Needed no reason to think Captain Cold wasn’t the villain he unapologetically claimed to be. He would grow suspicious before too long if Len didn’t live up to the moniker he created for himself. So the heist had to be done. Even if it wouldn’t ever be able to live up to Len’s standards of perfection.

He double-checked the dates as he went through, tossing a few in his bag that he knew were out-dated due to additional construction and would need to be coupled with an updated version for him to have an accurate lay-out. Setting aside a gracious few for his actual target; he takes all the blueprints he gathered with him.

The out-dated ones are dropped off at safe-house number 2 for further review at a later time. The five he has left are taken to his current main shelter that Mick usually uses. Lisa will undoubtedly be sleeping here tonight as well.

First National Bank is soon ruled out. Too many people involved, too many complications. He won’t strike here until he is sure he can trust his crew.

The jewelry store on ninth is ruled out as well, a quick look at their website and further research showing it would be a low score. That, and the fact that the money they usually push towards insurance has been re-directed in anticipation of the owner’s soon-to-be born child. He doesn’t like the idea of stealing from a couple about to be smacked with so many new finances that they may or may not be completely prepared for.

Another jewelry store is ruled out. They were just hit by another crew last month, and are still boosting their inventory and security from that.

He glances at the race-tracks. They always have plenty of cash on hand with all the gambling. But those are tainted now. After last time…well, its best not to think of what happened when Lewis re-surfaced.

That leaves the art museum. They just had an exhibit loaned to them from London. Both branches have the works insured. There are no privately owned pieces involved. On top of that, Len already knows a handful of buyers who would be interested in pieces like these for their private collection.  

He breaks out an empty notebook, jotting everything down as he forms the plan. Its all in code, a simple one he created when he first started planning better versions of Lewis’ heists in secret. The list of letters and symbols paired with the alphabet and numbers have long since been memorized. He destroyed the key a mere month after he created it, confident he no longer needed it. Not even Lisa or Mick knew how to translate his notes. He will destroy the book once the plan is complete and etched into his mind anyways. Better safe than left with evidence potentially tying him to a crime.

The Rogues he wants involved and their abilities are the first to be listed. Next comes the opposition. Security, CCPD, and, most importantly, _The Flash _.__ Because Barry will be there, Len isn’t stupid enough to try and tell him to sit this one out. On top of that, it shows to Zoom that they can take on the Flash without harming or killing him. Shows their strength, while also providing an example of everyone following their orders like the good little meta-soldiers Zoom wants them to be.

He scrubs his eyes and rubs his aching hand once finished. The blueprints become his focus now, occasionally jotting down more notes as he pictures it all. Comes up with three potential entrances to be vetted in person at a later date. Five exits and two potential locations for their get-away vehicle. Marks locations with higher electrical wiring, most likely for some sort of security systems. Traces the quickest routes, potential blind-spots, and any less-obvious paths to take should anything go wrong.

He’s there all day, only eating when Lisa and Mick arrive at some point in the late-evening. They take one look at him before turning and heading back out. Len doesn’t even glance up at the disruption, only grunts his gratitude when they return with food and a tall glass of water for him. He continues pouring over everything as he scarfs the meal and drink down. They know not to bother him when he’s in ‘planning mode’. Know he doesn’t drink alcohol during those times to keep his head clear. Know that sometimes he gets too wrapped up in it that he forgets to eat or sleep. They leave him to it for now. If things get bad, they’ll step in.

With a tired sigh, he rolls up the blueprints. The notebook and any other stray pieces of paper that are relevant get to be bundled with it. He stashes it all in a floor safe, one of the first things they add to any safe house they take on. Stretching and hissing as his joints pop in protest from being hunched over a table all day, Len slowly makes his way to bed.

He brushes his teeth mechanically, forgoing his usual shower as he slips his shoes off and collapses onto the bed fully clothed.

It feels as if his eyes have barely closed when the sharp trill of his phone wakes him with a start. He relaxes instantly, recognizing the tone as his personal cell. Numbly, he digs the offending object from his pocket, keeping his eyes shut against the glare of the screen as he answers.

“Mmm, ‘ello?” His voice is hoarse from disuse and sleep, exhaustion doing its best to drag him back under.

“Len?” Barry’s strangled voice answers.

“Barry?” Exhaustion be damned, something is _wrong _.__ Len is already shifting up, clutching the phone tight as he wills his mind fully awake.

“Where are you Len?” Barry asks, voice trembling and so, _so_ quiet. Its unlike him, warning bells screaming in his head at how _not right_ Barry sounds right now. He doesn’t even hesitate to shoot off his address, fear and worry simmering in his gut.

“Barry, are you okay? What’s going on?” Len didn’t know what Barry had been up to as the Flash today and tonight. He had been radio-silent since this morning, completely absorbed in his planning. Had there been something on the news? Was this Zoom, attacking early? What the _hell_ happened? And, most importantly, was Barry _okay _?__

A dial tone is his only answer, fear filling his veins with ice. He’s leaping out of bed, struggling with his boots and shouting for Lisa and Mick to __“_ Get the fuck up! _”__

He is just starting on his second shoe when there is a breeze and suddenly Barry is in his room. Len freezes, staring up at the distraught speedster. Mick and Lisa come barreling in moments later, barely dressed as they came how they woke. Len only spares them a glance, taking in his sister in nothing but a shirt and (hopefully) underwear (an image he quickly scrubs from his mind), and Mick as bare as he always preferred to sleep.

Barry glances at the pair, whatever distress he was feeling subduing in favor of cheek-flaming mortification. He slaps a hand over his eyes and spins in a flash, facing away from them once more.

“Scarlet.” Len asks, willing his heart to slow and trying to keep any hint of panic from his voice. “What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Is there a meta-”

“No!” Barry quickly answers, waving his hands in a flailing negative motion while keeping his eyes firmly shut. “No, I’m…well, I’m not fine. But I’m physically okay. No injuries, no new metas, just…just a really bad day. I’m sorry.” He finishes quietly, shame slumping his shoulders.

Len sighs, waving the others off before they can vocalize any protests at being woken in the middle of the night. Lisa has the decency to shut the door on her way out, for which Len is grateful.

He takes Barry in, seeing the pain and conflict radiating from the speedster. Dropping his shoe and working to remove the other, Len gently calls to him.

“Come here, Barry. Just tell me what happened. What got you so upset.”

“No.” Barry finally peaks his eyes open, glancing around to make sure no more naked or nearly-naked Rogues are waiting in the shadows. Deeming the room safe for view once more, Barry turns his attention back to Len. “No, I’m fine. It’s late. Sorry. I wasn’t thinking-”

“Barry.” Len huffs, grabbing his hand before he can run off again. “It’s okay. I’m here. I’m awake. Just talk to me. I want to help.”

Barry frowns, but lets Len drag him to bed. Len slides them up to rest against the wall at the head of the bed, lamp flicking to life as Barry speeds out of his jacket and shoes. Len doesn’t push him after that, just rubs his thumb against Barry’s hand as he holds tight and gives Barry as much time as he needs.

It takes awhile, but Barry finally finds his voice. Tells Len all about _Eobard_ showing back up. About facing him again. About _beating_ him. And then about having to let him go. He tells him about Cisco, stumbling over a brief description of his powers. Its not something he should be telling Len the full story of. If he wants to know more, he can ask Cisco himself. About how Cisco _died_ in an erased timeline. Instead he talks about everything today brought up again. All the pain, the sorrow, the betrayal, and guilt, and _rage_. Everything. He talked and cried and talked while crying until the words ran dry and his tears slowed to a stop.

Len held him and listened through it all, letting Barry get it all out. He didn’t offer empty words or hollow platitudes.

“What do you need me to do, Barry?”

“Just hold me.” Barry answered him, clenching tight in Len’s easy embrace. “Please. I just…I don’t want to be alone right now.”

“Okay.” Len kissed his forehead, reaching over to flip the light back off. “Okay, Barry. I’m here. I’ll always be here for you.”

Barry falls asleep quickly, exhausted from the day he had and the emotions that chewed him up and spat him out. Len is slower to relax, mind buzzing with faded adrenaline and turmoil over what Barry had gone through. Still, sleep claims him quickly enough. They lie there together, limbs tangled and hands still locked tight as their breaths even out and bodies relax.

It’s not a dreamless slumber. But it is still sleep; sleep that their exhausted bodies desperately need. Morning will come, and they will talk again. For now, they drift and hold tight and take whatever comfort they can from their partner. For now, they are safe and secure in each others arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter! First and foremost, thank everyone who has read, and kudosed, and commented on this fic! It really makes my day and encourages me to stay up that extra hour to write when life gets hectic and my muse distracted. :) My holidays have been great, yet tiring so far. I hope all of you lovely readers have enjoyed the season thus far, whatever holiday you may or may not observe! It looks like the posts will be every two weeks for awhile, as life has picked up the pace of other commitments and issues (addressed in part in another of my works for any who might be curious). Still, I always enjoy returning to this story and love all you kind readers out there who enjoy the story as well!   
> Up Next: Len, Barry, Mick, and Lisa have breakfast. Barry goes back to his day job, and Len continues planning. Coffee shop sexual hi-jinks may or may not be there as well. :)


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Len, Barry, Mick, and Lisa have breakfast. Barry goes back to his day job, and Len continues planning. Coffee shop sexual hi-jinks may or may not be there as well. :)

Len wakes up gasping. The nightmare is still curling around the edges of his mind; seeping terror and adrenaline into his system. It takes him some time to come down, slowing his breaths as his sweat cools. Sucking in a wet pull of air, he closes his eyes tight and wills the images away. Lewis is dead. Gone. It all happened, just like in his dream. But it was long ago. He’s not hurt. He’s safe, now. He’s safe.

As calm as he can be, Len finally takes in his surroundings. Upon finding Barry in his bed, the memories from last night (a few hours ago?) come back to him. He is thankful that he didn’t wake the other man, suffering in silence and apparently mostly stillness until he broke from the nightmare. He sags against the bed once more, pulling Barry as close as he dares and inhaling the sweet scent of the other man here, in bed, with him.

Barry’s face is scrunched up. Len would find it adorable, if the tense set to his shoulders didn’t give away how uncomfortable Barry was. It takes Len far longer than he would ever admit to figure out why Barry was so tense.

A nightmare. Less violent, and no doubt in the first stages still. But a nightmare nonetheless.

Sighing, Len runs a hand through Barry’s hair while the other soothes comforting circles into his back. He doesn’t want to wake Barry, knowing he needs the sleep after the day he had. But he doesn’t want to leave him at the mercy of whatever terrors are assaulting his sleeping mind.

He settles into gentle touches, sweet kisses, and whispered words of safety and love. It goes on for many minutes. Far too many for Len’s sanity. Still, Barry eventually settles into peaceful sleep once more, nightmare banished by the physical comforts provided to ease his terrified mind.

However, sleep does not find Len again. He lies there awake, exhaustion weighing him down even as his mind whirs away. Thoughts of Barry, of Zoom, of the past days and upcoming heist all fight for dominance. He watches the room brighten with the rising of the sun, finally abandoning his plan of trying for more sleep as he rises with it.

His bones and joints ache, skin itching with dried sweat and wrinkled clothes. He stops by for a quick shower, pulling on what should have been his sleepwear as he leaves. Coffee is the first item on his list once in the kitchen. He sags against the counter as he watches the slow drip of dark liquid life fall into the waiting pot. Lisa is the first to stumble in, only an early riser when the scent of freshly brewed coffee drags her from her bed.

“Morning.” She mumbles, ambling to his side in true zombie fashion as he finishes pouring his first cup. He grunts in response, too tired to form words yet. They sit at the table, drinking in silence as they wait for the magic of caffeine to take effect.

Mick is the next to make his way in, right around the time Len has hauled himself up to start on breakfast. Lisa starts on her second cup while the other two start on breakfast. They all know that she is the worst out of the three of them when it comes to cooking, even if she has a decent amount of basic talent in that field. Mick is better at the grill, but has delicious ideas for what to add into Len’s dishes on the stove. Lisa, on the other hand, is hopeless in the creativity department. Without a recipe to follow, either on hand or from memory, the meal is more than likely to end in disaster.

Len throws some plain oatmeal into a pot, cooking extra in consideration of the speedster in the house with them. Mick goes for butter, brown sugar, some cinnamon, and dried fruit to add. Len is tired enough that he lets Mick throw whatever he wants in without a second thought.

“Gonna talk about what the hell happened last night?” Mick asks as their meal is set to slowly cook. Len takes a loud, obnoxious sip of his second cup of coffee as he delays answering.

“No.”

“Lenny.” Lisa grumbles from her spot sprawled half-atop the table; tone implying how unimpressed she is.

He sighs, accepting defeat. “He had a bad day. Shit happened. I over-reacted. Sorry for waking you.” His words are more growl than drawl, but he’s operating on two goddamn hours of sleep. Cut him some fucking slack.

“Hmmm.” Mick grunts, showing how apparently uninterested he is in all of this. Barry chooses that moment to wander in, following his nose with an adorable bed-head and sleep-gunked eyes.

“That smells good.” He mumbles, absentmindedly pressing a quick kiss to Len’s head on his trek to the coffee pot.

Len hums in agreement, sipping on his own liquid alertness as his gaze flickers to the tight globes of flesh presented to him wrapped in tight fabric when Barry leans forward to claim his own cup.

Lisa snorts. “Gross, Lenny. Oogle your new boy when I’m not around. Or, at least, when I’m awake enough to capture blackmail material.”

Len glares, Mick chortles, and Barry blushes while Lisa continues to look completely innocent and put-upon. And just like that, all is right in their world.

Barry praises their food and culinary talent, even as he is still wary about questions his sudden appearance last night raised. They don’t talk a lot, settling in for mostly comfortable silence. Barry mutters about needing to get to work as he finishes his fifth serving of oatmeal. Len whisks him back to his room, gathering up the small scattering of Barry’s belongings that were deposited as he got comfortable throughout the night.

This quickly turns into a make-out session that would make any teenage versions of themselves blush. Not clear who started it, but both were at fault for prolonging it. Barry chuckles as he finally makes to leave, fully late and flushed in a way than makes Len want to ask him to flash them both to a _proper_ bed instead. But Barry leaves with one final peck, and Len grins absently at the lingering glimpse of trailing lightning burned on his retinas.

“It’s a good look on you, you know.” Lisa comments from the doorway.

Len turns towards her curiously. She snorts. “Love. Or however close you’ve already gotten with…him. It’s good on you. Haven’t seen you this relaxed and happy in…way too long, Lenny.”

She smiles and he scowls. “Keep it up, brother. You know, I always wanted to be an aunt…” She chortles as he throws a pillow at the closing door. But she was right. He is happy. Stupidly happy. And nothing can damper that mood right now.

Mick, Lisa, and Len prepare for the day. They all have their targets to case. Don’t want to give the game up too early. Two locations each, scouting in disguise as they chart guard schedules, traffic times, monitor equipment locations, and easy access points. They’ve done it a hundred times and are likely to do it a hundred more. So it’s good, falling back on old routines.

Len dons his garb. Stripped shirt over a dark collar and tie combo, dark slack-jeans tightly hugging him, grey jacket, and thick-rimmed glasses. He knows he looks nothing like he usually does. That was the point, however. To stand out in a way no one would associate with his criminal persona. People are quick to remember others looking like they want to blend into the shadows. Those standing proudly in the spotlight, however, magically slip the mind when they are later questioned about suspicious persons hanging around.

He takes two tours, one in the morning and another planned for the afternoon. In between, he plans on grabbing food to-go and camping out on the park bench half a block away for further surveillance. It’s a jewelry store he is casing out today. Lisa was sent to the real target. He trusts her to get all the info he needs, and she is much lower profile than he is.

The plan went off without a hitch so far. Mick and Lisa checked in, letting him know all was sunshine and rainbows on their end as well. Hartley continued to let him know of their plans for Mardon’s escape going forward, and covering all general Rogue activity as well. The pieces were falling into perfect place. The agreed-upon comm was resting uncomfortably in his ear as a safety net for the threat of Zoom still looming in the background.

He was in such a good mood that he made his way to Jitters. It was a favorite of his, even if he went there sparingly. Too many cops show up there on most days for him to feel comfortable enough to partake of their divine coffee and scrumptious treats too often.

Still, he was craving their particular ham, kale, and cheese on rye. And he would never say _no_ to the irony of drinking a Flash on ice.

He smirks placing his order, leaving a more than fair tip as he goes to wait his turn. It’s as they bring his order over that he spots Barry, hidden away in a back corner and he eats absentmindedly and scribbles away at some forms he brought to lunch with him.

Suddenly, Len finds himself smiling in apology as he asks for his order to be changed from to-go to in-shop for him to eat.

The barista looks ruffled, lunch rush slamming into them. Len slips her another bill for her trouble, bringing out a bright and grateful smile.

He slides with his tray into the empty seat, smirking as Barry looks up.

“Why hello there, Scarlet.”

XXX

Barry needed a break. It was lunch time, and he decided he deserved a treat after all the _bullshit_ he had been processing today. It had been semen samples. That they gathered from a _minor._ Fourteen, and coming out of a hangover. First party with alcohol she ever went to, according to her testimony. More than believable, according to the officer who interviewed her. Just wanted to fit in with new friends and have a good time. Never _asked_ to be raped of defiled for daring to _live_ and _enjoy_ life like everyone else.

It still made him sick to his stomach; comparing the DNA to the few suspects from her class and upper years they had managed to get warrants for. They were all still _kids_. It made him sad, knowing some boys were going to have their lives destroyed over one thoughtless and drunken night of the _worst_ decisions. Made him even sadder, and more than a little angry at those boys, when he remembered her testimony of waking up to find a stranger humping his way to completion inside her while another recorded the incident on his phone. The whole thing just made him _sick._ Made him hate his job, even as he knew he was searching for what little justice could be found here.  

So he went to Jitters. Went for comfort food and solitude while he glared at the forms he had yet to finish. Someone sliding into the vacant seat was unexpected. That someone being _Leonard Snart_ even less so.

“Why hello there, Scarlet.” Len drawled with a quirk to his lips. Barry goes to snap at him good-naturally, when his breath catches in his throat.

Len is…. _hot _.__ Like, honest-to- _God_ Adonis levels of smoldering. The thick, dark-rimmed glasses draw out the flecks of ice in his blue eyes. The formal dress clothes underneath the white-and-black stripped shirt leave his mouth watering. He wears a light grey tweed jacket that throws the dark, _nice_ jeans hugging _all_ of his lower assets into stark contrast.

So Barry simple gapes at him, opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water.

Len tilts his head, smirk melting into a fond smile as he gazes at him. “Penny for your thoughts?” He questions mischievously. Barry swallows harshly before leaning forward to whisper in a tone suddenly gone rough.

“What the _hell_ Len? Are you _trying_ to get me charged with public indecency? Because you, sitting here, like _that?_ Just makes me want to get you off under this table in front of everyone.”

Barry can see the surprised blush lighting his face; eyes darkening in desire even as he coughs uncomfortably.

“I may be a criminal, but I’m not one for…public indecency. Need to trust the people I let…see me with….people I care for.” Len averts his eyes, and Barry suddenly feels guilty.

“I-I.” Barry stutters. “Sorry. Didn’t really mean that. Just…didn’t expect you….practically _gift-wrapped_ in all your…hotness, is all.”

Len glances at him, grinning softly. “So…not a kink then?”

“God no.” Barry chuckles. “Just you. Made me…wish we were alone right now.”

Len shakes his head, visibly clearing his thoughts. “As…much as I would like to continue this conversation, I would also like for us to be able to walk out of here without scarring innocent eyes, Scarlet.”

Barry ducks his head in a sheepish blush. “Of course.” He mumbles, taking another bite of his sandwich with agonizing thoughts of his current case left blissfully behind for the moment.

“Didn’t plan to eat here.” Len says honestly, sipping and humming appreciatively at his coffee. “Was getting it to-go. Saw you, and decided to stick around for a bit.”

They both grin at each other, Barry reaching beneath the table to brush his fingers against Len's.

“I’d love to have lunch with you anytime, Len. I’m glad you decided to stay.”

Len smiles briefly, before forming his face into business-mode. “I need to talk to you, Barry. But not here.” He scribbles out an address onto the napkin before sliding it across the table.

“Meet me here tomorrow night at 8 PM. Bring Detective West with you. It’s for…Zoom and Rogue business.”

Barry feels his good mood falter as he accepts the information. “Of course. We’ll be there.”

“Good to know.” Len smiles, reaching across to steal a chip from Barry. “Now, how was your day, Scarlet.”

They fall into conversation after that, Barry venting what he can about how his day was going without revealing pertinent info to the case. Len sympathizes, and describes his day with equal censorship.

It’s all too easy to fall into a familiar routine. And if they happen to ‘accidentally’ lock themselves in the bathroom for a quick make-out session that would have gone further if Len hadn’t put his foot down (do you have any idea how unsanitary public restrooms are?)…well, at least no one calls them out on it.

Len leaves to do what criminals no doubt do, and Barry returns to the precinct with a bright smile on his face. He gets a few odd looks on his way back to the lab, but it was worth it. God, was it worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! Short chapter, I know. Life has been busy, what with work, family, and working towards building future careers and all. On top of that, I have started posting another Coldflash fic (with Iris thrown in just for fun :) ). That means I need to finish said fic, as it is much shorter and nearly complete (hopefully). So updates here will continue to be about 2 weeks apart for the next few chapters. I want to thank all my readers and commentors. You really bring a smile to my face and encourage me to write even when there are more 'important' things I should be doing (sleep included).   
> More and more, I think this story will be in two parts. There are still about 20 chapters left to this installment of the tale, but it will be broken up. Not sure if I will post a first chapter for the next installment right away for those who subscribe and bookmark, or if I will wait until I have a few chapters in the reservoir before posting. Let me know what you prefer in the comments!  
> Up Next: Joe meets with Len and Barry. The brothel is unexpected. The information and favors Len asks even less anticipated. Barry grows jealous, and we get another peak into Len's past.


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe meets with Len and Barry. The brothel is unexpected. The information and favors Len asks even less anticipated. Barry grows jealous, and we get another peak into Len's past.

Joe wasn’t sure what he expected when Barry said Len wanted to meet them. Showing up at a brothel definitely wasn’t on his list. He shouldn’t have been surprised to meet at a less-than-reputable venue, but still felt highly uncomfortable as the two of them were led to a room upstairs after mentioning Len sent them.

The woman taking them there asked if they wanted any drinks. Both declined, settling to stand and glance in ill-hidden disgust at all available surfaces as they could only imagine what went on there.

Len stepped into the room at 8 PM exactly. He thanked the woman who was with him, the same one who lead them up.

“One of my girls will need to freshen up here in about an hour.” She says absentmindedly, kissing his check in farewell.

“Of course.” He grins at her, resting his hand comfortably on her shoulder. “We’ll be out of your hair by then. And thanks for this, Natalia.”

She waves him off, gripping the handle to close the door as she leaves. “Only way you ever let us pay you back. Least we can do.”

Len grins as she disappears, making his way over to the vanity of a fancy ( _expensive _)__ looking decanter set there.

“Scotch?” He tilts his head their way. They both shake in the negative. He shrugs, pouring only one glass.

“I usually have some when I discuss business here. Tradition, I suppose.” Barry glances at the glass, seeing barely two fingers of amber liquid resting there. For show and flavor more than to get drunk then, he supposes.

Len sips as he slips into the chair. “Relax.” He drawls. “Clients aren’t brought to this room. It’s strictly for the girls to use on their own when needed. No nefarious deeds have been done in here in a good while.”

They both still glance warily at the bedspread before gently sitting down. Len rolls his eyes but smiles widely.

“What’s going on?” Barry asks, glancing around. “Why bring us here.”

Len taps the side of his head where his comm rests in his ear. “Natalia is waiting outside. If Zoom makes an appearance, you two can be in the closet and Natalia in here before you can say ‘Earth-2’.” He smirks, sipping again. “Best way to get you both alone for a chat with ample contingencies in place should Zoom come looking.”

Barry nods. It does make sense, after all. He knew that him and Len have spent more time together than they planned to after Zoom became…troublesome for the pair. Still, with Joe in the picture as well, it would make sense to have another plan in place. Doesn’t explain what Len wants to talk to them about.

Joe asks the very question Barry was just thinking. “So why did you need to chat with us? Clearly you have our phone numbers by now.”

Len tilts his head in acknowledgement. “This is a matter that…requires actual communication. Better to have that in person.”

Joe settles in to wait for more information, Barry following suit. Len slides the chair a smidgen closer, swirling his drink in his hand as he contemplates his words.

“I’ve gathered the Rogues. The metas I… _freed_ back at Ferris Air. I know you won’t like it, but it needs to be done. They may be criminals, but none of them actually want to see the city burn. Well, not when they think it through rationally, at least.” He rolls his eyes.

Barry stiffens, because he knows _for a fact_ that at least one of them tried to destroy it with a tidal wave in an erased timeline.

“I…kinda doubt that, Len.” Barry has to say honestly. He may not know them that well, but what he does know….isn’t good.

Len rolls his eyes. “They’ve been _educated _.__ Showed them the autopsy from Holocaust, and heavily implied it might be their future as well should Zoom win. Also brought up the _whispers_ I’ve been hearing about illegal experiments on metas some shady military facilities are trying to accomplish. They may not be the _brightest_ or _best_ of the bunch, but none of them want to end up as mindless lab-rats. They all agreed to fall into line and play hero for a day when the time comes. That’s why I needed you here, Detective West.”

Joe straightens at the attention. “If you want to get them _pardoned,_ I sure as hell ain’t-”

Len waves his hand as he cuts him off. “Not a pardon, Detective. Merely, an _exception_ for drastic circumstances. If my people are out there risking their lives to protect this city, I don’t want them looking over their shoulder for cops while they do so. All I ask, is for that chance to be provided for them. When Zoom attacks, I don’t want cops trying to kill or arrest them. Not while they’re fighting. Not if they’re injured in the fight and end up hospitalized. By all means, arrest them when you can otherwise. But if you take them down when they are trying to _help,_ then how in hell will I get any other metas to agree to shit like this in the future?”

Barry perks up. “You would get the Rogues to help me in the future?”

Len glares without an ounce of heat at him.

“I would get _my_ Rogues to help _my_ City. When it needs it, and only then. No one would trust me enough to come when they need help if I push the hero spiel on them otherwise, Scarlet. I can keep them in line. Keep them to our rules. Doubt the next criminal to come along and take my place would be so considerate of innocent lives.”

Barry sags at that, even if he can see the logic. Joe takes the pause as his chance to jump back in.

“I don’t like it, Snart. But...if it really does protect this city and the people in it, then I’ll try. I’ll talk to the Captain about it tomorrow, and let you know how it goes.”

Len inclines his head in thanks before stilling. Quick, even to Barry’s speedster eyes, Len swivels to press a button under the vanity.

“Closet. Now.” He grits as Joe and Barry stand in alarm. The door is already open, Natalia sliding back in and closing it behind her. Barry and Joe end up in the surprisingly spacious closet, and Len ends up on the bed with Natalia.

“Just like old times.” He hears her coo, and _boy_ does the familiar flirting lilt to her voice get Barry’s blood boiling.

“Please.” He hears Len smirk, and edge of unease that somewhat calms Barry’s jealousy. “Lewis isn’t expecting shit from me anymore. Only need to put on a show if _Hellish Hermes_ shows his face.”

There is a beat of silence, and Barry knows Cisco is talking to Len. He gathers what he can from this end of the conversation, suspecting that Len is repeating information solely for their benefit.

Zoom was seen on footage at the docks. It would appear he hasn’t left the area.

Barry can’t help but peak. Len is sprawled on the bed underneath Natalia. He really takes her in this time, noticing all the details he discarded before. She is pale, but sturdy with a healthy build. Dirty blonde hair frames an attractive face and vibrant blue eyes. She appears to be around Len’s age, maybe a few years younger. There are fine wrinkles adorning her face from the passage of time and a hard life. Barely any clothes cover her frame, and there are only a few smattering scars gracing her body. He suspects they might be related to how she got into this business. Mobs were known to run establishments like this, after all. And they weren’t always gentle with their…employees. Employees who also didn’t always come work for them willingly.

His heart aching for what she might have gone through tamps down on the jealousy. But the jealousy is still there. She runs her hands over his clad chest easily, and he _lets her!_ Barry knows there is history here, but it doesn’t make the sight sting any less. She straddles him with barely a breath of space between their most intimate of locations. Her hands on his chest seem to be the only contact, and Barry wonders how often they have does this before.

She mentioned old times. Len mentioned Lewis. Barry can put at least some of the pieces together from that.

It takes twenty minutes. Twenty minutes of Barry and Joe fidgeting in the closet. Twenty minutes of whispered updates from Len and heavy silence otherwise. Twenty minutes of Len lying there while Natalia gets _comfortable_ on top of him before they are given the all-clear. Zoom is gone. They leave the closet, Barry glaring slightly at the woman before he can help it. She definitely notices.

Her eyes light up in mischief, glancing at Len.

“Your partner?” She asks, meaning behind the word not lost on any of them. Len nods, glancing at Barry with a small smile. Barry’s lips twitch up in response, but _dammit_ he’s still _mad_ at him.

Natalia is suddenly staring at him with unbridled enthusiasm. “Tell me, sweetie, is Len really as good as I think he is? Because the things I showed him…”

“My _partner _…”__ Len interrupts, glaring at her. “…and his foster-father.”

Natalia laughs, a bright and easy sound as she waves off his irritation. “I get it, Len. Just wanted to know I wasn’t wasting my time all those years. I’ll get out of your hair for now. Just remember we’ll need this room in half an hour.”

Len isn’t _blushing _,__ but there is a note of color to his cheeks as she leaves again.

Joe clears his throat, supremely uncomfortable. “Was that all you needed from me?”

Len nods. “Thought it would take more convincing, to be honest. But yes, that’s it for now.”

Joe claps Barry in goodbye, hastily escaping before his son’s love-life can be broached again.

Len eyes Barry once he’s gone. “I did have a bit more to talk about with the _Flash._ But I suppose that’s going to have to wait, now.”

“ _The things she showed you!”_ Barry squeaked out a small hiss, coming closer to sit beside Len on the bed.

Len nods, relaxing back. “I told you about….the prostitutes. Lewis never forced them on me again, after that. Started taking me _here_ instead, as soon as I was old enough. Expected me to go after them myself.”

Barry sags a bit at that. Through all his jealousy, he forgot the importance of this likely being Lewis’ handiwork.

Len can see the thoughts and emotions crossing Barry’s face, continuing on in a gentler tone. “Started out as a _reward_ after a good heist. Turned into monthly visits. Then twice a month. Hell, sometimes even twice a _week _,__ when he could afford it. Dragged me along every time, as if afraid I would turn around and suck a cock the second he stopped surrounding me with… _willing girls_ for my company.”

Len shakes his head, smiling softly. “Pissed off the first few girls. They didn’t _understand_ why I didn’t want to sleep with them after paying for the night. Natalia was the first who seemed less put-out and more confused by it. Didn’t even have to beg or bribe her to tell anyone who might ask that I slept with her. Started asking for her if she was free. Then, I started _waiting_ for when she was available. Lewis thought I was sweet on her. _Encouraged_ it, even. Made everything easier, at least in this regard. He never brought up….my attractions to men, when she was in the picture.”

Barry listens with rapt attention, loving every glimpse into Len’s past, even if it makes his chest ache with empathy. Len smiles wryly.

“She taught me how to play poker as a way to pass the time. It’s how I got so good at it. We talked, more and more as the months went by. Not exactly friends but…as close as I could be friends with anyone at the time. She came over here from Ukraine with her brother. Santini’s gave them passage before holding their passports. Forced them to work for them. Natalia…hated this when she started. Told me all the ways she had planned on getting out and starting the new life she had been promised here. It wasn’t the sex or the clients, she always said. That part…that part she liked. Loved the way men looked at her when they were together. The adoration she felt. The arousal she brought them. The pleasure they shared. No, the part she hated was how she was _forced_ to do it, all so the men keeping her prisoner in what should have been the _land of the free_  could pocket all the money she earned.”

“They had her brother too. Working odd jobs until it was clear he didn’t have the stomach for their business. So they sent him here too. Had him entertain…interested clients. Natalia even tried to get me to sleep with him, a few times. Thought my only issue with all this was because I was gay. Just confused her even more when I turned him down too.”

He chuckles at the memory before his eyes go dark. “Found out a few years later why they had him here. Bugged his room to blackmail his clients with the tapes they recorded. He refused to do it anymore when he realized what they were doing. They killed him a few days later. Didn’t bother sending a new boy to continue his work. The cat was out of the bag anyways.”

He shrugs, visibly pushing past the memory. “Still, it was close to ten years that I came here with Lewis. With the rest of his crew he still had me run with whenever he was behind bars. Kept it up until Lisa was seventeen and on her own. Came back a few times after, just to keep taps on Natalia when I could. Make sure she was still safe and all.”

Len suddenly grins. “As for what she _showed_ me, well. She eventually put enough pieces together to figure out what happened, so she knew _why_ I hadn’t been sleeping with her all those years. Decided that the best way to repay me for all the money I threw her way was to at least make sure I came out with _some_ skill. Talked me through everything that most women seem to like. Taught me where to touch, and how to touch. Where to kiss, and how to bring someone apart with my mouth. Told me cues to look for, so I knew what my partner liked, and what they simply tolerated. How to pick up on what else they might want, but not say or even know to ask for. Eventually, she brought in dildos as well. Taught me everything she picked up that men like. Wanted me to be good enough that I would never want for willing partners who _enjoyed_ being with me. Gave me the confidence to finally put myself out there again, after Lewis was back in prison. She knew about Angie, grilled her just like she tried to grill you. I never brought up being in a…relationship with a man before. Was never _with_ a man long enough to warrant it, and never for more than just sex. So she’s curious. Calls me her _protegee _.__ Never slept with her, so she has no idea if what she described I should do actually worked on an real lover.”

Barry was blushing deeply. “She taught you…how to do _that _?”__ He doesn’t have to go into further detail. They both know he is encompassing more than one sexual act with his question.

Len smiles. “Taught me more than enough to get by when I finally built up the courage to sleep with someone again. Left us both pleasantly surprised. Honed my…techniques over the years. But the basics all came from her. You could say I was professionally taught.” There is a glimmer of amusement to his eyes that shows this might be a running joke.

Barry laughs, shaking his head in disbelief. “Wow. That’s just….college me would have been crazy jealous. Didn’t even know what I was doing half the time.”

Len grins. “No one really knows what they’re doing at first, Barry. Experience really does make all the difference.”

Barry can’t help but zero in on the fact that they are alone here, on a bed in a brothel, talking about how Len achieved his sexual prowess. God, his cock is already interested.

He clears his throat, changing the subject before he tries starting something they don’t have the time to finish.

“So what did you need to talk to the _Flash_ about.”

Len sobers as well, still relaxed with only a hint of tension entering his eyes.

“There’s going to be a heist this Sunday. Trial run for the Rogues, to make sure they can follow orders. I don’t expect you to skip out, Barry. Want to see how they face off against a speedster as a team. No lasting damage will be done. Not just my rule, but Zoom’s as well. I’m confident they’ll follow it. Just wanted to let you know beforehand. Would hate to have…what we’re starting, to be impacted by something like that.”

Barry is silent for a moment. Len is going to be stealing something. This weekend. With a crew of dangerous criminals he freed so long ago. He isn’t sure what to do here. Stealing is….not okay. Against the law. And also a big part of Len.

He’s been a thief for probably as long as he remembers. Spent his whole life perfecting his craft. Barry already said he wouldn’t make him give it up. But this…this feels like _permission_ instead of _acceptance _.__ And Barry isn’t sure how he feels about that.

“No casualties?” Barry eventually asks, completely somber as he looks up to meet Len’s eyes.

“No casualties.” Len replies firmly. “Anyone who kills outside of self-defense will be out of my Rogues. They all know the rules, and the consequences for breaking them.”

Barry nods. That’s good at least. Without worrying about innocent lives, this might just be _fun _.__ Fun in the should-be-wrong way that going up against Len seemed to be more often than not. Would be a challenge, for sure; and for both sides. Might even make them _better._ Might make them good enough to take on Zoom.

“Okay. Thanks for letting me know. Not exactly usual, telling the hero supposed to stop you when you’re going to be stealing something.” Barry jokes a bit, trying to lighten the mood, while also pushing as much sincerity and acceptance and gratitude into his eyes as he can.

Len’s lips quirk into a small grin. “One other thing. Most of the Rogues don’t know who you are. Have no leverage against you. But I was hoping that our deal could extent to them. They don’t kill anyone, and you don’t arrest them. If the cops get to them, that’ll be our problem. But no more pipeline prisons. No more drop-offs at the precinct. If you stop us, then you stop us. And everyone goes home to prepare for next time.”

Barry sighs, thinking it over. He scrunches his brow, knowing that this could spell disaster for his public image and relations with the cops. Joe would hate it too. Might just be the push the mayor needs to ask for the Flash to be arrested instead of spending a day honoring him.

“Only when they break the law as a group.” Barry eventually decides on, looking up at Len. “If they pull jobs on their own, then I can’t guarantee not to arrest them. If I see them on the street when no laws are being broken, then I’ll leave them be. And when they’re with you, I’ll follow our deal, and include them as well. But _only_ when they break the law with you, Len. If I stop a group, I can claim that they were able to get away through numbers. One-on-one is a harder sell. I already do that for you, and don’t need any reason for the cops to start distrusting the Flash.”

Len mulls it over, taking a few moments before nodding. “That’s fair. I’ll let them know as well. Not going to forbid them doing jobs on their own or in pairs. But if it's not with me, then they’ll know the Flash has free reign to lock them away again. _Legally_ , this time.”

Barry groans at yet another reminder to the Pipeline fiasco. They already talked it over, so Len knows _why_ they ended up in that situation. The ribbing isn’t meant to hurt. It’s just a gentle tease by now, with the underlying reminder for the Flash to continue being a _good_ hero as he has been. Just like Oliver stopped killing; Barry also had to adjust his morals and mode of operation. It’s for the better, in both cases, Barry knows.

The minutes tick by, signally their time is coming to an end.

“Can we see each other tonight?” Barry asks quietly, looking up. “Zoom was already here. We can try to figure out what he was after but…I don’t think he’s coming back tonight.”

Len looks conflicted, darting his gaze towards Barry before glancing away again.

“Sure, Scarlet.” He smiles softly when he replies. “Dinner at my place. 10 PM. It’s late, but I know your stomach won’t complain.”

Barry laughs, leaning forward to peck him on the lips.

“Sounds great. See you in an hour, Len.”

“Looking forward to it.” Len smirks as Barry leaves the room. Natalia is waiting in the corridor, but Len calls to her before she can pounce. Barry chuckles as he blushes, knowing the subject she no doubt will try and bring up. Still, there are things to do before he heads to Len’s. Hopefully they can find out more about what Zoom was up to. Either way, this night is going to end up being pretty good. He’ll be with Len, after all. And Barry doubts sleeping next to Len will ever be anything but the best nights of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! Another chapter up an ready for consumption, so I hope you all enjoy! I want to thank everyone for taking the time to read and comment. I know there are some realistic issues covered here, and I try to do so sensitively while also staying true to character. As much as I love positive comments, I also appreciate anyone who wants to challenge my writing, or make me re-think characterizations. I know fiction can and is an escape from the real world, but I still like to call on real-life issues while enabling this escapism with superhero fanfiction. Based on the response, a lot of you have enjoyed that as well. This story has grown out of control, with many other chapter, and further details, and backgrounds mixed with side-stories thrown into the mix. Thank all of you for sticking around for it all. And while this will be bi-weekly updates, it will continue for quite awhile. Other Flash fanfics I write will be on the side, and be updated weekly once I feel comfortable with them. This will still be my longest, and main story at the end of the day, however. More and more, it looks like it will be two parts. Let me know what you think, and thank you all for taking the time to read this humble fanfic!  
> Oh, and this video brought a smile to my face ( the LEGO tattoo, little girl in pink, and metal take on a pop song), while also 'serenading' me while updating this fic. If you want, check it out! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Hkqp0pO9Fo  
> Up next: Barry shows up late to their date, but dinner still goes well. Len ponders over his feelings for Barry, and the two come to an agreement. Netflix ensues, and then we cut to Jay, Caitlin, and Cisco for an update from their end. :)


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry shows up late to their date, but dinner still goes well. Len ponders over his feelings for Barry, and the two come to an agreement. Netflix ensues, and then we cut to Jay, Caitlin, and Cisco for an update from their end. :)

Len brings some spaghetti, pizza, and salad he picked up on his way home. Barry isn’t there, which was to be expected. He’s late more often than not, after all. Len prepares the table, throwing on some soft music to play in the background. He sets out two glasses and a nice bottle of Riesling he picked up. Might not be the usual pairing for this food, but the girl at the restaurant said she always preferred it herself, and Len isn't enough of a wine snob to care about the 'right pairings'.

Barry shows up half an hour late, ringing the doorbell just as Len is considering putting the food in the fridge. His hair is windswept when Len lets him in, both grinning as they share a quick peck on the lips.

“You’re late.” Len grumbles, leading him to the kitchen with a small smile nonetheless.

“Sorry.” Barry rubs his head sheepishly. “The video files were corrupted. We saw Zoom arrive, and we saw him leave. Other than that, we have no idea who he met with or what they talked about. Cisco is still trying to access the footage, but it looks like we might be out of luck.”

Len hums, frowning at the information. The possibility of another player working for Zoom on this Earth doesn’t sit well with him. Still, there is nothing more to do for now. Worrying about it would only kill the mood.

Dinner goes well. Barry brightens at the pile of delicious, and thankfully still-somewhat-warm, food. Len only has one glass with his meal, preferring to remain clear-headed if the evening is heading where he knows it has the possibility to go. Barry finishes off the rest of the bottle, alcohol doing nothing for him, and flavor actually pairing quite nicely with the food, even if it was a bit unusual.

They don’t talk much as they eat, preferring to sit in comfortable silence as they enjoy each others company. The dishes are done together, forgoing speed-cleaning so they can stand side-by-side as they wash and dry.

Len smiles softly as he hands off another wet plate for Barry to grasp with the towel. It had taken him and Angie months to get this comfortable with each other. And that was even after he had moved in with her together, not counting the months they spent seeing each other beforehand. But with Barry, everything seems to be progressing at a speedsters pace. Len never would have dreamed in a million years that he could ever find something like this so soon with another person.

But with Barry, everything just seems _right_ and _easy_ and _safe _.__ Barry has seen him at his lowest, after all. Learned far more than Len would have ever thought he could tell this early in a relationship. And Barry is still here, still cares and still _wants_ him. Len doesn’t know how he feels about all this, but the warmth curling in his chest makes him think that it might even be more than just affection or attraction.

Not love, he thinks. He does care for Barry, but love has always been tricky for him. Lisa was loved from the moment her mother placed her in his arms. Mick might have been loved when they were younger, if they had been compatible in a romantic relationship. He thinks he loves him as a brother now, but still can’t be sure. Michael had been puppy love, his first and only innocent falling, that ended in a blaze of pain and death. Angie took a year for him to finally admit to even himself that he loved her. Thomas he knew he loved months before that. The child he vowed he would never have, not trusting himself to screw some kid up like Lewis had done to Len. But then there was Thomas, and Len knew he would never allow himself to let that child be anything but the best and most loved version of himself Len could guide him to.

Len loved his grandfather. Loved his own mother, in his own way. Lisa’s mother as well, even if both of those maternal figures were clouded by anger and guilt. He had wanted to love Lewis. Wanted to, even when he thought he hated the man. But he could never quite get there, even when he told himself he _should_ love his father.

Natalia he liked. Charles he liked. Henry and choice few inmates, he had liked. A handful of others over the years, that he should probably have called friends at one point or another, that he liked. Hell, he could even admit to liking Team Flash now. But Barry…Barry was different.

He liked Barry. Even at the beginning. Even before he knew his name or face. And the more he knew, the more he _liked_. His help when Lewis popped back up just shoved Len’s own confusing feelings back into his face.

And now…now he didn’t know. It was more that just _like_. But it still felt different from any _love_ he had experienced before. Besides, this relationship was still new. Yes, they may know quite a bit more about each other than most new couples. And they did have a lot of history before they got together. But is that enough to justify loving him?

Barry breaks him out of his thoughts with a quick kiss to his cheek. “What are you thinking about? Your face is doing that thing again.”

Len chuckles, finishing the last dish. “You, I suppose. Us. What we…”

He shakes his head, trying to form his words right. “I don’t expect any more confessions like the other morning. And I’m not sure if I’m ready for any myself. But I do care about you, Barry. And…and I think I’ll take you up on your offer. Get my record clean again. I haven’t worried about what the law has against me in a long time. But I don’t want to be another _Henry_  in your life. I don’t want to put you through something like that again, and I don’t want to jeopardize your position at the CCPD. So you can let whoever you need to know that they can start getting a case together. And from now on, I’m going to do my best to leave only circumstantial evidence behind. No more live-broadcasts. No more street fights. At least, not against the _good guys _.__ ”

Barry blinks at him a few times before his face splits into a wide grin. “Thank you, Len. It really means a lot to me, you doing this. But if you really don’t want to, you don’t have to. If you are only agreeing because I want you to-”

“I want to do this.” Len turned to him, drying his hands with the end of the towel Barry wasn’t using. “I want to do it _for_ you, Barry. Because it makes you happy. And making you happy makes me happy.” He looks down at the end, clearly embarrassed by how sappy it sounds.

Barry can’t help but steal a kiss. “Thank you.” He says again. “I’m happy when you’re happy, too. And no more confessions. I promise. Not until we are both ready.”

Len grins and shakes his head, putting the plate away as Barry dries his own hands.

There is an awkward moment after that, unsure if they should make-out, move to the bedroom, keep talking, or do something else.

“Do you have Netflix?” Barry asks, blushing when he realizes how random that question was.

Len smirks. “I may be a criminal, but I am still human Barry. Of course I have Netflix.”

“Great.” Barry grins. “I was just thinking that…well, we’ve had a lot of sex. Well, not _a lot _….__ but…all of our somewhat dates that I guess we had, kinda went straight to sex. I just…wanted a night with just the two of us being lazy. Like a normal couple, for awhile. Just…together, without it being all physical. If that’s okay with you. I just...” Barry flounders for a second. "I just don't want you thinking this is all about sex, because it's more than that. And while I do very,  _very_ much enjoy having sex with you...I just want to spend time together. If that's alright."

Len rolls his eyes, but smiles. “Sounds perfect, Scarlet. Besides, if we don’t take nights off, I’m starting to think I might not be able to keep up with you. Insatiable speedster that you are.”

Barry blushes, and Len gives him a quick kiss. “I’m going to shower. You can put whatever you want on for when I get back.”

Barry settles on the couch, figuring out the foreign remote system, and maybe snooping a little on Len’s history. There are a few surprising items on the list. He suspects Lisa is to blame for more than a handful of them.

He settles on his choice just as Len returns, dressed in comfy flannel pants and a worn plain T-shirt.

“The Curiosity of Chance?” He questions as he settles in. Barry scoots closer, smiling when Len wraps his arms around him.

“It’s kind of a LGBT comedy? And the main character enters the drag scene, and the high school he goes to finds out, and he is crushing on one of the jocks, and-”

“Barry.” Len cuts him off with a chuckle. “We are literally about to watch it. I’m sure I can figure out the plot for myself.”

“Right.” Barry blushes, fumbling to press play.

They enjoy the movie, relaxing into each other as the night wanes on. They laugh when they are supposed to laugh, feel for characters when they are supposed to feel for them, and all-in-all enjoy the movie quite well.

Barry takes Len up on his offer to use the shower afterwards. It’s late, and Barry will have to be up early again in the morning. But he’s had later nights as the Flash, and can’t regret a single moment they spent enjoying each others company instead of sleeping.

Barry slides under the covers next to Len, setting his phone alarm and plugging it into the charger on the way. Len rolls over to face him, pulling Barry close and kissing him softly.

“Night, Scarlet.”

“Goodnight, Len.”

XXX

Caitlin frowned over her readings. Jay was stoic next to her, knowing it wasn’t good findings.

“We need to find your doppelganger.” She sighs, shifting to face him with sad eyes. “The process to get your speed back might take longer to figure out than we have time for. If we could introduce healthy cells-”

“We can’t.” Jay cuts her off with a shake of his head. “I already looked, back when I was figuring out if the Flash of this world could be trusted, along with those he worked with. Knew I might have been running out of time, and looked for the same solution as you are. I was stillborn, on this Earth. And my brother here died as a child as well, so we can’t even hope to get anything from him, either.”

Caitlin frowns as she turns back to her monitor. “It’s not perfect, but STEM cells seem like our best option for now in that case. I know you weren’t in the medical field, but if there is any other medical technology you know of that might help, we can try to build that here.”

Jay nods, already knowing that there isn’t any technology that he has heard of that could aide them. “What if we treated this like cancer? Some sort of chemo-therapy type of treatment?”

Caitlin shakes her head. “That won’t work. Your cells are just dying. It’s not related to a tumor, or disease, or anything else. More like old age, only sped up, if I’m being honest. Like your cells are still trying to move and replicate at a speedster level, but the battery is drained, so it’s killing them off instead.”

Jay runs a hand through his hair. “Alright. So STEM cells to maybe buy me a few more weeks. Perhaps we should focus on getting my powers back instead.”

Caitlin agrees easily. She has Jay describe how he got his powers in the first place. He goes over the lab full of chemicals he was working at. The malfunction of the particle accelerator no one knew of on his Earth at the time. The dark matter that infused with the hard water vapors he inhaled while at work and taking a smoke break. How a co-worker accidentally shocked him later on that night thanks to a surprisingly powerful burst of static electricity that had been building up. How time seemed to slow after that, making his head ache and body sore. He went home early to sleep off what he thought was a migraine. The next morning, he ran into his dresser at super-speed while trying to get ready for the day. Took a week off to do his best to figure out what was happening to him, while also trying to get his powers under control.   

Caitlin describes how Barry got his own powers once more as well. The two compare notes, heads ducked close as they go over all the similarities and differences. Their best bet is to try and find the right combination of plausible events to re-create. After that, they can run some simulations and tests on the equipment here at the labs to find which results look the most promising.

Cisco drags his feet with a dejected groan as he comes in. “That footage is gone, guys. No way can I ever get it back.”

“From the docks?” Jay perks up to ask, even as the heavy disappointment floods them as well. He would have hated the lack of information before. It just hurts that much more now that he knows Zoom is his _brother _.__

Cisco nods, sighing as he plops into a chair. “Needed a break from all that. About to head out and was wondering if you guys wanted to come for some drinks.”

“Of course.” Caitlin smiles. “We were just about at a stopping point ourselves. We’d love to go with you.”

Cisco looks over their notes while they arrange everything and save their files. “You know.” He muses, shuffling a few papers that Caitlin had been trying to organize. “There are only two speedsters here to compare from. Might help to have a third.”

Jay frowns. “I doubt Zoom would be willing to tell us how he got his powers. Harry has some theories, but that’s all they are. We can’t rely on that information to figure this out. Not with pieces missing and a potentially incorrect series of events.”

“Not Zoom.” Cisco’s gaze seems to harden. “I’m talking about Reverse Flash. I know we can’t actually ask him but…Gideon might know.”

At Jay’s confused look, they quickly jump to explain what Cisco’s talking about. He already knew about the Reverse Flash, having heard about the man plenty with his recent reappearance. However, they had yet to describe the AI he used to monitor the future.

“And you think she will have the future records of how Eobard Thawne gained his powers?” Jay asks after they are done explaining.

“I mean, maybe?” Cisco shrugs. “Worth a shot. Barry can ask her tomorrow. Might even give us better ideas on how to get your speed back.”

“Tomorrow it is, then.” Jay smiles, glancing at Caitlin. “Now, wasn’t someone saying something about getting some drinks?”

Caitlin blushes, closing out of the last program and grabbing her coat. Cisco jumps up. “Oh yeah. It’s time for shots!”

They all chuckle as they leave, knowing they won’t go overboard, but needing the time to unwind. The past few days, hell, the past few _weeks_ have been stressful. And though there was disappointment from failing to recover the footage, there was also good news. They had a plan in place to do what they could to help Jay regain his powers and save his life. That was more than enough to warrant celebration.

“I’m inviting Lisa.” Cisco announces with a large smile as they get to the car. “She already said she didn’t have plans anyways, what with Barry stealing her brother for the night. If you guys don’t mind, that is.”

“Of course not.” Caitlin assures him. After all, the scientists have grown much closer to a certain criminal sibling pair recently. They may not be the closest of friends, but they were a far cry from how they were in the past.

“It’s a double date.” Jay smiles warmly. Cisco splutters and Caitlin blushes, leaning a bit further into him.

“Sounds good to me.” She agrees quietly, sliding her hand into his. Yes, there was quite a bit to celebrate after all. New friends, new allies, new relationships, and new understandings. Their small group of friends had been expanding. Team Flash now had more allies than ever before. And despite Ronnie still being gone, Caitlin didn’t feel his loss quite so harshly anymore. Jay wasn’t a replacement for Ronnie. But he was something to her. And she was looking forward to the time she hoped they would have to figure out exactly what that something was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So, there are some more changes to cannon that I include in this chapter. In order for this story to work, I've had to tweak things here and there, and not just include scenes that could-have-happened in-between episodes. I know this fic is a far cry from cannon, but it should answer some questions about cannon events that could have still been included that I altered.   
> On a side-note, there are some personal things I've been dealing with lately. I'm not going to go into detail, as I explained what happened in the notes on my other fic (Thief in the Night). I don't think it will affect this story, as I hope to have arrived at a good place by the time I reach chapters in this story that will touch on similar subjects to that again. So for now, the updates will continue every two weeks, but if there is a longer break, then that will be why.   
> Thank you all for reading and commenting! As always, I love feedback and love reading your opinions, interpretations, and your theories for future events! Take care, and I'll see you all next chapter!  
> Up Next: The Rogues commit their heist, which Barry interrupts. Zoom shows up afterwards, and he and Len have another chat.


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Rogues commit their heist, which Barry interrupts. Zoom shows up afterwards, and he and Len have another chat.

The museum had closed fully an hour ago. Len checked his watch, counting down for his _date_ with Zoom. Four hours. They had four more hours to get this shit wrapped up and head back to Saints and Sinners.

Barry had been on edge all day. Len knows he was, thanks to the steady stream of texts. Since Len didn’t provide a location or time, Barry was left suspended in anticipation. On top of that, Len knows he is worried about Zoom. Doesn’t like not doing anything when he makes his appearances. Len can understand. After all, he wouldn’t be able to stay away like the others have to if it was Barry Zoom was whisking away for little chats.

The seconds tick down. Hartley looks to him for confirmation. Len nods, moving out. Hartley is in charge of the security systems. Technical genius he is and all; Len and the rest barely have to re-wire anything to keep the alarms silent. Hartley is staying in the van they took there for now, working from his laptop. Lisa remains in the get-away vehicle, keeping it running just in case. She was sore about sitting this out at first. But Len drove a hard argument. He already trusted Lisa. Knew her strengths and weaknesses, and trusted her to stay true when the stress and chaos of shit going wrong hit the fan. The rest were untested. Untrusted. This was their trial run. So she grumbled, demanding he pick up something shiny for her, before settling behind the wheel.

Baez is on a neighboring rooftop, with access to the windows in all the main rooms they will be in through a pair of high-def binoculars. She is their quick exit strategy, poofing into the room, then back to the roof, then to the get-away vehicle. Roy is standing guard by Lisa, ready to hit anyone not supposed to be there with _fear _,__ keeping unwanted attention away from their escape.

Nimbus is covering Hartley, already settled into Mist form and surrounding the van. Anyone who tries to breach it will have to think at least twice about the price to pay for doing so. Len has already factored in the fatality of his abilities. Anyone who goes after him and the van he surrounds already knows it’s a suicide run going in. He won’t like it if someone dies, but it would be their choice at the end of the day. He hopes it doesn’t happen, and hopes even more that Barry won’t blame him if it does.

Axel is breaching security at the door. Hartley can only do so much. Certain systems need physical re-routing. Hartley has been coaching Axel for days. Len still watches him with a close eye, offering up advice as he goes about it. All in all, Len is satisfied with the time. Not the best Len has ever done, but not bad for a amateur either.

Len, Mick, and Axel breach the museum. Mick and Axel go for the Egyptian display. There is a particular amulet that is their target. They still grab a few other bits that could fetch a pretty price to move the attention away from their real focus. Len already has a buyer lined up for their objective piece, but the rest will draw the heat away from the buyer (something that is always appreciated), and could still be fenced at a later date.

There are pressure-sensitive alarms and other security in place. Hartley keeps the signals silent and delayed in broadcasting to the police. The loot is already collected by the time Len signals Hart to let up on his coverage.

Ten minutes. That’s how long they have until CCPD comes in now. Thirty-five seconds is the expected response time for the Flash from STAR labs to here, since he is still waiting for their heist.

Baez snaps into the room in a puff of smoke. They hand off the loot for her to disappear with. Len has just received confirmation that Lisa has their catch secured in the vehicle when the scent of ozone seeps into the room.

Barry slides into an abrupt stop against the wall after sliding across the ice Len laid for him. There is a soft groan that sends Len’s heart-rate spiking as he observes Barry to make sure the injury isn’t serious.

Hartley is on his way in, abandoning the useless vehicle to provide additional support now that security systems no longer require suppressing. Len faces the Flash head on, with Mick covering one exit and Axel flanking Len. Hartley is sweeping into the entrance, sending sonic pulses ahead of him to keep the Flash distracted.

Len would love nothing more than to banter mindlessly with Barry right now. But this isn’t a playful fight. This is a test for his new recruits. So Len steps back, signalling Baez to be on stand-by to get them out if needed, and proceeds as usual with a sharp eye on how his team reacts.

“Flash.” Len coos. “So nice of you to show up to the party. I trust you’ve met my friends before?” He gestures to the Rogues around him. Nimbus is already on his way to cover Lisa, while Roy is making his way into the van. As much as Len would like to test Bivolo now as well, he simply doesn’t trust the man around Barry yet. The wounds inflicted were still too fresh, and Len doesn’t trust himself not to ice Rainbow Raider for seeing him so close to Barry at the moment.

Roy is securing the loot into hidden floor panels, Lisa has the vehicle running and ready, and Len sees the flash of reflection letting him know Baez is watching and waiting to transport in at a moments notice.

“Captain Cold.” Flash vibrates his voice in a way that gets Len _interested_ in ways that are definitely not appropriate for mid-heists. “I see you’ve expanded your crew. What’s wrong? Couldn’t face me on your own anymore?”

Len grins wickedly, slipping back into their old habits. Two can play at this game. “Not at all, Flash. Just thought you might like some more _challenge_ added to our game of cops-and-robbers. Would hate if I couldn’t _keep up_ with the heat you bring. Speaking of _heat_ …”

Mick lights the room up. Flash is running around, trying desperately to control the inferno as Pied Piper blasts him from behind. Axel throws a few bombs into the mix, strictly stun-blasts that send Barry reeling.

Baez pops in to bring Mick out as his job is done. Hartley keeps his gloves aimed, but doesn’t send another blast yet as the Flash is still disoriented. Axel throws another set of dice that explode into expanding foam upon contact. Barry is engulfed up to his waist now.

Len signals Peek-A-Boo back, bringing Axel away with her. Barry is staring dumbfounded at the substance holding him for the moment. Len takes the time to stalk forward.

“Flash, Flash, Flash.” He tuts in disappointment. “You knew I was recruiting. Is this really the best you could give? I expected more.”

Barry glares at him, but Len can see the hint of a smile in his expression. Baez gets Hartley out just as Barry replies. “I thought the point was for you guys to win?”

Len shakes his head in mock disappointment. “The point was to provide a _challenge _.__ For both sides, Scarlet. Not just easy pickings for us Rogues.”

Barry is still fighting a grin, and Len wishes his hair was long enough to tear out of his own head at the moment.

“Sorry to disappoint, _Cold _,__ but I haven’t exactly faced off against so many metas at once.”

Len glares, crouching over him. He turns off his comms and lowers his voice, getting in Barry’s face. “This wasn’t supposed to be _fun_ or _easy, Flash _.__ ” He lets his eyes turn hard as ice. “This was practice for more than my Rogues. This was practice for _you _.__ Zoom and his army of metas won’t go nearly as easy on you. I expect you to be ready for that when the time comes.”

Barry at least looks suitably chastised. “Sorry, Len. I guess I treated it more like _our_  fights, knowing no one was going to be hurt.”

Len sighs, wishing he could throttle, or maybe just ravish, this beautiful idiot right here. “Don’t go easy on us next time. I don’t expect my Rogues will go easy on you either.”

Barry nods, showing he understands. Len can already see him vibrating his way out of the mess encasing his legs.

“We’ll talk more about this later.” Len promises quietly, letting a second of soft affection to shine through before he pulls the mask firmly back into place.

“Until next time, Flash.” Len smirks, standing and signalling Baez. The Rogues are already two blocks away by the time Barry frees himself. Len sends Baez ahead to deliver the amulet, knowing she will meet them at the bar with the cash later on that night. All in all, though Barry didn’t bring the fight he expected, Len considered this a good night. The Rogues followed his lead, they got the goods, and no one was injured in the process.

Three hours and thirty-two minutes. He could keep it together for that long. Could celebrate with his crew. And then Zoom would show, and Len could keep it together for that as well. And after, Barry would be there to pick up whatever pieces of Len Zoom left behind tonight.

XXX

 

Charlie left the bar to them again. There were drinks all around as they celebrated their victory. Len sat nursing his single drink for the night as he smirked at the festivity.

Lisa and Mick were anxious, but still trying to enjoy themselves for Len’s sake. Nimbus sat with Victoria, a favorite of his from his more-human days. Len figured they would be dating by now, if not for all the issues each brought to the table. As is, Nimbus still requested her regularly, and even footed the bill. And Victoria, well, she was smiling in a way Len hadn’t seen with any of her other clients. Natalia had no objections to the pairing, and so Len couldn’t find it in himself to voice protest either.

She sat is his lap as they shared laughs and drinks. Len couldn’t fault them for that. After all, if he could have Barry here as well, then he would. And if Victoria was the incentive Kyle needed to step up for this city, then Len would ensure she was well-paid for her presence.

Mardon was absent, as no one felt the need to bring him in over the video feed. Bivolo was on his cell in the back corner, smiling goofily as he no doubt talked to his boyfriend. Axel and Hartley were hitting it off better than expected. Len would have to talk to Hartley soon, hoping for insight into both of their mental statuses. After all, Hartley had more than enough reasons to hate STAR labs after Wells-not-Wells ruined his life. And maybe his daddy-figure issues would rub off enough on Axel to justify leaving Trickster Sr. rotting away in Iron Heights.

Baez was sidling up to Lisa, the two quickly becoming fast friends. Mick continued roping whoever happened to pass by into games of pool as he found the bottom of drink after drink. Len was left alone, which was preferred at the moment. Only a few minutes left until Zoom was due after all.

Len continued to watch them all. Watch this band he had brought together as he sipped absentmindedly at his drink. He knew Barry was with the others at STAR labs. They knew the time to expect Zoom after all. Even had it set up to broadcast the audio feed to them automatically. Len would only need to use his code-word if the bastard showed his face early.

A worry that is proved unnecessary, as Zoom shows up right on time. Blue lightning fills the room, startling the Rogues into silence as it settles into the form of a demon of a man.

“Everyone out.” Len commands, setting his drink down as Zoom tilts his head at him. It’s obvious the monster isn’t planning any showy roof-top venues this time ‘round. Wary glances are shot his way left and right, but no one hesitates. It takes only seconds before the two are alone in the deserted bar.

“Zoom. Right on time. A commendable trait.” Len drawls, swirling his drink before pushing it firmly away as he focuses on the threat before him.

Zoom chuckles as he removes his mask once more. “Captain Cold. I suppose congratulations are in order? Heard there was a little fun to be had earlier?”

Len waves, affecting nonchalance. “Just a small hit, get everyone’s toes wet with this whole teamwork shtick. And don’t worry, your precious _Flash_ made it out unharmed, as agreed upon.”

“Oh, I know.” Zoom grins widely at him. “Heard you had him nicely caught. Like a fly in a web. Smart planning, factoring in non-lethal methods of subduing him. I’m impressed.”

Len has an itch tingling the back of his mind. Apprehension weighs heavily as he wonders exactly _how_ Zoom has so much insight into their lives. What does he know? What _doesn’t_ he know?

Shaking off the unease, Len casually stands and strides closer.

“So, I kept my end up. Gathering my crew, keeping your pet out of an early retirement, and a little B&E on the side just to keep things interesting. Way I see it, things are going perfectly to plan from my end. So, what do you need now? Updates on this final show-down you have coming? Or are you just checking in?”

Zoom chuckles. “Oh, you are good. Fishing for info, Cold?” His smirk is deadly, and Len wonders if this is it. If Zoom found out exactly which side Len was playing for.

Still, the con is easy enough to maintain. After all, this isn’t his first rodeo, and shit has a habit of flying off the rails at the worst possible moment.

“You caught me.” Len replies, deadpan delivery coupled with an amused expression belying any treachery. “It pays to know what other people have planned. Especially if I’m to be a pawn in that plan.”

Zoom frowns, tilting his head in consideration. “Not a pawn.” He eventually seems to reach a decision. “More knight, I suppose. A bit more movement, a bit more power on the board. More unpredictable.” He muses. Len rolls his eyes. Chess metaphors aside, he really just wants to get this over with.

“I’m flattered.” He smirks, leaning against the pool table as he observes the other man. “But back to business. Do you have any more marching orders for me and mine? Or was this really just a check-in?”

Zoom smiles, pulling out a flash-drive out to hand over. “Bit of both. Told you I would have a gift for you this time. Being a speedster has certain…perks. I was able to capture my transformation to something greater than what I was. Able to relive it whenever I want, now. Thought I would afford you that same opportunity.”

Sickness is churning, twisting Len’s stomach. But he still accepts the flash-drive with a curious gleam in his eyes as he pockets it. He has no doubt he is going to hate whatever Zoom has brought him. Still, there is no need for Zoom to know that just yet.

“Thanks.” Len drawls. “Shame, I didn’t get you anything.”

“Oh, but you did.” Zoom’s eyes light up in that manic glee that sends all kinds of _wrong_ slithering down Len’s spine. “After all…” Zoom continues, stepping close into Len’s space. “…you got me an _army _.”__ He whispers into Len’s ear, thankfully the one sans earpiece.

Zoom straightens, stepping back a pace. “Things are still progressing as expected on my Earth. Within a few months, we should have both of these Earth’s on their knees. I’ll be back here every other week. Same time, same place as today. Continue to pull in metas. Keep them loyal, but keep them under control. Would hate for anyone to be prepared for our attack when the time comes.”

Len tilts his head in acknowledgement. “Two weeks, then. I’ll be here.”

“Good.” Zoom grins wickedly, pulling his mask back into place. He doesn’t even bother with a threat or goodbye as he flashes away in a burst of blue lightning. It’s only when Len is once more alone, Cisco’s voice in his ear assuring him that Zoom left this Earth, that he allows the facade to crumble.

“Barry.” He rasps out, willing his breaths to remain even and steady. “Mind giving me a ride? We all need to talk, and I’d rather get it over with sooner rather than later.”

“Of course.” Len hears him say before there is a rustle of wind. Len deactivates his comms, knowing Barry is on his way. It should only take a few seconds. Len only has to wait a few more seconds, and then Barry will be there. And if they take a few minutes to let Len calm down before returning to the others, then that’s fine too. They can wait, and Len could care less what the others think about him at the moment. The only thing that matters is Barry, warm and firm and _there_ in his arms. His gentle voice soothing his frantic mind, calming the storm of thoughts and speculations over what Zoom truly has in store for them.

Barry holds Len the second he arrives. Even gets Len to match his breathing. They stay wrapped around each other long after Len settles. Neither say anything, but Len feels that Barry might have needed this just as much as he did. It is with reluctance that they pull apart. But there is much that they need to talk about, and the team at STAR labs is still waiting on them.

“Ready?” Barry asks quietly, looking Len over as if he needs to verify Len’s self-assessment for himself.

“Ready.” Len flashes him a crooked grin, arms out in invitation. Barry smiles, gathering him back to his chest as the speed-force engulfs them. They flash back to the labs, Len closing his eyes to relish the feeling. He’s not looking forward to what they need to discuss. He’s not looking forward to discovering the contents of the flash-drive Zoom gave him. But he is looking forward to what comes after. To going home with Barry, something they had tentatively agreed to start doing on nights after Zoom had left. And if Len forgets their problems for a few hours, loosing himself in all Barry has to offer, then…Len can only look forward to that too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whelp, there it is! Another chapter up! I apologize for it being more of a filler and plot-progressive piece of the story, but it was necessary. As for the heist, I had considered expanding on it. Building it up, making it grander, making the fight more spectacular. But at the same time, that didn't fit in with the narrative. Len is a master planner. One who now has more many more powerful people at his disposal. This being the first time Barry faced off against that many metas, with a sound plan, and against a man who he no longer considered a threat against himself or his loved ones or innocents; all factored into Barry not being at his best. A true combination of being overwhelmed and under-prepared, while also holding back because he didn't want to hurt Len or his group, and already knew the plan with Zoom would work better if the Rogues won. So, it would make sense that he wouldn't factor in Len considering this a good practice run for Barry as well, facing off against so many metas at one. Just wanted to clarify, in case anyone wanted to scream in the comments at how anti-climatic that heist was. There will be better, serious action scenes in the future, I promise.   
> Thank you all for reading, and for all your lovely comments! My writing always waxes and wanes with my time, motivation, inspiration, and all those other emotional factors. Based on that, I think the updates will continue as they have been until I actually finish the story. Then I'll step it up, giving myself time still in-between to go back and do a quick edit.   
> Up Next: The contents of the flash-drive are discovered. Len has a panic attack, Lisa gets emotional, and the two share some sibling bonding time. Warning: This next chapter will contain a lot of triggers. These will be included in the chapter notes when i post it.


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The contents of the flash-drive are discovered. Len has a panic attack, Lisa gets emotional, and the two share some sibling bonding time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for this chapter: Panic attacks. Violence. Blood and gore. Minor character death. Other similar violence. If you want to skip, I will leave a summary in the end of chapter notes.

The talk goes well at first. Ever since Len had gotten them to monitor when Zoom portals onto their Earth, they’ve been able to keep better track of his movements. They know he still has an army of metas on his Earth. Know that they have Wells’ daughter imprisoned there. Know that his campaign to take over completely is still underway, thanks to the Mayor slowing their efforts. Once that city falls, Zoom will no doubt turn his force outwards, even as he brings a select few over to this Earth for his final attacks.

They should have months. That much seems to have stayed consistent from their last encounter. Zoom is counting on Len and his Rogues to aide him in his coming conquest. Len hopes this means he won’t be bringing a large force with him, leaving the majority to continue expanding their territory back on his original Earth.

Everyone seems to be going over the facts just as much as he is. They input their ideas, bounce theories off each other, and plan as best they can for what they expect might be coming their way.

Finally, the conversation swirls around to settle on the flash-drive Zoom gifted Len tonight. He doesn’t want to watch it. Hates that there might be something personal on it. Isn’t sure what to really expect.

He wants to tell everyone to leave, Lisa especially. But the words die in his throat when he realizes how much _fear_ and _uncertainty_ that would show. And it might not be fully personal at all. It might give them more insight into what Zoom has planned.

So Len hands it over, and Cisco gets it hooked up to the largest monitor they have in the Cortex. There is only one video file on the drive, mocking them all as it remains untitled and with a black thumbnail. Cisco presses play.

The video starts out dark. There is shaky movement, some light peaking through the shadows as the camera focuses on a distant house through some bushes. The quality is low enough for it to seem like it was shot on a cellphone. There is some rustling, a flash of movement, and suddenly the camera is right outside a kitchen window.

Len’s blood had already run cold at the first glimpse of the house. He knows Lisa doesn’t remember it that well. They moved to a cheaper neighborhood when she was still young, only two years after her mother….after Lewis killed her.

They see a woman; chopping vegetables quickly while her eyes dart around fearfully. Lisa stiffens next to him, but he doesn’t notice. His eyes are locked on the screen, mind tunneling back into dark memories. He wants to scream for them to turn it off. To rage and destroy any evidence of that night. But the words won’t come. His body won’t react, and he can only stand there and stare in horror at the events unfolding.

A man enters the kitchen; face out of frame, but hostility clear in the way the woman flinches. The sounds are muffled, closed window and cheap cellphone unable to pick up on what they are saying. But the anger can be heard, and the viscous slap seen following resonates through the room.

“Turn it off.” It’s Lisa who finds her voice, shaky as it might be. “Turn it off!” She says firmer, volume increasing as the man grabs the knife. Cisco closes the video feed hastily. Silence descends for a few beats, awkward and unpleasantly heavy.

“Was that who I think it was?” Joe shatters the silence, wavering and unsure, even as he obviously recognizes at least who the man was.

It’s enough to shock Len into action, turning and leaving the room as protests go unheard thanks to the buzzing in his ears. He has no idea where he’s going, just that it’s _away_ from that room and those people and that _damn_ video.

Barry is there with him. Len can feel him walking beside him. But he doesn’t try to stop Len. Doesn’t try to touch him. He might be talking to him, but Len still can’t hear past the static filling his brain.

He stumbles into an empty lab and sinks against the wall to the floor. Barry gently shuts the door behind them, sitting beside Len.

It’s all playing before his eyes once more. The blood. The fear. The anger and guilt and sorrow. Her lifeless eyes staring up at him. How heavy she was as they struggled to move her body. The sticky, clinging feel of soapy blood on his hands as he cleaned it up. The smell of beer and scotch on his father’s breath when he eventually came home.

Barry finally touches him. Len can’t contain the flinch, but Barry doesn’t comment. Simply drags Len’s hand to his chest so Len can feel it rise and fall with every breath Barry takes. His other hand is moved to his own chest, Barry keeping both hands gently grasped in his own.

“Breathe with me, Len.” Barry commands softly. Len does his best, but it still feels like hours of panic and tightness and _not enough air!_

Barry continues a litany of quiet reassurances and gentle praise. Eventually, Len no longer feels as if he is suffocating. His breaths are still too short and too fast, but in a more exhausted sort of way than the earlier hyperventilation.

It’s another agonizing stretch of countless minutes before even that settles to match Barry breath-for-breath.

“Fuck.” Len groans, dropping his head back to thump into the wall. Barry shifts closer, still watching him just as intently as he ever had during their fights. More so, even. “I should have known. He hinted enough back on the rooftop. I should have fucking-” Len shudders through his breakdown as he shakes his head, trying to clear the racing of his mind.

“It’s not possible. How-”

“Time travel.” Barry cuts in gently. “Speedsters can time travel, remember?”

Len closes his eyes, fighting to put all the scattered pieces of himself back together.

“Right. Forgot that was a thing.” He deadpans, no energy left to dwell further. It would only make his head pound more than it already is.

“Do you need anything?” Barry asks. “Water, food, Advil….”

Len shakes his head. “Just give me a minute.”

“Okay.” Barry agrees easily, settling into a more comfortable position. “Just remember, I’m here if you need me, Len.”

Len nods, shifting slightly as well. He’ll sort through the mess that is his mind. He’ll shove down what he can. And he’ll drag every goddamn wall back into place. Besides, Lisa was in the Cortex as well. She deserves to have her brother there for her. It was her mother, after all. Her mother that Len watched die. Her mother’s death that Len helped Lewis cover up. The least Len can do is be there for her now.

XXX

Lisa isn’t sure what they are watching. Not until she see’s who the woman in the kitchen is. Her breath catches and her body tenses. No. Nononono. It can’t be. It can’t be _her._

Someone else is there. _Dad_ is in the room with her, arguing and waving his hands violently. He hits her, and Lisa winces in sympathy. She knows what that feels like.

Lenny is still as stone beside her. It takes only one glance at his devastated expression for her to find the will to speak.

“Turn it off.” She says, hating the waver in her voice. No one seems to move, frozen in shock. “Turn it off!” She repeats, adding more volume and feeling to the command. Cisco closes the video, a stillness settling over the room.

“Was that who I think it was?” Detective Joe West asks. From the tone of his voice, it's obvious he recognized the man on the video. Deduced the woman too, as well.

Lenny abruptly spins, striding quickly from the room. Lisa wants to go after him. But her feet are rooted to the spot, and her gaze is still locked on the blank screen. There are a few half-hearted calls after him. Thankfully, Barry squeezes her shoulder in comfort before following her brother. Lenny will be okay. Barry will make sure of it.

The silence is still heavy and oppressive, the somber mood weighing on all of them. The Earth-2 members of the team look confused. Cisco and Caitlin never saw his younger face, but seem to have been able to put the pieces together nonetheless. Iris, investigative journalist that she is, has clearly been able to read the room correctly. Joe West is the only one beside her now to have seen Lewis when he was younger. After all, he did arrest him a few times back in the day.

“Play it.” She tells them, wishing her request sounded firmer.

“Lisa-” Cisco looks so _sad_ and _worried _.__

“Play it.” She repeats, squaring her shoulders and stepping closer. “Lenny had to see it all those years ago. It’s only fair I watch it now.” All those years of questions deflected. Of begging for answers and ignoring the _pain_ Lenny tried so hard to cover. She never wants to ask him again. Never wants to put him through that again. But she _needs_ to know. Maybe this way, she can finally be there for Lenny like he has always been there for her. To understand some of the parts of their past that she never saw him go through, but he still had to carry. Some of the pain he always took for her. _Hid_ from her. _Protected_ her from.

Cisco glares at some of the others in the room. Caitlin diplomatically stands, gesturing for Harry and Jay to follow her out of the room to give them some privacy. Iris remains steadfast, unable to resist satisfying her curiosity. Joe stays as well, no doubt due to the crime he can tell is about to take place. Lisa knows he is one of the ones working to get her brother’s record cleared once more. She has no idea if this video will help, especially since it was taken with future technology at the time. But he stays to watch, and Cisco is pressing play once more.

Lewis is angry. His movements are sloppy enough that she knows he has already had a few drinks, but his eyes are clear enough for her to know he isn’t drunk yet. They are arguing, and Lewis is getting redder in the face as their voices escalate in volume.

Finally, it reaches the point where he screams loud enough to be heard through the window.

“You’re not taking _my_ kids away you _bitch!”_ He grabs the knife she had just been using to chop vegetables. In one vicious swipe of the blade, he opens the skin on her palms deeply as she attempts to shield herself. She backs away, cradling her injured hands to her chest when Lewis lunges forward. The knife sinks into her gut, leaving only the hilt protruding. She pushes him away, clutching the knife in her tightly to keep Lewis from getting his filthy hands on it again.

It doesn’t matter. With an inhuman shriek, he grabs the pan from the stove and clocks her across the head, sending bits of half-prepared dinner flying. She falls to the ground, Lewis following her as he drops the pan.

He is still screaming, unintelligible words of absolute _rage_ filling the air as his hands wrap around her throat. The camera is raised higher, angled to get a view of what is happening on the floor. She is choking, grasping in futile effort at his hands. The knife in her side is jostled with their every movement, blood slowly pooling beneath her.

Lewis is spitting virulent hatred into her face. Her defensive attempts grow weaker, slowing by the second. He lifts her up and slams her to the floor over and over again, hands clenching only tighter around her throat. It seems to take hours, but ends before Lisa is ready.

Her mother stills, eyes loosing focus as her hands fall limply to the floor. Lewis ceases his assault soon after, breathing heavily as he stares at her. Lisa can see his confusion. With a shock, she realizes that he didn’t mean to kill her. Not really. He just let the rage take over. Let it go too far. And now she’s dead.

A tear slips down her check. That could have been _her._ Could have been Lenny. All those times their father came after them, lost in his anger and hatred. All those times when it could have been his own _kids_ dying under his hands, just like he killed his own _wife _.__

Lewis turns, tilting his head as if he heard something. He quickly rises, camera following his movement to the kitchen door. And _oh god _,__ Lenny is there!

Lenny is staring at Lisa’s mom in shock, eyes wide as saucers while Lewis advances. He pins Lenny to the wall harshly; head knocking into the plaster with enough force that they can hear the impact through the feed.

Lewis is saying something to Lenny. Threats, no doubt. Anger and denial and twisting it into _Lenny’s fault_ just as Lewis always did.

Lenny stares back defiantly. It’s enough for Lewis to punch him across the jaw, throwing a second to his gut as Lenny curls in on himself. Lenny doesn’t look defiant any more. Lenny looks _scared._

Lewis says something else, and Lenny is nodding back at him. With only one glance at the body on the ground, Lewis leaves the room.

The next few minutes seem as if the image has frozen. Lenny doesn’t move, staring at Lisa’s mom with a blank expression. She can see the _coldness_ settling into him. The same  _coldness_ that became his usual defense over the years. The locking away of _emotions _.__ The refusal to feel anything. To let himself be _human;_  because it sometimes just hurt too much.

Lewis comes back with a trunk, setting it just out of range of the blood pooled on the floor. He leaves again, returning with a bundle of sheets. Lenny finally moves from his spot, helping their father wrap the body. They struggle to move her into the trunk, arranging her limbs so they can close the lid afterwards.

Lewis takes one end, Lenny heaving to lift the other. The camera looses sight of them leaving the room, flashing away again to capture them exiting the house and loading the trunk into the backseat of Lewis’ car.

“Clean up your mess, son.” Lewis grips Lenny’s shoulder tight enough for him to flinch. “I expect the kitchen to be spotless when I return.”

Lenny nods mutely, still staring at the trunk through the car window. Lewis leaves, driving away calmly while Lenny goes back inside. The camera is back in the kitchen, capturing Lenny glaring down at the pool of blood. Even with Lewis gone, he still doesn’t let his emotions show.

His movements are stilted, yet methodical, as he gathers up the cleaning supplies. The video cuts off after he gets on his knees, wiping away at the mess of blood on the floor.

“Jesus.” She hears Joe mutter under his breath, shocked and horrified. Lisa doesn’t look, but she can tell Iris is mirroring her father.

Cisco comes close to her, gently taking hold of her hand. “Lisa?”

It’s only when his blurry face enters her vision that she realizes how much the tears have built.

“He never told me.” She whispers. Cisco leans closer to her, letting his body warmth offer comfort words never could. “He never…I didn’t _know _…__ ”

Cisco wraps his arms around her, holding her gently. She fights the tears, hating loosing her composure like this almost as much as Lenny does. But a few stubborn drops still fall, sliding hot down her cheeks.

“I-I don’t really remember that night. Lenny had started packing for me, trying to let me sleep. I just watched him, wondering what was going on. Then there was yelling, and Lenny told me to stay there. He was gone so long….I was asleep by the time he came back. Thought Lewis had hurt him again, he was crying so much. Wouldn’t tell me what was wrong though. Said mom had left, the next morning. That she couldn’t take us with her after all. That she just _left,_ exactly like Lenny’s mom had. Wondered if there was something wrong with _us _,__ something that made our moms leave. Never thought….never thought something like _that_ was why Lenny didn’t like talking about it.”

Cisco doesn’t have words to offer her. Just his presence and the comfort of his hold. She hears a sniff, looking up to see Iris swiping at her eyes. Joe has an arm wrapped around her shoulders, looking angry and sad and resigned all at once.

She shudders, eventually finding strength enough to  pull a little away from Cisco. “I’m going to go find Lenny. See how he’s holding up.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” Cisco looks up at her with wide, wet eyes. She smiles softly in response.

“Thanks, Sweetie. But I doubt Lenny wants an audience right now.” She kisses him on the cheek, unsure how she was ever able to find this amazing man.

She finds Lenny already on his way back to the Cortex. Barry is hovering over his shoulder, watching him anxiously.

His face breaks for a moment before he schools his features again. “Lise.” He grunts, trying and failing to hide how rough his voice is. 

Lisa strides towards him quickly. She can see the shift in his stance, preparing for a blow. She doesn’t care. Lenny has never feared her touch. Not like _others _.__ She isn’t about to let him fear it now.

Her arms snake tight around him, burrowing her face into his chest. She can feel him relax a fraction, returning the embrace tentatively.

“I saw it.” She mumbles. “I know, now. And I won’t ask you again, Lenny. Never again.”

He shivers against her. “I’m sorry.” He nearly sobs, fingers drawling brokenly through her hair. 

“Don’t be.” She tightens her grip impossibly further. “Wasn’t your fault, Lenny. Can only imagine what he threatened you with.”

There is silence for a beat, and she thinks it will be left at that. Lenny surprises her, however. He always still manages to surprise her.

“He said we were _his_ kids. Said if he couldn’t have us….then he would make us end up like _her _.__ And you were still so small, Lise. I couldn’t risk it. I couldn’t loose you…”

“I’m here Lenny.” She pulls back just enough to catch his eye. “I’m still here. And you won’t be getting rid of me, now. Not that easily at least.” She smiles at him, flashing her teeth even as her eyes are still clouded with moisture. “Not now that he’s gone. Thanks to you. Thanks to you protecting me, just like you always have.”

He matches her grin, the pair ignoring the redness in both their eyes. “Anything for you, Lise. Anything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...there it is. I think this was one of the harder chapters I had to write for this story. There had been minor hints at this in previous chapters, but I didn't want to give anything away. For those who skipped, here is the general plot of this chapter: The flashdrive was something Zoom recorded after going back in time. It caught Snart Sr. killing Lisa's mom, and Len witnessing it before helping Lewis dispose of the body under duress. Len knows instantly what it is, and ends up breaking down. Lisa watches the rest after he leaves, before going to find him for more sibling survival feels between the two of them.   
> I've been watching Criminal Minds lately again, and this was still difficult to write. I can't even begin to imagine going through trauma like that, but hope I didn't infringe upon or belittle any of the experience or mental trauma's someone who went through something like this would endure. This will be one of the darker chapters overall for this story. While there may still be conflict ahead, I feel this is one of the lowest points when it comes to a mixture of blood/gore and past trauma. It's not all uphill after this, but I do think this is the lowest point in terms of violence and all.   
> Thank you all for reading! I always appreciate comments, and love feedback or criticism to help me better myself and this story. So thank you all, and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!   
> Up Next: Barry flashes Len home. More smut follows, but is different and more emotionally charged than any we have seen yet. Len and Barry talk a bit the morning after, and Len thinks more on the future between the two of them.


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry flashes Len home. More smut follows, but is different and more emotionally charged than any we have seen yet. Len and Barry talk a bit the morning after, and Len thinks more on the future between the two of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There will be smut in this chapter. Read at your own risk.

Barry flashes them back to Len’s. He doesn’t care if it is sloppy. Doesn’t care how emotionally strung-out he is. Or maybe he does. Maybe that is why he pushes Barry against the door the second he finds his feet; chasing any hint of comfort he can find as his stomach still struggles to catch up with him.

They stumble into the bedroom. Barry isn’t overly enthusiastic. Keeps trying to _talk_ and _ask_ if Len is _okay _.__

It takes another kiss and gentle caress to distract him each time. Len knows Barry wants it. Can _feel_ how much Barry is craving intimacy, both physically and emotionally, just as Len is. The only problem is Barry’s heart. Is Barry’s _worry_ over _Len _.__ So Len kisses him, and Barry moans into his mouth, and quickly gets back on board with the haze settling over Len’s brain. They don’t collapse onto the bed in a tangle of limbs. Len has too much energy pent up for that. He forces the swirl of emotion inside him into one feeling. To his _gratitude_ for someone like Barry in his life. For the suffocating _affection_ and _reverence_ Len feels for him.

So he grabs the lube and shoves a condom into Barry’s hand. He has Barry against the wall by the nightstand now. Barry fumbles for Len’s clothes as Len fumbles to get a finger into him. They clash their teeth and tug close as Len finally, _finally_ plunges deep inside the _peace_ and _satisfaction_ Barry offers.

They writhe and moan while Len _explores_ and Barry shudders against him in pleasure. Len drops to his knees. Sucks Barry into his mouth as he continues to stretch and plunge and _caress_ Barry’s most intimate of locations. Barry comes down his throat; hot and salty and _sweet_ in a way Len has begun to crave.

He continues to mouth and nip at Barry’s stomach and thighs as he prepares him. Barry rests heavily against the wall, leaving a hand on Len’s shoulder and another on Len’s head to steady himself. Len isn’t satisfied until he has worked three fingers well into Barry. Sufficiently stretched, Len stands once more. Working his way up Barry’s torso; Len savors every moment and every shudder beneath his lips.

He lifts Barry up by the back of his thighs. Barry wraps around him as Len leans him further into the wall to rest some of Barry’s weight against it. Barry reaches down, sliding the condom on and quickly spreading some more lube before guiding Len into him.

Barry moans openly as Len muffles broken sounds into Barry’s neck and shoulder. Barry braces one arm against the wall above his head, while his other holds onto Len’s shoulders for balance. Len keeps both his hands high under Barry’s thighs. It’s a combination of lifting and impaling Barry over and over, matched with the rhythmic thrusts of Len’s hips.

Len hasn’t had anyone like this in well over a decade (maybe even two), back when he was young and horny and eager to try out whatever ridiculous positions he could. Now though, now it’s more than simple lust and curiosity. It’s desperate and punishing in exactly the way Len needs right now. Pleasure mixed with building pain as his muscles burn in effort keep the _bad_ distant for now.

He already had one damn panic attack today. He’s going to do whatever he can to keep from suffering a second.

Barry’s expression is one of pure bliss. Len focuses on it, drinking in every feature and licking in to Barry’s mouth to taste every moan. Barry’s eyes can’t manage to stay open, while Len’s can’t look away.

Barry’s hand moves from the wall to his cock. Len can’t assist him. Not with both hands occupied holding Barry up. But he can give Barry whatever he asks. Thrusting harder on a whim, faster upon command, and lavishing behind Barry’s ears in a way that drives the man wild.

Barry comes with a heady shudder. Len will never get used to the _vibrations_ this glorious man is capable of. It’s almost too much, if Len is being honest. His knees nearly buckle under the sensations as Barry paints them both with his warm, sticky seed.

Len manages to thrust through the aftershocks before he has no choice but to admit defeat. Any longer like this and they would both end up on the floor. So he sets Barry down gently, arms twitching and shaking from exertion.

“Len?” Barry pants in question, eyes darting toward the bed.

“Not yet.” Len kisses him once. Then once more, when he finds those lips too enticing.

“Didn’t want to drop you. Just….like this, for now.” Len slowly turns Barry until they are both facing the wall.

Barry snaps his head back with wide eyes. “I thought….”

“So long as I can see you, Barry, I’ll be fine.” He quickly assures, noting the apprehension in Barry’s eyes. He knows it wasn’t for Barry. Knows he was worried about _Len_ falling into a pit of panic and foul memories.

Barry complies easily as Len positions him. He keeps both hands braced against the wall, legs spread as Len steps between them. But his torso is twisted far enough so that Len only has to lean slightly for their eyes to meet as their lips graze each other.

“Is this okay?” He asks, thumbs circling Barry’s hips while he rolls forward enough for his cock to graze against that warm and slick hole.

“Y-yeah.” Barry stutters out a breath, cheeks flushing in a way that means he is already growing hard once more.

Len kisses him as he slides back in. They swallow sounds of pleasure as their bodies slowly begin to find a rhythm together once more. It’s a gradual build of both heat and pace. Len and Barry only part enough to breathe on occasion, Len ensuring to keep Barry’s face in sight and catch a glimpse of his beautiful eyes whenever they flutter open.

Len is sore and exhausted and strung out after the day’s events. But he is also hard and aching with want; completely enraptured by Barry. It doesn’t matter that Lisa _saw._ Doesn’t matter that they all now _know _.__ Doesn’t matter he had to re-live those memories once more. All that matters is _Barry_ , warm and soft and firm and _moaning_ in his arms.

So Len lets loose with reckless abandon. He knows he isn’t going to hurt Barry. Knows how well he has been stretched. Knows he can take a far more brutal pace than Len could ever physically achieve.

There is no finesse to the rapid series of thrusts Len is delivering. There is something almost animalistic about it. Like he just let go of all but his base instincts. He might have, for all he knows. Because the only thing driving him now is _Barry _,__  and Len’s _need_ for him.

It doesn’t take long after that. Len shifts one hand to grasp Barry as he feels himself nearing the edge. Barry comes with a muffled groan as Len jerks and fucks him through it.

Len holds Barry firmly in place after that. The sounds of snapping and slapping flesh fill the air. Barry is relaxed in a post-orgasmic haze of pleasure, but still manages to stay upright and keeps mouthing against Len’s lips.

It only takes another minute or so before Len is twitching in his own release. They are both a mess of sweat and fluids and heaving chests. Len’s entire body is protesting his choice of position and amount of exertion. But there is a warmth inside to finally dispel the _cold_ that had taken root earlier.

He’s not going to lie and say he is alright. But he is…better. Content. Maybe even…happy? At peace?

Barry kisses him gently, breaking him from his thoughts. Len responds eagerly, sloppy still as they are both sucking in desperate pulls of air. Barry turns to face Len fully, while Len fumbles to dispose of the condom. Neither stop kissing, Barry’s arms wrapping to pull Len close.

They stay like that until their heart-rates have mostly returned to normal. “Go ahead and shower, Barry. I’ll fix you something to eat in the meantime.”

“Okay.” Barry smiles at him, a tinge in his eyes betraying his desire to ask Len to _join_ him in the shower. But that’s something Len doesn’t think he is ready for. Not right now. Not like this.

So Barry doesn’t ask, and Len doesn’t comment, and they kiss once more before separating. Len fixes a heaping pile of loaded nachos with whatever suitable ingredients he can find in the kitchen. It may not be the most customary or healthy of late-night, post-sex snacks, but it will do for Barry’s super-metabolism needs.

The plate is empty of food and kitchen cleaned by the time Len returns from a shower of his own. Barry smiles at him, wearing only a pair of briefs in the dim light of the kitchen.

“Did you want anything to eat too?” He asks, putting away the final dish he was drying.

Len shakes his head. He picked at enough food while making the nachos to easily last him the night. “Just getting a glass of water before bed.”

Barry hums, fixing it for him while Len grunts his thanks. An awkward silence settles as Len quickly drinks. He doesn’t want to talk about today. Doesn’t even want to talk about the sex they just had. Not until he gets himself fully sorted out in his own head once more.

Thankfully, Barry has learned when to push and when to give Len space. So he doesn’t say a word as he fidgets through wiping down the already spotless counter-top.

Len ends up drinking two glasses, which isn’t the best idea right before bed (he already knows he will be getting up to pee more than once tonight), but he is damn thirsty after everything they did tonight.

Finally satisfied, he throws the glass in the dishwasher before reaching out to grasp Barry’s hand.

“Come to bed?” He asks, not quite meeting Barry’s eyes.

Barry beams in response, happily following Len. He truly is too good for someone like Len. Everything about him screams purity and resilience and acceptance. Barry is soft and welcoming where Len is cold and distant. Pure and noble where Len is tarnished and wary. And yet, they somehow manage to find each other in the middle.

The bed is warm, and Barry even warmer when he cuddles close to Len under the covers. They should probably talk. Most likely will, come morning. Not just about today, although that will be an important aspect. But about the future as well. The threat of Zoom. Getting Len acquitted of his murder-cum-jailbreak charges. What this all means for them, now that they are together. How the Rogues will fit into that picture. How to balance their hero-and-villain lives just as they balance Barry-and-Len.

“Goodnight, Len.” Barry sighs, shifting to get comfortable once more after a quick kiss.

“'Night, Barry.” Len replies just as quietly, settling in himself. _Yeah_ , he thinks with a quirk of a grin. _Maybe this is happiness after all _.__

XXX

They do end up talking a bit that morning. Len asking if Barry was okay, if what they did the night before might have crossed any lines. After all, the sex had been rougher than what Len usually indulges in. Barry reassures him that it was more than fine, and he had only been concerned about how _Len_ was dealing with everything at the time.

They briefly touch on the video Zoom gave Len. On the fact that Lisa _watched_ it. Len still isn’t sure how he feels about that. Hopes it was able to bring her some sense of closure. Hopes it won’t fuel her nightmares as it has fueled Len’s. Barry assures Len that it won’t have any other consequences either. That video could never be used as evidence against Len's part as an accessory after the fact (however little choice he had in the matter), given that future technology had created it. And Joe isn’t going to go looking into opening a case for what happened so long ago. Not with Lewis dead and gone, and the only two known family members of the victim already knowing what happened.

Len still feels a twist of guilt. Still blames himself in part for what happened. But Barry doesn’t blame him. Neither does Lisa. And, perhaps most surprisingly, neither does _Detective West._

Barry turns the conversation towards the case they are making for Len’s acquittal. Len is still adamant that he won’t testify or show up in person. He isn’t about to risk getting arrested if it doesn’t work out. The tapes from his interview about Lewis so long ago have been recovered. They had been moved when archived, and Detective West should be receiving them upon his request in another day or two. After that, everything else should quickly fall into place.

Len would be lying if he said he wasn’t thankful. Just because he had always been used to having a record or even open warrants for his arrest, didn’t mean he ever _liked_ it. And especially with having Barry in his life now, along with the formation of the Rogues, Len didn’t want anything from his past getting in the way or jeopardizing that.

Once that conversation has run its course, Len touches on something that he has been meaning to bring up for awhile. Condoms.

Len grew up in an age that was far less forgiving for those who contracted any sort of sexual diseases or infections. Not just in medical treatment, but in the treatment and stigma of those who had them. That’s not saying that protection isn’t important still, nor does it mean Barry wasn’t raised with the knowledge that he should use it. But the scare tactics were far heavier in Len’s upbringing than Barry’s. Not only in what was taught in schools. Being in and out of prison and surrounded by criminals meant that Len knew more than his fair share of people who had such diseases. Whether they received them through sex, or sharing a needle, or being shanked by a dirty ‘knife’ in prison. That made the threat of those diseases far more _real_ and _personal_ to Len (not even touching on his own experience with them in the past).

He trusted Barry. Knew it was safe to have sex without protection, as there was nothing for him to catch. Still, condoms had always been a part of his sex life. He made a point to rarely avoid using them, especially after what happened with the prostitutes so long ago. Len knew all too well how much worse that could have been for his health had he caught something un-treatable.

Barry isn’t as worried about using them as Len is. Doesn’t really mind either way, if he is being honest. So they decide to keep using them for now, with the occasional night where they both agree to forgo the protection. Maybe one day Len will be comfortable with the idea of doing away with them altogether. Until then, though, Barry will be more than fine with doing whatever Len feels the most at ease with.

Barry even surprised Len by keeping the blushing to a minimum for the conversation. It does have that awkward sex-talk feel, but it was something important they needed to discuss and try to finalize where they both stood at the moment. Len shoves down the thought that it feels so awkward because he is, in fact, old enough to be _giving_ Barry the sex-talk. But Barry is an adult, and Len isn’t his father, and it isn’t as hard as he thought it would be to move away from those hateful whispers that still sound so much like _Lewis _.__

Barry can’t stay long after that, and Len has his own errands he needs to run. They agree to check in via text or phone call later that day, but make no other plans for the night.

They do share a kiss before Barry flashes away to his day job. And Len does smile stupidly at the space he vanished from. The pain from last night is still there. The uncertainty of their future hasn’t gone away. But they are in a good place, and Len finds himself confident in the hope that everything will work out. That may not have always (or ever) been the case in Len’s past. But Barry truly is the impossible made flesh. And what better way to bring the impossible to life for Len and his future happiness than through Barry Allen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Hope you liked this short chapter :) Not gonna lie, it's always fun exploring the smut between these two characters, and I might perhaps indulge in it more often than strictly necessary for the story....oh well :) If any of my readers don't particularly enjoy smut, then I apologize and recommend skipping or skimming chapters that include it. For those who do enjoy the smut, your welcome. :)  
> I know this story is getting pretty long, and I'm honestly not sure how much longer it will get. I just love these characters and this story so much, that I love exploring all the side-plots and character development and such. I'm thinking we are about half-way through the overall plot, however, that could still change as well.   
> I found a new (old, just new for me) song that I would like to share with you! It's Ghost Love Score by Nightwish (the live version). This singer has become my new favorite for the moment, and I absolutely adore this song! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JYjIlHWBAVo   
> As always, thank you all for reading, and an extra thanks thrown out to all those lovely people who drop a comment on this fic! You all are awesome! :)   
> Up Next: Joe reviews the tapes of a young Leonard Snart being interviewed. Afterwards, Joe buries himself in paperwork to get his mind off what he just watched, as it left a bad taste in his mouth and anger/disgust simmering towards a father who could do that to his kids. It works well enough, up until Joe receives news that sends his world screeching to a halt.


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe reviews the tapes of a young Leonard Snart being interviewed. Afterwards, Joe buries himself in paperwork to get his mind off what he just watched, as it left a bad taste in his mouth and anger/disgust simmering towards a father who could do that to his kids. It works well enough, up until Joe receives news that sends his world screeching to a halt.

Joe had finally managed to get his hands on those goddamn tapes. They had been buried deep within the archives of cold-cases and past records. They were still in _floppy disc_ format for gods-sake.

Still, he goes through the motions of signing off for them. Spends a few hours with some of the tech guys they have at their disposal, waiting impatiently while they are transferring the files to a more suitable program.

He twirls his phone in his hand off and on as he taps his foot and does his best to pass the time. He feels he should call Barry in for the mandatory viewing to make sure the evidence recorded is what they will need to suitably argue the character integrity of a dead criminal, along with the victimization and abuse of his children.

But Barry has always cared too deeply. Has already seen enough of the darkness forced upon Snar- _Len’s_ past. This would hurt him, Joe knows. Would make him feel that much deeper for what Len had been through.

So he eventually pockets the phone unused. Thanks the techs as they pass a flash-drive his way. Sighs out a deep breath as he heads to the Captain’s office.

His brisk knock is answered with a frazzled “Come in!”

“Captain.” Joe greets, pulling the man from the small mountain of paperwork on his desk.

“Detective.” Singh grunts, barely glancing up. Joe shuts the door behind him. Waits for a lull in the scribbling. Straightens when Singh finally pushes the paper away and really acknowledges him.

Joe briefly reviews why he is here and what he knows. Alludes to Snart Sr. killing his second wife with a younger Len present, even if he knows there will be no usable evidence to back it up, and no way to explain how he found out.

Singh just sighs, eventually motioning for Joe to hand him the drive.

They watch it together, settling behind the desk as Joe drags a chair over in order to view the footage.

It is grainy and flashes with poor quality and age. But the face shown is undoubtedly a young Leonard Snart, and the audio is more than clear enough to understand what is being said.

“State your name for the record.” The officer just off frame commands lazily. Len complies as they go through all the usual legal hoops. Finally, the interrogation begins.

“You said you have information for us?” The officer questions. Len merely nods, sitting in clearly agonizing contemplation for a moment before speaking.

“I was eight when Lewis got outta prison. Was never scared of him before. Not really. Was happy to have him back. To be a family again. To have someone else there to help Mom.”

He sighs, shaking his head. “No idea what happened to her. She only lasted a few months before vanishing. Looked for her a few times when I was younger. Stopped looking when I realized I wouldn’t like any of the answers I might find. That doesn’t really matter, though. What matters is what I have _proof_ of Lewis doing to both me and my sister….”

He goes on to list the facts. His face remains almost completely blank and impassive as his walls are firmly held in place. His voice is flat and dead as he describes the abuse.

Describes being eight and afraid as his father hit him. Of being eight and afraid as Lewis his his Mom. Of being nine and afraid and feeling alone as the fists turned into a belt. And as that belt turned into the _buckle_ hitting him just as often as the leather.

Of being so scared for his new mom. Of being terrified for the woman who gave him Lisa. Of what would no doubt happen to her. Of what could happen to his Baby Sister.

Sites the hospital visits with near-perfect accuracy whilst glossing over the rest. Stumbles upon one instance when he was thirteen. Describes a majority of the injuries, but avoids speaking of how he received him.

It’s the first time his mask falls. The first time they truly see the pain behind his words. The first time he obviously _lies_ and omits information.

The officer quickly calls him out on it, reading off the list of inaccuracies and missing injuries from the file Len had described. It would seem he had given them a list of dates and hospitals to pull records from beforehand.

Len is getting agitated and the officer annoyed. Things seem to be going south fast, but that's when another cop steps in.

She firmly takes charge of the questioning, even as she quietly speaks to him.

“In the statement the prison guards gave us, you said we should run a rape kit on Lisa Snart. Is this something that has happened before?”

“No!” Len growls, too twitchy and defensive for anyone to buy it. “No. Not to her.” He continues shakily.

The officer tries to press. Tries to make the connection between the injuries leading to Lisa’s current hospital stay and Len’s own past experience with the same list recorded that he is still _avoiding_ painting a full picture for as he had with the other incidents of abuse.

Len merely let’s out a shaky breath before continuing; blank mask back in place as he ignores her questions, moving forward and detailing his next visit to the hospital instead.

And the one after that.

And the one after that.

And the one after that.

Joe feels sick just listening to the injuries described by both Len and the officers reading the records.

Of what had caused those injuries. Of _who_ had caused them. And of the excuses Len was forced to give the doctors at the time.

He numbly lifts his shirt to reveal each and every scar described left of his torso. He never does the same for the injuries described that left their own lasting marks below the belt.

Even then, there are far too many scars standing out in stark contrast upon the still ink-less flesh of his young body. Far more horrible things that had been done to him than described.

Then he accounts for Lisa’s injuries. For her first time being Lewis’ victim at a younger age than even Len had been when his abuse started. Of all the extra pain and injuries she had endured whilst Len was behind bars on various occasions. Of all the extra abuse that was directed at _her_ that he took upon himself once he was back home, protecting her from Lewis with his own body acting as the man's punching bag.

Of the cop who had turned them away and called their father when Len tried to report it. Of how he made it all disappear. And all about the month Len spent in the hospital for ‘falling off the playground after picking a fight with some neighborhood boys’ after that, despite the fact that his injuries closely resembled those received from blunt objects (like a baton) and sharper ones (like broken glass).

Didn’t mention some of the more…emotionally and sexually damaging aspects he had been put through. Of the rape Joe now knew he endured. Of the loss of loved ones. Of the crimes and falls Lewis forced him to commit and take.

But he did describe every injury he knew of that Lisa had a record for. Even the ones he wasn’t present to witness or stop. Joe noted the correlation between Len being absent and a rise in Lisa’s hospital visits; just as they dropped and Len’s rose when he was home once more.

It went on even after adulthood. Of Len knowing he couldn’t take Lisa in. Of knowing she could and most likely would end up in another shitty home being a teenager in the system. Of her being in a home Len might not be able to protect her in. Of one where he might not even get to see her again.

Len finally ran out of hospital visits to describe. Finally came upon the day he was caught and sentenced to this recorded stay in Iron Heights. Finally got back to describing _why_ he was so concerned over this most recent hospital stay of Lisa’s. Of _why_ they needed to run a rape kit, even if he refused to tell them _why_ he so adamantly thought they should do so.

The questioning continued for awhile. Reviewing and confirming what had been told. That’s when Len branched off into a description of the heist Lewis had been planning.

Even if he had been out of the loop for weeks, he still had everything timed at least down to the hour.

Named the players Lewis had with him. A potential list of who might have been added in Len’s absence.

Described the weapons they would have and the target they were after. Detailed the entrances and exits they would use. The methods they would attempt to pull the heist off with.

Didn’t hesitate to warn them that Lewis would kill anyone in his way. Would take out whatever or whoever his sloppy plan didn’t account for.

Gave them everything they needed to have undercover cops in place. Told them how to bring them in. The best areas to place them in.

All in all, the interview was about two hours long. Even if the ending was lighter than the rest; Joe still felt sick. It took only a glance to know that Singh was just as pissed that anyone, much less a former _cop,_ had done all that had been described to _children_ under his care.

There were a few moments of silence after the footage ended. Neither knew what to say, nor did they wish to be the first to break the quiet that had settled. Joe eventually caved, sighing as he turned to his Captain.

“Think that’ll be enough, along with the rest of the evidence we gathered?”

“More than.” Singh snarled, still glaring at the now-blank screen. Joe nodded, feeling heavy in a way he honestly hadn’t expected. He had seen the scars before, after all. Had heard some stories. Had pieced together more than enough to be prepared.

But it was still _so much more_ than he anticipated. And _so much worse,_ hearing it from the mouth of a traumatized Snart who hadn’t fully mastered control his masks at the time. Of seeing all the agony leek through. Of the emotionless way he tried (and sometimes failed) to describe it all.

Yeah, Joe was convinced that testimony would pull on the heartstrings of any judge who gave a damn about their fellow man. Would be more than enough to lay the groundwork for the rest of the evidence. Would convince them that a father could and did put a _bomb_ in his own daughter’s neck with the sole purpose of blackmailing his son.

“I already had them record it to three devices.” Joe explains, listing the location of each and the chain of evidence and custody he followed. Singh nods along, jotting down notes and adding his input. He is finally dismissed as Singh raises a phone to his ear to call the DA; scowl still etched on his features.

Joe doesn’t blame him. After all, he is still scowling too. He knows he won’t be able to control his expressions and emotions. Not now. Not while he is still so stressed. So he avoids Barry.

He buries himself in paperwork. He latches on to Iris when she stops by. Throws himself into finding a way to track down and get through to Wally. Stomps down on all his emotions until he is at the race.

Until he sees the meta attack. Until he hears the crunch of metal and squeals of tire.

Until his heart stops in fear for his new-found _son _.__

Until his heart stops again in fear for his _daughter _.__

He knows it must still be beating. Realistically and pragmatically, he knows he is still alive as he goes through the motions. Knows his existence continues, even as he walks the hospital corridor.

Knows it, even as he waits. Even as the doctor calls him over to explain her condition. Even as he gazes down at her broken and sleeping form. Even as he stands vigil over his recovering _baby girl _.__

Knows he is alive. Even as he knows he is dead inside. Knows that Barry is blaming himself, regardless of the fact that it _wasn’t his fault _.__

Knows there is nothing more any of them can do but wait. Knows he can’t help his precious daughter recover. Knows he is as useless as he is unmovable from this monstrosity called a chair they have him sitting in beside her.

There is a lot Joe knows in that moment. A lot he wished he didn’t know. A hell of a lot more he wished he _did _(__ namely, if she would really make it out fine or not).

Joe knows it all, even as he knows nothing. But Iris still needs him. And Barry is just as broken beside him as Joe feels inside. Len can’t show his face or support here at the hospital. And Wally has vanished in guilt and shame.

So Joe waits. So Joe prays to a god he has never been faithful too, nor expected anything of before. He waits for his daughter to wake up. Waits for Barry to stop looking so forlorn and torn to shreds. Hopes he doesn’t look the same, and avoids mirrors just in case. Waits for Wally to come back to them. For Len to pick Barry up and help him heal, mentally and emotionally, in ways that Joe simply cannot provide right now.

So Joe knows. And Joe waits. And Joe prays for a miracle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it folks! Another chapter up, focusing more on Joe West (a character that I have seen various takes on in fanfic, but very few that address what he must have been feeling internally during some of the shows cannon events or his life working as a police officer). Also, included is the scene where Iris is injured at Wally's race. I'm no expert on fanfics, and I know I haven't even remotely come close to reading all in this fandom, but it's something I haven't really seen addressed or depicted in many stories yet. So I thought I would cover it, through the lens of a father terrified over the safety and well-being of his daughter. For all the feels that may-or-may-not hit close to home for some of my readers, I apologize.   
> Quick break to once again thank all my lovely readers and those beautiful souls who leave comments, criticisms, and reviews on this fic. You guys really are the best!   
> Up Next: Len investigates to get to the bottom of what happened. Shows Barry what he found, and does his best to comfort the other man as he worries over Iris' fate and blames himself for his part in it.


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Len investigates to get to the bottom of what happened. Shows Barry what he found, and does his best to comfort the other man as he worries over Iris' fate and blames himself for his part in it.

Len scowls at his phone. It was Caitlin who called him in the end. Iris was hurt, and Barry was blaming himself. There had been another meta attack, one that Barry hadn’t been able to stop it in time to keep his loved ones safe.

Thankfully, only Lisa and Mick are with him right now. The rest of the Rogues were scheduled to check in later that night to receive their share of cash that Len now had in place of stolen goods from their recent heist. That would have to wait, though. Or, Mick and Lisa would have to give it to them instead. For now, Len knew he was needed elsewhere. Knew his mind wouldn’t be right until he touched base with Barry. Knew he didn’t have to make up any bullshit excuses because Mick and Lisa already _knew._

They both want to come with him at first, but thankfully Len is able to talk them out of it. Reminds them the importance of keeping up appearances in front of their fledgling crew. Let's them know now might not be the best time to crowd STAR labs again. None of them are exactly the best at offering comfort, after all. So they reluctantly agree to stay, and he determinedly heads to STAR labs. The wheels have already been set in motion to make him a truly free man. But until the dust has settled in his favor, Len knows there is no way he can visit a hospital room and walk away without a shiny pair of silver bracelets and a cell with his name on it. Barry is with Iris, watching over her as she recovers and no doubt blaming himself for everything. Len wants to be there with Barry. Wants to offer him what he can to help the other man. But that isn't possible right now, and the answers to what exactly happened still reside in the data collected through his suit. Len might not be able to go to Barry right now, but he sure as hell can help in other ways.

Jay is at Harry’s throat once again when he arrives. Cisco and Caitlin are doing their best to ignore it while going over data. Too much stress, no doubt, to intervene in another bout of heart-thumping tension.

Len has no patience left. Lets a blast of his cold gun chill the room into silence.

“Now. Something happened tonight. Got the cliff-notes, but I need more info. Anyone care to enlighten me on what the hell is going on?” He drawls with gritted teeth, scowling as he slowly lowers his weapon.

Four voices speak at once to break the silence. Len fires another shot, aiming his cold gun at each individual to ensure silence and compliance.

“One at a time, children. Now….Iris is hurt. Who wants to tell me… _why_.”

Cisco is the one to give the first break of composure. Expected, even if Len knows he has nothing to do with it. Still….

“Into the med-bay. All of you!” He sweeps the gun to ensure compliance. Jay, Harry, and Caitlin all go. Cisco is the only one left seated upon Len’s gesture.

He waits for the door to close before lowering his weapon a fraction.

“Tell me everything you know.” He growls.

XXX

Len knows enough. Compiles the evidence for Barry to look over. He has his suspect. But this isn’t his team. Barry is the one who needs to make the final move. Len merely needs to pass the information on.

It’s late by the time Barry finally gets there. His eyes are surrounded by shadows. His movements shaky. Len knows he needs more food. Needs emotional support. Is drowning in sorrow and self-hatred.

Takes a moment before revealing what he has discovered. Keeps the rest of the ‘Team’ sitting on their thumbs. Takes _his_  Scarlet aside for a moment, knowing he needs to breathe and find his head once more.

Drags him into the kitchen. Enlists his help in deciding what to make. Does his best to project that everything is normal. That Iris isn’t fighting for her life this very instant. Needs to reach the _reasonable_ side of Barry right now and help him calm down from the panic still eating away inside.

Doesn’t count on being pinned to the fridge. Doesn’t anticipate the incessant hands running up his shirt without warning.

Can’t hold back the flinch. Can’t keep his breath from gasping in a second of fear. Can’t stop the reaction surprise spurs on.

Barry notices. Of course he does! Flashes across the room in a nanosecond; head-bowed in shame.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbles, holding himself in anticipation to speed away.

“Don’t be.” Len takes a breath to steady himself. “Didn’t expect it, is all. Not your fault, Barry. I’ve had these hang-ups almost as long as you’ve been alive. I _trust_ you, Barry. Just don’t always react the way I want to.”

Barry still keeps his distance. Len sighs, walking close enough to tug him closer by the hem of his shirt. “I’m in this with you, Scarlet. Just because… _touch_ hasn’t always been kind in my past…doesn’t mean I don't like it. And, even though it might not seem like it all the time, I know you'll never hurt me. Not like _that _.__ Not when it's just us. Not outside of a fair fight where we both know what we're going into. I _trust_ you, Barry. And I don’t give that lightly.”

Barry sighs even as he burrows closer. It's clear Barry has relaxed a bit, reassured after Len's initial reaction. Now it's just everything else going on that has him on edge. “I wasn’t fast enough, Len. I…I saw it. I saw it coming for Iris. Tried to catch it….just wasn’t fast enough.”

“I know.” Len exhales, breathing in the scent of Barry’s neck. “And I know who is at fault.”

Barry snaps back to look at him, dumbfounded. “What?” He exclaims.

Len sighs, averting his eyes. “I…I do know, Barry. But you won’t like what I did to find out.”

Len watches as emotions flash through Barry’s expression. After what seems to be an eternity…he settles on _resolve _.__

“Show me!” He commands, eyes flashing with righteous lightning.

Len nods, leading him through a door. Harry Wells of Earth-2 sits bound to a chair with feet still thawing from the ice-blocks encasing them.

Barry does stumble at that. Len feels a flash of guilt surge before stubbornly stamping it down. This might be something he doesn’t like to do, and Barry likes him doing even _less _;__ but it does produce results.

Cisco spun a pretty tale. Harry Wells elaborated beautifully once his feet were slightly chilled. Len believes him, too. Knows that Wells is the reason Barry was _too slow_ tonight. Knows he is the reason Iris ended up in the hospital and Barry self-destructing internally.

“No permanent damage.” Len feels the need to clarify upon Barry’s wide-eyes and sick arising of _horror _.__ “Socks and shoes insulate his feet enough that there won’t even be more than minor frostbite from this, if even that. I just needed him to talk, Scarlet. Didn’t need him left with lasting injuries.”

Barry clenches his jaw and flicks his gaze around for a moment before straightening, firm and resolute.

“What did you do?” His voice is _cold_ in a way Len has never heard. And, despite his anxiety, it isn’t directed at _him _.__ Isn’t because Len fell back into old habits, or went too far. Is instead directed solely at _Wells_ as he rests tied to the chair with his feet engulfed in melting ice.

Wells fidgets, unable to meet Barry’s gaze. He explains everything, just as he had to Len earlier. About how Zoom was using his daughter against him. Of how Wells agreed to help him steal another Flash’s speed. Of how he drained Barry only slightly with the serum he used the deceased Turtle’s DNA to create. Of how he didn’t know Iris would be a victim from the test. Of how _sorry_ he was, even if he didn’t regret doing what he could to keep his daughter safe.

Barry listens to it all. Remains stoic and steadfast as Wells spills his heart out through the tale. Doesn’t even let a flicker of empathy or compassion show through his mask. Len would be impressed, truly, if he didn’t hate a look that he is so familiar seeing in the mirror ending up on a face as _pure_ and _good_ as Barry.

Wells pleads for forgiveness. Pleads for mercy and another chance. Barry doesn’t cave an inch.

“We’ll talk about second-chances after Iris wakes up. Once she is fine, then we will see what happens. For now, you can stay in the pipeline. I can’t trust you right now. Don’t have the time to worry or watch you while Iris is still fighting for her life.” His parting look at Wells is full of only disdain and betrayal.

Len follows him out, resisting the urge to reach out in comfort. He has never been good at it aside from Lisa. And after what Len himself did to find this information….well, Len isn’t sure if Barry wants him around right now.

It is a fear that is shot down as soon as they end up alone again. Barry plasters himself against Len in a firm embrace. Thankfully, he moved slow enough and projected his intent so that Len didn’t flinch again. Instead, Len holds him just as tightly. Whispers reassurance and pulls him just as close as Barry is pulling him in.

“Iris could have died.” Barry eventually mumbles.

“But she didn’t.” Len insists, knowing the dark path _what ifs_ could take you on. “She will be fine, Barry. And now you know how to keep something like this from ever happening again. You know who is to blame for you…lack of speed. You know how to avoid it. Can find ways to counter-act it in the future.”

Barry tenses as if to argue. Len is quick to nip it in the bud. Reminds him of all the times Len tried to blame himself. Recounts the arguments Barry himself used to shoot that self-doubt( _hate_ ) down. Reminds him of all the good Barry does. Of how much Barry is loved. Of how no one else is blaming him.

“I still feel like I should have done _more _.”__ Barry laments.

“Sometimes…the best we can do at the time has to be enough. It _has_ to be, Barry. Otherwise….what’s the point in even trying?”

Barry sniffs, and Len knows he is getting through to him. “I wish you could be there with me. When I visit Iris.”

Len swallows thickly. Never has his criminal record or open warrants bothered him more than in this moment. “I wish I could, Scarlet. But we both know I can’t. Not right now. Not with Zoom, and….everything else. Not yet. But I’m still here if you need me, Barry. Even just to call.”

“Thanks.” Barry sniffs, pulling back slightly. “Can we go back to your place tonight?”

Len searches his face, looking for any hint of this being the _wrong_ decision. “Don’t you want to wait by Iris’ side?”

Barry huffs a dark laugh. “Visiting hours are over. And….and I don’t think I should be alone right now. And seeing Joe…..I just can’t right now. Len, please. Just…I just want to fall asleep next to someone I _trust _.”__

Barry using words he knows mean so much more to Len has a warmth blooming in his chest. He looks over Barry for a few more seconds, just to be certain, before agreeing. “Okay, Scarlet. Take us home.”

Barry does, that familiar sensation of  _speed_  coursing through Len. He takes extra precautions with the security, double-checking the locks and recent security footage, before joining Barry where he has burrowed himself under the covers in bed.

It’s still sloppy. Still a risk. But Barry needs Len right now. And Barry is worth any and every risk Len might take.

They don’t have sex that night. Len didn’t expect them to. But they do kiss and cuddle. They do talk. And eventually, Barry sleeps. And Len watches over him for as long as he can; full of rapt attention for any hint of a nightmare. Sleep eventually claims him as well. And they slumber in the peace and security of a loved ( _trusted)_ one holding them close. They slumber in peace and contentment; happy in each others arms. It may not be what either of them are truly used to, and their lives may still be chaotic. But they do find peace. And in the morning, they can only hope for more good news when Barry heads off to visit Iris.

Wells can wait. Zoom will have to wait. For now, Barry will sit by her side. For now, Len will continue to go over evidence with Caitlin and Cisco at STAR Labs. Mick and Lisa will be kept in the loop, while they do their own pandering and surveillance of their new crew of Rogues.

The news of Iris waking early in the afternoon the following day is a balm for all of them. The guilty reappearance of Wally West is the icing on the cake. The doctor confirming that Iris should be looking at a full-recovery lifts any remaining tension from their chests.

Barry seeks Len out again that night. Len doesn’t even think of threats of Zoom or how _sloppy_ it is to remain at home so often. His thoughts are only of Barry. Of his skin beneath Len’s hands. Of him writhing in pleasure and _relief_ as they thrust and fuck and grasp and hold each other close. Of how much Len loves Barry, even if he isn’t ready to say the words yet.

They fall asleep wrapped around each other again. And the nightmares continue to stay away. It isn’t perfect. There are still problems awaiting them. Iris still has the road of recovery laid out before her. Wells is still in the pipeline, awaiting whatever fate they decide he deserves. Zoom is still out there, and there will be more metas thrown their way.

But they sleep. And hold each other close. And it’s enough to pretend everything is alright. At least, until morning brings reality crashing back down on their heads.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello to all my fantastic readers! As always, thanks for reading, and an extra helping of gratitude thrown to all those lovely commenters out there! This fic is getting longer and longer, and I know updates are spread out. So thanks to all of you for sticking around through it all! More and more, I'm thinking that this story will be spread out over multiple fics, probably 2 for the main story-line, and a handful of one-shots thrown in.   
> While reading or writing, I like to have some background noise. Epic music is always perfect for stuff like this, as it often sounds a lot like a soundtrack. The following song is one I enjoy, so I thought I'd share.   
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hQZuzEGDlU&t=0s&index=3&list=LLP4wqVYvkaLKlU9Yntsq_Lg   
> Hope you all enjoy this chapter!  
> Up Next: Len has a nightmare. Mistakes are made, communication fails, and both Barry and Len are left wondering where this leaves them.


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Len has a nightmare. Mistakes are made, communication fails, and both Barry and Len are left wondering where this leaves them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Scenes of past non-con (rape), scenes of present dubious consent (none given at the time, and perceived as non-con at the beginning. This comes more from lack-in-communication and wanting to surprise his boyfriend, and stops as soon as it becomes clear what is going on). There is also a panic attack. This all happens at the beginning, so if you want to skip it, start reading at: “Barry…” He starts out slowly, making sure to keep any hint of accusations or anything negative from his tone. -This picks up right after the panic attack, and does mention what happened before. If this subject being addressed makes you uncomfortable, then I recommend skipping further to: “Where are you going?” Barry asks in a small, timid voice.

Len dreams of _them_ again. Of all the girls who were paid to look the other way by his father, and too strung out of various cocktails of drugs to remember even the faintest hint of empathy. The dream starts out as it always does. Of him, too doped up and too drunk to say _no._ Of the physical pleasure coursing through him, even as his mind writhes in an agony of _violation._ Len dreams, and Len's body betrays him as it grows hard from erstwhile sensations of pleasure _(agony)_ barely remembered _(pictured in excruciating detail);_  and Len laments as the dream progresses.

XXX

Barry was pleased to wake up refreshed. After what had been happening, and the tragedy he was going through with his family and _Zoom_ troubles; it was a burst of pleasing _joy_ to slowly wake in peace and contentment. He knew exactly who he had to thank: the figure plastered to his side. Len, sleeping soundly and sharing his warmth in his own bed.

Barry smiled down at him, unused to being the first to wake. They both kept late nights, after all. Len thanks to his less-than-legal background, and Barry thanks to the Flash.

Still, Len seemed used to waking early. Was probably used to sacrificing sleep in the same way Barry always treasured every last minute he could scrounge and horde of blissful rest.

So waking up first was a revelation. He even spent a few minutes simply _looking_ at Len relaxed in the throws of sleep. The wrinkles around his eyes smoothed. The tension in his frame eased. Ten years easily fell off his visage in slumber. Barry was simply grateful to be able to witness it.

There was a brief spike of worry. Len shifted, face scrunching as if in the beginning stages of a nightmare. Barry worried instantly, drawing closer on instinct.

The hard press against his hip had his mind stuttering to a halt. Of course. _Of fucking course._ It was a _wet dream_. Had to be. Barry knew he had his fair share of them himself in the past, and knew that the urge for relief during some of those dreams could look a lot like the face Len was pulling now.The moans and groans Len quietly breathed out weren’t from pain or terror. They had to be from _pleasure_.

A wicked grin bloomed on his face. It was nothing to sliver down the delicious body awaiting him under the covers. The kisses he trailed down presented flesh tasted different than he was used to. Sleep-tinged sweat graced his skin, and somehow made his trek all the sweeter.

Len liked to sleep clothed, Barry had noticed. But he tried to compensate for Barry. Usually let at least his shirt end up on the ground, as Barry ran hot and slept in as little as possible. Len was used to always being ready to run. That only made the absence of a shirt mean that much more to Barry.

Wasn’t hard to drag down his sweats and briefs. The darkness and mystery of the shadows sheets and covers provided sent Barry’s own cock springing to life.

Len was hard and waiting beneath his hand. Tasted salty and warm in his mouth.

Was nothing to send him _writhing_. To send his moans _keening_. Barry noticed the tense way Len obviously started to wake. Noted the shaking that took over his frame. Took it all in as he swallowed around his cock once more.

Thought Len was shivering in pleasure. Hoped the garbled vowels from his shaky throat resembled Barry’s own name.

Didn’t even notice when the shaking continued longer than they should have. Didn’t notice as the garbled sounds cut off. Didn’t see the tears streaking Len’s face outside the darkness of the covers. Didn’t see his clenched fists.

Barely heard the  _stop_ Len uttered. Wasn’t sure what to make of the _please_ that followed. Only figured what was wrong as he kissed up the heaving chest.

He thought he would meet a pleasure-filled expression. After all, Len’s cock was hard and waiting.

The tear-tracks brought him up short. The _pain_ Len wore clear as day only drove the point home.

Len was _hurting,_ right now. And Barry was only aiding that hurt.

He shook Len fully awake, instantly guilty. Len fully blinked his eyes open, but it wasn’t the awareness Barry hoped for. He clearly knew where he was. Clearly had been awake long enough to feel and notice Barry’s efforts. But the far-off glaze betrayed his torment. Betrayed the nightmare he was still reliving, even in the conscious light of day.  

“Len!” Barry called, backing off so only one hand remained in contact with Len on his shoulder. “Len? Are you awake? Can you hear me? Len? Len!”

XXX

Len had been partially aware for awhile. Knew and remembered his nightmare well. Just as he recognized that beautiful mouth devouring him.

_Barry _.__ Len couldn’t really make sense of it yet. Didn’t know why Barry was being associated with _them _.__ Could feel Barry’s hands running along the shadow of those who made his skin shiver with disgust. Could feel Barry swallow down just as those too high-off-their mind to realize Len was saying _no_ descended.

Shook and mumbled in response. Grit his teeth and clenched his hands to keep from lashing out. Remembered how useless he felt, with an injured shoulder and all the drugs and alcohol coursing through his blood turning his body useless.

Dimly registered Barry moving up his body. Looking into his eyes. Calling his name. _Pleading_ with him when Len doesn’t answer.

How can he? Len isn’t sure if this is still a dream. Has no idea what is going on. Just that his breathing is still coming in heaving gasps, and his skin is still crawling with disgust and defilement.

He manages to clench onto Barry’s hand on his shoulder, even as he swings his legs over the edge of the bed to sit up.

Barry continues to reassure and gently rub his shoulder. Len focuses on his breathing as he watches his bared cock wilt.

He went to bed dressed. His pants are now around his knees.

His breathing kicks back up. His heart rate threatens to follow suite. Closing his eyes, he focuses on every _good_ memory of Barry he possesses to keep the nausea from taking over.

Barry wouldn’t take advantage. Wouldn’t try to _hurt_ Len. Barry is _trusted _.__ Barry is _important _.__ Len just needs to remember that.

Barry sounds full of regret. His eyes are full of tears by the time Len turns to take him in.

“I’m sorry, Len. I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t think...I thought you would _like_ it…I…”

Len blinks and cuts him off with a slight jerk of his head. Barry falls silent, and Len has to take his hand when he sees the stricken expression Barry wears.

He waits until his breathing in under control and mind calmed. Reviews what he remembers from last night and this morning. Waits until he has everything straight in his mind before speaking.

“Barry…” He starts out slowly, making sure to keep any hint of accusations or anything negative from his tone.

“...did you try to wake me up with a blow-job?”

Barry shifts under his gaze. “I mean, I did, yes, but-”

“Barry.” Len cuts him off, clenching his hand tight and willing him to listen. “That…that is _amazing _.__ I’m sure there are countless people out there who would love to wake up to your mouth… _pleasing_ them.”

Len sighs and looks down. “ _I_ would have probably liked it as well. It’s just….I wasn’t having a _good_ dream. One that I felt translated to real life. It’s….I really do enjoy you trying to please me, Barry. I just need to _know_ before you do so.”

“I know.” Barry looks crestfallen and incredibly _guilty _.__ “I didn’t think. I-”

“You tried to do something _amazing_ , Barry.” Len is quick to cut him off once more. “I’m the one with issues. Just don’t do it again.”

Len abruptly slips out of bed and stalks to the dresser as he hikes his pants back up. He can hear Barry sitting up to watch him from the bed as Len slips on a nice, reflective tracksuit he owns for such early-morning excursions.

“Where are you going?” Barry asks in a small, timid voice.

“Need to run.” Len doesn’t face him as he pulls on socks and laces his shoes. “Got too much energy I need to burn off. Should be back in half-an-hour to about an hour.”

Barry remains silent until Len has nearly left the bedroom.

“We’re okay, aren’t we?”

The tone Barry uses would have Len freezing, even if the words didn’t turn his blood to ice in his veins.

He makes a point of turning to walk back towards the bed. Stiltedly, he bends down to place a hesitant kiss on Barry’s cheek.

“We’re okay, Scarlet. This is just some shit I have to deal with and sort through. I’ll be back soon, I promise.”

“Okay.” Barry wears a shaky and forced smile as he tilts his head to kiss Len in return. “I’ll be waiting.”

“No longer than an hour. I promise.” Len vows once more as he backs out of the room.

The open and empty and dark streets are a balm on his psyche. The relentless pavement he continues to pound in rhythmic punishment leaves his anguish ground beneath his heels. The ache in his legs and burning of his lungs drag him from the captivity of his past and into the chains of his present.

He was never one for self-harm. Not in the traditional sense, at lest. Len had enough scars. Had bore plenty of injuries and his fair share of pain. He always found exercise a much better remedy for his emotional turmoil than any blade could provide, even if he still occasionally lashed out with his fists in his darker fits of rage and loathing.

It might not be healthy. It might not be the best. But it _worked _.__ And it always left Len alive. _Feeling_ alive, even. And so he usually turned to it in his times of need.

Barry was in the kitchen when Len returned. He had a plate of toast already stacked high. Sausage links had been dumped into one pan. What looked like a dozen eggs were in the other.

“Thought you would be hungry.” Barry greeted him with a strained smile.

Len just stood watching him. Took in every hint of body language. Glanced at all the effort and work Barry had put in. Blinked in remembrance of how much Barry tried to show his remarkable care for Len upon waking that morning.

Then he remembered his own reaction. Remembered his problems. Remembered how he _ran_ from Barry this morning.

How he still felt the itch to run now….

How he could never _deserve_ someone like Barry…

“Thanks, Scarlet.” Len matched and met his smile tension-for-(ounce-of-soul-crushing)tension.

Even dropped an awkward kiss on Barry’s head. “I’m going to shower. I’m sure I’ll enjoy the breakfast in a bit.”

Barry didn’t respond and Len didn’t give him time to. Just because he had calmed from the nightmare, didn’t mean he was fully settled.

He scrubbed his skin harshly in the shower. Scowled at the wet tiles and growled at himself.

Put himself together just _right_ with the plastered smile and buried turmoil as he opened the door.

Took his time dressing for the day. Wanted to make an impression on Barry. To make up for his failings so far. To redeem himself for his faltering and _weakness _.__

“Now, I know I’m not nearly as fast as you, but I made pretty good time on my run this morning…” Len trails off as he enters the kitchen once more.

The table is set beautifully for one. There is a glass of orange juice and mug of coffee awaiting him with his food.

All other dishes and pots and pans have been washed. The kitchen is immaculate. If not for the food…Len would have had no idea someone else had been here.

“Barry?” Len can barely hear himself as he questions the empty space.

“Barry?!?!” He calls louder, turning to check the rest of his house.

It doesn’t matter how many rooms he checks. How many times Len calls his name. How panicked he grows.

Barry is gone. And all Len has to show for his presence was a plate of food and breakfast drinks quickly cooling in the meantime.

Barry is gone. The toast grows soggy. The sausage links hard. The eggs inedible. The coffee undrinkable. Even the orange juice is unappetizing.

Barry is gone. And Len sits. And Len stares. And Len imagines he is crying. He doesn’t check if his face is wet. But his chest aches and his heart feels crushed and his mind no longer feels active.

So his food grows cold, and Len wallows, and Len cries. He knew Barry would eventually grow tired of him. He just hadn’t planned on it being this soon, or hurting so much.

He doesn’t eat. Doesn’t even clean it up. Just leaves it, as Barry had left it on the table.

Makes his way back to the bedroom. Tears through his dresser until he finds clothes that have yet to be tainted with Barry’s presence.

Dons the pajama’s as he falls back into bed. Hugs the pillow Barry had used that night close.

Clenches his eyes as he clenches the pillow. Wills himself to just go to sleep. Wills for this to have all been a bad dream. Len just wants to rest and forget. Let’s the comforting scent of _Barry_ lull him into uneasy slumber. Prays he wakes up to a better morning. Prays he wakes up to _Barry _.__

Would give anything not to wake up alone. Not again. Not after all he had been through with and shown to Barry. Not when Len’s _heart_ was on the line. Not now that he’s gotten so _deep _.__ Len can’t do that. Isn’t sure what to do now that he’s had someone in his life again. Isn’t sure who he is without Barry. Isn’t sure if he wants to see what he might become without those beautiful eyes and kind heart and loving soul lying beside him and standing proud with him.

“I love you.” Len mumbles into the pillow. “God help me, _I love you _,__ Barry. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you. I’m sorry I freaked out this morning. _Fuck_ , just-”

Len takes a breath. “Please come home, Barry. Please tell me we’re still okay. Please, just….give me another chance. I’m sorry I screwed it all up. But I do mean it. I _love you _,__ Barry. And I think I always will. Please, just come back. Barry, please come back to me….”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that took a pretty heavy turn REAL fast. I had just finished my other story this weekend too, and was riding the nice high of a very fluffy ending for it. Came here and thought, 'I'll just post the next chapter. Shouldn't be anything too dark or depressing, right?'  
> I was wrong. So very wrong.   
> But anyways, it was what I had, and leads into the next chapters, and now it's up for you all to consume as well.   
> One thing I did want to address was Len's words/thought process going on through all this. The way he defends Barry's behavior and tries to play it all off like it was Len's own fault for reacting that way....is not good. No victim should ever have to blame themselves for what they went through, no matter how close they are to the person who hurt them. Still, Len grew up blaming himself as he was raised by Lewis. Blamed himself whenever Lisa was hurt as well. Blames himself for a lot of things that aren't his fault, and still struggles with that as he falls back into those old, bad habits occasionally.   
> Barry, for his part, is usually pretty good at shutting down the self-blame spiral Len goes through at times. Right now, though, he was more worried/horrified by his own actions in this scenario to do so. Barry hasn't quite made the leap to 'he had just sexually assaulted Len' (because yes, it is sexual assault since Len was asleep and never gave Barry consent to do so), but he is spiraling through a lot of guilt due to what he knows of Len's past, how terrified he was upon waking, and the panic attack he had afterwards.   
> I know this is a little trope that I see often enough in fanfic, and it usually ends up happy/fluffy/smutty (as it does most often in couples who do this sort of thing). This take was a bit different, factoring in Len's past, the emotions Barry himself is currently going through with Iris in the hospital, and the friction created by lack-of-communication in relationships.   
> So, sorry for the heavy and dark chapter. I promise it's not going to stay dark, and there will be plenty of fluffy comfort to make up for it in future chapters.   
> Up Next: Barry's view of things after Len left for his run. Lisa stops by to visit Len, and Barry stops by the hospital to visit Iris. There, he has a serious talk with Joe, who he gets some desperately-needed advice from.


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry's view of things after Len left for his run. Lisa stops by to visit Len, and Barry stops by the hospital to visit Iris. There, he has a serious talk with Joe, who he gets some desperately-needed advice from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: There is a lot of heavy content in this chapter. There will be internal thoughts and discussions about the sexual assault that took place last chapter, along with unhealthy reactions/thought-processes. If this might be a trigger for you, then I highly suggest you skip this chapter. If you do, let me know and I will include a summary of this chapter in the next one (as I used nearly my entire word count with the end of chapter notes here).

Barry blew out a breath and fell back onto the mattress after Len left. Barry had _royally_ fucked up this morning. He should have known. Should have caught on. Should have _asked_ first. Should have realized that someone who had been through what Len endured wouldn’t appreciate _surprises._

Barry had been so happy upon waking. Thankful to be here with the comfort Len provided. Wanted to return the favor in whatever small measure he could. A blow-job seemed like such a great idea at the time. After all, Len went out of his way to pleasure Barry as often as possible when they slept together. Blowing Len first and foremost should have taken any internal pressure off of him to return the favor to Barry over and over again like he had done the past.

But it all went wrong. It was supposed to be _nice_ and _fun_ and _enjoyable _.__ Instead, Barry sat by watching Len fight for breath even as he fought against a panic attack. Watched Len try to reassure _him _,__ when Len was the one still tense and on edge. Watched Len _flee_ from him, rightly needing space after what he  _did _.__

Barry isn’t sure how long he wallows, full of self-disgust and guilt. Finally drags himself from the bed when he remembers Len will be coming back soon, and with an appetite worked up from his run.

The kitchen is still foreign, despite what Barry had thought of as  _familiarity_ with Len by his side, as Barry had never navigated it fully on his own. He scrounges through the food and cooking utensils provided. Settles on a easy breakfast of carbs, protein, and sugar. He is mostly finished by the time Len returns.

He takes in the flushed appearance and sheen of sweat. Notes the stark, yet slow, rising and falling of his chest. Hesitantly meets his eyes and plasters on a smile.

Barry does his best to entice Len. Offers up the fruits of his morning labors. Just wants a chance to talk and apologize and make up for what he had done that morning.

Len doesn’t bite. Places a single awkward kiss upon Barry before retreating once more to the comfort of his shower.

The lock clicking on the bathroom door resounds louder than ever before. Even takes Barry back to that first night, when he so thoroughly screwed Len over under Rainbow Raiders emotional influence. Len has a multitude of trust issues. Trust that Barry broke. Trust that he might never earn again.

Earlier, Barry had acted upon what he knew he himself would enjoy waking up to. Had only wanted to give Len pleasure that morning. Had wanted to do something _good_ for the man that had come to mean so much to him.

But given how it turned out…Barry knew he was in the wrong. Knew he over-stepped. Knew that, even thought they were together, they should have _talked_ about something like that first. Knew that Barry shouldn’t assume. Knew that Len had a multitude of foul memories that Barry might have infringed upon. Knew that even without a past like that, he should have  _asked_ first.

It was Barry who screwed up. Barry who Len was running from now. Barry who didn’t know how to apologize, or if he even could. Barry who didn’t know how to make things _right_ again.  

Barry frowns at the food ready to plate. He knows Len still isn’t ready to face him. Decides to take a page out of Len’s book (and a habit Barry often falls on).

He takes his time arranging Len’s breakfast. Gets the table set _just so _.__

Shoves the rest of the food onto a paper plate he finds by the snack food. Puts that in a bag before donning his shoes and _running._

He stays slow enough to keep the friction-unresistant clothing from catching fire until he reaches a hill overlooking the city.

The food is cool enough by then for him to devour it. He watches the waking city as he eats. Reflects on everything going on in his life and what happened that morning. Of the _fear_ he saw in Len’s eyes when he woke.

Of how quickly he ran from Barry. Of how he could barely look at him when he came back.

Of how Barry was the one to cause that fear, that panic attack, that urge to _flee._ Of how Barry is at fault in this.

Damage had been done, and now trust needed to be re-earned. 

He couldn’t face Len now, though. Not with the threat of him turning Barry away, or rebuffing him again.

Couldn’t face the fact that Len might see him as the same as _them_ now. Can’t stand the idea that Len might view Barry in the same light as those _monsters.._.that Barry might _deserve_ to be seen like that…that Barry  _ra-_

Barry can’t even finish the thought. Can’t stomach the thought of being lumped in with those who _abused_ Len. Not when they did it to hurt him. Not when Barry did it from what he thought was good intentions…

So Barry runs. Stops by STAR labs for his suit just so he can _let loose _.__

Runs through his anger at everyone and everything that made Len so cautious and easily hurt.

Runs through his guilt at his part in that.

Runs through his frustration at his stumbling to make amends.

Runs through his fear of Iris not waking because Barry was _too slow _.__

Runs through the fear of Len never taking him back after what Barry _did._

Runs until he reaches one coast.

Finally cracks a grin at the Forrest Gump reference he makes in his head. Frowns when he thinks of the similar grin Len would have worn if he heard it.

Turns around and blasts away once more. Stops for food along the way, leaving cash in place of the calories he grabs.

Runs and runs until another ocean greets him. Stands there for a moment longer, just taking in the gentle roll of the waves.

Barry can run all he wants. But the problems he leaves behind will still be waiting for him. He’s only prolonging the inevitable.

He still takes a moment to sit and clear his mind. Listens to the waves. Allows the tranquility take him. Reviews everything. Goes over his own reactions, trying to figure out if he might have just continued to make things _worse_ after the initial... _assault_. Accepts what he can’t change. Comes up with ways to make true amends as best he can, and never go down the path leading to mistakes like that again.

Flashes back home when a text lights up his phone. It’s from Joe, with an update from the hospital.

Iris just woke up.

XXX

Lisa stopped by to check on Lenny and Barry. She knew what had been going on with Iris. Got updates from Cisco after Lenny dropped off the radar (no doubt too busy doing unspeakable things with Barry to spare a second for his little sister).

Still, visiting hours are open now and Iris is finally awake, so Barry should be back at the hospital. That means Lenny will be free for some quality sibling time, courtesy of Lisa.

She hums as she lets herself in the house. Frowns at the quiet that greets her. Lenny is usually watching TV, or researching, or puttering around making noise by now.

Maybe the ‘unspeakable acts’ went longer than anticipated last night. Lenny isn’t one to sleep in, but even he reaches his limit and needs to recharge every now and then.

Frowns once more at the untouched meal left on the table. Fingers her pistol as she continues warily through the house.

Something is wrong. It isn’t any one thing that sets her off. It’s the quiet. The food. The oppressive _emptiness_ that seems to settle around her.

Stops in the open doorway to the bedroom. Takes her brother in with a sigh.

The pillow is clutched to his chest. He lies in bed wearing the pajamas she got for him when they were still young and starting up.

Those had quickly become his ‘wallow’ jammies. He only wore them when he was down enough that he needed a reminder of brighter times. Of when they were still hopeful they could truly leave Lewis and all his shit behind them.

She sinks onto the bed beside him and reaches out to gently scratch his head. It always calmed him when he was like this.

Lisa never remembered it, but her (their) mother used to do this for them. It’s why Lenny always did it for her. Why Lisa returned the favor when she could.

Lenny’s eyes are open, but he isn’t registering his surroundings. Not really.

She knows he can get like this sometimes. Usually at the start of a downward spiral of exhaustion and sorrow and passivity.

Lisa never dealt with depression. Not like her brother. But she saw him go through the rounds with that beast enough times to know how to do what she can to help.

It doesn’t take long. Lenny stirs a few minutes later, leaning into her touch and nosing the pillow for a few more deep inhales.

“He left.” Is all Lenny says.

Lisa sees red for a moment. Forces herself to calm down and stop gripping Lenny’s head, returning to her easy ministrations.

“Doesn’t sound like him.” Lisa says in as agreeable a tone as she can manage.

Lenny is a drama queen. Likes to blow things out of proportion. Things like _this _,__ though….

Lenny can also misread situations. Jump to conclusions. Already fall for the worst scenario before it ever comes to pass when he gets like this.

So she gives Barry the benefit of the doubt. Let’s Lenny explain. Hopes she can provide a light in the darkness swallowing him. But if Barry _did_ leave her brother….then Lisa would be having _words_ with him.

“I messed up, Lise.” Lenny continues, finally turning to look at her. “It was too much. My issues. My reactions. And so I ran. And when I came back…I still needed more time. But he was gone by the time I was ready. No note. No text. Just _gone _.”__

Lisa shifts her position, pulling Lenny with her until his head rests in her lap.

“Maybe he needs some time too, Lenny. The Boy-scout has issues all his own. What’s to say what freaked you out didn’t do the same for him?”

“He waited until I was back, Lise. Only left after I blew him off again. Wasn’t his fault, either. Don’t blame him. Not the first time my shit ran someone off.”

“Don’t!” Lisa snaps, pulling him closer. “Don’t you dare do that, Lenny! There is a lot you can control. A lot you _do_ control. Some things can’t be helped, though. And those aren’t on you. So don’t go blaming yourself when people can’t see what a catch you are.”

Lenny stays quite after that. Lisa knows he doesn’t believe her. Not fully. They’ve had this argument before, after all. Neither ever won, really. And Lenny eventually stopped arguing. Didn’t mean he accepted it. Just that he was too tired to fight it any longer.

“I saw breakfast still on the table. You hungry?” Lisa questions softly.

A shake of his head has her frowning. She wants to push. But one missed meal is the better option, when the other is the likelihood of Lenny puking his guts up in a fit of anxiety and nausea.

“Okay. But you will be eating dinner, even if I have to force it down you throat.”

“Alright.” Lenny agrees listlessly. Lisa frowns at the lack of any joke or sarcasm or fight he puts up.

“Try to get some sleep.”

Lisa eases him out from on top of her. Waits until he is situated before leaving.

Lisa has a call to make, and a certain speedster to give a piece of her mind to.

XXX

Barry grinned as he left the hospital room. The visitor hours were over for the next two hours while nurses made their rounds. Barry could return at 6:00 PM to see her again if he wanted.

Joe was grinning beside him, albeit with a weary gleam to his eyes and heavy, dark bags surrounding them.

“My baby girl will be alright.” He huffs an incredulous laugh.

Barry tugs him tight into a quick hug. “I was worried too, Joe.” Barry quietly admits into his shoulder.

“I know.” Joe holds him tighter for a moment before relaxing. “And I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. Glad you had someone in your corner to help when I couldn’t.”

Barry’s smile falters at that. Joe notices the change, raising his eyebrow at Barry in question.

Barry sighs and shakes his head. “I think I messed up, Joe.”

“You want to talk about it?” Joe asks, leading him down the hall as they make their way outside.

Barry’s nose scrunches in distaste. “No, it’s…personal.”

“So, sex.” Joe deduces flatly, sniggering at Barry’s horrified expression.

“Relax, Barry. Not going to delve into any details regarding _that_ with any of my kids.”

Barry should make a joke. Should drop it or change the subject. After all, Barry spent awhile thinking about it this morning. About how to approach the subject with Len. How to broach where they go from here (or _if_ they go from here), and what might need to change or be avoided in the future.

But Barry also trusts Joe’s judgement. Would like his advice on Barry’s first _serious_ relationship.

“Joe….what do you know about PTSD?” Barry asks quietly once they make it outside.

Joe stops at that. Barry didn’t say outright what happened, but he can see Joe connecting enough dots to come to close-enough of a conclusion.

Joe sighs and shakes his head. “Knew some cops who suffered from it. Knew a few buddies coming back from the armed forces with it. Saw plenty of perps and victims who had it. Never dealt with it personally, though. I have resources I can give you. Stuff I learned from the classes I had to take. But that type of stuff affects people differently. Relates to who they are and what they’ve been through.”

“Best bet, though.” Joe places his hand on his shoulder and looks Barry in the eyes. “Just _talk_ to him. Either, he knows enough about himself and his reactions and triggers from his trauma that he can tell you, or, if not, then at least you will have a base to judge future episodes on. Communication is always key, Barry. Something I wish I realized before Francine spiraled too far for me to help her through.”

“Thanks, Joe.” Barry feels a twitch of a smile tugging at his lips. “If this doesn’t work…or even if it does…I think I’d like the references. Just so I can know more in the future. Maybe even help.”

Joe smiles widely at him. “I ever tell you what an amazing man you grew into?” Joe teases proudly.

Barry ducks his head. “Yeah, well…I had two great fathers to emulate. And the best mother ever to keep at heart.”

Joe snorts and shakes his head. “Go talk to your boyfriend, Barry. Iris will be here when you get back.”

Barry grins, thanking Joe one last time before ducking into the nearest alleyway. As soon as he confirms the coast is clear, he races off.

With Iris in the hospital, Barry has at least two days guaranteed off work. Hopefully, that will be more than enough time to make things right.

If not….then Barry will have to keep trying. Will do whatever he needs to in his quest to earn back Len’s trust. So long as Len will have him, Barry will continue to _try _.__ To _learn _.__ To do _better _.__ Better by _both_ of them, simultaneously _in_ and _for_ their relationship.

Barry is in this for the long-haul. Doesn’t even want to think of one stumble or set-back or (horrible, no-good, _awful_ ) decision ending it so soon. Just needs to prove how devoted he is. How much Barry cares for Len. How he will strive to avoid hurting him like that in the future. They just need to talk first. So Barry can explain. So Barry can plead. And so Barry can pray Len will take him back and continue as they had been.

Anything else doesn’t even bear thought. Now that Barry has had Len in his life…he can’t imagine going forward without him. _Refuses_ to entertain that thought. Not now that Barry knows how much he loves him. How much the thought of loosing Len pains him. How much he wants to make this _right,_  if only to see Len smile again.

So Barry runs. And Barry thinks. And Barry hopes Len can forgive him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These characters are unreliable narrators. Repeat; THESE CHARACTERS ARE UNRELIABLE NARRATORS! For starters, I want to touch on Barry. Most don't see themselves as bad people (even some on death row see themselves as 'good'), and Barry often falls into this category. He broke the law as a teenager, but had an excuse as he was trying to prove his fathers innocence. He breaks a law as the Flash, and there are a thousand excuses to make up for any wrong he does.  
> That’s where a lot of back-and-forth comes into play. Barry is going in circles around accepting what he did. Objectively, he knows he sexually assaulted Len, just can’t connect that action with the view he has of himself. So he goes from knowing his part in why Len is struggling, to teetering on the other end of the spectrum of mainly blaming those who hurt Len in his past instead. It’s why in some lines he is showing remorse and acceptance of his actions, and in others ends up deflecting and passing the blame.  
> On the opposite end…Len had been groomed for abused. Had been trained to keep quiet from an early age. Learned what sexual assault was in his mind (based solely on his own experiences) from those who hurt him in the past.  
> Lewis had long since passed solely emotional barriers by the time he raped Len, so Len always associated physical pain with sexual abuse. The girls who slept with him hit more on the emotional and mental agony of such a crime, throwing him for a further loop by the common expectation of sexual assault at that time (namely, that women couldn’t possibly rape men, even if that is false).  
> He still struggles to connect what Barry did (someone he wanted to be with, someone who actually stopped when he asked them too) to his other abuse in the past.  
> It wasn’t physical pain Len suffered, and he can’t compare it to the women either (as Len actually wants to be with Barry, he trusts Barry, and since he was dreaming of those others, he just passes the blame along).  
> This leads to Len blaming himself, and also not blaming Barry for what he did yet. And Barry…he doesn’t press the issue as much as he might have, as he would now be lumped in with the ‘monsters’ he always hated from Len’s past.  
> The bits of dialogue and next few chapters aren’t healthy in the least. Aren’t something I endorse at all. It’s just a way to showcase how these two characters deal with something like this at their present mental states, and they will eventually receive the right sort of counseling to go forward healthily in their relationship.  
> Again, not reliable at all. Not the way I would deal with something like this, or would recommend anyone else do so. Just the way these characters are developed to react in this situation.  
> This all takes place more or less in the grey area. This scenario explores Barry still waking up and wanting to pleasure his boyfriend. He doesn’t take in the consequences at the time, not thinking clearly yet, and stops when told to.  
> To me, that wasn’t malicious. Still sexual assault, still wrong and incredibly ignorant; but with the hope for future change and real repentance for his actions (not just a simple 'sorry' because he felt guilty without any change in his behavior). This could have been the start of a cycle of abuse. Could have been one event that led to another that led to another. As much as Len trusts Barry, I do think he would leave for good if anything like this happens again (as he should). Barry, seeing the hurt he put Len through, will be doing everything in his power to make amends and NEVER put Len through something like this again (instead of this starting a cycle of abuse like it very well can if Barry doesn't make the changes needed to never do this or anything like it again). That’s what I am exploring here. Not making a fantasy of rape (as I hope I made that scene uncomfortable enough). Not excusing his behavior (as it shows clear suffering over what was done, and Barry eventually accepting his fault for this just as Len will eventually no longer blame himself). Just showing one horrible mistake, and the impact it will have on their relationship.  
> Again, this behavior is unhealthy. Whatever 'excuses' one may have for rape, none of them will ever be valid. None of them will undo the damage done. None will ever be valid reasons to have committed such an act. And no one should ever feel the need to blame themselves for what was done to them.  
> I know this content is heavy and dark. I will continue posting trigger warnings for anyone who wants to skip. And if you think I handle any part of this with insensitivity, please let me know in the comments and I will review that portion and do my best to make the necessary changes.  
> Up Next: Barry comes back. He talks with Len, and Len begins the slow road to recovery once more.


	44. Chapter 44

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry comes back. He talks with Len, and Len begins the slow road to recovery once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continued references to sexual assault from previous chapters (this tag will continue for more chapters in the future, even if I forget to add the warning to beginning of chapter notes). Depression is depicted as well.

Barry takes the time to knock when he arrives. Doesn’t want to startle or surprise Len so soon after his last... _indiscretion_.

It isn’t Len who answers. It’s Lisa. And she looks _furious _.__

“Lisa?” Barry questions and frowns, stamping down on the anxiety rising.

“Flash.” Lisa bites out, so reminiscent to the night after….Len and Barry’s _first _,__ that the nausea rising is almost a knee-jerk reaction.

“Where’s Len?” Barry has to ask, apprehension growing.

Lisa just chuckles darkly. “Oh, so _now_ you care?”

Lightning flashes beneath his skin in preparation for his reflexive need to _search_ , and in reaction to his rising adrenaline.

“Of _course_ I care! Where is he? Is he _alright? _”__  Barry pleads, fighting the urge to just run around her and see for himself. After all, with Lisa opening the door instead of Len, looking completely incensed at the sight of Barry; it all just makes Barry think that something must be horribly _wrong _.__

Lisa studies him for a few moments before stepping aside. “Come in. Just don’t check the bedroom. I need to talk to you first.”

Barry hesitantly follows her inside. Shoves down the urge to ignore her advice and just _see_ Len with his own eyes _ _.__  They walk in silence until they reach the kitchen. There, Barry freezes at the sight of his prepared breakfast sitting still-untouched on the table.

“You know.” Lisa begins conversationally, yet somber. “I thought I would enjoy your reaction a lot more when you saw that. Kicked-puppy with a dash of true horror isn’t what I expected.”

Barry continues to gawk long enough for Lisa to elaborate.

“You didn’t get my voicemail, did you?”

Barry shakes his head, finding his voice (barely) to reply. “Had my phone turned off to visit Iris. Came here straight after.”

Lisa sighs, setting the coffee to brew and generally puttering around the kitchen, solely for the excuse of something to do.

“Lenny spiraled. I don’t know what exactly happened, but I know he blames himself, and thought _he_ was the reason you left.”

“What?” Barry gasps, shaking his head in denial. “No. No! _I_ messed up. Len needed space, and I got that. Wanted to give him time, and I needed to clear my head. And then Iris was awake, and…”

Barry trails off, sitting heavily on the chair and glaring at the food now _mocking_  his efforts and failures.

“How bad is he?” Barry asks quietly. He had seen Len struggling in STAR labs. Had seen the effort it took for Len to return to the person they all knew.

“See for yourself.” Lisa gestures to the bedroom.

Barry steels himself as he rises. He caused this. He didn’t think. He took advantage. He went _too far _.__ And then he ran.

“Oh, and Barry?” Lisa calls as he reaches the doorway.

“Don’t break his heart again. Not on purpose. Not on accident. Lenny’s been through enough. Just _talk to him next time. That way we can all avoid this shit instead.”_

Barry nods, feeling the guilt sitting heavily in his gut.

Len is curled around a pillow when Barry enters.

_My pillow _,__ Barry realizes, recognizing the side Len is laying on, and the pillow Barry had used in his grasp.

Swallowing, Barry moves to sit next to Len. He isn’t sleeping, that much Barry can tell. He just isn’t sure how _aware_ Len is right now.

“Len?” Barry hesitantly calls out as he rests a hand on his shoulder.

It takes a few moments of blinking before Len looks up. His shock and wonder at seeing Barry there sends a pang of _regret_ and _guilt_ straight through his heart.

“Barry?” Len croaks in question, doing his best to sit up.

Barry manages a shaky smile as his eyes water. He could never stand seeing those he loved in pain. And it was clear Len was suffering right now.

“I’m here.” Barry warbles in response. “I shouldn’t have even left. I’m sorry for that, Len. I just needed to clear my head, figure things out and all.”

“You’re here.” Len sounds so shocked by this that Barry reaches out to pull him in. The flinch Len gives is unexpected. Has Barry withdrawing in horror. Reminds him of the time _after _,__ back _then_ (their _first_ )in the bathroom.

Remembers leaving again then. Remembers coming back to a bloody and drunk and _dying_ Len.

He won’t leave again. Not now. Hopefully not ever.

But he does give Len his space. Waits besides him, offering what comfort he can with his presence until Len reaches out.

Right. Back to touching slowly and carefully; waiting until Len instigates it.

The next few minutes pass slowly. A hand here. A tug there. Barry following easily, but never pushing for more.

They eventually wind up curled around each other, when Len feels comfortable enough with his touch once more.

This is all Barry’s fault. A fault he might never atone for. A fault he desperately hopes to make right.

“I’m here, Len. I’m sorry for what I did. For what I put you through. For not thinking. For running. But I’m not leaving. Not again. Not unless you want me to. And I swear I will never put you through that again. Will never…surprise you like that again. I will never do anything with you unless I know you want to. I promise.”

Len doesn’t reply. Just clutches him close.

Barry didn’t realize that Len might have abandonment issues. Maybe he doesn’t. But he does have trauma in his past. He does have self-esteem issues. Issues that Barry knew well. Issues he had seen. Situations Barry should have predicted and prevented.

Len’s mother left him. Lisa’s mother died. Lewis would disappear for days or weeks at a time. Lisa seemed a free spirit, escaping to other cities whenever she needed space. Mick had left him a few times, however mutual their split. Even Angie and Thomas weren’t always consistent after the break in their relationship.

So abandonment might be bringing this on. Or it could be residual effects from the shaking and gasping reliving of memories from earlier this morning, when Barry had unintentionally infringed upon and aided his nightmare. It could be solely from what Barry had _done_ to him that morning.

Whatever the cause, Barry knew his part in it. And he was determined to _never_  make that mistake again.

So he held Len close. Kissed him when their lips drew to the other. Stroked and petted and _grasped_ Len in his hold.

“I can’t.” Len eventually choked out, once the subtle movement of their bodies and hips brought Barry’s growing physical reaction into stark contrast with Len’s soft member.

“Doesn’t matter.” Barry assures, kissing his forehead once more. “I don’t want that from you right now, Len. I _never_ want that from you, unless you want it too. I just want to be here with you. Want to know you’re okay.”

“I’m sorry.” Len still breathes, clenching his eyes shut and ducking his head into Barry’s shoulder.

Once more, Barry finds himself holding back rage for the man who first did this to Len. To the father that so utterly failed his son. To the _monster_ that made Len feel so unworthy.

Rage that turns back onto himself. On his lack of thought. On him not even _considering_ that Len might not have wanted it at the time.

Barry should have known. He should have thought. Should have considered the situation more clearly. Should have _asked _.__ Should have fucking _known_ …

“There’s nothing to be sorry for.” Barry assured. “ _I_ overstepped. _I_ was the one who went too far. _I_ was the one who did wrong by you. _I_  couldn’t face you, couldn’t face the justifiable reaction _I_ helped bring on, and so _I_ ran. It won’t happen again. _I'm_ the one who's sorry, Len. The one who  _should_ be sorry.”

“I ran first.” Len defends Barry, sending another pang of torment zinging through him.

“Doesn’t matter.” Barry murmured, clenching his eyes shut in a bid to keep his tears at bay. “And you shouldn’t have had to do that. I never wanted…”

Barry heaves a breath, knowing excuses are just that; excuses. He can’t say anything to make what he did right. Can’t apologize in any way that could undo the hurt he caused. Shaking his head to dispel his guilt and anger and regret; Barry goes on. “We’re both here now. I just want to make things right, Len. I want to help.”

Len sighs against him and burrows closer. “I’m just so tired, Barry. But I can’t sleep.”

Barry frowns at the admission. He remembered his own bouts with depression in his past. And Len’s behavior and words are matching that to a ‘T’. It’s different than what he went through at the Labs. He isn’t healing from physical injuries. Isn’t medically confined to any one area. But that doesn’t make this any less real, or any less painful.

Barry hopes it won’t last long. Hopes that Len can pull himself above the darkness dragging him down.

Regardless, Barry will be here through it. Will help where he can. Listen where he can. And just be a warm body beside him if that’s what Len needs.

“Do you want to try and sleep?” Barry questions, stroking his back.

Len thinks it over for a moment before shaking his head.

“Okay.” Barry agrees easily. “Tea or Cocoa? I’ll fix us drinks and snacks, and we can zone out with Netflix in the meantime. Your pick.”

Len freezes for a second. Barry isn’t sure if anyone ever offered him this. But it was what Barry had always wanted himself (even before Netflix was a thing), so he hopes Len can appreciate it.

“Tea.” Len eventually settles on. “Sugar will only make me queasy.”

“Great.” Barry smiles and moves to peck Len on the lips. “I like white tea. Goes better with popcorn in my opinion. Sound good?”

“Sounds great.” Len manages a smile in reply. It’s forced and strained, but still a step in the right direction.

“Okay.” Barry beams in reply. “You pick the movie. I’ll start on food and drinks.”

Lisa is gone by the time Barry emerges. He didn’t expect her to be here, after the pep-talk and obvious gesturing for a private conversation.

Still, Barry wishes she was here. She had dealt with this for years, after all. Barry is trying to help, but anxious he might screw it up.

Taking a deep breath, Barry preps their tea, eternally grateful Lisa cleaned up the cold and stale breakfast Len hadn't touched before she left. He's sure seeing that  _mockery_ of comfort he tried to provide still left out would have broken the floodgates. But the food is gone, and Barry can hear Len puttering around the living room as he gets the TV set up. Barry can only do the best he can, now. Everything will be played by ear. Len needs his help. And Barry won’t be running again. Iris seemed fine this morning. Barry might experience guilt for not being there for her, but she has Joe. And it’s clear Len is the one who needs Barry's presence most now.

Barry can only hope he will be enough.

XXX

The days pass quickly after that. Work isn’t too busy, as he still has a few off days while Iris is in the hospital. But Flash duties pick up. Harry is still being kept under close watch at STAR labs. He’s willing to work with them against Zoom, but Barry is hesitant to finalize anything until Len can weigh in his opinion. He might not have the formal education that Barry and the rest of his friends do, but he is smart. An expert at reading people, and a master planner. His help will be welcome, when he is up to providing it.

Len retreated back to his safe houses after the first day. Barry still makes a point of visiting him daily, and holding him close (once Len makes it clear it is okay and what he _wants_ ) every night. They don’t have sex. Barry knows Len doesn’t like to do so outside his home, and isn’t sure he wants to broach the topic himself after the disaster that followed his last bout of spontaneous, supposed-to-be ‘fun times’.

Realistically, Barry knows that it was more than ‘sex’ that morning. Knows it falls under assault. Knows that Barry now falls into the same category as those _monsters_ who abused Len.

Barry knows it, objectively. But it was different! Barry…Barry knows his actions are inexcusable. Would give anything to go back and do it all over the _right_ way by Len.

Had even considered doing just that. But Barry knows the dangers of time-travel. Knows the price paid might be so much _greater_.

So he doesn’t change it. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t still _want_ to….but he _can’t _.__

Has to settle for making it right any way he can. If Len wanted to file a report, then Barry would walk himself into the station and turn himself in.

Wouldn’t even try to fight it. Would gladly serve whatever punishment was dealt out for his actions.

But that isn’t what Len wants. He doesn’t want Barry behind bars. Doesn’t want the relationship to end. Still tries to make it seem like it was his own issues instead of Barry’s actions that the problem stemmed from.

Barry isn’t entirely sure what he should do. If he should be fighting Len harder on this. If he should just turn himself in anyways, even if Len never comes forward to report it.

But that wouldn’t solve anything. Would probably hurt Len more in the long run, if Barry is being honest with himself and their relationship.

Len had even admitted that he _could have_  enjoyed it. Said it was just the nightmare turning the experience dark in his mind. That he wasn’t expecting it. That Len would have loved for Barry to do exactly as he had, if Len was just in a better head-space for it.

Barry tries his best to hold onto what Len tells him. Tries to remember that Barry himself started it with good intentions.

It doesn’t work.

The guilt still stays. Will maybe stay for the rest of his life. But Barry doesn’t want to give up what he has with Len. Doesn’t want to be alone. Doesn’t want to leave Len alone either.

Barry will stay for as long as Len wants him to. Will do everything in his power to make up for what happened. Will make sure to _never_ allow anything like that to happen again.

So he provides as much of himself for Len as he can. Len's smiles are forced, never reaching his eyes. Barry knows Len is putting on a front. One all of them can now see through. But he is _trying _.__ And so Barry continues to pretend everything is fine, and hopes that it will be true sooner rather than later.

If it doesn’t….Barry might just end things anyways. It will hurt, that much is clear. But if Barry being here makes Len worse….then Barry will do right by the other man and break things off for his own good. Until then….well, then they will continue this game of fake-smiles and taboo topics until the chasm created between them is bridged.  

Iris is recovering well. Barry spent a whole hour alone with her the other day, just talking.

He went over the guilt he felt for her ending up here (which she shot down). Talked about his anger and uncertainty regarding Wells (which she sided with him wholeheartedly for). Even talked about Len. Went into further details than he had with Joe. After all, he loved her, and might have been _in love_ with her once upon a time.

It meant that they were closer than he was with any of his other friends. And they had never shied away from sharing heavy and personal details in their past.

He could see the parallels from his first night together with Len and his latest mistake reflected in her eyes. She had worn that same expression when he first broke down and revealed why Len was recovering in STAR labs.

Only, Barry had no one else to blame this time. He was under no influence but his own that morning. And now Len was suffering a second time for Barry’s lapse in judgement.

Iris is a boon to his worried mind. She reassures him even as she offers advice. Pulls up past experiences, things she’s read, and stories from friends to give him more to think about in regards to what Len is going through and how to help.

That all comes after a good ten-minute lecture (shouting may or may not have been involved) that she first gives him. It was extremely effective, and less than Barry knows he deserves as far as punishments go.

It would have been longer, but Iris was still weak from her injuries. As it was, she made sure to cover all the important bits she needed to get across. Let him know _exactly_ what she thought of his actions. Even described, _in detail _,__ what she would do to him if he ever did something like that again.

The advice given after that (and even during), was still wonderful. A few topics and links to look up. Maybe some support groups to look into. Statistics and recovery rates and all that.

Barry smiles as he leaves, glad she is recovering, and so grateful to have her in his life.

Len surprises him with a text. He isn’t at a safe house, but at _home _.__

Barry swallows the hope he feels when he reads the message. He doesn’t want to create something that isn’t there. But if Len is feeling better…then Barry wants to be there for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there you all go! Another chapter up, with Len feeling the after-effects from his nightmare, what Barry did, and his depression settling in once more. But he is struggling to find his center again, and doing his best to battle against his depression. He still hasn't reconciled in his mind that what Barry did falls under sexual assault. He won't be able to fully make that connection and come to terms with it for many chapters, with his feelings being suppressed and swept under the rug best he can until he is forced to face them. Just a heads up for you all, because otherwise it may seem like I'm just brushing over this and giving unrealistic expectations for recovery from such trauma.  
> On another note, I want to touch on Lisa. She NEVER would have reacted like that if she knew the full story of what happened to bring on Len's current bout of depression. She just thinks they may have had a fight, or misunderstanding, or something like that. Since Len refused to tell her the full story, she has to build up the rest in her own mind. If she actually knew what Barry did....the gold gun may or may not have been involved. These siblings are insanely (and justly) protective of each other. I don't see it as too far fetched for death threats to be made (or bodily harm involved) if Lisa knew what really happened.  
> I think that covers what I wanted to go into further detail/explanations about. You guys are seriously awesome, and I always love reading the feedback on this story. :) So thank you all for reading/commenting/sticking around on this crazy long ride.  
> Up Next: Barry and Len have dinner back at Len's home. Len is doing better, his slow recovery of the past few days finally breaking the clouds of depression he was surrounded by. They talk, and Len insists on trying something different. Progress is made, milestones crossed, old problems make an appearance, and Barry does everything he can to end the night one a good note and content smile from Len.


	45. Chapter 45

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry and Len have dinner back at Len's home. Len is doing better, his slow recovery of the past few days finally breaking the clouds of depression he was surrounded by. They talk, and Len insists on trying something different. Progress is made, milestones crossed, old problems make an appearance, and Barry does everything he can to end the night one a good note and content smile from Len.

Barry rushes home to shower and change. Packs an overnight bag before heading to the store.

If Len wants him back tonight, then Barry is determined to earn each and every moment Len graces him with.

The grocery store isn’t too packed on a weeknight. Barry gets everything he needs for rosemary chicken, poached potatoes, and freshly braised green beans. After a quick internet search, he nabs a bottle of oaken chardonnay to go with their meal.

Len blinks in surprise as he takes in the grocery bags when he answers the door. Smiling, he steps aside to let Barry in.

Smiling as well, Barry is happy to note it doesn’t seem as forlorn as the past few days. He only hopes his faithful presence since that first morning that caused this downward spiral had helped give Len an anchor to drag himself back up from the darkness his mind descended into.

Barry didn’t mean for Len to suffer. Not for Barry’s own mistake. So he is incredibly relieved at the signs that Len seems to be acting more like himself again. He knows that may not always be the case. Knows there might not always be clear causes for what spikes the depression Len suffers from. But if he can help, then he will. And when Len shines with happiness once more, Barry will always feel lighter for it.

They both end up in the kitchen. Barry knows that Len enjoys the calming qualities of cooking, so he gladly accepts the help offered as they prepare their meal.

It is a testament to how close they have grown at how seamlessly they move about each other. This kitchen (with Len present and still smirking next to him) feels nearly as familiar to Barry as Joe’s by now. And having Len chatting beside him about the most menial of things has Barry grinning madly.

He can’t help but realize that this is a proper _date_ when they sit down to eat. The home-cooked food they helped each other prepare, the nice wine, and the soft jazz Len set in the background; all have them both relaxing in their solitary presence.

The food is delicious. Of course it is. Barry had pulled up recipes, Len had added a few touches, and it all turned out better than Barry could have hoped for.

Len only has one glass of wine with his food. Barry knows (from past experience) that this means there is a good possibility of sex following their meal.

The relaxation being replaced by tension in Len’s frame as they turn to washing the dishes has Barry second-guessing.

“We don’t have to do anything-” Barry tries to voice when Len’s knuckles whiten on the rag he holds.

“It’s not that.” Len snaps, before visibly forcing himself to settle into a more open stance. “It’s…I want to try something with you, Barry. I’m just not sure if I’m ready for it, or if this is the best time so soon after…”

He doesn’t have to clarify. After his last panic attack and subsequent break-down. After what Barry _did _.__ Barry frowns, reaching out to grab his hand.

“We don’t have to do anything you aren’t ready for, Len. We can just go to sleep if you want.”

Len frowns and studies their hands as he sweeps his thumb back and forth against Barry’s.

“Relationships should be more… _equal _.__ I know all couples have their preferences as far as positions go…but that still doesn’t mean I should always top.”

Barry frowns, ducking his head to catch Len’s eye. “We _are_ equal, Len. Just because you top, doesn’t mean we don’t both still enjoy ourselves. If anything, you go out of your way to give me more orgasms than you have. I really don’t mind, Len.”

Len studies him for a moment. “So you honestly don’t _want_ to know what I feel like? Tight and willing around you as you _fuck_ me?”

Barry can feel the heat rising in his cheeks and his dick throbbing at the crass and hyper-sexual description Len opted to go with. Barry knows Len chose those words to throw Barry off. Knows he was trying to get a feel for Barry’s honest reaction. Knowing so doesn’t help Barry whatsoever.

 He opens and closes his mouth a few times, at a loss as to how he should reply.

Len sees it all clearly playing across Barry’s expression. Sighing, he steps closer.

“I want that too.” He admits quietly. “I enjoy it. At least, I do when it’s just myself. Wanted to replace the bad memories with good ones. And it worked. Worked more than I ever realized it would. Just…just not with another person. Not yet.”

He looks down again, studying their hands once more. “I think it will be good with you, Barry. But I’m not sure if I’m ready. Don’t know how long it will take to work up to it.”

Barry swallows heavily, leaning forward until their lips are a breath apart.

“Whatever you want, Len. I’m willing to try if you are. I’m also willing to wait, if that’s what you need.”

Len searches his face once more before grinning softly. With one final push forward, their lips are dancing as one.

It’s slower than usual. Barry knows Len is still struggling with his depression, no matter the progress made the past few days. And Barry is more than willing to take it slow. To savor every moment and enjoy the gradual build.

The bed is soft and welcoming when they fall into it. Len’s naked flesh warm and arousing against his skin.

It’s Barry who is able to descend first this time. He takes it slow, giving Len plenty of time to stop him if it brings up any unpleasant memories, and pausing frequently to check that everything they’re doing is okay.

Len isn’t stopping him. Isn’t telling him no. He is groaning and heaving for breath by the time Barry takes him into his mouth, hands clenching in Barry’s hair and soft, mumbled pleas for _more_ falling from those beautiful lips. The weight is warm and welcome on his tongue. Barry still isn’t confident with deep-throating. Even more hesitant to try now that there’s a second sexual disaster in their past ( _assault _.__ Not disaster. _Assault _)__. He betrayed Len’s trust with Bivolo’s influence coursing through his veins. Betrayed it again while Len slept. So Barry carefully remembers everything Len liked and warned against in the past.

Knew Len could only enjoy it if Barry did. And Barry wasn’t experienced enough yet to swallow him whole without gagging. So he kept his bobs shallow, and both his hands busy covering the flesh he couldn’t fit into his mouth.

Len tugs gently against his hair to get Barry’s attention. His pupils are blown wide, and there is a nice rosy hue to his cheeks from arousal when Barry looks up.

“I-I’m…” Len pants and swallows, licking his lips before continuing uncertainly.

“I think I can handle one finger. If you want.”

Barry pulls off with a pop, staring at Len a moment longer before flashing a hesitant smile.

“Okay. Lube or spit?” Barry questions gently, slowly jacking Len off to keep him pleasured in the meantime.

“Lube.” Len swallows again as he reaches for it. “Just…go slow. It takes me a bit longer to…adjust.”

Barry nods as he takes the bottle reverently. He didn’t do a lot of reading on the physical side of things that rape survivors like Len had to deal with. But he knew enough from his job as a CSI to know that there could often be a lot of tearing involved, especially in younger cases. Len might have scars. His muscles might have been damaged or otherwise affected. There could be risk of prolapse, or any other number of complications.

It sounded like Len had tested his reactions to pleasuring his ass in the past. Just because he didn’t bottom with another, didn’t mean he never tried using toys to find his likes and dislikes.

Len had said to go slow. So Barry went slow. He sucked Len back into his mouth as his fingertip slowly circled Len’s hole. Stroking the inside of Len’s thighs, Barry waited until every last bit of tension eased from the frame beneath him before plunging the tip of his finger in.

Len moaned at the intrusion, but he didn’t sound in pain. So Barry did it again. And again. And again.

Just the tip of his finger. In and out a few times before circling once more. He repeated the cycle multiple times before pushing in to the second knuckle.

Then kept the same repetition up for that. All the while he continued to lap and suck at Len’s cock to keep him relaxed and hard all at once. It was only when Barry worked his full finger into Len that he pulled the lube back over.

Working himself open at this angle with his off-hand was difficult. Still, Barry managed to do so without breaking the rhythm he had set up exploring Len.

He really was tight. Barry could tell it had been awhile. Wasn’t sure if there were other factors keeping him clenching around Barry’s finger so beautifully. But he wasn’t showing signs of pain or discomfort, so Barry continued to plunge and please and explore as he worked his third digit inside himself.

“Come here.” Len grasped his shoulders in a desperate bid to pull him up faster.

Barry complied happily, climbing up to straddle Len and allow him to taste himself on Barry’s tongue.

They simply clutched and kissed for a few moments before Len slowed their movement. Reaching out, he fumbled for the condom without breaking apart.

Barry would love nothing more right now that to feel Len’s hot seed slowly fill and then drip from him. But he knew Len had every reason to want the comfort of a condom, even if they both knew they were clean.

So he didn’t argue, and adjusted his position when Len reached down to put it on.

Sinking onto Len was like a breath of fresh air after the uncertainty and guilt of the past few days. Barry sighed as he rolled back, testing his own comfort and their position at the same time.

Len’s fingers danced along his thighs before settling on his hips. Barry smiled down at him, reveling in the feel of Len deep inside and right beneath his hands.

Explored his torso lightly as he rocked his hips in their first thrust. The pace was slow and easy, no sense of urgency to speed their movements.

Len seemed to be basking as much as Barry was. They both kept the pace nice and languid. It wasn’t urgent or full of desire. They were simply enjoying themselves and each other for the moment.

The pace eventually sped up. It had to. Barry rolled his hips in faster and faster waves upon Len’s groin. It was beautiful and hot and all-encompassing pleasure; deep inside and all around.

Len rolled them over, hovering above Barry on his elbows and knees. The pounding increased, angle driving Len’s dick straight into Barry’s prostrate.

Len bit his lip, sweat dripping from his brow as Barry reached down to clench himself in filthy jerks of his own hand.

The momentum built quickly. Barry was soon moaning beneath the concentration Len focused on him.

It wasn’t much longer before Barry was spurting all over his torso. He worked himself through the aftershocks, as Len continued his own pace.

It was only after Barry came down that he realized Len hadn’t slowed.

“Y’close?” He mumbled, hands stroking Len’s heaving chest as he marveled at the frantic snap of their hips.

There were a few more frenzied rolls, pushing Len’s cock so wonderfully deep inside him, before Len slowed to catch his breath.

He scowled down, not at Barry, but at where they were joined.

“I’m sorry.” He muttered, closing his eyes as he stuttered to a stop.

Barry could still feel him inside. Could feel the softening of Len’s head. Remembered enough to realize Len wasn’t in the right mindset right now. Belatedly realized how much Len hated being asked if he was _close _.__ Barry cursed himself for this, even if he knew Len was most likely struggling even before Barry went and opened his mouth.

After all, this was their first time _after _….__

Barry should have known it would be too soon. Should have known there were still barriers and traumas and triggers to work through. Should have _known _,__ after what Barry _did._

_Especially_ with Len trying to open himself even _more _.__ All the other trauma he had endured; assault and abuse that still left their emotional scars. All of that being re-visited and piled on top of what Barry had so recently _done_ to Len.

“Hey.” Barry grasped Len’s biceps before he could roll off. “How about a shower? I don’t know about you, but I kinda want to see the updated Netflix Originals section. We’ll grab a quick shower, put on some amazingly comfy clothes, and then see what’s been added. Popcorn?”

His smile wavers under Len’s scrutiny. He doesn’t want Len feeling uncomfortable. Doesn’t want this to sound like the out it is, knowing how much Len would hate actually _talking_ about what he is going through right now. But he still wants Len to enjoy himself tonight. Doesn’t want the pleasure he saw Len experiencing just moments before to be eroded and forgotten. Wants him to remember tonight as _good _.__ As steps in the right direction towards healing and restored trust in their relationship. Just wants his memories to be _good _,__ even if he can’t bring himself to finish.

Len sighs, pulling out of Barry with a huff. “It was going so well…” he trailed off.

“It was.” Barry smiled, leaning up to peck Len’s cheek. “ I really had a great time, Len. I hope you did too. Tea?”

Barry was still holding out hope for the night to be salvaged. He didn’t blame or belittle Len for his road-blocks. Not in life. Not in the bedroom. _Especially_ not when Barry himself might be part of the problem. Barry would happily take anything Len was able to give, after all. He just hoped Len wouldn’t blame himself for his perceived short-comings that were outside his control.

They had surpassed a hurtle tonight. Len may not have been able to finish, but he was able to enjoy Barry breaching him. Something Len asked for. Something Len was unsure of. That had to be a win. Not to mention that this was the first time they were intimate after Barry….broke his trust so _horrendously_ (he still finds it hard to actually _say_ what he _did_ sometimes; even in his own mind).

“Sure.” Len quirked a fake grin at him. Barry knew he was beating himself up. Only hoped their shower could dispel such negative thoughts.

Only then did the question really register. Barry’s eyes widened. “You…you’re fine with showering with me?” He asked, only now realizing that he might have made things worse _again_ with that question/assumption.

The intense stare Len graces him with causes Barry to still.

“I trust you, Scarlet.” Len shakily admits. “I…I want to show you that. Want us _both_ to feel good.”

Barry can’t resist kissing him. “We don’t have to.” He still has to clarify in between frantic pecks of their lips. “I’ll still want you; still be with you regardless. I know you said it in the past, but you being happy makes me happy too, Len.”

Len’s tongue in his mouth cuts off any more words. Barry doesn’t complain. Matches him movement for movement, sucking at each other and clicking teeth reverently as they pull close.

The wandering hands and subtle movements of their hips have Barry hardening again.

Barry stops him when Len moves to grasp him.

“I’m good, Len.” He makes a point of emphasizing. “I just want to be with you. Sex or not. Shower or not. None of that matters. I just…I would like to fall asleep together at the end of the night. You know, if that’s okay with you still.”

Len grins and runs his hands down Barry’s chest again. “Better get to it then, Scarlet. Seems we need to clean off before your bed-time.”

He makes a point of swirling his fingers in the drying cum plastered on Barry’s stomach.

Barry can’t help but laugh at that. Corny or not, puns or otherwise, even subtle digs at Barry’s age/chosen profession; Barry enjoys Len’s sense of humor.

The grin that meets him isn’t nearly as forced as earlier. Barry counts that as a _major_ win.

They are already undressed, so there is nothing to occupy their time as Barry waits with his hand awkwardly testing the water until it warms up.

Len is the one to fix the issue easily. He plunges one finger into Barry, while his other hand reaches for his nipples and his mouth latches onto the back of Barry’s shoulder.

He shudders under the attention. Forgetting the water, he carefully turns to kiss Len in return while they wait.

Len is the one with the presence of mind to move them under the spray when the temperature finally reaches a comfortable level.

They do manage to actually wash, even if their hands wander here and there. Barry had said he didn’t care about the sex, but couldn’t resist falling into a comfortable whirlwind of pleasure when Len wrapped his hand around him. As much as he wanted to make a point and make Len feel comfortable; he was still human. And Len seemed more than pleased himself by the turn of events (that he completely caused, that cocky, arrogant, _amazing_ man).

They did end up on the couch. Len’s smiles still seemed genuine. And they sipped on drinks while snacking on the taquitos Barry ran out to pick up (being too hungry in the end to settle for popcorn), all while laughing or criticizing or generally relaxing to whatever mindless show they pulled up.

The bed didn’t seem daunting when they returned. They were both comfortably relaxed. Barry was more than sated, and Len seemed just as at ease, regardless of his own sexual state for the night.

The covers were warm and welcoming. Len was firm and giving at the same time when Barry rolled close. It was easy. Normal. Something Barry wanted to do for years and years to come.

Nightmares had plagued him off and on his whole life. He imagined the same applied for Len. But it was easier to deal with them with the other present. And Barry had never fell asleep quite so quickly as he did in Len’s arms.

“Len.” Barry mumbled as they shuffled to get comfortable.

“Hmm.” Len hummed in reply, angling his head to not-so-subtly inhale Barry’s hair as he settled.

“I know Zoom is still out there, and you’re worried. We all are. But…we’ve slept together these past few days without issues. Just…if you don’t want to come home…can I still see you? At your safe-houses? You still have the comm, and I can be gone the second he turns up. Just…I don’t want to loose this, Len. Falling asleep with you. Waking up with you. Even if it’s at a safe-house. Even if we are busy the rest of the day. I’d just like to come home to you, even if it isn’t at either of our actual homes. If that’s okay. I mean-”

“Barry.” Len chuckles as he cuts him off. “You’re over-thinking it. Just go to sleep.”

“Oh…okay.” Barry mumbles, turning away to frown into the darkness.

Len sighs, moving to roll with him.

“I didn’t say no.” He mutters, reaching across to interlock their hands. “I’d like that too.” He admits quietly.

Beaming, Barry can’t help but flash with a burst of speed as he turns to face Len.

“Really?” Barry practically radiates joy as he ups his smile.

“Really.” Len huffs in that deadpan smirk he’s seemed to master. “Now go to sleep.”

Barry kisses him once, then once more, and then once again. He only breaks away when Len pulls the pillow over Barry’s face.

“Okay, okay.” Barry relents with a giggle. “Sleep now. Kiss later. Got it.”

Len just groans and shoves his face into the mattress.

“Goodnight, Scarlet.”

“Night, Len.” Barry knows his voice is dripping with fondness. Knows he might as well have been saying _love you too _.__

But Len still isn’t ready for that. So Barry bites his tongue. But the warmth in his chest still spreads. And Len still holds him close. And sleep still claims them easily.

It isn’t perfect. It isn’t easy. But it’s more than Barry could ever hope for, and better than any fantasy. And that’s more than enough to bring a gentle smile to Barry’s face as he slips under.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I know this update is early, but the whole family is traveling tomorrow to meet up with my grandfather to spend Father's Day weekend with him. It might be one of the last holidays we have to celebrate with him, and so all focus will be spent with spending time together as a family creating memories :) So, instead of posting a few days late, I decided to post the night before heading out of town! We plan on spending a lot of time eating good food, playing a lot of games he has found to enjoy in his later years, and even going zip-lining (something he requested, and I wholeheartedly supported for what might be our final father's day with him :) He served in the Navy, traveled the world, taught wood shop, traveled the states volunteering to build campsites for years, and was just an all-around amazing man. I have so many memories of him I will always cherish, even as I know there might not be many more to make. What I'm trying to say is; give you loved ones a hug. Let them know what they mean to you. And enjoy what time you have with them. :) ).   
> Now that the sentimental bit is over, we can get to the story. Now, Len isn't dealing with what happened in a healthy way at all. He's treating it more in a 'get over it' sort of fashion. Is transferring all blame to what he dealt with in the past. Thinks if he can trust Barry more, open himself more; then this won't happen again. Barry sees through that....but Barry also sees Len. His boyfriend. The man he loves, drawing him in so they can go further than before. Barry wants to fight this...but he also had been waiting for it. That warring conflict is silenced by Len's continued reassurances and pleads for more. Not healthy. Not something they won't have to face again. But that's what Len wants for now, and Barry is hesitant to fight him on that. The fact that this is too soon is only showcased by Len's frustration at being unable to finish. It's the subconscious fear and doubt coming back. Something Len will continue to bury until he is forced to face it. This isn't meant to take away from either character. Isn't meant to paint either as being idiotic or seduced or malicious. It's just two people exploring uncharted territory. Two people trying to get closer despite their pasts. The rest will come up later, but won't be addressed until then.   
> Thank you all for reading! Hope you all have a great weekend with your fathers/father figures/any husbands or fathers in your life! :) I'll see you all again in two weeks!

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! I hope you have enjoyed this story thus far! I currently have the first 49 chapters written, but will space out posting to hopefully get time to edit thrown in as well. Currently have the story planned out to 50-60 chapters, but it could get even longer. Also, it is looking like I might split it into 2 fics after all. It will be dark at times, but there will be a happy ending. I always enjoy hurt/comfort, so was surprised that there aren't more fics out there going into the child abuse the Snart siblings faced (seeing as it is canon and all) and how that could impact their actions and behaviors later in life. So I thought I would write this to add to the roster. I try to go back and edit as I can, but if anyone would like to beta this work, I would gladly appreciate the help.  
> I will post this on many chapters because I feel it is important. If anyone notices any tags or warnings missing that you would like me to include, please let me know. I like to have more tags than too few when dealing with delicate topics such as these. Thanks!  
> 


End file.
